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‘Give him a chance,’ she hissed back.

‘I have and he blew it.’

She twisted round so that Freddie couldn’t hear us. ‘Cat, we only just got here. We’ve paid for the bowling. Just make the most of it and we definitely won’t go for a burger.’

Then Freddie looked up, having completed his shoe-fitting exercise, and smiled so angelically that I knew I had to stay. This was my one chance. I didn’t have to be interested in Nerdy, but I could use the opportunity to get closer to Ferdy.

‘All right. Two games and that’s it.’

Her shoes were all tied up now, so Dolores got in charge again and ordered Freddie to set up the computer scoring system, Nerdy to go and get some balls (I know …) and whispered to me to stop flicking my eyelids apart. ‘You look like you’ve got a twitch.’

‘It’s the mascara! My eyelashes are all sticking together.’

‘You’re imagining it, idiot,’ she said kindly. ‘And you look really nice, so stop being weird.’

‘Okay.’

It was good to get her words of encouragement, as just at that very moment, Freddie was sitting on his own at the scoring screen while Nerdy wandered around the alley trying to carry three bowling balls at once and failing spectacularly. Dolores ran off to help him and his bruised ego – oops, I mean … toes – and I sauntered casually over to Freddie. I seemed to be getting better at it.

‘So Freddie,’ I said, squeezing myself into the little seat beside him, ‘what order are we going in?’

I was genuinely interested, to be fair, so it wasn’t as lame as it sounded. Had he arranged us in age order? Height? Alphabetical?

He pointed at the screen which I could have just looked at myself. It was none of those arrangements, apparently, as I would have been either third, second or first to bowl if he’d chosen any of those. As it was, I was last after Nerdy who turned out to have the name of Sea, according to the three letters on the screen after DOL and FRD but before CAT.

‘Oh, good, I’m last,’ I said, and again, I genuinely meant it as I’m not bad at bowling and it would give me a chance to impress.

Freddie just looked sideways at me, raised his eyebrows in a way that I hoped was flirty, and said, ‘Yep.’

It was just as I was beginning to notice a bit of a faint atmosphere with Freddie apparently trying to shuffle away from me along the seats that Dolores and Sea returned.

‘Dolores, you’re first,’ I said happily. Anything that kept her and Freddie in separate locations made me happy.

To be fair, Dolores did a pretty good job considering the obstacles in her way and the fact that she should by rights fall over, even when not holding a bowling ball in front of her like a third breast. She knocked three skittles over, shrugged prettily and then scuttled back to stand with me.

Freddie next. He gazed meaningfully along the alley, clearly working out angles and clever sciency things to
make sure he scored the highest and getting a respectable seven.

‘Sea, you’re up!’ I shouted.

Nerdy looked at me a little oddly as he carted a too-heavy ball across to the bowling line. ‘It’s Sean,’ he said coldly, and then whammed the ball straight down the middle and got a strike. Darn.

Now it was my turn. My turn to impress. My turn to show Freddie that I wasn’t just a science freak. I could be sporty, too!

I carefully selected my bowling ball, approached the alley and tested it gently by doing a few trial swings. Good. The right weight; the right trajectory. I lifted my head again and stared at the distant skittles. Really good. I could do this. Then I swung back my arm, bent over and sent that ball skidding towards the pins like a missile. They stood no chance. All ten of them were OUT.

Standing quickly, I raised my hands above my head
and turned back to the others.

Only they weren’t cheering for me as they had for Sean.

They were laughing.

The boys were laughing so hard they were red in the face, and even Dolores was a little pink as she batted them on the arms going, ‘Stop it! Stop it!’

I looked down at my jeans. Had I split them?

‘What?’ I said eventually as I stared back at them.

And then Freddie did this horrendous thing. This horrendous, horrendous thing.

He lifted a hand to either side of his head, and flapped them up and down.

‘It’s your hair,’ he gasped. ‘When you look up and down like that …’ Pause for wheezing and clutching of Dolores’ arm. ‘… it looks like …’ Pause for spluttering and smacking of hand on the scoring screen. ‘… you’re taking off!’ No longer pausing, just out-and-out guffawing and fist-bumping with Sean who was howling every bit as loudly.

I wish I could say that I grabbed a bowling ball and clunked it around their heads, or that I stood with my hand on one hip saying sassily to Dolores, ‘Well, some friend you are!’ or that I even made some brilliant joke about my hair wings and turned the whole situation around
in my favour.

But I didn’t.

It was too horrible.

Everyone laughing.

Dolores trying not to, but even my biffle finding it a tiny bit funny.

And Freddie the
Nerd Ferd wetting himself so that his attractive upper lip actually appeared to be sneering at me …

For the second time that day, I burst into tears.

But this time there was no bicep curled around me to comfort me, so I just grabbed my jacket and ran.

Dolores ran after me, of course, but didn’t manage to catch up with me until I was at the bus stop.

‘Cat, I’m sorry! Don’t go,’ she puffed
from behind me as I fumbled in my purse for change and a tissue. Not only was I sobbing snottily, but my mascara was running into my eyes and causing the most atrocious burning of the eyeballs.

The bus doors opened. ‘No, I’m going home,’ I said.

‘I’m so, so sorry! I didn’t mean to laugh.’

‘Then why did you?’

‘You did look a bit funny, but I so totally did not mean to laugh.’

That hurt almost more than Freddie sniggering at me, to be honest, and suddenly I couldn’t stand the idea of her going back in without me where Freddie would be thinking I was even more of a freak than ever without her knowing why it all hurt so much.

‘I really like him, Dolores,’ I whispered so the bus driver wouldn’t hear.

‘You like
… Sean?’ she said. Hopefully.

Yes, hopefully.

And why would that be?

‘No, Freddie,’ I said.

Then she nodded, and said, ‘I know,’ squinting like I’d just stuck a knitting needle through her temple.

Well, that was news. ‘You … you know? You knew? All along?’

Blushing slightly, Dolores nodded again. ‘I’m your best friend, Cat. And I’m not as dim as you think. Of course I knew. And at first I was just trying to help you get together with him.’

‘Oh, you’re such a good friend …’ I started, but then the words sank in properly. ‘What do you mean, at first?’

Her next blush was a full-scale burnout. Scarlet town. ‘I really was trying to get you together. I talked about you all the time, even at the cinema. The double date was my idea, Cat. But then … then I started to like him too.’

Oh dear sweet
Copernicus, she liked him too. All hope was lost.

‘Like him like him?’

‘Yes.’ She nodded sadly. ‘Like him like him.’

‘And does he …’ Stupid question, Cat, why even bother? ‘Does he like you?’

Another sorry nod. ‘He just asked me out.’

‘Wh … what did you say?’

She bit her lip nervously. ‘I said I’d have to think about it. I won’t go out with him, Cat, if it makes you sad. Even if I really, really want to.’

Well, what could I say to that? Not
what I properly wanted to say, which was ‘Okay then, don’t go out with him. Then I’ll be happy.’

But I’d be the only happy one in that scenario, wouldn’t I? He’d be chemical reactioning Dolores and not going out with her, and she’d be chemical reactioning him and not going out with him, and I’d be chemica
l reactioning Freddie with both of them knowing and hating me for keeping them apart.

So I said the only thing I could, as I climbed on the bus and let the doors slide shut behind me.

‘Okay. Go out with him. You like like each other, so you have to.’ I wasn’t even sure she heard the rest through the crack in the doorway. ‘But I can’t be your friend any more.’

And then I lurched upstairs on the swaying bus to the very back seat, and leaned my forehead against the cold, filmy glass, and wept softly all the way home.

You’d have thought, wouldn’t you, that the evening couldn’t get any worse? That’s certainly what I was telling myself as I dragged my leaden legs along our street and wondered if it would be possible to strangle myself with my hair wings. It was awful. Awful awful awful; so awful I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive. I definitely wasn’t sure I could go back to Trevellyan the next day, or in fact, ever
: the sight of Double D and the Ferd Nerd together would be too much to bear.

With my eyes so full of tears and mascara and tears from the mascara that I barely registered the strange car sitting outside our house, I knocked feebly on the door. Couldn’t even find the energy to get out my key. I
nstead I planted my forehead on the door’s little pane of glass, feeling and no doubt looking completely tragic.

Mum, on the other hand, was strangely perky and bright-eyed as she open
ed the door. At least her face had the decency to fall when she saw me. ‘Catherine! Great! You’re home so early, and …’ She pulled me into the light. ‘Oh, sweetheart. What is it?’

I couldn’t speak so I just hunched my shoulders sadly.

She guessed anyway. ‘Boy at school?’

Hunch hunch.

‘And … Dolores?’

Hunch wobbly lip hunch. Eyes suddenly filling up again. Big hunch.

‘Can’t face the idea of ever going to school again?’

Hunchety hunch and small mucus trail sliding down my face towards my unattractive upper lip.

Mum gave me a quick hug, then grabbed my arms excitedly, which was weird, given the circumstances. ‘I know just the person to cheer you up.’ Then she jerked her head towards the living room.

Which was even weirder, as I’d only been able to think of one person who might possibly cheer me up even a little, and there was no way they’d be sitting in our living room.

Then the person who’d been sitting in the living room suddenly appeared in the hall, leaning against the doorframe in a very familiar way and going, ‘Hey, Squirt.’

Which was really, really weird, because the person was Gemma.

‘Seriously,’ I yelled. ‘Could this day get any worse?’

Gemma and Mum both raised their eyebrows at me. ‘Nice to see you too,’ said Gemma.

And when she said that I realised it was really really really nice to see her, so nice that it was painful, and I started crying again and trying to mime ‘Sorry’ and ‘Didn’t mean that’ and ‘Omigod it is so utterly brilliant to see you’ with much hunching of the shoulders, so that she gave in and laughed and came over to grab me for a rather squelchy hug, and then she patted my back going, ‘S’okay, Squirt. S’okay,’ as I smeared slime all over her denim jacket.

When I eventually looked up, Mum was crying too, so we all huddled in the hall like a pathetic
little rugby scrum and did mutual patting of the back.

After about an hour (okay, it was probably just a minute or two but it felt like it should have been an hour –
about one minute’s hugging for every one of the months since I’d last seen Gemma) we all stood up and laughed.

‘I can’t believe you’re here,’ I said.

Gemma smiled. It was so nice to see her smile again. ‘I know.’

‘We’ve missed you very much,’ said Mum.

‘I know.’ Me too, said Gemma’s smile.

‘It’s really weird,’ I said, ‘because I haven’t talked about you for years and then suddenly this morning I mentioned you to someone and here you are.’ Maybe the Vortexicon
was
magic, I thought.

‘I know,’ said Gemma.

How could she know that? It HAD to be magic.

So then we all sat on the same sofa and drank tea and found out that Gemma had regretted being so snickety when she and Dad left for Germany almost the second she said it, especially with me. ‘But I was sixteen, Squirt,’ she said. ‘And now you know what that’s like.’

‘It’s pure bloody hideous insane hell with hormones and chemical reactions on top,’ I said. Or perhaps shouted.

‘Right,’ said my step-sister, sitting right there in our lounge. ‘For some reason I felt like I had to blame someone – I was so angry, you know? So I yelled at you, Squirt. I’m so sorry. Then I just felt like I’d been so horrible I couldn’t go back on it, and I convinced myself you didn’t miss me, either of you, and I didn’t miss you either.’

‘Your dad and I should have handled it better, Gemmy,’ said Mum softly, but Gemma put her hand up.

‘Dad explained it all to me, again and again. I understand now. It was just one of those things. I’m sorry I messed up.’

At that point, we all felt like doing another rugby scrum, so there was more hugging and mutual back patting.

‘So don’t you live in Germany now?’

‘No,’ said Gemma, with a quick glance at Mother Dearest. ‘About an hour away, actually. I’ve been at university over here doing medicine – just twenty two more years to go and then I’ll be a doctor!’

‘It doesn’t really take twenty two years, does it?’ My plans to become a doctor of a different kind seemed much quicker.

‘No, Squirt,’ said Gemma gently. ‘Just feels like it. I’m in the fourth year of my degree and still have a few to go.’

Wow. That was a long time. A loooooong time. ‘Hang on a minute,’ I said after a moment’s contemplation of how old Gemma would be when she finally qualified
. ‘So you’ve been here for four years?’

Mum and Gemma glanced at each other, and that’s when I understood why Gemma had shot a look across to Mother Dearest. Mother Dearest KNEW!

‘You knew she was here, about an hour away, and you didn’t tell me?’

Mum squirmed with guilt but then said, ‘I only knew because her dad told me. I’ve always respected Gemma’s wishes to stay anonymous and keep herself to herself. After all, she’s not actually my daughter and she was quite grown up when we split up. Your dad’s kept me across the main points, Gemmy,’ she added, gazing fondly at her not-actual-daughter in a way that would have made me jealous if it had been anyone but Gemma.

‘There’s not much,’ said Gemma. ‘Just the degree, and the odd boyfriend. Have you got one, Squirt?’

‘An odd boyfriend? No. Not any kind of boyfriend, actually.’

This nearly started up the snot-fest all over again, I have to admit, while I thought about Dolores and Freddie and Freddie and Dolores and what a complete spare wheel Sean the Vile must be feeling right now. I was still considering letting out a wail of misery when Gemma said the strangest thing.

‘Oh. Only I saw all the
YouTube stuff about you and Jazzy D. Of course, I didn’t believe it, even when I saw he’d lived in Jersey.’

Ouch. Of all the things for her to see! Not my science quiz mastery or choral stroke madrigal achievements, but my made-up romance with a made-up person – made up of Vortexiconed cells, in fact.

‘It was only when he called me that I wondered if it could be true, and you might actually be an item.’ She leaned in towards me. ‘And if you are - well, kudos, Squirt. He’s a very fine specimen.’

A fine specimen? Was that any way to talk about a nice human being? I was just deciding whether to bother arguing when I myself had, in fact, thought he was a failed science experiment, and then I thought of something. ‘Hang on. Back the truck up. The Divine Jazzy D actually called you?’

Gemma held up her phone. ‘Actually, Jason Devaney called me. Said he was a friend of yours and that you’d been talking about me, and he wondered if I knew how much you missed me.’

‘I never told him that.’ I grinned. ‘Even though I did. Miss you.’

‘Well, of course I didn’t believe it was him to start with, but then he told me about the pea tree and his family’s garden centre thingummy in Jersey, and I remembered it.’

‘
The garden centre! That’s why he looks familiar. Must look like his dad. So Cat, just how did he get hold of you?’ asked Mum, obviously about to start on some major rant about the nerve of the guy after everything he’d put us all through. I couldn’t really tell her that the ‘put-us-through’ stuff was not actually Jason, but a life-size action man version of him.

L
uckily, Gemma headed her off. ‘Well, he found me on Facebook, messaged me and asked if it would be okay to ring. It’s dead easy these days, Mum,’ she said.

And then Mother Dearest was just so besotted with Gemma for calling her Mum that I reckon we could have paraded a whole troop of nekkid Jazzies around the coffee table and she wouldn’t have noticed.

I let them have their little moment, grabbed Gem’s phone and went off in search of my own. There was one very easy way to tell if it was the real Jason Devaney who’d called my step-sister, and with a quick compare of the numbers I could see that it was definitely the very same dude who had texted me about a shovel in his back and had gone to some effort to track down my sister, even when he was meant to be looking for his double.

So he definitely did it. The only question was why?

I trekked back into the living room. ‘Did he say anything else?’

‘Who?’ they said together, looking up at me from where they were squished together, side by side, on the small sofa. It seemed like I’d interrupted something.

‘Jason Devaney, when he called you. Did he say anything else?’

Actually, Mum was rather interested in this too. ‘Yes, Gemma, that young man has been creating all sorts of havoc. I’m really not sure you should be encouraging him.’

‘He’s fine,’ said Gemma, waving a hand casually. ‘Just said he’d been thinking a lot about the past because he’d been talking to you, and there were some things he’d do differently, given a second chance. He told me he wouldn’t forgive himself if he didn’t pass on how much I meant to you, Cat.’ She ruffled my head as thought I was still ten like when she last saw me. ‘Actually, he was lovely. Not at all what you’d imagine.’