Family Reunion (37 page)

Seeing that her attention was now to his father, with a lack of enthusiasm, he stepped back a bit, not wishing to let her go. "I need to speak with your father."

"I know mama, I know. I'll be right around that corner if you need me." He bent down once more and kissed her forehead. "Right - around that corner."

Lena nodded, standing there feeling self-conscious, glancing down at the front of her dress and the mess she was in.

She reached up to stroke her hair back
from her shoulders, imagining how it must look. Most of the pins had fallen out, and the ones which remained were standing out, seeing two in her peripheral, she reached up and plucked them out. She knew her hair was in complete disarray but she was helpless to do anything about it. She wiped at a little dirt on her dress, looking slowly up from beneath hooded eyes at Manny, who was staring back at her. Slowly, she made her way back toward him, stopping a few feet short, unsure of what to do, it had been so long.

Mustering her nerve, she finally allowed her eyes to drift up to get a really good look at him in the daylight. Greying showed up here and there in his sideburns, mustache and beard. His hair was worn shorter than usual, just barely covering his neck. It was still thick, full and pale as before, turning lighter as it greyed. She noted that he was actually better looking now than when he was younger, his beard now fuller. On the outer corners of his captivating, aqua blue eyes were slight wrinkles, adding to his handsomeness. For all else that she saw, he was the same, a man of stature and mass. A tremor went through her as she realized it was
his
arms that had caught her. It dawned on her, that while she thought her fall would send her to oblivion, he had been there to intervene. Seeing him after so long was like looking at a stranger.

Manny stood gazing at the woman who had given birth to his children, he felt whipped and tossed about by time. His mind rushing back and forth from one event to another in their past, even to the first moment he’d laid eyes on her. So much time had past, maybe even too much time?

Lena wondered was it possible for a man to love the same woman after sixteen years of separation? Regret followed that thought. There was still his wife Katherine, to consider. He had spoken once in their past of divorce, had he actually gone through with it? With all the prayers she'd prayed to bring him back to her, could she really accept returning to him as his mistress all over again? The division between them was so intense it was tangible.

Standing only a few feet from each other, it felt as though they were still worlds apart. Because Lena knew that she still loved this man, she couldn't understand why she didn't just fling herself into his arms. Absence and time made cautious to not assume anything. The fact was, as well as she had known him, they were now complete strangers.

Neither knew the words that needed to be said after sixteen years of living separate lives. Neither did they know what to expect from each other. Lena could feel herself trembling under his steady gaze but she couldn’t form any words on her lips. Just as she stood insecure, he too grappled with his thoughts and fears.

'My God! Look at her, after all this time, after all the hell, look at her! How
can anyone still look so young and beautiful?!'
He also noticed that she was not as voluptuous as she had been in her youth, her hips were still wide, with the plump bottom he remembered but she was more slender than in her younger days. Her eyes were still hypnotic and bright, her skin was as smooth as he remembered it, with no lines anywhere on her face to see. The one change there was, stood out bold, a startling white thatch of hair that contrasted from the rest of the luxuriant mass of tawny/gold hair. Seeing her this way made him feel his age all the more, surely she could see how he had aged.

'What is she thinking of me now? Oh God, I must be a fool to think she could ever love me as she did before, after all the hell I've brought to her life.'

Manny's fingers flexed, opening and closing. He felt they could not stand there in the alley forever, he had to say something. He swallowed, his palms felt moist. Stress and tension sent the blood rushing to his face.
'Say something and quit standing here making an utter idiot of yourself ... you're blushing like a school boy!'

"Echmm -(He cleared his throat)-...um, are - are you alright?" He started softly. Lena had never felt so shy in all her life. With a slight smile, she nodded and put her head down, closing her eyes as his words echoed throughout her mind, filling her, his voice still more than able to ripple her nerves and make her tingle everywhere. Again there was the silence.

"Phew." Manny blew and then chuckled awkwardly. "I wonder if you feel as uncomfortable as I do." As soon as he said it, he wanted to kick himself. Lena looked up somewhat surprised and a little hurt by his words.

"I mean ... no! Not uncomfortable! But…oh God - I'm making a mess of this!" Manny groaned. "I just meant that, it feels? I'm sorry - I'm lost for words." He decided to shut up before he said something else he didn't want to.

Lena smiled, sympathizing with this dilemma, after all, he thought he was coming to save Rory's mother, presumably a white woman, but of all people, he surely hadn't expected it to be her. She thought he was probably afraid of what this might mean, maybe he would feel an obligation to care for her once again as he had done before. Taking a deep breath, Lena knew she should not assume, after all, hadn't Mike admitted that they'd been searching for her.

"You're - you're still as - as I remember you, beautiful. Time has a way of standing still for some of us. It certainly has for you. I wish I could say the same of myself." He struggled, but meant every word.

Lena's brows drew together in wonder at his obvious insecurity.

Didn't he know how handsome he was? Everything about him brought back all the old feelings again, whereas before,
she had known what they had, and would not have hesitated to run to him, that was no longer the case. She knew she had to say something and decided to start as he had. "I happen to think you look wonderful, better than I remember."

Manny felt his heart leap to hear her voice, so low and sultry, he could feel his pulses quickening already. Lena swallowed and went on. "How - how have you been?" She asked with soft concern.

"I guess, I've been okay, of course ... there, were times when, I've been better, but, otherwise, I'm okay."

Lena stared at him for a long time after that, wondering why it was so hard for them. Why did the incredible awkwardness exist? "I, I um, I want to thank you for ... saving my life, and for ... finding my son and bringing him back to me." She said softly.

"
Our
son, our son Lena, it seems I've often had to remind you of that." He corrected her, and then went on. "As for thanking me, how can you? After all the hell I've put you through. I think, it's the least I should do - so don't thank me. I should be thanking you."

"For what?! What could you possibly have to thank me for?" She asked.

Manny swallowed, feeling a huge lump grow in his throat, and plowed ahead not caring how it sounded, but needing to say it. "For allowing me the pleasure of you - once loving me; for loving me, when all I did was take advantage of you; for loving me, even after I - I betrayed you. For-…"

Lena saw the moisture coming to his eyes and couldn't stand the sadness there so cut him off blurting, "When? When did you ever betray me!?"

"When!?" Manny asked, stunned. "My God! I can't believe you're asking me that. When I married that woman and brought her into our world, that's when. Despite it all, you still - loved me. You tried not to, oh how I know you tried, and still - you never stopped, you never turned me away. You stuck by me through all the mess I let happen to you, to our son, to our children. That's why I should be thanking you! Because with all you constantly gave, it should have been enough. I so regret how young and foolish I was. When I think back, how I wish I had told all the people I was trying to please, to go t'hell! For appearances sake, I sacrificed our love, and still you trusted me."

"Manny, I stood where I stood because that's where I wanted to be. I loved you." Lena softly informed him.

Manny flinched at the word spoken in the past tense.

"I knew deep inside you could offer me nothing more than what you did. All the rest was just a dream, a nice dream, but still one not meant for us. Desperate, I ignored the truth and I took what you offered." Lena returned softly, not realizing it sounded to him as if all was in the past and could never be again.

"I meant everything I promised you Lena. God knows I did." He said somberly. "I'm sorry. I tried so hard to get back to you…but…I was never around when you needed me most." He apologized. "That shames me, because you were always there when I needed you. For once, today… I thank God… I came when I did. I don't even wish to think of what might have happened had I been a moment too late." Following that statement something else occurred to Manny. "That night you were chased away, carrying more than Hope, you were carrying Rory as well." All this time he'd worked with the boy and from the first time he had laid eyes on him, two years before, he knew there was something familiar about him, but again, he’d failed to let his instincts lead him.

"Yes… he's wanted to know who you are for so long now. Imagine when he finds out that he's been with his father all along."

"Why didn't you come to me then, when he began working for me?" Manny asked. "Why didn't you tell him I was his father?"

"I had no idea that
you
were the man he was working for. I had no idea that you've been right here in New York. I had no idea of where or how I could find you. Believe me Manny, there were many times when I wanted to find you, but I had no idea where to begin. I tried to get notes to you, but there was never a response, I have reason to believe the few times I tried, they were intercepted."

"I apologize, it was a stupid question. I am to blame. Lena, can you ever forgive me? Please ... just say you can forgive me?" He begged, as he slowly made his way closer to her.

"After all this time, there's nothing to forgive, it's all in the past, let's leave it there."

Again Manny felt the stab of her words, did she mean,
everything
? Standing barely two feet apart, silence took over once again. They'd forgotten how to respond to each other. Manny wanted to reach out and touch her; at one time he wouldn't have hesitated. Things had changed, and by her words, she had changed. Maybe there was another in her life now.

The thought of another man touching her made his guts ache. He had to muster all the strength within him to keep from doing what his entire being craved for him to do, but for once, he was going to consider her feelings. He was not going to impose himself on her.

It was obvious
that too much water had flowed under the bridge. Oh but how it hurt to believe so. Looking down at her he knew for a fact that she still moved him like no other. She alone had the ability to crush his world and turn it inside out. He took note of her expensive attire. Someone had to have dressed her in such a fashion. He couldn't help wonder who it was. How involved was this man in her life, did he love her? Suddenly an overwhelming feeling of loss swept over him.
'Oh God, what am I going to do, I'm still in love with this woman!'

Lena had stood wondering at what point he would take her into his arms, but when she realized that he would not, she felt her heart fall to her feet. They weren't the same two people in love anymore; or maybe he wasn't in love with
her
. He had made his apologies. That, she supposed, was a fitting thing for him to do, considering what had happened between them, but now that was it, the deed was done. Suddenly she felt ashamed of herself that she had actually hoped she could still light that same old fire in his blood, it was apparent, the fire had died out.

Lena averted her eyes from him before he could read the hurt and disappointment in them, she looked down at the ground, fighting back the actual feeling of wanting to beg him to love her again like he once had. Of course she wouldn't, she would accept that nothing between them would ever be the same, she had no choice.

Manny swallowed down the unbearable lump in his throat, he looked up at the sky widening his eyes in hopes that it would dry the moisture there. The truth hurt, he had no effect on her one way or the other. The question was, how in God's name was he going to deal with it? He took a deep breath and decided they had better get out of the alley.

As a temporary deterrent from the hurt that was swelling fiercely within him, he spoke through a mask of controlled emotions. "The others are waiting for us, we’d better join them."

Lena swallowed down the gathering moisture in her mouth. She was going to cry. She just knew it, right there in front of him she was going to shame herself by bursting into tears.
'God please don't let me do that, please help me keep control ...I have to, I just have to.'
She swallowed again and took a deep breath, praying that her voice would not betray the pain she was feeling in her chest. "Um, yes, I guess ...I guess we had better." She turned from him keeping her face well hidden.

Manny, from force of habit took her elbow in hand to escort her. That single touch sent jolts through their bodies making them both tense up as a shiver gripped Lena's breasts, making them tingle and her nipples harden in response. Lena felt tears slip from her eyes.