Family Matters: Season 2 Book 3 (Killing the Dead 9) (18 page)

“A lot of death, signs of the chaos at the end,” I began. “Charlie led me up one flight of stairs and only then pointed out the supply rooms were at the far end, past the Children's wards.”

“Oh god!” Cass said as colour drained from her face and her hands went to her belly and the baby growing within. Pat put one arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.

“I made the girl stay out of sight and cleared the wards,” I said and paused a moment as the memories of that flashed in my mind without the usual pleasure attached.
You’ve changed too much,
that spiteful little voice in the back of my mind whispered.

“After that, I gathered up all the drugs I could and headed back. Had to fight a Feral that was acting strange…”

“Strange how?” Lily interrupted me to ask.

“Moving slowly, sniffing the air as though searching for a scent, the usual,” I said. “The dog helped me kill it and then we left the hospital.”

“The dog helped?” Gregg said with a smirk.

“I was exhausted,” I said and his lips twitched in a smile at how defensive I sounded. “We were almost back to the road when we were seen and the Ferals gathered together into a pack before chasing us.”

“That’s weird,” Pat said.

“Not a great sign if they’re working together,” Cass agreed.

“After that, we drove away as fast as we could,” I said.

“We lost Charlie's wheelchair so need to get her another,” Gregg added.

“You said they followed you?” Lily asked quietly.

“We intended to get ahead of them and turn off the road when they couldn’t see us but the road had cars and debris we had to drive around which slowed us and then just before the road split, there were two cars across the road.”

“Ambush?” Pat asked and I shrugged.

“No idea. Either an accident or a barricade, it didn’t matter, there was no one there and it blocked our way.”

“We only had time to push one car out of the way,” Gregg said. “So we chose the one that blocked the road to here because it was the easiest to move. I don’t think we could have moved the other in time and we couldn’t go around.”

“It’s okay,” Lily said as she heard the defensiveness in his voice. “Not your fault.”

“Then we ended up here,” I added. “Drove right on in with no checks and that guy attacked me and here we are.”

“That guy is the father of the two men you killed,” Lily said and exhaled a sigh.

The others shared looks between each other again and once more, I had no idea what the problem was or why they were sharing those looks. I glanced at Lily and saw her watching me in return. She noted my bewilderment and sighed once more.

“Did you stick to your promise?” she asked softly.

“We should leave,” Cass said and Lily held up her hand.

“No, this is something we all need to know,” she said before nodding to me. “Well?”

“Of course I stuck to the promise,” I said.
She doubts me?

“The two men you killed, did you need to?” she asked and I saw tears glisten wetly in her eyes. “Were they an inconvenience or a real threat to you right then?”

“They were a threat,” Gregg said and all faces turned to him in surprise.

“You’re sure?” Lily asked.

“I am,” he insisted. “I saw it as well as Ryan did. They weren’t going to let us past and they were eying our packs. At best we’d have been robbed, at worst they’d have tried to kill us.”

Lily turned her attention back to me and her face bore relief?
Maybe.

“I wouldn’t break that promise,” I said and she nodded.

“You’re flexible with it though aren’t you?”

“Yes,” I admitted. “Perhaps if you’d been there I’d have allowed for more time to try and convince them to let us past or even leave, but you weren’t. You were here, dying or dead as far as I knew and I needed to get past them.”

“What about your brother?” Cass asked. “We’ve seen the bandage and he told Becky what happened.”

“I wouldn’t have killed him,” I said. “Maybe.”

“Oh Ryan,” Lily said. “He’s your brother.”

“He was wrong,” I said. “Those villagers recognised him I guess and that’s why they came here?”

“Yes,” she admitted.

“Which is why I was going to kill them. The damage had already been done with the deaths of the other two and if they were the type we suspected, then the rest of their group was likely the same. I would have killed them to ensure they wouldn’t retaliate later.”

I looked around at each of my friends, finally settling on Lily. “I was right and the insistence not to kill, not to fight, that my brother and the others here have is what will get them all killed. I wouldn’t allow that stupidity to get you killed. Any of you.”

“We get that mate,” Pat said. “This was a pretty grey area though. Could have gone either way.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Gregg snapped and we all looked at him in surprise.

“Why doesn’t it?” Cass asked.

“We’ve all seen the sort of people that have survived the end, and most of them are the biggest bastards out there, right?” The others nodded slow agreement and he continued, “Those people we both fought and believe me, I would have killed one of them if Ryan hadn’t reached him first, they were a threat. More to the point, the rest of them are here and are pissed off. You don’t think they won’t try something?”

“We aren’t… no, we can’t be, judge, jury, and executioner. It’s not our place to do that,” Lily said.

“Someone has to,” I said and she turned her face to me. Sweat glistened on her brow and I knew she must be in a lot of pain since she’d refused the strong pain relief I’d brought with the rest of the drugs. “You’ve said before that I’ve been changing?”

“Yes.”

“You’re right. I’ve denied it, tried to fight it, but I have. Do you think a year ago I would have cared if Charlie had seen the horror that was the children's ward?”

“No,” she said and a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

“A year ago I would have slit both their throats as soon as they were no use to me,” I said. “Any changes in me are down to you.”

“You made a promise,” she said as if that were the only possible reason I’d changed.

“And you don’t think I could wriggle my way around that promise without breaking it if I really wanted to?”
Careful, you have done that and don’t want her to realise it.

“You could,” she agreed.

“The lives I’ve saved, the people back at the island in the lake district, Charlie, Reece, and all the others… I saved because of you.”

“Because it pleases me?” she asked and I shook my head.

“At first, because you wanted it. But now, now I just seem to do it and I can’t help it. It’s really rather perplexing at times.”

“A change for the better mate,” Pat added quietly.

“Perhaps,” I agreed and Lily smiled at my refusal to admit that still. “The point is, for whatever reason, I can’t seem to go back to being the way I was. You’ve given me a purpose in this new world of ours and if I kill, it is to serve that purpose.”

“To protect others,” she said and I nodded, colour heating my cheeks. It was bad enough that I had to say that out loud, but to do so in front of others… it was beyond mortifying.

“Even if that means killing your brother?” Cass asked and I shrugged.

“I’ve not changed so much that it would bother me,” I said with a grin.

Chapter 19 – Lily

It seemed that no matter how weary I was, the pain from my stomach wouldn’t let me sleep. Not that the noise helped, that overly loud sound of people moving from one place to another, hushed voices filled with fear and more than a little anger.

I glanced down to see Ryan sleeping, curled on his side beside my cot, sleeping the deep sleep of the truly exhausted. I don’t think he’d slept since I’d been hurt. The smile that came was entirely natural and faded slightly as I reminded myself to talk with him about Emily, the girl who’d stabbed me.

Not that I thought he’d do anything, but still, it was probably best to get that confirmed by him rather than just assume.

A fresh burst of pain stole my breath as I shifted on the cot and I was reminded once again of why I shouldn’t try to move. While I knew it was foolish and entirely out of my control, I couldn’t help but feel truly useless and I’d never been one to sit around while others did all the work.

Jinx looked up from where she lay beside him and my smile for her was warm and genuine. Her tail wagged once, twice and a third time before she laid her head back down beside him and closed her eyes.

It was weird that I felt such kinship with the gorgeous Alsatian, but we both had one thing in common. Our love for the strange man curled on the floor between us. I settled back against the cushions at that thought, my smile slipping a little.

Our conversation of earlier had reassured me a little but I still held some doubts. That he’d changed, was changing still, wasn’t one of those doubts. But of how loose his definition of not-innocent, certainly was.

The door to the office that was my recovery room opened with a low creak and both Ryan and Jinx were on their feet before it was fully open. A knife in his hand and a snarl from her. Georgia poked her head around the door, face lit by the candle she held in one hand, and they both visibly relaxed.

“Am I interrupting?” she asked. Her gaze was fixed on the knife in his hand and a light smile played around her lips.

“Just my sleep,” Ryan muttered as he lay back down and I grinned.

“Come in. Ignore him.”

“Can’t stay,” Georgia said with a hesitancy that I’d not noticed in her before. “Just came to tell you, the undead have arrived.”

I glanced over to Ryan but he’d curled back up on the floor, knife still held in his hand and his eyes closed. “Aren’t you going to go and check on them?” I asked him.

“Why bother,” he murmured, sleep thick in his voice. “Wake me up if they make it through the gate.”

Georgia raised her eyebrows questioningly as she looked from him to me. His lack of concern a surprise to her. “Is he for real?”

“He’s had an exhaustive few days.”

“No doubt, but there’s hundreds of those zombies out there.” She shook her head in bemusement. “The whole place is panicking and we’ve got prayer groups forming and he wants to sleep.”

“They’ll get in or they won’t,” he muttered. “Don’t need to get up for the former and will act when and if it’s the latter.”

“There you go,” I said with an indulgent smile for him. “Nothing we can do about it right now. Might as well wait until morning.”

“You guys are weird,” Georgia said. She brushed an errant strand of blonde hair from her face and leaned into the room. “Should I bother telling your other friends?”

“Probably get the same response.” I smiled at her and noted the way her gaze lingered on Ryan as she spoke. “We’ll assess the situation in the morning.”

“Do as you will,” she said she whirled around and left the room as abruptly as she’d come.

I had the distinct impression that she’d expected more from us, and perhaps especially from Ryan. My gaze fell to him and my smile was genuine, if a little sad. In the morning he would face his father and his accuser, Caleb. Being under siege by the undead was likely going to be more pleasant than that meeting.

My head sank back down to the pillow and I closed my eyes, listening to the heartbeat of the castle. The voices had risen in volume and the thud of feet as people ran to and fro was easily audible. Just another day in the zombie apocalypse.

      
      
      
      
      
****

“What is this?” Gregg asked as he poked at the sludge in his bowl with one finger.

“It’s porridge, eat it,” Cass said with a smirk. “You’ll need to keep your energy up.”

His cheeks reddened as her eyes flicked from him to the sandy-haired, fresh-faced young man beside him, who just grinned.

I looked around the room as my friends continued to chat and joke with each other. We were in what had once been a tea room that had been co-opted into a communal eating area for the Sanctuary.

A reasonably sized space, it could hold thirty people at any one time, though at that moment, we were the only ones who seemed to have any kind of appetite. The rest of the castles residents were either in their own living areas or gathered in groups around the castle, talking worriedly.

Ryan had carried me, despite my protests that I wanted to try and walk, and we’d met the rest of our friends along with the two younger people who had arrived in the car the day before.

Charlie, a pretty young woman with an irreverent sense of humour had been carried in with as much grace as anyone could have while no doubt feeling truly helpless. She’d grinned though and made a quip, settling into an easy camaraderie with the rest of us.

The young man who carried her, introduced as Reece, alternated his attention between his friend and Gregg. More than once, I caught a secretive smile shared between them and from the absolute look of happiness that Gregg carried, I wanted to cheer. He’d been so lonely for so long that I was glad he’d found someone, no matter if it was just a case of them both being the only two gay men each of them knew.

Pat sat beside Cass, his arm around her shoulder as he pressed her to eat her own porridge and his own. Determined to ensure she get the lion's share of the food ration and hovering around her like a protective mother hen.

Jinx had taken one look at the grey sludge that was supposed to be porridge and turned her head away. Ryan on the other hand, ate mechanically, as though he gained no real pleasure from the meal but just considered it to be fuel for the day. A not unhealthy way of looking at things I supposed, as I spooned some of the tasteless mush from my own bowl.

“Anyone been to the wall yet?” Cass asked. I didn’t know if it was the pregnancy or the joy of finding her brother alive, but she looked radiant and as happy as anyone could be in the midst of a crisis.

“After breakfast,” Gregg said. “Can’t be bothered seeing how screwed we are before I’ve eaten.”

“I gotta say dude,” Charlie added. “I think we were safer back at the hotel.”