False Colours (35 page)

‘Oh no, nothing of that nature!’ Lady Denville assured her. ‘Much, much worse! Of course, I should be excessively sorry to hear that any of them had died, but I shouldn’t cry about it, because I hardly ever see any of them, and Baverstock and Amelia I positively dislike! To own the truth, it made me feel very low when I saw Evelyn this morning. Just when Kit had made me so happy, too! Dearest Cressy, indeed I am overjoyed! You are the very wife for my darling Kit, and so I’ve been thinking for the past sennight!’

Emerging from her ladyship’s scented embrace, Cressy blushed, laughed, and said: ‘Thank you, ma’am! I hope I may prove you right! I only know that he is the very husband for me! But why did it make you feel low to see Evelyn? Do you fear he may be worse injured than Kit thinks?’

‘Oh no, I shouldn’t think so! To be sure, he does look rather pulled, poor lamb, but
that’s
nothing! Cressy, did Kit tell you about Miss Askham?’

‘To be sure he did! I understand she is a very beautiful and—and sweet girl!’

‘Well, she maybe,’ said Lady Denville doubtfully. ‘But her name is Patience!’

‘How pretty!’ said Cressy, in encouraging accents. ‘Rather—rather Quakerish, and refreshingly unusual!’

‘Do you think so?’ Lady Denville grew still more doubtful. ‘But I fear she
is
Quakerish, Cressy, and, try as I will, I
cannot
feel that she will suit Evelyn! You know, my love—and I can say this to you
now
,
without any hiding of the truth!—the girls he has previously fallen in love with have
all
been very lively and dashing!’

Cressy smiled. ‘But he has quite quickly fallen
out
of love with them,, hasn’t he, ma’am? Perhaps—being so dashing himself?—a quiet, gentle girl will suit him much better. I believe it is often so.’

‘Yes, that is what Kit says. Kit thinks that
this
time Evelyn has formed a
lasting
passion, and of course Kit knows him as no one else does. But if he wanted a
quiet
girl I can’t conceive why he couldn’t have fallen in love with you, dearest! It seems so capricious of him! Not that I grudge you to Kit, for Evelyn is
not
my favourite son, whatever Kit may say. I love them both equally, and so he knows! The thing is that Evelyn is closer to me, because we have always lived together; but Kit is so much more dependable, and the
greatest
comfort to me! And I should think,’ she added reflectively, ‘that he will make a charming husband.’

‘Yes, so do I,’ agreed Cressy, her eyes warm with amusement. She clasped one of Lady Denville’s hands, and ventured to say: ‘I feel, too, that Miss Askham will make a charming wife.’

‘No,’ said her ladyship decidedly. ‘Not
charming
,
Cressy! A
good
wife, I dare say—in fact, I am sure of it, and it does make me feel very low, because she sounds to me to be such an
insipid
girl!’

Cressy patted her hand. ‘Oh no, I am persuaded you won’t think her so! I expect she is shy merely.’

Lady Denville looked at her in an awed way. ‘Cressy, she has been reared on the strictest principles, and her mama is
full
of propriety, and Evelyn says that they are all of them truly good and saintly! Indeed, he described Patience to me as an
angel!
Well, dearest, I wouldn’t for a moment deny that that is—is
most
admirable, but I find saintly persons excessively uncomfortable, and I
cannot
live with an angel!’

‘But must you live with her, ma’am?’

‘No, and I don’t mean to. I told Evelyn so, when he offered for you, for it
never
answers! Only, when I began to think of living by myself—Cressy, do you think I could afford to do so? I should be obliged to buy a house, for I don’t feel I
could
hire one; and I will
not
live in some dreadful, shabby-genteel quarter of the town, or miles and miles from anywhere, like Upper Grosvenor Place, where poor Augusta Sandhayes removed to when Sandhayes lost a great deal of money on ’Change and said they must hold household. And only think of the cost of the servants, and the carriages, and—and all the things I never
have
paid for!’ Her eyes filled. ‘And when I consider that I have never been able to keep out of debt when I didn’t pay for such things, how could I possibly do so when I shall be obliged to?’

The question was unanswerable. Cressy sat back on her heels, a very thoughtful expression in her eyes, but she said nothing. The truth of Lady Denville’s words had struck home. She had not previously considered the matter; but she was well enough acquainted with her ladyship to realize that the income necessary to maintain her in the style to which she was accustomed must be far in excess of even the most handsome jointure. She realized, too, having a great deal of commonsense, that it would be folly to suppose that she would reduce her expenditure: she was quite incapable of doing so.

As though she had read the thought in Cressy’s mind, Lady Denville said: ‘It is of no use to tell me I must practise economy, because I can’t! Whenever I have tried to do so it has only led to
much
more expense. Denville’s sister—a most disagreeable woman, my love, besides being a nipcheese, which is much worse than being extravagant, because it makes everyone uncomfortable, on account of not employing a second footman, and serving horrid dinners—was used to prick at me, and instruct me in habits of economy, and I perceived
then
that I could never bring myself to practise such habits. I must own I could only be thankful when she died, for she never met me but what she asked me how much my dress had cost, and then said that I could have had one made for less than
half
the price. I know I could, but nothing would induce me to. You see, Cressy, ever since my come-out, people have said I was the best-dressed woman in London, and whenever I have gone to a party they looked to see what I was wearing, and how my hair was dressed, and—and copied me. I’ve led fashion, and I still do, so I
couldn’t
go to parties now, looking like a dowd! It is
not
that I am vain—at least, I don’t
think I
am—but—well, I can’t explain it to you! I dare say you might not understand—though you are always
very
well dressed yourself, dear one!’

‘I do understand,’ Cressy said. ‘Yes, and I couldn’t bear it if you were even the tiniest bit less—less exquisite, and nor could Evelyn and Kit! Godmama, you mustn’t set up your own establishment! Even if you could afford to do so, I am persuaded you wouldn’t like it. Consider how much you would miss having a gentleman to—to
manage
for you, and escort you to parties!’

‘Well, I shouldn’t miss
that
,’
said her ladyship candidly, ‘because I should still have
plenty
of gentlemen to escort me!’

‘Yes, but no host for your own parties!’ Cressy pointed out.

‘No,’ Lady Denville agreed. ‘That is the worst thing about being a widow. But in every other way it is most agreeable, I find. In fact,
far
more agreeable than being a wife! At least, it is for me, but not, of course, for you, dearest!’ she hastened to add, with one of her lovely smiles. It faded; she looked stricken all at once, and older; and said: ‘I was forgetting. You see, it is of no consequence.’ Two large tears welled over her eyelids, and rolled unheeded down her cheeks. She said sadly: ‘I have been such a
bad
mother, and I love them so very much!’

Cressy burst out laughing. ‘Godmama! Oh, I beg your pardon, but it is too absurd! Why, they adore you.’

Lady Denville carefully wiped the tears away. ‘I know they do, and I can’t think why they should—though I don’t think I have ruined
Kit’s
life. But when I saw Evelyn today—then I knew what a detestable parent I am!’

‘He never said so!’

‘Oh no, poor darling! But he asked me to forgive him for—for having failed at such a crisis, and left me in the lurch, and it almost broke my heart, because if it weren’t for my
crushing
debts, he could marry Patience
tomorrow
.
I begged him not to think of them, but although he laughed, and turned it off, he was obliged to own that he
does
think of them, and—and has no hope of being able to marry Patience for years and years—which is as good as to say Never! Because it would be folly to suppose that his Uncle Brumby will approve of such a match, you know. And then he tried to joke me, saying that it was not my fault at all, but his, for having made his father think him too volatile to be trusted to manage his affairs, and that was almost more than I could bear, Cressy! Only, when he saw how distressed I was, he rallied me, in his enchanting way, saying that we were both blue-devilled, and that things weren’t so very bad, because even though it might not be in his power to discharge my debts at present, he knew he could compound with my creditors, or some such thing, and so there was nothing for me to worry about, or him either. I dare say you will think it very foolish of me to have believed he could do it, but—but when Evelyn sets out to coax me out of the hips, he is so very gay and persuasive that one cannot help feeling reassured! And I
did
feel that perhaps
something
could be done, if people knew they would be paid back as soon as Evelyn is thirty, and I was quite
cheerful
when I left him. And then the post came in, and—and brought me a
shattering
letter!’ She ended on a sob and dabbed at her eyes again. ‘Mr—well, never mind his name! You wouldn’t know him, but he lent me rather a
large
sum of money some years ago, when I was quite at my wits’ end. I
truly
believed I should be able to give it back to him at the next quarter, when my allowance was paid, but it turned out to be otherwise. Indeed, it was
wholly
impossible, as I was obliged to explain to him. But I
did
contrive to pay him the interest, and invited his daughter to one of my parties, besides taking her for
two
drives with me in the Park, and introducing her to
hosts
of people, so what more
could
I do? And now he has written me a long letter, saying that
much
as he sympathizes with me, he cannot afford to continue in this way, because he has had a great many expenses which have been a sad drain on his purse, and so he must, though with the utmost reluctance, beg me to refund the sum he lent me. And, which I find more upsetting than anything, and
quite
outweighs his civility, he didn’t even get a frank for his letter, so that I have had to pay
two shillings
for it! At least,
someone
did, probably Norton, but it is the same thing—except that it will be poor Evelyn who will pay it in the end, when he pays all the household accounts.’

With only the faintest tremor in her voice, Cressy replied gravely: ‘A—a want of delicacy in him, to be sure, ma’am!’

‘Exactly so! And in general, you know, he is a very gentlemanlike person.’ She sighed. ‘I shall be obliged to repay him, but Evelyn is to know nothing about it. No, and not Kit either, mind that, Cressy! I
trust
you not to mention it to him!’

‘Very well, ma’am, but—but
can
you repay the sum?’ asked Cressy diffidently.

‘Yes,’ Lady Denville replied, ‘All my debts—
all
of them!’ She rose, and picked up the offending letter, and carried it to her tambour-topped writing-desk, and put it away in one of the drawers. She said, in a constricted tone: ‘I have quite made up my mind to it. I ought to have done so when Denville died, but I could not bring myself to it. But
now
I can, and I will, because however bad a mother I have been there is
nothing
I wouldn’t do for my beloved sons! Now, pray, Cressy, don’t tell Kit that I cried a little!’

Cressy got up from her knees. ‘I won’t tell him anything you don’t wish me to, Godmama, but won’t you tell
me
how you mean to pay your debts, and—and why it makes you so unhappy?’

‘Well, to own the truth, dearest, it utterly sinks my spirits only to
think
of going to live abroad, with a sensible female companion—but I dare say I shall soon grow accustomed!’ said her ladyship, gallantly smiling.

‘Going to live abroad with a—But
why
?’
demanded Cressy, in bewilderment.

‘Henry will insist on it. I
know
he will! Once before, when the twins were babies, he and Louisa—his sister—persuaded Denville that that was the only thing to be done with me, because—Oh, there were so many reasons, but it is a long time ago now, and it never happened, because the continent became quite unsafe, on account of Napoleon, which is why I never
could
dislike him as much as others did! But now the war is over, and people who find themselves run off their legs, like poor Brummell, go and live at horridly cheap places, where there are no parties, or gaming, or races, or anybody one knows!’

Cressy said indignantly: ‘Lord Brumby couldn’t be so inhuman!’

‘Yes, he could,’ answered her ladyship. ‘Either that, or the Dower House here—and very likely he won’t even offer me the Dower House, because he will think it is situated too close to Brighton, or that he couldn’t stop me going up to London, once my debts were paid.’

‘Well,
one
thing is certain!’ said Cressy, her eyes kindling. ‘Neither Evelyn nor Kit would countenance such an arrangement!’

‘No,’ agreed her ladyship. ‘Not if they know about it, and that is a
very
comforting thought! But I shall say that I would
like
to go abroad for a time, when Evelyn is married. And perhaps I shall be able to visit you and Kit, so it won’t be so very bad!’

After a slight pause, Cressy said slowly: ‘I think it would be
very
bad. Not at all the thing for you, Godmama! You would find living with a respectable female a dead bore.’