Fallout (36 page)

OPERATIVE WORD:

“Like” a real family. I’ve never

actually had one of those, and

I’m not exactly sure what I’d do

with one if I got one. Don’t even

know if I want one of my own

creation. Marriage? Children?

Sounds like a double whammy

to me. You don’t even see that

happily-ever-after crap on TV

anymore. Death. Divorce.

Deviance. That pretty well

describes network television

in the twenty-first century.

Mostly because it reflects

contemporary reality. No,

I think I’ll stick to steady

relationships for as long

as they might reasonably

last. No promises. No “I do’s.”

No contributing to global

overpopulation. Now or ever.

LONG BEFORE

Any Thanksgiving meal at all, a volley

of snores—Dad’s and Kortni’s—

chase me down the narrow hallway.

I slip out the front door, into the bite

of November, early morning. A day

without seeing Kyle? Not going to

happen. The rutted dirt challenges

my bare feet, but somehow I manage

the short jog. He’s there. Parked.

Waiting. Of course he is. I barely

have the door yanked open and

we are kissing.
Come up here.

He pulls me into the truck and into

his arms without our mouths unlocking.

Lip to lip, he manages,
Damn, I love you!

I slide my arms around his neck,

pull my head back so I can plunge

into the aqua deep of his eyes.

There’s something swimming there,

in the dark pools of his pupils.

Something disquieting. Now

that I think about it, I can taste

it too, lingering on his tongue.

It’s not quite sweet, and reminds

me of how the chem lab smells.

Crystal. He uses sometimes,

has offered it to me, though

not since we’ve been together.

“You buzzed?” The thought

half horrifies, half excites me.

Nah.
At my disbelieving look,

he admits,
Not really. Just did

a little.
I don’t react, and that

makes him kind of twitchy.

Why, you want to try some?

Always before, I just said no,

left it solidly there. I waver

now. I want to share everything

with Kyle. Want to know what he

knows, feel what he feels, share

the same space he’s in. I almost

say what the hell. In fact, I open

my mouth to do so. But what comes

out is, “N-not today.” I hope he thinks

it has to do with Thanksgiving.

Instead he says,
Chicken?

Rather than argue or explain,

I simply tell him he’s right.

No need for lengthy stories

about Mom and predisposition.

INSTEAD

I’ll try distraction. “Want to go

somewhere?” I do my best

to sound sexy, but think

I need to practice. I sounded

more fan girl than vamp.

Sexy or just plain fanatic,

I am a little surprised when

Kyle responds by shaking

his head.
Wish we could …

To prove it, he touches me

suggestively in a very intimate

place.
But I have to get home

pretty soon. We’re going to

my Aunt Liz’s house in Fresno
,

and Dad wants to leave by nine.

Just as Kyle knows better

than to argue with his dad,

I understand pouting will

not only get me nowhere,

it just might make Kyle mad.

HE INHERITS HIS TEMPER

From his father, he says.

I’ve only witnessed it on

a couple of occasions. Hope

I never have to see it again.

The last time was when

we told Matt about Kyle and

me. It was at school the day after

we first got together. Matt came

walking toward us in his usual

cheerful way. His smile dissolved

when he noticed us, hands locked

together and eyes wearing worry.

Uh, what’s going on?
But

what was going on was obvious.

Hurt wrinkled his face as if

he’d suddenly aged thirty years.

My stomach lurched, roller-

coaster-style. “We need to

talk,” I started. I was wavering,

and Kyle must have felt it in the way

my hand trembled. He grabbed

control.
Dude, you’re not going

to like this, but Summer and

I hooked up yesterday.

Matt’s reaction was swift.

What the fuck are you talking

about? Summer? And what

exactly does “hook up” mean?

My face flared, dry-ice hot, and

I saw Matt’s eyes flood with sudden

understanding. “Oh God, I’m so

sorry. I never meant to hurt—”

Kyle totally lost it.
Shut up
,

Summer. Don’t you dare make

excuses.
Then, to Matt.
That’s

right. We did it. And we’ll do it

again. She’s really good, so you

know. And she’s mine. Understand?

Back to me.
You are mine, aren’t

you? Didn’t you say you loved me?

I tried to nod, but a vortex of

confusion sucked me in. “Uh …

yes. I mean, I guess. I mean …”

I wasn’t sure about anything.

But even if I’d wanted to change

my mind, it was too late. Matt’s hurt

had fanned into full-blown anger.

I guess, I mean, whatever. Fuck

you both. I don’t need a whore

like you, Summer. And no one

needs a so-called friend like you.

He was solidly in Kyle’s face.

And Kyle reacted badly, shoving

Matt backward. Hard enough

to land Matt on his butt.
Just

leave us the fuck alone, okay?

I was mortified. Freaked out

that it had gone so badly.

Even more freaked out at how

easily Kyle went off. Crazy.

But that didn’t change how I feel.

Didn’t make me love him less.

In fact, in some perverted way,

it was sort of a turn-on.