Fallocaust (The Fallocaust Series) (31 page)

I didn’t close my eyes, I knew sleep would come when it was ready. I felt the overwhelming urge to just watch him, like I used to before I had saved him. I was closer now though, no longer sitting on a tree, I could touch him if I wanted to. I could do anything I wanted to him now.
As the silence sunk in around us, I tuned my hearing to hear his heartbeat. It was almost hypnotic listening to it, so steady, and strong. I thought it sounded different from all the others I had listened to, but I might be bias.
I lay my head on my pillow, still watching him, though the angle I was at only allowed myself to see the side of his head, mostly just his blond hair. I watched him, and listened to him, and before I knew it, his heartbeat had taken me into sleep.

Chapter 17

Reaver

I think my mind reacted so badly because I hadn’t even realized I had drifted off.

I was still half asleep when I jumped to my feet, looking around wildly for the source. It was a scream, and a loud one. I was confused, and struggling to become aware. My eyes shooting back and forth trying to find the source.
Then I saw him, I was standing over him. His fingers were gripping my blankets, and his teeth were clenched hard. He had been screaming again, this had been the first time since I brought him back he had had night terrors.
He let out another agonizing cry and started to groan, twisting and contorting in the blankets. I could feel my heart race in my chest, my breath kept catching.
I cursed myself for being a coward and knelt down onto my bed. I put my hand on the side of his face and held it.

“Killian? Wake up,” I said. His eyes were half open but glassy. Looking into the void of nothing, though behind those eyes were was probably images more vivid than reality.

Killian’s lips broke apart and opened with his face twisted in strain. I thought he was going to scream but no sound came from him.

I brushed his hair back with one hand, and grabbed his shoulder with the other. I started shaking him awake.
“Wake up, the only way you’re going to feel better is if you wake up,” I said, I patted the side of his face.

“He’ll come.” Was Killian's response, his voice was a rat’s nest of choking emotions. His eyes opened a bit more, though they were still unfocused.

“I did, I already did.” I felt a small pull on my heart. Killian looked around, though I knew he wouldn’t be able to see anything, his eyes looked in all directions but saw nothing.

“There’s maggots in the bed.” Killian’s voice suddenly became shrill and full of panic. His glassy eyes reflected in the light, his temples glistened with sweat. I could see his fingers wring the blankets.

I got up and grabbed the bluelamp and turned it back on. I didn’t know why I was bothering I knew he was hallucinating.
“No, see, none,” I said, I put the bluelamp beside the bed and grabbed a glass of water I had resting beside it.
“Drink this, it will wake you up.” I put it up to his lips and rather forcefully made him drink.

Killian choked and coughed, but I felt the awareness come back to his eyes. He was still hyperventilating a bit. I put the water glass down.
“They didn’t believe me, they laughed at me,” Killian whispered, his voice was quick and uneasy. His eyes shot around my bedroom, as if checking to make sure they weren’t there. “But it kept them from raping me. It made them want to get rid of me sooner.”
It took me a second to realize what he was talking about. “You told them I would save you?”
“The Raven.” Killian nodded. “One held my arms back, another one touched me, taunted me then hit me. Then they put a bag over my head and made me walk. They hit me if I fell behind, I kept tripping on the pavement and landing on my face and chest. The one who wanted to rape me, kept trying to buy me. The captain told him I was a liability, another one said they should cut my throat and throw me into the river.”
I felt my heart start to grow cold and dark, I wanted him to stop talking, I was getting angry at them, but I also wanted to know everything. I wish I could have killed them all over again.
“How many were there?” My voice felt cold and dead on my lips.
The boy scraped his top teeth over his bottom lip. “Six of them found me, we met up with three more including the Dek’ko rep, they let him live after they beat him. Two came off the truck to relieve two of them, they left with me to the factory.”
“I knew there were two that I missed.” My mouth filled with a bitter taste. “I’ll find them.”
“One of them was the one who touched me, and wanted to buy me,” Killian said, he pulled his arms closer to his chest. “I recognised his voice.”
“Did you get a name?”
His eyes darted from mine. “No.”
I watched him, he shot me a quick glance before lowering his gaze. I stared at him, not saying a word. I knew he was lying, and I knew why. It wasn’t going to fly though. No one was going to touch my partner, or fucking try and
buy
my partner and be left alive.
The tension could be cut with a knife. I could see Killian’s shoulders tremble, but I still didn’t speak, I just looked at him.

“Please, don’t make me,” he said, his voice wobbling. “I can’t lose you.”
“You won’t, and you will tell me, and one day you will understand why.”
I could see the tears forming on the corner of his eyes, he stared at the bed, his eyes wide and scared. His hands pressing against his chest.
“I already understand,” he whispered. He closed his eyes tight, and through clenched teeth told me. “They said their names when they took me into the building. Jake Geist is the one who wanted to buy me, Martin Peele was the other one.”

I managed a nod, it wouldn’t be a good idea for me to speak at the moment. I clenched my fist and took a breath. He looked up at me, looking scared and worried.
“Is he going to come for me?” I heard him say. That was the last straw for me. I knew until he was dead that Killian wouldn’t be able to feel safe outside of Aras, or even this basement. I wasn’t going to have my boyfriend living in fear. For someone like me, that was just... it wasn’t going to happen.
“No, I’m going to fucking come for him,” I snapped.

Killian cowered. I got up and opened the bedroom door, I walked into my living room. Ignoring the cold biting air on my body and grabbed my handheld radio. The electric whir sounded as I turned it on, I switched the channel and held it up to my mouth.
“Rock Hawk,” I said into it. I listened, feeling my heart beating in my chest. Killian let out a desperate
No!
And I heard him scramble to his feet, I quickly shut the door and held the knob closed with my hand. He started screaming my name in a panic.
A few moments later the radio cracked. “
Shadow Cat? What’s wrong?
” His voice was elevated. I realized that it was still late at night, I had probably woken him up. He must have assumed something was wrong, well something was wrong but not what he thought.
“I need you to stretch those tentacles you have,” I said, Killian was still screaming in the background, he was pleading now. “I need you to find two people for me.”
“Reaver please!” I heard Killian’s voice choke, he started coughing he was sobbing so much. “I can’t lose you, don’t, let them go. For me? Please? I’m safe, that’s what matters.”

“I think I know who,”
Reno said back, his voice held a grim tone.
“Names?”
I told him their names, trying to get my self as far away from Killian’s wailing as I could so Reno couldn’t hear him. He would probably think I was torturing the information out of him or something.
“I’ll send it down the pipeline and see what comes up, alive?”
“Yes,” I said, “usual price. That’s all.”
I went to click the radio off, when Reno’s voice came back on.
“Wait. You come up later with the boy, I have his thing.”
“Yep, see you tonight.”
“Out.”
I clicked the radio off, by this time I could only hear his quiet sobs in the bedroom. I placed the radio on top of my stove and twisted the cold doorknob in my hand. I could feel the tension, it was thick in the room. I focused my eyes and saw him sitting on my bed, his hands were clasped around his neck. I could see tear drops on his bare legs, tinted blue with my night vision. He was breathing rapidly again, trying to catch his breath through each silent sob.
I put my hand on his shoulder but to my surprise he jerked it away. He looked up at me, for the first time I could see anger blazing in his eyes like cold fire.
“Do my feelings mean anything to you?” he snapped, he stood up, his fists balled. I stood my ground, I didn’t feel threatened, I was more curious at this new reaction I was seeing. I was surprised he was so angry, I thought he was just going to cry for awhile. This was very new and very fascinating.
“That’s all that matters.” I answered honestly, I tried to put my hand on his shoulder again.

I took a step back as he pushed me away angrily. “You’re a fucking liar. My feelings only matter until it’s something you want, then you don’t even care.”
He kept pushing me away until I could feel his hands press up against my chest. I grabbed them and held onto them in a firm grip. Killian struggled, glaring at me with eyes filled with pain and fear. I looked back at him, he fixed his gaze with mine and I could see his eyes soften.
I watched as his face crumbled, I took him into my arms and held him. He didn’t cry though, but I could hear him whimpering.
“Don’t leave Aras, please. I’m scared, I... I just have to have you close. I don’t want them getting you. I just got you.”
I swore in my head, I was going, that was decided, but he didn’t need to worry about it until it happened. “You have me.”
I heard him sniff in my ear, I could feel wet tears on my shoulders and the warmth of his breath. The room was growing colder, but he was warm against me. I held him a bit tighter, feeling his trembling body against mine.

“I need to protect you, it’s my job. You know who I am, you know I’ll be fine.”
“I don’t know you’ll be fine, neither do you.”
I sighed, I guess he had only seen me within the gates. Out of the corner of his eye, unless I was executing the sick or the condemned. He hadn’t seen me pulling out teeth with pliers or tying legionaries up to posts for ravers to eat. I wasn’t just a sentry and an executioner... I had earned the nickname teufel (which at one point Leo finally told me meant devil) for a reason.
“Killian, I murdered six legionnaires, brutally… alone, why do you think two will hurt me?”
He pulled away, he looked at me with a mixture of doubt and curiosity. “Alone? All six?”
He sat back down on the bed and put a blanket over himself. I sat down beside him and told him a toned down but very detailed version of what I did to the six legionnaires I killed. I decided to leave out the details of what I did to the leader and his son. One day I would tell him,  but at this point I didn’t want him to realize how much of a sadistic psychopath I was underneath the surface.
Killian leaned into me and I put my arm on his side. “One of them really killed himself rather than be killed by you?”
I nodded, joyfully reliving the moment in my head. “He watched me eat the other guys throat, guess it scared him.”
“Wow,” Killian whispered.

“I’ll be fine, I’ll bring Reno, he would love to have a go at some legionnaires.”

He was silent, but he had stopped trembling, he raised his head and looked at me. “I’m coming.”
I laughed and patted him on the back. “Dream on.”
“No, I am!” Killian said, a little bit more determined this time. “If it will be as safe as you say it is, why not?”
“Because you can’t even leave Aras without having a panic attack, and even if you were to come, I’m not risking it. Not with you, no.”
Killian’s shoulders slumped, he moved back onto the bed and laid down. “If you’re not going to risk it with me, why do I have to risk it with you?”
I got up and walked towards my collection of cushions. I didn’t have an answer to that. He wasn’t coming and that was all there was to say. He could try and use all his fancy reasoning if he wanted to, but it wasn’t going to change anything. I didn’t go through all of this just to put him at risk again. He was going to stay in Aras until he died of old age, end of discussion.
“Where are you going?” the boy asked, looking up at me from the bed.
“Bed, you’re tired, I’m tired, and I’m not arguing this.”

“Please… don’t sleep on the floor,” Killian sniffed, his voice wobbly and faint. “I won’t touch you, I just want you near me, just tonight.”
My mouth twitched, I would have just rather sleep on my cushions, but if he wasn’t going to smother me I guess I could do it.
I got onto my mattress and laid down onto my back. My bed smelled like Killian, so did the pillow. It made my body relax and my mind too. I loved his smell, perhaps it wouldn’t be that bad sleeping beside him.
The boy laid down beside me, on the right side of the bed. He laid over onto his side and pulled the covers up over him. He looked weary, and tired. I reminded myself he had had a very long day, on top of the events of the week.

I watched his small frame quiver under the blankets, his breath was quick and sharp. He brushed his hair away from his face and closed his eyes. I reached my hand out and brushed away his remaining hair. Killian moved his cheek towards my touch and I found myself putting my hand underneath his face. He lay his cheek against my hand and shifted towards it.
I watched his face, my own hand cradling it, for a long time after. I stroked his cheek a few times when I knew he was asleep. His skin was a bit prickly, but his facial hair seemed soft under my fingers. It didn’t take me long to fall back asleep.
 

The square was buzzing with people today, as Killian and I walked past the fountain I could make out over a dozen people clustering around Melpin’s bar and Carson’s store. I suspected it was taxes day, which was usually at the end of the month. I wasn’t sure what day it was, I didn’t have to pay taxes or any of that crap it was taken off of my pay. Greyson and Leo gave up years ago trying to get me to remember to pay them myself, I couldn’t be bothered.
Everyone in Aras paid money each month to stay here, if you had a dangerous job you paid less, if you had no job you paid more. It kept the block running, and helped keep everything stocked. For their taxes people got a place to stay, food rations and access to medicine. Like how it worked before the Fallocaust I think.
As I carried on down the stone street, I could see the block residence watching us. I guess it was some of thems first time seeing me with Killian. Or maybe they were just surprised Killian was still alive. Either way I could feel their eyes on me, smart enough not to make any comments though, they knew I would be able to hear them.
“I forgot it was today.” I heard Killian say.
“Who cares, we’ll see them later anyways,” I said, not slowing down. I was dressed for the greywastes, with my M16 on my back and my pistol on my belt. Killian had his handgun with him as well and I had my bullet proof vest on him. I liked how he looked in it, I couldn’t wait to stick an ammo belt and an assault rifle on him.
“Reaver!”
I stopped and let out an exasperated sigh, I couldn’t even go to my friend’s shack without the dads being on my ass. “What,” I called without turning around.