Falling to Pieces (25 page)

And at the very bottom, printed clearly across our legs lay three words I never dared to dream I’d see in print.
By Jade Carlson.
My dream come true. Inside and out, Kiernan held every last one of my hopes and dreams in the palm of his hand. And he was offering them all to me to keep and cherish. Even if they could never come true the way I wanted them to, I would always have this.

“Thank you.” Those two words did not do nearly enough justice to what this meant to me. “Kiernan . . .” But I couldn’t think of any others. So, instead of telling him everything I was feeling, I showed him.

Leaning over, I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his. I pressed my whole body to his, banishing the last iota of space between us, wishing I could press inside of him and touch his heart the way he had touched mine. It was complicated and not entirely comfortable with all the cords surrounding us, between us, but we made do. By the time we broke apart, Kiernan was breathing hard, and I could feel the tears streaming down my cheeks.

“I love you,
Kiernan. I always will.”

***

Time felt irrelevant as I lay there beside him. There definitely wasn’t enough of it, but somehow it seemed to stand still. We talked about nothing, laughed, cried a little, and then fell into a comfortable silence. Kiernan’s fingers skimmed over my waist and through my hair, while mine curled and uncurled over his chest. I listened to the sound of the machine beeping in time with his heart beating beneath my cheek, the sound of voices from out in the hall, the sound of his breathing mingled with mine.

The truth was, we both knew time was running out. We were watching those last few grains of sand slip
through our fingers. And with no way to stop them, neither of us knew what else to do other than just be. So we were.

We were
together.
We were
comforted.
We were
in love.

We
were
.

Until we
weren’t
.

Twenty Six

I’d nearly been lolled to sleep by the repetitive thud of Kiernan’s heart when a sudden high pitched scream filled the room. Terror whipped through me like a hurricane.

“Kiernan?” Bolting upright, I shook him, but his eyes refused to open. He looked so peaceful, lying there beside me. As though he’d simply closed his eyes and fallen asleep, letting go of all the pain, and fear, and worry that plagued him while he was awake. But he’d let go of so much more than that. “
Kiernan!
”

“Out. Get her out.” The room filled up with men and women wearing lab coats and scrubs. Someone’s hands closed around my arms and pulled me
away. Away from Kiernan.

“Kiernan! No! No, Kiernan!” I struggled against whoever was
holding me, until a door separated me from the boy I loved, and the cold clinical hands were replaced by two warm arms, encompassing me.

“
Shh, Angel. Hush. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

Even
Caulder couldn’t reach me now. That moment had come. The one he’d tried to warn me about and I continued to shout as he held me against his chest, rocking me until I calmed enough to stand on my own. After that, I don’t know what happened.

I felt completely detached, as though I were floating outside my body, watching the whole scene unfold around me. Unattached
from the feelings and emotions running rampant through my discarded body. Through the small rectangular widow set in the door, I watched the doctors and the nurses work feverishly over Kiernan. In the glimpses of him I caught between shuffling bodies, I saw his skin grow paler.

I observed Mrs. Parks as she looked on, over my shoulder, thin arms wrapped protectively around her narrow waist. She looked almost frail, standing there in the stark white light of the sterile hallway. But it was
Caulder who twisted my heart.

Somehow I saw him, too, though he stood behind us, one hand planted firmly
against the opposite wall and the other anchored almost painfully in his hair. His entire body shook with tension and the effort it cost him to hold it all together for everyone else.

Somehow, I saw all of this without ever once removing my gaze from that damn window.

I knew the moment it was over. The moment he was gone. The moment my life changed forever. One doctor looked at another, there was a slight shake of a head, a glance at the clock, and that was it. Game over. The sharp sound of machine alarms was silenced and replaced by a mournful wail. At first, I thought it might have been coming from me, but the source became clear when Mrs. Parks collapsed into Caulder’s arms.

It was done. There was nothing else to see or do.
Nothing to be said or heard. Words couldn’t fix this. Nothing could. There was no reason for me to be there, anymore. I couldn’t. I couldn’t stay and watch his family fall apart. I couldn’t impose on their grief with my own.

“Jade!” I heard
Caulder calling my name as I headed numbly toward the elevator.

The ride down felt like it was taking me straight to hell. I hurt. Everywhere. Inside and out.
My head spun so fast I couldn’t latch on to a single thought, for which I was grateful because anyone of them would be filled with suffering. All I wanted was to be home.

A chime sounded and
a big letter L flashed in red lights above the doors. As they slid open, I stumbled out, right into the arms of . . . “Mom?”

“Jade?”

“Oh, Mom.” That was it. The self-preservation of detachment lost, it all crashed into me at once. And I crashed into her.

“Oh
, no.” Her arms slid around me, offering much needed support. “I’m sorry, Jade. I’m so sorry.”

I hadn’t even realized she’d been leading me out of the building until the cold air hit me. Wind whipped through my hair, threatening to freeze my tears to my face, and I clung to her with all my might.

“Let’s get out of here. Let’s go home.” Mom’s fragile embrace was the only thing keeping me from falling to pieces. As she lowered me into the passenger seat, I marveled through my sorrow at the fact that I had a real home to go to. A place I could find comfort in. And a mother to take me there.

The saying goes that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I’d hoped and prayed that Kiernan would be with me for a lifetime, but in the end it was for a reason that he was sent to me. Kiernan changed my life. He changed
me.
He showed me that there was more to life than existing. Taught me how to live it, how to experience it, how to treasure it. He gave me hope, and love, and family. But above all, Kiernan Parks taught me how not to be afraid.

And that was a lesson, for better or worse, that I had a lifetime ahead of
m
e to be grateful for.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

W
riting has been an amazing ride. The past year-and-a-half there have been ups, downs, and inside outs. And I’ve loved every single second of it. The encouragement I’ve found both in and out of the writing community has been astounding. I couldn’t imagine surrounding myself with a better group of people.

A gigantic thank you to my family for all of their support. To the hubs for reading every single word I’ve ever written
(even the ‘girly’ ones). To the kiddos who get just as giddy as I do every time we see a new proof in the mail (even if they’re not actually old enough to read any of them yet).

To all of the amazing authors I’ve found inspiration in. Cindy Bennett, Sherry Gammon,
Micalea Smeltzer, just to name a few. And the awesomesauce bloggers who have been supporting me since the very beginning. You know who you are.

And
to the spectacular cover artist, Kelsey Keeton, for bringing Jade to life through the gorgeous images of cover model, Cameo Yvette.

I love you all! And I cannot thank you enough.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jamie Canosa is a full time author of YA
/NA literature, which she absolutely loves. When she’s not writing or spending time with her family, she can usually be found with her nose in a book. She currently resides in Upstate NY with her husband, and their three crazy kids . . . plus the cat, the bird, and the rabbit.

Learn more about Jamie at:

http://jamiecanosa.blogspot.com/

https://www.faceb
ook.com/AuthorJamieCanosa

Lov
e
Caulder?

Keep an eye out

for the Pieces novella,

Ange
l
,

featuring
Cal.

And don’t miss book 2

in
the Pieces series.

Jade’s story isn’t over yet.