Falling to Pieces (24 page)

“But you didn’t ask her?” Cole turns to me.

“I don’t want to talk to her right now. I think we both need some distance.”

“Man, you guys have serious issues.”

I bristle at his words. “We’ve just got some stuff to work out, that’s all. Every relationship does.”

“Every relationship isn’t this difficult, Asher, trust me.”

“What about you and Mercedes? You're telling me everything’s perfect there?” I ask, wanting nothing more than to change the subject.

Cole shrugs
as I merge onto the freeway. “Not perfect, but not complicated either. We just have a good time together, that’s all.”

I nod, pressing on the gas. Flicking on my blinker, I cross over and get into the fast lane. “Well, give it time. You haven’t known each other that long.”

Cole chuckles. “That’s the difference between you and me. If things get too complicated, I split. The last thing I want is to have to deal with some chick’s issues. Once it isn’t fun anymore, I’m out.”

“Haven’t you ever met a girl who was worth it, Cole?”

He shakes his head. “No girl is worth all that effort.”

I glance over at my friend
, feeling kind of sorry for him. There was a time when I would’ve agreed with him. But I think there’s something amazing about caring about a girl so much that you’re willing to work hard to keep her. And I have to believe that at the end of it all, it will be worth it.

We make it to San Francisco in good time. Sure, we got stuck in traffic on the bridge, but that always happens. It did help that we left after
rush hour. By the time we get into the city it’s late, so we find a hotel to check into. After checking in, Cole and I head up to our room. Cole throws his bag on top of the bed closest to the wall, and then sits down on it.

“So,
wanna hit the town tonight? I know of a couple good clubs.”

I shake my head, running a hand over my neck. “Nah, let’s just grab some dinner and then hit the sack. I want to go to Cam’s first thing in the morning.”

Cole nods. “Do you think we should call and warn his family that we’re coming?”

I bite the inside of my cheek
, mulling over his question. My mind travels to Cam and his parents. I think of all the nights I spent at their house. Then I remember the look on their faces when I first saw them after the incident. If looks could kill I would’ve dropped dead at that very moment. I know his family will be mortified about seeing me again. My chest tightens at the thought and I take a few long breaths to loosen it up a bit.

“No, I think maybe we should just surprise them.”

“You sure?” Cole raises a brow.

I nod, exhaling. “Yeah, I think if we call they might just refuse to see us. Then we came all this way for nothing.”

“True.” Cole stands, spreading out his hands. “It’s your call, man. I’m just along for the ride.” He gives me a lopsided smile. “I’m not the one they hate.”

“Gee thanks.” I force a light laugh, even though I’m feeling nervous and a little sick. “What made them decide to move to San Francisco, anyway?”

“They just wanted to get away from Folsom, but they didn’t want to move too far.”

I gag on the shame that rises in my throat. The familiar guilt I feel for screwing up Cam’s family resurfaces. “On second thought, I’m not that hungry.”

Cole nods, a knowing expression on his face. “Well, I am. So I’m gonna go to the diner downstairs and grab a bite. If you change your mind, you can meet me down there.”

“Okay.”
Cole leaves the room, and I sink down on the bed with my head in my hands. I hope I’m not making a terrible mistake by coming here.

“Are you ready?” Cole asks after I park in front of Cam’s family’s house. It’s a cute little house with stairs leading up to the front door. It
kind of reminds me of the homes in Old Folsom.

I’m wound so tight I feel like a rubber band that’s been stretched too far. The last thing I want to do is walk inside and face Cam’s family. I’d rather gouge out my eyes with a dull spoon. But I’ve come all this way
, and I can’t back down now.

I lay my head back on the vinyl seat. “Give me a minute.” Running my hands down my face, I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth like I do to slow my heart rate after a run. Ivy’s face comes to mind, giving me a surge of courage. If I want to be with her, I have to do this.

I turn to face Cole. “Alright. I’m ready.”

“You sure?” He cocks his head to the side
, and I know this is my last chance to get out of it.

I bite my lip and nod.

Cole slaps me on the shoulder. “Just remember that I’ve got your back, man.”

This statement does little to quell my nerves. It only succeeds in bringing on a swarm of angry butterflies to take residence in my stomach. With shaky fingers, I open my door and step out into the crisp
air. Pulling my jacket tighter, I step out into the street and make my way around the car. Cole and I walk up the cement walkway and the front stairs to the door. It’s brick red, reminding me of blood.

My gaze lands on my hands
, and I can picture my knuckles slick with Cam’s blood. It turns my stomach and for a second I think I might hurl. Cole knocks, and I rub my palms together trying to keep my emotions in check. Behind the door I can hear heels clicking and then the lock opening. I hold my breath as the door pops open. My gaze takes in the slight woman who answers, and I instantly recognize her as Cam’s mom. When her eyes lock on mine she suppresses a gasp and widens her eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Her voice is laced with venom.

I pin my shoulders back and lift my chin. “Hi Mrs. Whittle.”

“Don’t ‘hi Mrs. Whittle’ me. How dare you come to our house after what you did? You should be in jail
, Asher.” Pink splotches appear on her cheeks.

“Mom,” a familiar voice speaks from behind her
, and my insides clench. “I chose not to press charges, remember?”

I hold my breath as Cam steps into the doorway, pushing his mom out of the way.
She flashes him a funny look, and then throws her arms up in exasperation before moving back. Cole gives me a sidelong glance, but I keep my eyes on Cam. He looks just like I remember him, except for the crook in his nose. It’s that one imperfection that I seem to hone in on, knowing that I’m the cause of it.

“Asher.” His tone hard. Then he peers over at Cole
, and his face softens a little. “Cole.”

“Hey, man.” Cole holds out his hand and Cam tentatively reaches his out too. It’s an awkward, tense moment, reminding me of what my actions caused.

“Cam,” I say after finding my voice. “Cole and I were hoping we could talk to you for a few minutes.”

“I’m not sure we have anything to discuss, but I guess you can come in for a minute.”

It’s so odd to me that this is a boy I used to spend hours with when we were kids. I ate dinners with his family and enjoyed afternoons swimming in his pool in the summers. Now we are complete strangers, enemies even. Cole and I follow Cam inside, his Mom’s gaze boring into my face. I can practically feel the hatred in her eyes.

“Mom,” Cam admonishes her. “Let me just talk to them for a little bit, okay? I’ll be fine. It’s not like he’s going to beat me up in my own home.”

His joke startles me, and the hairs on the back of my neck prickles. Cole nudges me, and I give him a pained expression.

The foyer is narrow with only a small coat rack and mirror, and ends at a white wooden staircase. To the right is the kitchen
, and to the left is a small family room with a large picture window that overlooks the front yard. Cam’s mom escapes into the kitchen while I follow Cam and Cole into the family room. Cam sits on a plaid recliner, and Cole and I plop down on the red couch. Again, flashes of blood fill my mind. I can still picture Cam’s face and shirt covered in it. Forcing myself to breathe, I sit forward and lean over on my elbows.

Cam raises his brows
, sweeping his hands in front of him. “Well, you two came all this way. What do you want to talk about?”

Cole looks at me expectantly, but my mind is a jumble of letters and words that I can’t quite put together. How do you apologize for something so horrific? Cole clears his throat loudly
, and Cam looks on with annoyance. I need to say something.

“Cam, I wanted to come and apologize.” I pause. “I’m really sorry for what I did.”

“That’s it?” He fixes me with a glare. “You beat me to a pulp, Asher. You could’ve killed me. I should’ve pressed charges. You’d still be in jail.”

I rub my wrists, remembering how the handcuffs felt; how they made me claustrophobic. Memories of the cold, dark cell swim through my mind. The feeling of the walls closing in on
me, of my life being over, choke me.

“Why didn’t you?”
I’ve always been curious about that.

Cam leans back in his chair and strokes his chin. “I don’t know. My parents wanted me to. I guess it was because we’d been friends for so long. Also, your mom came and begged me not to. So did Ivy. She said it was all her fault.”

I find it difficult to draw breath. I had no idea that both Ivy and my mom had gone to Cam. Love for both of them wells up in my throat and I swallow hard. Maybe I’ve been too hard on both of them. Clearly they do care about me.

“So was it all Ivy’s fault?” Cam asks.

“That night Ivy showed up at my house and said that you two had had a fight. We went for a ride on my bike, and when she got off her shirt got caught and I saw all these bruises on her back. I jumped to the conclusion that it was you. She didn’t say it was, but she didn’t deny it either.”

“Bitch,” Cam mumbles under his breath. “I never laid a hand on her.”

I tense, and Cole places a hand over my arm as a warning. I want to lash out at him for calling Ivy that, but I force myself to stay calm. “I know you didn’t, Cam. At least I know that now.”

“Don’t you think you should’ve found out for sure before you showed up and beat the shit out of me?” Cam’s voice rises
, and he balls his hands into fists. I hear his Mom’s footsteps as she watches from the doorway.

My shoulders stiffen. This is not going the way I had hoped. Maybe what I did was unforgiveable for Cam. Perhaps i
t’s selfish for me to even want forgiveness. “Yes, I should’ve. But you know me, I’ve always been impulsive.”

“So that’s what you came all this way to say? That you did this to protect Ivy and that you’re excuse is that you’re impulsive.” Cam stands. “Well, thanks for that. I feel all better now. You can go.”

I sigh. “No, I’m done making excuses for it, Cam. I take full responsibility for what happened. I was just hoping if I explained then maybe you could forgive me.”

“Forgive you?” Cam sits back down. “There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t remember what you did to me. Not that I was totally surprised. Everyone knew that Ivy had you wrapped around her little finger. I almost didn’t go out with her because of it. In fact, I wouldn’t have except for some of the other guys said she was easy.” Cam lets out a huff. “
Boy, were they wrong. She wouldn’t put out at all, no matter how hard I tried.”

“How dare you say that about her?” I hop up, my blood boiling.

“Whoa.” Cole grabs my arm, yanking me down.

“I see you still have it bad for her.” Cam smiles smugly. “Well, I guess it’s good. You two deserve each other.”

I run a hand over my head, annoyed. “Look, I didn’t come here to fight with you about Ivy. I know you’re mad at her for what happened.”

“Then why did you come here, Asher?” Cam asks. “Why now? Why after a year?”

I glance over at Cole, and he nods, encouraging me.

“I’ve felt bad about it since it happened,” I say truthfully. “But I was too ashamed to face you. I just felt like it was time to make things right.”

“I don’t think you have the power to make things right, Asher. You changed my entire life that night.”

I press my lips together. “I know. And if I could take it back
, I would.”

“Would you?” Cam raises his brows. “I have a feeling you’d still do anything for Ivy Johnson.”

I slump, defeated. “I really am sorry, Cam.”

He nods. “I wish I could say that I forgive you, but I’m just not sure if I’m ready to.”

“Fair enough.” I stand. It’s clear that I won’t get anything else out of him today. I step toward Cam, and he stands too. When I hold out my hand, he reluctantly takes it in his. “See ya.”

“Yep.” He releases my hand and gives me a funny look. “You know, for what it’s worth, I get why you did it.”

I step back, shocked by his admission. “You do?”

“I have a girlfriend. I think I’m in love for the first time in my life. If anyone ever hurt her, I’d want to kill them.”

I nod, grateful for his admission.

“But the difference between you and me is that I’d make sure I had the right guy. And the difference between my girl and Ivy is that she’d never lie to me the way Ivy did to you.”