Falling into the White (The Ancients Series) (22 page)

“Mine, Jess, only mine.” And then he pushed forward gently. A tearing pain gripped me as he tore through the barrier that marked my virginity. He leaned in closer, shoulder near my mouth as he slowly buried himself completely inside me. My teeth found his shoulder, and bit down as Mikael threw his head back and let out a mighty growl, and then he was moving inside me, the pain lessening, and the heat growing between us again. I understood now, the aching need I’d felt so many times. Mikael filled me, warmed me, and made me feel completely whole and wonderful in that moment.

As another climax built, something else built inside too, and I knew in an instant what Ashley had tried to describe me. There was a flood of emotion and desperate need to claim this man as my own. If I let the wall down, and allowed it all to spill out right now, we would bond. There was no doubt in my mind.

“Jess?” Mikael questioned thickly. He felt it too. My name was a question, and one I couldn’t answer for him as the climax that had been building slammed into me. All options were gone, I lost myself in the moment, and I took Mikael with me as he too reached the point of no return.

Every nerve ending in my body fired off all at once. Warm waves of pleasure crashed through me until pure contentment settled in and made itself at home. Mikael was mine. There was no going back now. My heart felt as though it would burst, and when he lifted his head up again to look in my eyes, we connected in a way I had never known possible before. It was as if I could see into his very soul, and he into mine. I hadn’t realized tears were leaking down my cheeks until he reached up to wipe them away. “Mine,” he whispered, and then leaned in to place a gentle kiss upon my lips. I was overfilled with emotion, and with finding my other half, the part that had been missing for so long. I finally felt complete.

A warmth began to spread through my body then, and Mikael pulled back, away from me, putting a little space between us, and I could smell the concern flooding free of his pores. That wasn’t right, how could I smell concern? Warmth turned to heat. Light consumed me, it ate away at me, body and soul, and then it pulsed forward coming from inside of me and bleeding out to light the entire cave we occupied. Brilliant white light.

“Oh my God! Jessica!” Mikael’s voice held nothing but awe when he spoke. I couldn’t focus on him at all though. My body seemed weightless, the sensation of floating and becoming lighter than air filled me, then pulsed forward one more time spilling out of me and into Mikael. His eyes grew far too large, and then the same other-worldly contentment settled in his features as the light and warmth built in him and transferred back into me. The light that had bloomed between the two of us dimmed from there, but left behind traces of a soft glow. At least, I thought it did. I was beginning to think some strange euphoria had settled in and induced hallucinations. “What in the hell was that?” Mikael asked.

“That couldn’t have been the bond. Ashley never described that light thing happening.”

“I’ve been to true bonding ceremonies before, Jess. What came before, that was the bond. I’m not sure what just happened, but that something more, something else altogether.”

SMALL WORLDS

As we lay there, trying to figure out what happened between us, beyond the bonding, I was suddenly struck with a thought. “Mikael, I don’t want your father to know just yet. Do you think we’ll be able to hide the fact that we’ve bonded?”

“You want to hide our bond?” He seemed concerned, and pulled away from me a little.

“I can’t explain it, I just have this feeling deep down that we need to keep it from him for now.”

“Well, I would prefer to keep you away from my father, period, so I don’t see where that will be a problem. What about everyone else?” He reached up and gently brushed a strand of hair off my cheek. “Are you going to be okay hiding this from everyone? Your mom? Ashley?”

“Let me be clear, I don’t want to hide the fact that I bonded with you from anyone, at all.” I smiled at him and took hold of the hand that still lingered on my cheek. “I really can’t explain this gut reaction I have, but I think it’s important to keep as quite as possible about it. Just for a little while. Something about that light we saw…”

“Jess, I trust your instincts. That being said, if you want to keep this a secret you might want to steer clear of people who know you well for a day or two. Come stay at my house. Honestly, I don’t want to be away from you right now anyway. Our secret will stay under wraps better at my place, away from the prying eyes of the pack, than having them all wonder why I won’t leave your parents’ house.”

I leaned over and kissed him then. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Did you expect an argument from me?” I laughed at him, and pulled him close for another kiss. “I need to get some clothes and stuff together, and we’ll have to ride separately, because I will need my Jeep with me too.”

“Okay, well, when we get back I am going to take off and you can meet me at the house when you get your stuff together. If your parents see us together right now, there’s going to be no denying what happened. You know that!”

“I know.” I hated keeping it a secret, but every time I thought about shouting it out to the world that Mikael was mine in every way, my gut clenched and there was almost a physical ache warning me that I couldn’t. There was an inner voice telling me, ‘not yet.’

We stashed my bag, and everything I brought with me, in it. I tucked it all neatly into a dark corner of the cave so that we could run back to the house in wolf form. When we got there, I grabbed a robe out of the storage closet on the porch, saw Mikael off, and went inside. It was close to dinner by the time I got home, and as soon as I came through the door, my mom’s head popped out of the kitchen. “Jess can you come here a minute? I could use your help.”

“Sure.” I took one, last longing look at the stairs I was about to climb to go get showered and dressed, and went to help my mom. “What’s up?”

“Could you hand me the…” my mom stopped cold, and stared at me. “Jessica!” She breathed out my name in an excited gasp. “Oh my God! Jess, you’re glowing!”

“Mom, keep your voice down. I don’t want anyone to know yet.”

“Know what? What the hell happened?”

“Okay, now I was stumped, especially when my mom came over and touched my hair. “Mom?”

“I wasn’t kidding, Jess. There’s a light coming from you, and it’s all over. It’s amazing. What happened?” Before I could answer her we heard voices outside the kitchen window, and my mom hurriedly said, “upstairs, now!” She killed the stove and followed behind, pushing me along faster.

When we got up the stairs my mom put me in front of my full length mirror, “look!” She hadn’t been kidding. I was glowing with a faint white light. It seemed to illuminate the whole of me, down to my hair follicles. The most amazing thing was my eyes though. There was an inner light behind them, an almost emerald fire. “Jess, what in the world happened today?”

“Well, that’s kind of a long story.” My mom was scrutinizing me as I spoke.

“You’ve bonded!” The elation in her voice couldn’t be missed. “Is this because you’ve bonded?” She picked up a piece of my hair and marveled at the light emanating from it.

“We bonded, but then something else happened too. I’m not sure what. It was like a hot white light flowed from me to Mikael and back again. Neither of us knew what was happening. It was just after, um, the bonding.”

“I think maybe this will be a question for you to ask in your next vision pow-wow with the white wolves.” She was watching me as I went to my closet and grabbed some clothes. “It’s fading, at least.”

“Well, that’s good. Nothing says, ‘I’m no longer a virgin’ quite like becoming a walking flashlight.” My mom gave me a look, and then laughed at me.

“I guess you’re right about that.” She swooped in, pulling me close, and hugged me tight. “My little pup’s all grown up!”

“Mom! Seriously, embarrassing.”

“Oh, no! You are going to let me have my moment, Light Bright.”

“Seriously, Light Bright?” My mom was giggling, like a school girl, as I was shaking my head in disbelief. The really funny thing was people were never going to understand why she was calling me that. “I’m going to get some stuff together, and go stay with Mikael tonight.”

My mom nodded, “what are you going to tell people?”

“Well, we decided not to tell anyone yet.”

“Jess, people are going to know.” She smiled at me. “I would have known right off, even if you weren’t glowing like a light bulb when you came in. That was a bit distracting, but I can smell him all over you now.”

“I know, but everyone’s used to me smelling marked up anyway. If we’re not together around anyone else, no one will be able to notice the difference.”

My mom looked skeptical, but she just shrugged her shoulders. “Why do you want to hide it?”

“Honestly, I want a chance to ask the wolves about what happened after the bonding, and I have a feeling somewhere deep in my gut that keeps telling me it should remain a secret for now. So, we’re going to act like we’re dating. It’s not like our kind haven’t had relationships without officially bonding before.”

“Just be careful, Jess. I worry about you with that family. Mikael isn’t the worry,” she added when she saw me getting ready to jump in and defend him. “I didn’t like the way his older brother was looking at you the other day, and his father, well… We all know what kind of a person he is. I want you to watch your back, you hear me? Don’t be afraid to run, and gather your strength first if it comes down to it. You promise me!”

“I promise mom! I can’t help my people if I don’t survive.”

“Exactly!” My mom turned to leave so that I could go get my shower and get ready.

“Hey, mom?”

“Yeah?”

“Who was dad talking to outside?”

“I’m not sure. He got a call about a visitor to the pack lands earlier. You go on and get ready, and we’ll talk when you get back. Will you be back in the morning, or…”

“I will be back for a while tomorrow.” Mikael’s going to have to make sure things are getting done with the rescue and stuff anyway.” My mom had fresh, unshed tears in her eyes as she leaned in to give me a hug. “It’s not the end of the world, you know?”

“You just wait until you have a daughter and watch her grow up. We’ll see how it feels for you then.”

My mom left and I jumped in a shower, suddenly unable to think about anything other than what life would be like now that things had changed so much. A daughter. That, above everything else stuck with me. My mom had planted a seed I’d never really considered outside of the theoretical before. I wasn’t even sure I wanted kids, and now, it was something to think about. I didn’t even know how Mikael felt about kids. I felt a minor panic attack coming on as the day came crashing in on me. I was bound to him now, and there was no going back. “So much for taking things slow, jackass!” I said to myself, out loud, while I rinsed the shampoo away from my hair.

My phone was ringing as I stepped out of the shower, and I ran to pick it up before it stopped. “Hello?”

“Hey, Jess, umm…” It was Mikael and he sounded odd.

“Is something wrong?”

“I don’t know. Did anyone see you? I mean, when we got back, did anyone see you?”

“Were you glowing?” I asked.

“Yeah, I didn’t notice it when we shifted at your house, because of all the lights, but when I got down the road…”

“I know. I saw. My mom, she saw too. No one else knows about it though, it’s already faded for the most part.”

“Are you still coming?”

“As long as you want me to.” I was suddenly nervous thinking that turning Mikael into a flashlight had changed his mind about me.

“Of course I want you here! I’m just wondering how much longer you’re going to take.” He hesitated a minute. “I should have just thrown you on the back of the bike and brought you here anyway.”

I smiled. I couldn’t help it. “I’m getting dressed and leaving now.” As I hung up, I looked across my room at the bed, and it struck me that something was off. There was a piece of paper there with something lying across it. I walked over and looked down to see a white rose along with a letter.

Jess,

I’m sorry. I don’t blame you for the decision you made. My brother was right, he was the better choice for you. I could never move past what my family did to me before. It clouded everything. And still, that is no excuse for what I did to you. I hope you can one day forgive me, and until that time, I am removing myself from the area so as not to be in the way.

I wish all the happiness in the world for you.

Always your servant,

Evan

I had not been expecting that. I tucked the letter into my bag, along with a change of clothes, and a few other essentials, finished dressing, and was on my way to Mikael’s house.

~*~

Mikael was waiting for me out on the front porch when I pulled up. The minute I threw the Jeep in park he was taking long strides over to me, and I realized then, seeing him march across the lawn to greet me, that I felt a similar pull too. I left my bag right where it was, got out of the Jeep, and went to plant myself firmly in his arms. “Is it strange to say I missed you in that little bit of time?” He asked me as he kissed the top of my head.

“No, not at all.” We stood there a few minutes more, just holding one another. I felt as though my insides were swelling and ready to burst with the simple act of holding him in my arms. I wasn’t sure if this was typical of the bond, but I was whole when I was near him, as if a piece of me was missing when we were apart. It was the strangest thing, being tied to another person in such a way.

“I have something to show you,” I told him as I pulled away and went to retrieve my bag. I handed him the letter as we ascended the porch steps. He read it before we ever hit the door.

“He owes you far more of an apology than this.”

“Knowing your brother, it will come, in time.”

Mikael neatly folded the letter and handed it back to me. “I have no doubt.” His words were somewhat sullen as he spoke them.