Falling In (21 page)

Holy shit, I’m going to come by dry humping Jake!

From the sounds he’s making, I don’t think I’m the only one.

“Fuck, Evangeline! I think I’m going to—shit, this feels too damn good!” he says, taking my earlobe into his mouth. His hot breath in my ear sends tingles down my body, my pussy tightening as he licks that spot behind my ear before whispering, “Come, baby. I want to hear you moan my name as you come just from my kiss.”

And with those words, I do just that. I come apart in his arms, writhing against his tented, dark washed jeans and moaning out his name. I rest my head on his chest as my toes uncurl and my body goes limp.

“I have never seen anything hotter than what I just witnessed, Pixie,” he whispers into hair.

“Oh. My. God. I just came from dry humping you, Jake.” I say, wincing in mortification before covering my face with my hands.

He grabs my head and pries my hands off so he can see me. I warily open my closed eyes and see that his are glazed over, as if we just had a good fuck.

“I know, and I loved every fucking second. Seriously, every time I have to jerk off, I’ll be remembering this exact moment.” I make a face like I’m not quite sure I believe him, shaking my head to emphasize my disbelief. “I mean it, Evangeline. Hearing those sweet moans and my name on those delicious lips, feeling your body grinding against me, it was too much. I couldn’t control myself. I’ve wanted you for way too long.”

“What are you talking about? You didn’t lose control.”

“Look down, babe.” He says with a shy smile, shaking his head in what looks to be shame.

So I look down. And lo and behold, there is a huge wet spot on his jeans.
He didn’t—?
I look up at him as he’s nodding his head.
Oh shit
. He came in his pants like a sixteen-year old boy!

Sidesplitting, uncontrollable laughter surges out of me. I’m laughing so hard I am almost positive a snort came out, which sends Jake over the edge. We’re both howling and our chests are rumbling in hysterics.

“What’s wrong with us? We’re like a pair of horny teenagers,” I manage to get out, our laughter finally dying down.

“Horny is right. You don’t know how hard it’s been seeing you every day and not being able to do a damn thing.” He says, still trying to catch his breath.

I give him the most seductive look I can manufacture, which is most likely pretty pathetic, and throw in a sly smile for good measure before dropping a line in my best porn star voice. “I felt how
hard
it was just a few minutes ago, and from the feel of it, it’s been an excruciatingly
big
problem, hasn’t it?” I giggle at his dopey grin.

“You’re fucking amazing. ” He chuckles before capturing my mouth once more, quick and affectionately. Once he releases me, I lay my head back onto his chest, over his heart, hearing it gradually slow down to a regular drum. The beat is soothing, lulling. With his hand rubbing slow, rhythmic circles on my back, my eyes grow heavy, and I’m involuntarily pulled into sleep.

***

I wake up in an unfamiliar room, in an oh-so-soft but foreign bed, and with strong, unyielding arms wrapped around me. I turn around and look up to find Jake staring at me with certain emotions written all over his face that I’m not ready to see, let alone hear out loud.

“I’m sorry I fell asleep. How long have I been out? ”

“Only an hour. And don’t apologize—I’ve been dying to get you into my bed. And now that you are here, I never want you to leave.” He admits, pushing me onto my back as he gets on his hands and knees over me, caging me in.

My breathing accelerates and my heart begins to thump out of my chest. I’m in his bed.
Jake’s bed
. And he’s on top of me, looking like he wants nothing more than to pull my dress up, peel my panties off, and ram his hardening cock into my now thrumming channel.
And he could.
All it would take would be a nod. One simple nod from me, and we could both get what we want. What we yearn for. I can see it in his eyes. He’s waiting, patiently, but still waiting.
Hoping
.

That nod never comes.

He lies back down next to me, propping up onto his elbow. I turn and do the same, and we begin what seems to be our thing—staring at each other like we’re committing every detail of our faces to memory, afraid we won’t have another chance to be this close.

“What have you been doing for the last hour?”

He cringes a bit, which of course makes me curious. And slightly worried.

“What is it? Did you peak under my dress or something?” I poke him in the chest.

“No, although that would’ve been a great idea. Damn it.” I punch him in the shoulder. “Damn woman, seriously, you can throw a damn good punch.” He pouts, rubbing his shoulder.

I shrug, and explain that I took many self-defense and kickboxing classes after my dad died, never wanting to be a victim again.

“Fuck Pixie, I wish like hell I had been there for you.” He says forlornly. I place a small kiss on his forehead.

“I know. But it’s okay. I’m okay now. But I would be even better if you told what the hell you were doing while I was asleep.”

“Shit. Okay, I
may
have been watching you sleep.”

At the stunned and possibly weirded-out look on my face, he comes to his own defense. “I swear it wasn’t as creepy as it sounds. You just looked so damn beautiful, and I don’t know—
ethereal
. Like a goddess in my arms. I just couldn’t look away, couldn’t take my eyes off you. And to be honest, I wanted to remember this, just in case this is the first and last time I have you like this, in my arms, in my bed, feeling your breath even out as you drift away, hear the little noises you make and watch your eyelids flutter as you dream. I didn’t want to miss one second of that.”

Wow.

I wrap my hand around his neck and pull him down to me. Every scattered emotion we’re both feeling right now is being displayed with every movement of our lips. Confusion. Elation. Guilt. Desire. Fear.

Love.

Love.
It’s flowing out of him like a stream, so natural and pure. I can feel it in his touch, in the way his lips move against mine, treasuring each second. I see it in his eyes as he looks at me as if I’m some mythological creature.
His pixie
. And I hear it in his heart as it pounds fiercely underneath my hand. Just as I feel it growing, flourishing and strengthening inside me, inside every fiber of my body, I also want to run and hide, delay what I know is happening. He’s slowly taking pieces of my heart, and I’m afraid it won’t be long until he has at least half of what is Cole’s. I’m pretty sure he’s got it already.
What happens if my heart is split in two?

I’ll have to choose
.

“Hey, where’d you go?” Jake asks, pulling his lips away from mine, pushing himself onto his hands to search my eyes. 

“My head.” I say honestly.

He sighs. “Here. Remember? You’re here now.”

“I know. I know. I’m here,” I say halfheartedly, wishing I could shake these thoughts just for the moment. I’m not ready to leave. Not ready to go back home. Back to Cole.

I feel like the walls are beginning to close in. I scoot out from under Jake and sit up on the edge of the bed. He sighs again, and I can picture him raking his hands through his hair like he seems to do when he’s frustrated or disappointed. And I am guessing he is feeling both of those right now.

“Our bubble has popped, hasn’t it?” he says as he sits next to me.

Now it’s my turn to sigh.

“I’m afraid it has.” I turn to face him and cup his cheek, his hand covering mine. “Today has been—”

“Perfect,” we both breathe out in unison.

“Same time tomorrow?” he asks with so much hope in his voice, my breath falters and I feel a tug at my heart.

“Same time tomorrow.” I barely get the words out before he seizes my mouth again, his tongue swiping the seam, silently asking permission for entrance, to which I readily comply. He grips the back of my head, intensifying the kiss, compelling my lips to stay with him. But before they can work their magic, I pull away, feeling barren without his mouth on mine.

He grabs my hand and lifts me off the bed. “C’mon, lets go.”

We walk out of the room and down the hall together in silence. Both of us drowning in mutual dread and hope as we make it down the stairs, his hand never letting go of mine. Once we reach the door, Jake spins me around and into his awaiting arms. He holds me securely against his chest, breathing me in as if he wants to capture my scent and bottle it up for later. I pull back slightly to look at him and give him an encouraging smile.

“Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow.” Jake agrees before planting a tender kiss on my forehead. He turns the knob with one hand, his other still wrapped around me. I try to walk out the door, but his grip tightens against my side.

“Jake, you’ve gotta let me go,” I say with a small laugh.

“Not likely.” He says looking me directly in the eyes, unfaltering determination written all over his beautiful face. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly as he releases me from his hold. I step away from him, and with a single glance back, walk out the door and into the light.

The walk back to my house seems miles long instead of just a few hundred feet. I can feel Jake’s eyes on my back as I take each step. When I finally reach my door, I all but knock it down to get inside, needing the respite and cold air coming from the vents to soothe the heat from Jake’s stare that is migrating down my body. I pause with my back to the door and let out one of those happy-smile-exhale things they do in every rom-com—you know, right before the squealing and jumping up and down begins.

I don’t get to the jumping and squealing part because just as I release that joyous breath, my eyes lock onto a picture of Cole and I at Burning Man when I was eight months pregnant with the twins, wearing a bikini top and a maxi skirt. My belly so huge, Cole could barely put his arms around me. But he did, resting his hands on our babies proudly, and with a smile so big and full of an immeasurable bliss that it sends stabbing daggers of guilt into my heart over and over.

It takes me seconds before I’m running upstairs through our bedroom and into the bathroom, where I strip off everything and throw myself in the shower, turning the nozzle up as hot as it can go. I brace myself with my hands on the wall behind the showerhead, tip my head back, and submerge my face into the water, washing my transgressions away, and yet at the same time fighting to hold onto them.

Evangeline

It’s eight-thirty at night and I’m lying in my bed alone, pretending to have a stomach bug. Another lie to add to the list that just keeps on growing. Although, it may not have entirely been a lie, since my stomach has been tied, twisted, and contorted every which way since Cole came home. I could barely look at him for fear of him seeing what was written all over my face. As hard as I tried, the guilt just wouldn’t scrub away. I don’t deserve those eyes as blue as the sky staring at me with warmth and worship, like I’m perfection. His angel.
I’m not her. I’m not that girl anymore.
Trustworthy and innocent are no longer two words to describe myself.

I cheated today.

I’m a cheater.

Duplicitous.

Deceitful.

Double-crosser.

I deceived the man I love. The man who was so sympathetic to my fake illness that he made me chamomile tea and sent me to bed before the kids even went down. He took care of everything tonight—dinner dishes, baths, and bedtime stories. He put my needs before his. Jesus, he even tucked me in after putting the kids to bed, placing the sweetest, most kindhearted kiss on my forehead. It took all of my strength not to break down in tears against his soft lips.

But even with all of that, I still can’t let go of today. I don’t want to.
Yes, it was completely wrong.
We may not have had sex, but I may as well have
.
It felt just the same, if not better. It was powerful and heart pumping. Exciting and raw, yet pure and natural at the same time.
But it shouldn’t have happened
.

I shouldn’t have let it happen
. I just couldn’t
not
let it happen. He has this hold on me. I feel him in my veins, coursing through my body with a ferventness that doesn’t seem to want to leave. This need, the infatuation, craving, just keeps getting stronger as each day passes. And today, when I had those lips on mine, it changed everything. It changed
me
. I just don’t know how. Or what the hell I’m supposed to do with it. All I know is that I can’t stop. I can’t kick this habit.
Not yet
.

***

It’s another two hours before Cole tiptoes in the room, quietly shutting the door behind him. I close my eyes and roll over so that my back is to him, not ready to even see him yet. After he comes out of the bathroom, I feel the bed dip beside me and his hot breath on my ear that never fails to give me goose bumps, even after all of these years.

“Evie? Are you awake?”

I don’t answer. He sighs, planting a moist kiss under my earlobe, sending flutters to my lower belly.

“
I’ll love you forever
,” he whispers before lying down, while my heart sprains and clatters to the floor in an excruciating pain. Silent tears roll down my face until I somehow will myself to actually fall asleep.

***

I wake up the next morning with puffy eyes and a pounding headache. Cole is walking out of the shower with just a towel wrapped around his trim waist, his deep V protruding from the top. I try to ignore the small clench of my core, still feeling all kinds of messed up from yesterday.

“Good morning, beautiful. How are you feeling?” he asks with his eyebrows knit together in concern.

“About the same. Only now my head hurts.” I reply honestly, squinting my eyes from the ‘80s hair metal-like pounding of drums in my head. He gives me a sympathetic face before walking back into the bathroom. I can hear him rummaging through drawers before he emerges with a glass of water and what looks like to be ibuprofen in his hand. He sits down next to me, urging me to sit up, then hands me the water and medication.

“Thank you,” I murmur to him. He pulls me into his bare chest, kissing the top of my head.

“Of course. I’ll always take care of you.” He whispers into my ratted mass of curls.

Cole is so sincere. So considerate.
And I’m the worst
. I let out a shaky breath before hesitantly lifting my face to meet his eyes. He leans down and gently presses his mouth to mine. His touch is light and wary. My hand automatically slides up his still damp chest, snaking around his neck, and gripping the back of his head tightly as the kiss intensifies, our motions becoming frenzied. I pull him down on top of me and moan as I feel his hardness rub against my inner thigh.

And then a feeling of déjà vu washes over me before images of Jake and I in this same position flash like lightning bolts behind my closed eyes. I suddenly freeze up and grab my aching head.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

I don’t know what to say. The words are stuck in my throat, scared to come out and reveal themselves. I just stare at him and as the seconds go by, his face gradually changing into looks of worry and confusion. “Evie?”

That’s when we hear the knock on our door.

“Mom? Dad?”

Saved by the kids.

Our eyes both move to the direction of the intrusion. “In a minute,” I respond, finally finding my voice.

As I ease out from underneath Cole and off the bed, I can feel his eyes staring at me, no doubt wondering what the hell is wrong with me. But I don’t turn around, because I have no idea what hell is wrong with me, either. I just know it’s nothing good. At least not for us.

“Hey guys. You’re up early. I’ll be down in a minute, okay? Just put something on TV and I’ll get your breakfast and clothes.”

“Okay, Mom!” they both shout before running down the stairs. They rarely get to watch cartoons before school. Looks like it’s going to be
that
kind of morning. I turn back around to find Cole’s eyes still trained on me, waiting patiently for an explanation.

Well, he’s going to be waiting awhile. Without a word, I walk into the bathroom and shut the door, needing to relieve my bladder and my hammering nerves. I walk out again acting like everything is normal, like I didn’t just think about another man as mine was on top of me. Cole hasn’t moved, and is still in his towel that is barely covering his now deflated yet still impressive cock. His eyes are penetrating as I walk around the room gathering clothes.

“
Evie
.” He says forcefully, stopping me in my tracks.

“What?” I ask with my back toward him, not trusting myself to turn around.

“What was that? What just happened? It was like you completely checked out.”

“It was nothing, Cole. I just started to feel sick again,” I lie as I walk into the closet, finding a grey, loose fitting, off the shoulder t-shirt to wear with the black yoga leggings I grabbed a minute ago. Cole walks in as I’m standing in my bra about to put my top on.

“You sure that’s it?”

“I’m sure.” I force a smile that seems to appease him. He walks over to me and pulls me into his arms, his hand rubbing small circles on my back.

“I’m sorry, babe.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” I say into his shoulder. “You’re perfect.”

“Only if I have you.”

I pull him tighter against me, needing to feel his warmth and comfort. “I love you, Cole. I love you so much.” My voice cracks near the end, and I hope to goddess he didn’t hear it.

“I love you, too. Always. You sure you’re okay?

“I am. Promise. I think I just need some more sleep.”

“Well, once the kids go to school, I order you to do just that. Don’t worry about the house stuff. Just get some rest. I need you to feel better. I’ve got naughty plans for you. It’s been a week since I’ve been inside you, and seeing you in this bra isn’t helping the situation.” He whispers against the nape of my neck while running a finger down the curve of my breast. I suppress a moan from his teasing touch. His cock, rigid and enticing, is now poking me through his towel. His lips coast down my neck, sucking my skin between kisses.

My mind is so messed up right now, screaming in confusion, but my body is acting on instinct, drinking up the attention, reheating from his familiar touch and getting wet in just the right place. I move my hand down his taut stomach and undo the towel as his lips move down to my chest. He slides over the material, freeing a breast that is greedy for his experienced mouth. I grab his cock and begin to stroke as he sucks on my nipple, screaming out in pleasure as he gently tugs. Just as I begin to move my hand faster up and down Cole’s shaft, we hear another knock on the door.

Fuck.

“Fuck.” Cole says with my other nipple in his mouth. The vibration from his voice sends a jolt to my now begging pussy. After he releases my tender nipple, I pop my boob back into my bra and pick up my shirt off the floor.

“I’ll go. You get ready and possibly take care of
that
.” I say, tapping the tip of his very erect penis. As he groans in frustration, I kiss his lips softly and leave the closet, smiling from the stream of whispered curses I can hear as I walk through the bedroom.

I open the door to find Cady and Dyl standing in the hallway eating Oreo cookies.
Great. The breakfast of champions
. I give them the look. You know, that look every mom reserves for when you’ve totally and completely effed up. At least they have the decency to look guilty.

“We were hungry,” Dyl says through a mouthful of chocolaty goodness.

“Yeah, well, savor those cookies, because those are the last one’s you’ll be getting for awhile.”

“Ah, man.”

“See? I told you she’d be mad, Dyl.” Cady says, giving Dylan a shove.

“All right, you two. Finish those up then go brush your teeth and get dressed. It’s crazy outfit day, so you have free rein. Wear whatever you want. I’m gonna go make your lunches.” I swat their butts playfully as they turn to scamper off to their bathroom, giggling all the way there.

Damn, I love my kids.
               

The rest of the morning goes by in a blur. Once Cole comes downstairs, he basically grabs coffee, a bagel, and then kisses me and the kids goodbye before jetting off to work. I’m not going to lie, I was thankful for the quick departure, needing a reprieve from his natural flawlessness that just seems to remind me every second that I am nowhere near it. Somehow, my guilt reduces when he’s not with me. I know it’s not exactly logical, but that’s just how it is.

Since the kids got up so early, we have more than enough time to get ready. Which means while the kids are watching another cartoon, I get to drink my tea in peace in the kitchen.

I’m sitting at the table now, piping hot chai in one hand, and my Kindle in the other. I just started reading a new, deliciously dirty Adult Contemporary, which also happens to be making me itch to start writing another book. I’m just not exactly sure what story I want to tell.

I’m in the midst of reading a particularly naughty part in which a hot biker rams his love interest from behind while she’s gripping onto his bike, when the doorbell rings. I know who it is before I even get up.

I shut my Kindle off and grab my tea. Squaring my shoulders and taking a deep breath, I move to answer the door, but the kids beat me to it. Once I make it into the living room, Ben is already sitting with Cady, whispering something into her ear while she giggles. They’re way too adorable and it makes me smile widely, knowing how happy she is and has made him. When I turn around I find Jake staring at the same thing, his smile is just as big, if not bigger. His eyes stay put for another minute before finally landing on mine, his smile staying in place. I nod toward the kitchen, and he follows me silently.

Once we enter the sunshine yellow room, I’ve barely set my tea back on the table before he backs me up against the pantry door, pushing his body into mine. His eyes are predatory and moving up and down my body like a man starved, causing the hairs on my arms to stand on end.

“I’ve been dying to feel your body against mine all night. I could barely sleep thinking about how soft your skin is, feeling your perfect curves underneath my fingertips.” 

He runs his hand down my pear shaped figure, from the outside of my breasts and down my sides, until finally grasping one of my thick hips in one hand while the other snakes underneath the hem of my shirt, flattening against my lower stomach. He’s so close to where I’m longing to be touched. Between Cole earlier and Jake now, my body is tensing in impatience and anticipation. His eyes hold onto my gaze as he watches me begin to tremble from the small and fluid movements he’s making just above my pants, taunting and testing my reservations. “Did you dream of me last night?

“
Yes
.” I say, quiet and breathless.

“Was I fucking you?” I nod my answer.

“Was it good?” I nod again. “Tell me. Tell me what happened. Tell me how you felt. How you came.”

My eyes automatically close as his face finally leaves mine and begins to kiss down my neck.
This is way too close.
The kids are in the next room. If they come in and find us, I don’t know what would happen. What they’d say.
Would they tell Cole?

Fuck, I need him to stop.

“
Jake
.” His name comes out in a whisper as his mouth moves up my neck and his hands travel to my ass, squeezing and thrusting his body into mine.