Falling For Zoe (The Camerons of Tide's Way #1) (24 page)

Chapter 38

JAKE CLIMBED THE stairs to Zoe’s porch with a crazy mix of hope, anticipation, and dread churning in his gut.

He’d seen the stunning ring in the box on Zoe’s windowsill that promised a life of security and ease, and he’d backed off to give her time to consider it. But he’d never seen the ring on her finger. Nor had Porter brought Molly and Zoe home from the hospital. Jake didn’t know if Porter had even visited
at
the hospital, but there’d been no sign of him at the house.

You’ve had your chance, Porter Dubois. And you blew it!

The ring in Jake’s pocket wasn’t nearly as impressive as the one Porter had offered her, but Jake hoped it would mean a whole lot more. He and Zoe had been through a lot together in the short time he’d known her. They’d shared more in five months than most people do in five years. Maybe in a lifetime. And he wanted to share the rest of that lifetime with her.

In spite of his conviction that friends with benefits never worked out, he’d come to realize he and Zoe complemented each other. She filled the holes in his life and in his heart, and he wanted desperately to fill the empty spaces in hers. He was pretty sure she’d already forgiven him for the pain he’d caused her. He was pretty sure she loved him even though she’d never told him so. The signs had been there for Jake to read all along, if only he’d been paying attention.

Quite aside from her willing response to his physical overtures, there had been her interest in his family right from the start. She’d helped him to see his daughter as a young woman instead of his little girl. And, even after he’d hurt Zoe with his careless words, she’d been there for him while he came to terms with Celia’s move.

And what about the little Smurf fireman named Jake? Didn’t that make some kind of statement about where her heart belonged?

Zoe’s utter faith in him the night Molly was born was humbling. But it was also empowering. It had given him the courage to overcome his demons. And it gave him the courage to come here tonight to tell her he’d been wrong and ask her to marry him. It gave him the hope that Zoe loved him as much as he loved her.

Jake took a deep breath and knocked.

And waited. And knocked a second time.

He knew she was home. Perhaps she was sleeping. He tried the door, which, as usual, was unlocked. He let himself into an empty hall and wondered where the dogs were. Out in the yard, maybe?

The sound of Molly crying came from the nursery upstairs. Then Jake noticed the muted sound of a shower running, which explained why Zoe had neither answered the door nor gone to check on her baby.

With quick, light steps, Jake took the stairs in an eager rush and walked into the dimly lit nursery. Molly lay on her back, her tiny mouth wide with angry cries. She waved her arms with impatient jerks, and she’d kicked off her blanket and pumped her feet in unison with the flailing arms.

“Hey there, kitten. Life’s not that bad.” Jake scooped her up and cradled her head against his shoulder. He patted her tiny bottom, and the loud cries diminished to hiccoughing sniffs as her mouth rooted around for the source of something to eat. Incredible how a baby so tiny and seemingly fragile could be so vibrant and full of the drive to survive.

“Sorry, can’t help you there.” Her wet little mouth connected with the bare skin of his neck and it tickled. He chuckled and bobbed up and down, hoping the movement would distract her.

It occurred to him that she might need changing, so he laid her on the padded dresser top and began unsnapping the little pink shirt she was wearing. Her eyes were wide as she gazed up at him with that solemn look only a newborn can manage. The diaper did need changing.

Jake murmured the nonsensical stuff people always tell babies while he tidied her up. She continued to stare at him with wide blue eyes. At least she’d stopped crying. When he finished his task, Jake dropped the diaper in the bucket beside the dresser, found a clean receiving blanket, and wrapped her up again.

As soon as he lifted her back into his arms, she began rooting again, and when she didn’t find what she wanted, she began to whimper impatiently. The sound of the shower had stopped, so presumably Zoe would be out soon to take care of Molly’s empty tummy. In the meantime . . . Jake moved Molly to his shoulder again and began singing to her.

TOWELING HERSELF off, Zoe heard Molly begin to fuss and hurried to pull on her robe. Her hair needed brushing, but that would wait. Molly wouldn’t mind if her mother looked like a wild woman. Zoe rushed toward the nursery.

The sight that greeted her made her heart jump into her throat. Jake, head bent against the top of Molly’s downy red curls, was singing softly as he bobbed her up and down in his embrace. For a moment, Zoe just stood there, absorbing the sight of this big, wonderful man, his eyes shut, singing to her daughter as if it were something he did every day and thoroughly enjoyed.

Then he must have sensed Zoe’s presence, and he looked up.

“She can’t hear you.” Zoe almost whispered the words, afraid of Jake’s reaction.

He frowned. “She can’t?”

Zoe shook her head and fought the tears that still threatened to flow whenever she thought about Molly’s disability.

Jake pulled the baby closer, as if he could protect her from the bad news. The bobbing stopped, and Molly whimpered. Carefully, Jake lowered Molly away from his shoulder and looked into her unhappy little face.

“Are you sure?” Jake asked, still looking at Molly with his big hands cradling her head and her squirming feet punching at his chest.

“Almost sure. They’ll test her again in a month.”

Jake tucked Molly’s head beneath his chin and rocked her back and forth. When his gaze finally lifted to meet Zoe’s, his eyes were filled with distress. “I’m so sorry.”

Zoe fought even harder to keep her own tears in check when she saw the sheen in Jake’s eyes.

“Poor wee Molly.” Jake pressed his lips to Molly’s temple, but she ignored his kiss in favor of hunting for milk.

“I think she needs you,” Jake said, still seeming reluctant to give Molly up.

“It’s past time, but she was sleeping so soundly, I thought I could sneak in a shower.” Zoe held out her arms, and Jake transferred Molly over, stopping to wrap the blanket more snugly about her as he did so.

He stood, looking awkward and uncertain as Zoe lowered herself into the rocker.

Zoe began to pull her robe aside and then realized Jake was still watching her. In spite of everything that had gone on the night Molly was born, despite the fact that Jake had already watched Molly nursing at her breast when she was just moments old, Zoe suddenly felt self-conscious. She looked up at him wordlessly.

“I’m sorry. I should . . . I’ll go.” Then he turned on his heel and left the room.

Chapter 39

JAKE’S FOOTSTEPS quickly receded down the stairs. Then the front door opened and clicked softly closed again. Zoe wondered what Jake had come over for before she’d found him in Molly’s nursery. He hadn’t said. Or maybe she hadn’t given him a chance to say. Zoe wished she hadn’t been so squeamish about nursing Molly with him watching. They might never have been lovers, but there wasn’t much of her he hadn’t already seen. And she’d missed him.

Until his unexpected, heart-stopping appearance just moments ago, Zoe hadn’t seen Jake since his visit to the hospital with all his girls the morning after Molly had been born. And he’d gone without a murmur of protest.

Zoe lifted Molly to her shoulder and patted her back until she got the desired burp. Then she settled her into the other arm to finish feeding her.

If only Jake had ignored Zoe’s sudden shyness and stayed. She missed him. Missed watching him work as he puttered around her house fixing things. Missed conversing with him about everything from current events to the girls and their problems. Mostly, she missed the way he made her feel when he was close by.

Zoe closed her eyes and let her head drop back against the rocker. Seeing Jake standing in her nursery, calming her baby, had felt so right—so much the way she wished life could be. A tear dribbled down her cheek, and she brushed it away impatiently.

Now I’m just being a weepy new mother. If I want Jake in my life, I’ve got to talk to him. I’ve got to tell him how I feel and stop expecting him to be a mind reader. He doesn’t even know I turned Porter down.

Molly’s mouth let go of Zoe’s nipple with a little pop, and her head lolled in a sated, contented sleep. Carefully, Zoe got to her feet and settled Molly into the crib. She turned on the little nightlight and left the room, planning to head downstairs and find something to eat herself. Then she remembered she’d never even combed her hair after stepping out of the shower, so she crossed the hall to her bedroom instead.

While Zoe dragged a brush through her tangled, half-dry locks, the growing determination to talk to Jake returned. As she pulled on a clean pair of maternity jeans and one of the new blouses she’d bought to wear post baby, she debated calling Jake and asking him to come back. Then she made up her mind to just do it and returned to the bathroom to put on a touch of makeup. Just because he’d seen her at her worst, didn’t mean she shouldn’t take the time to look her best now.

Filling her lungs with a big breath of resolution, Zoe headed for the stairs.

Jake hadn’t gone home after all. He was sitting on the bottom step with his forehead pressed into his palms.

Zoe hurried down the stairs and sank down next to him.

“I thought you went home. I heard the door.” She wanted to reach out and touch him, but the taut set of his hunched shoulders made her hesitate.

“I started to go, but I changed my mind,” he answered, his voice oddly strained. He clenched his teeth, and the muscles jumped in his temple.

“What’s wrong, Jake?”

“Is it my fault?” Jake didn’t look at her. He was afraid to hear her answer, but he had to know.

“Is what your fault?” Zoe laid a hand on his knee. The heat of it seeped through his jeans and into his skin, making him excruciatingly aware of how close she sat and how much he wanted to pull her into his arms.

“Molly’s not being able to hear. Did I do something wrong when she was born?”

Zoe jerked her hand off his knee, and Jake’s fears were confirmed. It
was
his fault. He should have gone for help. Qualified help. Zoe would eventually have forgiven him for leaving, but Molly would always be deaf. He was never going to forgive himself. The groan working its way up his windpipe turned his attempt to apologize into a whimper of denial. He wanted to swear, but he refused to allow himself even that avenue of release.

“Jake! Listen to me!” Zoe dropped onto her knees in front of him. She grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands away from his face. “It’s not your fault. I don’t know where you got that idea, but it’s not.”

“How do you know? I might have missed something. She was so perfect.” Another cry of anguished denial filled Jake’s chest with an ache he didn’t think he could bear.

“My uncle was born deaf. It’s something in her genes. It’s not anything you did or didn’t do.” Zoe let go of Jake’s wrists and wiped his face with her fingers.

Jake blinked, suddenly aware that he was crying. Again. What was it about this woman that wreaked such havoc with his self-control?

“Oh, Jake.” Zoe stumbled to her feet and reached out to him. “It’s not your fault. Whatever made you think it was?”

“I don’t know. I just thought—” Jake’s chest felt like it might implode. His heart rate shot into the red, and breathing seemed impossible. Pushing himself off the step, he pulled Zoe into his arms. He pressed his cheek against the top of her head and held on tight as the weight of guilt fell away. “I thought it might have been. And if it was you’d never forgive me. For that. Or anything else. Oh, God, Zoe. I’ve been such an ass.”

Zoe slid her arms about Jake’s waist and melted into him. Within her embrace, he felt the tension leave his body slowly.

“What am I supposed to forgive you for? And why should I think you’re an ass?”

“I said some pretty stupid things. I should have apologized right off, but stuff kept getting in the way. Or maybe I’ve just been making excuses.”

Zoe released her grip and pushed away to look up at him. “Apologize for what?”

“For hurting you. For all the awful things I said. I was wrong. And I’m sorry. And I love you.”

Zoe gaped at Jake, her eyes wide and uncertain.

“I love you,” he repeated. “I think I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you. Only I thought it was something else. I thought I just wanted your body. Then we got to be friends, and I was afraid sex would just mess everything up. Please say you’ll marry me.”

Zoe remained wide-eyed and silent, but it looked like her mind was racing with thoughts.

“I hope you’re not trying to think of a way to let me down easy.” Jake held his breath waiting for her to respond.
Say something.
He’d made a mess of this proposal for sure. Instead of the carefully rehearsed apology and the romantic proposal he’d worked out on his way over here, he’d blurted out the first thing that came into his head. It hadn’t been a proper apology. And it hadn’t been a proper proposal either.

Abruptly, he dropped his arms and jammed his hand into his pocket. He sank onto one knee. Somehow he managed to pluck the ring free without dropping it in his anxious haste.

He swallowed hard. “I want to give you the fairy tale. Please marry me?” He reached for her hand and found her ring finger. “Please say you love me. At least a little. Enough to give me another chance.”

Zoe gazed down at Jake into the warm gray eyes that had become so important in her life and realized she was gazing into the future she’d always dreamed of, but never quite believed would happen to her.

“Yes.”

“Yes, what? I get another chance? You forgive me? Yes, you’ll marry me? Or yes, you love me?”

“Yes to everything.”

Jake’s ring was still warm from his pocket as he it slipped onto her finger. And he gazed up at her with so much love in his eyes that it felt like she was falling.

“Catch me, Jake. Catch me and kiss me proper.”

Jake surged to his feet again and hauled her into his arms. His kiss went far beyond anything proper, but as the fireworks exploded and a flood of emotions swept through her, Zoe decided falling was the most wonderful feeling in the world.