Falling for You (27 page)

Cassidy stepped out of her tent. “Are they gone?”

“Yeah, lover boy has gone off on his date.”

“Don’t call him that.”

Cassidy sat down opposite Evan at the picnic table and threw her mic pack to the side before putting her hand on his. He folded his arms across his chest. “What the hell happened back there, Cassidy? How could you do that to me?”

“Evan, you can’t be serious. You know I didn’t want to kiss him.”

“I’m not so sure anymore. You didn’t even try to push him away. Hell, you were thanking him afterward for saying a few nice things about you. What the hell?”

“I did push him away, or did you forget I put my knee in his very sensitive place?”

“No, I saw that, and I’m glad you did. I was on my way to save you, despite your earlier actions.”

“Again, Evan? We’re really going to do this again? Jealousy is really ugly on you.”

“Brad is really ugly on you.”

“You’re so frustrating,” Cassidy yelled, getting up from the table and pacing around the fire. “I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to do. I’m playing along with the show. I don’t know what you expect from me.”

“Really? ’Cause I was pretty sure we agreed you’d do everything you could not to kiss that punk and the first chance you get, you’re swapping spit together. Just tell me the truth. Do you still have feelings for him?”

“Evan, how many times do I have to tell you it’s not like that? I had to kiss him or it would blow our cover.”

“You didn’t answer my question. Do you still have feelings for him?” His pulse pounded in his ears.

Cassidy wiped a tear trickling down her cheek. “I don’t know, okay?”

Evan didn’t think his blood pressure could get any higher. “You shouldn’t still
maybe
have feelings for him if you’re getting into bed with me.”

Cassidy looked at him with tears streaming down her cheeks, but he didn’t care. The hurt, the betrayal in his heart because of her made those tears almost invisible.

She sniffled and wiped her nose with a corner of her sleeve. “I don’t think so, but I can’t help it if I have some unresolved issues about our breakup. I promise you I didn’t want to kiss him again.”

“Well, you didn’t have to like it so much.”

“I didn’t like it. I would think a smart guy like you could see through what I was doing and not be so petty and jealous.”

Evan fumed. He could feel his anger and frustration pushing past levels he wasn’t accustomed to dealing with. He’d never been so messed up emotionally and he had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do about it. How had he ever believed a girl would be worth this effort, this annoyance — this pain?

“I thought a smart girl like you would’ve been able to see a better way out of a situation other than kissing a guy you
think
you don’t like. That leaves me with one thought. You wanted to kiss him. You wanted a chance to feel those old feelings for him again. You wanted another chance to test the water with him before you jump in and leave me on the shore at the big finale.”

Cassidy’s face fell. “We had a plan and I tried my best to follow through with it so we wouldn’t get caught. You have to believe I didn’t want to kiss him. Brad is my past, regardless of what old feelings there may or may not still be between us.” She took a step toward him and he took a step back. “You are my future. Okay? Please, believe me. I did that for us.”

Tears ran down her cheeks as she stared at him with pleading eyes, but all he could see was her lips on Brad’s.

“Thanks for taking that bullet for us, Cassidy. That makes me feel so much better about you kissing another man — to help me out.”

Images of Cassidy and Brad swirled through his thoughts. He could still hear the smacking of their lips as their mouths parted, letting their tongues explore what they’d been missing all this time. He shook his head trying to force the moments from his memory — trying to force the ache from his chest.

“I want to believe you, but after what I witnessed tonight, I can’t. I can’t sit by and watch this anymore. After tonight, our working commitment to each other is fulfilled. I’m going to say you turned in early after your exciting date so I’m done filming. I’m going to bed. Alone.”

Like I will the rest of my life.
He picked up his camera and headed toward the tent designated for the film crew and equipment.

“Evan, stop. You knew Brad was my ex and there would always be more between us then there was with the other contestants. You knew I had to finish this show without breaking contracts, so don’t get all high and mighty on me now. You’re just as much to blame for this mess as I am.”

Evan stopped walking and turned around to face Cassidy. Pain and betrayal pounding in his chest. “How would you feel if I’d given in to one of Zoe’s advances? I’ve certainly had plenty of opportunities.”

Anger and jealousy flashed across Cassidy’s face but she remained silent. There was nothing she could say and he knew it.

“This — it’s different. You didn’t sign a contract saying you’d be on a show to date her.”

“I didn’t know a contract was so important to you.” Evan shook his head feeling defeated. This wasn’t what he’d signed up for. This wasn’t what either of them had signed up for. “I know you didn’t come here expecting to fall in love with your ex-boyfriend again — or to have some fling with me.” Evan sighed, feeling the pain of his next words before he even said them. “But I can’t share you, Cassidy.”

Fire sparked in Cassidy’s eyes before she spoke again, “Susan was right to warn me about you, wasn’t she? I was just another checkmark on your production to-do list. And using my obligation to the show against me is just your way of conveniently ending things.”

His jaw clenched at the mention of Susan’s name. How dare she meddle in his life? Again. “Susan should have kept her mouth shut for once. She doesn’t know anything about me or my history with other girls.”

“Really? Because she certainly seemed to know a lot about you.”

Regardless of what Susan had said, Cassidy made her own choices — including the choice to kiss Brad tonight. “You were nothing like the others. They were silly little flings. You were … ” Evan shrugged. “It doesn’t matter anymore. You don’t even know who you want, and I’m not about to wait around while you figure it out.”

“Don’t do this, Evan. I only have feelings for you — just you. Brad broke my heart a long time ago. Don’t you go breaking it too, Evan Burke!”

Evan wanted more than anything to wrap his arms around her and tell her everything would be okay. But it wasn’t okay. Not when all he could see was Brad and her together.

Everything he’d always feared about falling in love had come true. He’d lost the love of his life — it just happened sooner than he feared it would. Lesson learned.

“I’ll see you at the finale, Cassidy.”

Cassidy gazed into the full-length mirror. A deadpan expression was the best she could summon, what with the gapping void where her heart used to be. It was either that or crying and she desperately wanted to make it through the finale without tears.

After the fight, she’d spent the night alone in her tent, trying not to cry loud enough to draw attention to herself. The last thing she’d wanted was to explain the reason for the mascara streaks running down her cheeks.

She wasn’t sure if Evan heard her crying that night or not. If he had, he hadn’t cared enough to comfort her. But then why would he? He was the reason she’d been crying in the first place. He was the one who didn’t want to be with her anymore. He left her — just like Brad had.

Susan had been right. Evan left her as soon as his production commitment was over. She was an idiot for not seeing it coming sooner. The kiss with Brad was probably the perfect excuse to leave her. She’d fallen right into his trap.

Cassidy had only seen Evan for a few hours the following day while they’d packed the tents and hiked back to where they’d started. He hadn’t said a word to her. He hadn’t winked, cocked an eyebrow in her direction, or even clenched his jaw. If there was ever a real-life description of a stone cold expression, it could be found by looking at Evan.

When he’d shut off his camera for the last time back at the production trailers, he turned and walked away without a goodbye. He may as well have stuck a knife in her chest and cut out her broken heart. She’d managed to hold back her tears until she’d been dropped off at the isolation hotel to wait overnight for the finale. Then she’d spent the night hiding in bed with a box of tissues and chocolate chip cookies from room service.

So far today, she’d managed to keep it together, but she wasn’t sure what would happen when she finally saw Evan again. As far as she knew, he was still scheduled to film the finale. If he was out in the studio, there was a distinct possibility she’d make a huge spectacle of herself by becoming a sobbing mess on the interview couch.

Even if they weren’t together anymore, she still needed to make it through the finale with their relationship, or lack of relationship, hidden. She didn’t want to risk getting on Chip’s bad side and end up meeting the show’s lawyers.

Cassidy straightened her dark blue dress against her body and fought back tears. Squaring her shoulders and raising her chin, she tried to appear more put together than she felt. Instead, she ended up looking like a constipated drill sergeant.

She already knew Brad would choose Zoe — the sounds of kissing coming from their shared tent was all the evidence she needed. How could he possibly choose her after everything they’d been through? After she kneed him in the groin? That wasn’t exactly a turn-on for most men.

She didn’t love Brad, anyway.

The pain stabbing her chest with every stilted breath and memory of Evan was her irrefutable proof.

If she could get through this last ceremony, she’d be free. Free to go back to New York and put this whole messy affair behind her. She could get back into her work, spend time with Keira and her friends, and somehow find a way to forget Evan and the life she’d never have with him. Maybe at some point, her heart would stop hurting. Maybe someday she’d figure out why every man she loved ended up leaving her.

“Are you done staring at yourself yet?” Zoe said, trying to see into the full-length mirror. “I don’t think that look’s going to get any better.”

Cassidy stepped aside and let Zoe primp in the mirror by herself.

“Why’re you so quiet today? Have you finally realized there’s no way anyone, especially a great guy like Brad, would ever choose you?”

“I don’t have the energy for this today, Zoe. It’s stressful enough going on live TV without getting flak from you. Aren’t you nervous?”

“Nope. I have an awesome guy who’s going to tell me he wants to be with me. Now, if I were you, I’d worry about acting like a fool in front of America. Thank God I’m not you.”

“Thanks. That really helped.”

Cassidy stood in front of the smaller mirror hanging over the vanity and put a few finishing touches on her makeup. Zoe was right. She was going to make a fool of herself today when Brad rejected her, but it was still better than being chosen by him. That wasn’t a curse she’d wish on anyone. Well, except Zoe. Those two were made for each other.

Zoe paused while reapplying her lip-gloss. “Feeling all alone without your cameraman following you around?”

Cassidy eyes narrowed. It was as if Zoe knew that was the one comment that would hurt Cassidy the most. “What’s with you?” Cassidy waved the mascara wand at her like a weapon, her chest heaving as she tried to hide the hitch in her breath.

“I guess some of us are better suited for life in the spotlight.”

“Why did you come on another reality show anyway? Did you lose the first one so badly you needed a chance to redeem yourself? Or are you so insecure you have to come on television to feel superior?”

Zoe stiffened as she glared at Cassidy through the mirror. Her chin quivered once before going rigid again. “Not all of us are lucky enough to have had a Brad in real life.”

What? No way did bombshell Zoe have trouble dating.

Cassidy laughed. “Nice try, but I’m not falling for your act. That’s a good one, though. I’m sure America will eat that up.”

Cassidy shook her head. She was too tired for this.

Zoe got a very strange look in her eyes. One Cassidy hadn’t seen before. It made her uneasy. “Yep, you figured me out. I’m all a big act.” Zoe grinned but something about it didn’t look as convincing as it should.

If only Cassidy wasn’t so emotionally exhausted already, maybe she’d have the desire to push Zoe’s buttons and find out what she was getting at. If only she cared enough to bother.

“Whatever.” Cassidy flopped onto the couch. “If you want to live your life thinking you’re better than everyone else, that’s fine. After today, leave me out of it.”

Zoe put her hand to her heart and stuck out her bottom lip. “Oh, that makes my heart hurt. What ever will I do if Cassidy doesn’t like me anymore?”

“Oh, come on now, Zoe. You know I never liked you to begin with.”

“It’s time to come to the stage,” Chip said, sauntering into the room. “Save the drama for the cameras.”

Chip guided them through the confusing backstage hallways until they were stage side, but still out of sight. The din of the live studio audience became white noise to Cassidy. The stage itself was flooded with bright overhead lights and all around the perimeter, cameramen faced toward the cluster of couches and chairs cluttering center stage.

Cassidy’s chest tightened. She tried to see the faces behind the cameras, but the lights were too bright to see past. Everything beyond them was cast in shadows.

Are you one of those shadows, Evan?

“This way,” Chip said, leading them on stage. A cheer rang up from the audience as they stepped into the light.

Cassidy heard people chanting her name as well as Zoe’s. It’s a good thing the final choice wasn’t up to America or, by the sounds of the cheers, it would be a deadlock tie.

“Smile to your fans. They’ve been waiting hours to finally see you.”

Cassidy waved, feeling self-conscious that someone would actually wait hours to see her. She settled herself on the couch beside Zoe and faced out to the audience.