Falling For You (19 page)

‘You shouldn’t,’ she repeats in a hoarse whisper, ‘even if we
have
only just met and you’ve already seen me in my knickers …’

‘I didn’t see your knickers,’ I remind her. ‘I lent you my coat, remember?’ She looks away, arms crossed over her stomach and I could kick myself for asking her that. Damn you, Lawrence, when are you going to learn
?
You’ve got enough troubles of your own to be worrying about.

Her phone is buzzing now, a text no doubt, replying to her own recent one and as I watch her answer I am sorely tempted to check my own phone, find out if there have been any developments at the Jaffna end.

That is, after all, what my being up here is all about.

According to Arjuna, Dougie expected to hear from Herr Lober today. There might be news. I need to know if this is happening. I should wait, I know, think of the phone battery. I’m not going to be able to take any further action till tomorrow in any event. But, like an addict unable to stay away from the thing, I pull my phone slowly out of my pocket. I switch it on. While I wait for it to connect, the task that’s looming up ahead of me comes forcibly back into my thoughts.

Jeez. I’ve still got to get my mum on board with this, haven’t I? In my mind, that was always going to be the trickiest bit. I haven’t seen my mum in five years. I haven’t contacted her. Not a phone call, not a post card, not an email.
Nothing
. What Rose has just said about her own mum has brought it all back; the love that’s mixed with the frustration.  Loving someone who isn’t the way you want them to be, who can’t be how you need them to be.

After I left home myself, not making contact with Mum was hard. How would I know if she was all right? How would I ever know if she needed me? I wouldn’t know, and I couldn’t do anything to help her even if I did, so I put her right out of my mind, it was the only way to survive.

That cost me but Mum won’t know that. She’ll be hurt and mad as hell at me, she’s bound to be because I cut her out of my life, didn’t I? In the end, that was a matter in which I didn’t have any choice.

If all goes according to plan, she’ll see me soon enough, though. As soon as my father’s Cherokee is no longer parked out on the drive I’ll go in to her. The thought of going back into the house where I grew up sets the muscle in my jaw pulsing. But I don’t want to think about it too much, I can’t afford to.

‘It’s all right,’ Rose says softly through my thoughts now. ‘I shouldn’t have come back like that. You’ve been so kind and I
wa
s the one who started telling you all my woes
.
’

 ‘No, honestly, Rose, don’t tell me.’ I don’t want her to, I shake my head at her, watching her put her phone away.

And right now my own phone has connected. I get a small shock as I see straight off there’s a message flashing from Arjuna;

Small problem with H.Lober and D. will again not be available 2 ring u tmrw - I will ring u at agreed time instead. Do not worry. A   

Do not worry? Shit. What’s that supposed to mean? I look at Rose ruefully, careful to hide my thoughts from her but I can’t help heaving a huge inner sigh. Man, this is going to be one hell of a long night, it really is.

Snow not letting up tonight,
Sam’s just texted me.
So it’s fine with P’s if you stay at Shona’s. Thought plan was to return here if you had the meds, though?

Shona’s is nearer and the way is all snowed up.
I text back.  

Okay then
, she comes back immediately
. Uncle Jack says he’s feeling a bit worse for wear without tablets. Fingers x’d predicted rain will come tmrw and we’ll all get out of here soon. S xx

If it’s raining tomorrow that’ll mean I can get back to Dad, thank God. She says he’s already feeling a bit worse for wear
and that's not good
… 

‘Everything okay?’ My rescuer must have just seen the look on my face. ‘Good news?’

‘It should be raining by tomorrow, apparently.’  I close down my phone. ‘I’m sure we’ll make it out of here okay if it rains. Once we can see where we’re going, that is
.
’

 ‘Ah.’ He comes over and sits down beside me on the pew. ‘Rose. I need to apologise for what I said to you before about …’ he checks himself. ‘You were right. I shouldn’t have made any assumptions about you.’

I lean back a little, considering him carefully.

 ‘That’s okay,’ I say, ‘You must have been wondering ‘What is this stupid girl doing wandering round up here anyway?’

He shakes his head vehemently.

 ‘Whatever other assumptions I made, you never for one moment struck me as
stupid,
Rose. Anything but.’

I smile at him and for the first time I notice he’s got a backpack of his own with him, too. It’s one of those big affairs with a rolled-up sleeping bag on the top. I eye it enviously. The fire he’s built is great but we’re both going to need a sleeping bag tonight. He must be following my train of thought;

‘We’re going to need to pool our resources, aren’t we? I don’t suppose you packed any food in there along with those clothes?’

I suck in my bottom lip. I don’t have much.

‘Not food as such. Except if you count the box of chocolate liqueurs I put in there for Shona. And there might be one or two polo mints rolling around the bottom …’

‘We might need all of those,’ he advises, ‘if it
doesn’t
rain and it turns out we’re still stuck in here by tomorrow.’

‘You think?’ The idea that we wouldn’t be able to progress out of here once it’s broad daylight hadn’t occurred to me. ‘You think that could happen?’

He spreads his hands.

‘They might be predicting rain but
... I don’t know. While I was out there getting your bag it was really chucking it down. You haven’t seen it since you came in, have you? If we are going to be delayed here, we’re best to be prepared for it.’

‘Damn,’ I mutter. This has got to be the worst timing ever. And what does he mean ‘we need to be prepared for it’. How can we be prepared for it? We’re not! 

‘So: what I can bring to the feast is; two tins of tuna, one packet of cream crackers and six assorted sachets of cup-a-soup.’ He sits beside me, pulling the items out of his bag, places them between us on the wooden seat.

I take in the very un-Christmassy selection of food items in front of us and a thought occurs to me now; it’s uncommonly lucky for us that he’s got anything to eat in there at al
l.

‘How come you’ve even got that backpack with you, Lawrence?’ I wonder. ‘I mean, if you only came up here to deliver those meds?’

‘I never said I had,’ he looks at me candidly. ‘It must have been the locum you spoke to who left the medication for you. I
am
a paramedic, as you assumed, but that’s just turned out fortunate for you. I’m here for my own reasons, Rose.’

‘Oh?’ That’s a bit of a shock. He’s not who I took him to be, then? What is this guy even doing up here? I look at him curiously. 

‘I’ve only arrived in the UK from Colombo very recently hence the backpack. I’m on a … a mercy mission, if you like. In a nutshell - I need a sponsor’s signature that will allow a young Sri Lankan lad access to humanitarian support here in the UK.’

Sri Lankan humanitarian mercy mission… his voice bounces over me like a child’s balloon on a breezy summer lawn. All I can take in is that he
really
isn’t what I took him to be, at all, is he?

‘You’re saying that you’ve just come in from
Sri Lanka
?’ That explains his tan, at least.

He nods.

‘Then – when I assumed earlier that you’d taken the locum’s place why didn’t you …?’

‘Why didn’t I put you right? It’s the first rule of engagement I learned, Rose; don’t unnecessarily alarm a patient who you’re about to perform a procedure on. You made the assumption that I was the locum, and you seemed comfortable with it. Now I’ve done the stitches, you can know why I’m really here.’  He reaches into his wallet and pulls out a photo of a group of children standing in a huddle on what appears to be deluged ground.

‘Refugees,’ he tells me. ‘That one there is Sunny
.
’
H
e leans in towards me to point him out better. He seems oblivious to the effect his moving closer has on me. I move out of range the tiniest bit. Boy, I need to get out more. When I get to Uni I’m not going to let myself be bowled over by the first cute guy I see, am I?
Concentrate, Rose – he’s telling you why he’s here
.

‘This little lad with the plaster cast?’

‘He’s the one I’m here for. If I can’t sort out all the paperwork for him in the next few days, chances are he’s going to need a major operation if he stays where he is.’

This lad Sunny matters to Lawrence, I can see that. He
really
matters. I take the picture and stare at the kid for a few minutes. He looks just like any ordinary kid, really. But one who’s living in horrific circumstances. And his plight has inspired Lawrence to come back all this way … it kind of puts my few poxy stitches into perspective, too. I hand the photo back to Lawrence.

‘A
lot
of paperwork?’ I pick up the unexpressed suggestion that this might not be an easy task.

‘My boss Dougie thinks I haven’t a hope in hell, actually. I still have to try.’ This unexpected confession takes me a little by surprise. I smile.

‘You have a compassionate heart,’ I tell him. Now for the first time, something I’ve said seems to have an effect on him. Lawrence turns away, stores the photo back in his wallet hastily.

‘Just doing my job.’

‘So you’re saying …’ I’m trying to get my head around what he’s just told me, ‘You’ve come all the way to Merry Ditton to reach your sponsor. Is that right?’ Surely there are people in the capital who would see to this sort of thing? Who could there be in this little village that has connections with international humanitarian efforts?

His eyes look strained now. He looks
tired
.

‘Maybe I’m asking too many questions?’ I offer when he doesn’t seem to want to answer that one.

‘It’s all right, Rose. Maybe I’ve just been on the go for too many hours now.  I need to hit the sack. Literally, in my case. I found some discarded animal feed sacks in the workmen’s shed out back when I went looking for your gear. I’ll sleep on those and use them as a cover. You can have my sleeping bag. I insist,’ he adds as I’m about to half-heartedly protest.

‘I know it’s not late, but maybe we could both do with an early night. I hope you ate a good Christmas lunch?’

I pull a face. Right now I couldn’t stomach a morsel, which is probably a good thing.

‘The workmen left some of their brew behind in the wooden shack. I think it might have been a good while since they were last around. There was some solidified sugar in there too,’ he laughs. ‘It’ll do. I’ll melt some snow in that old stainless steel bucket for water and you can have a hot drink of tea before you rest. It’ll do you some good.’

‘You’re pretty resourceful aren’t you Lawrence?’ I concede my admiration at last.

‘My life has provided me with many opportunities to become that way, Rose.’ His gaze locks on mine for a good few seconds longer than he needs to.
I know you Lawrence, I swear I know you from somewhere …
Then he smiles softly. It’s me who has to look away first.

Why does he do that? Doesn’t he know he gets right under my skin every time he holds my gaze in that beguiling way? Doesn’t he know how he sets my pulse racing so hard I can’t concentrate, can’t even look at him, let alone answer him when he does that?

I suspect he does.