Falling For Disaster (11 page)

Chapter 21

The night should have been cooler. It was late September and there was no reason for the night to be so fucking hot. Saint breathed slowly, not wanting to move more than he absolutely had to. It hadn’t been as bad when they fell into bed or when they were devouring each other and rolling around like two angry cats fighting. Once it was over and they caught their breath, the heat became oppressive. Despite opening all of the windows and the presence of a box fan, the room still felt like a sauna. The night was too still and they’d saturated the air with their breath and sweat. Saint wondered if he would have agreed to the weekend if he’d remembered that Finn didn’t have air conditioning. He almost laughed out loud as he recalled how they had made the room so hot. He’d suffer a lot worse for the way Finn had fucked him.

So far, the weekend had been as close to heaven as Saint had ever come. They napped and stayed in bed most of the first day. Saint grinned as he recalled Finn’s reaction when he came downstairs and found Saint cooking in nothing but his underwear. Saint had his hair twisted in a loose bun to keep it out of the food and Finn grabbed it as his teeth dug into Saint’s shoulder. Saint’s cock felt like it was about to explode and he hated that he had to warn Finn not to leave a mark.

“Fine. If I can’t have that, I’ll have to make do with this,” Finn said as his hands pushed Saint’s boxer briefs down and wrapped around his erection. Saint had the presence of mind to shut the stove off and push the pan of onions he was sautéing off the burner before Finn spun him and pushed him against the counter. Saint couldn’t recall a blow-job ever feeling that good, and Finn had given him more than a few really good blow-jobs. After, Finn read on the couch while Saint finished cooking their dinner.

That night, there was a soft breeze to cool them down after they had sex and falling asleep wrapped around Finn had been one of those most perfect things Saint had ever experienced. Waking up with Finn’s tongue deep in his ass was pretty damn perfect too. When Finn slid into Saint’s ass and fucked him like they had all the time in the world, it was too easy for Saint to forget that there was a world outside of Finn’s bedroom. It wasn’t until Saint was carrying Finn’s breakfast upstairs and imagining what it would be like to do it every weekend that Saint remembered that there was indeed a world waiting for them. And it was a shitty, terrible place.

Somehow, Saint managed to push it all away and enjoy the rest of the day. They squeezed into Finn’s stall shower and kissed, teased and bathed each other until the water was frigid. The rest of the day was peaceful. They stretched out on the couch, listening to music and reading as the day grew warmer.

There was an element of torture to it all for Saint. He had to pretend to be only mildly interested as he flipped through one of Finn’s books and indifferent to Finn’s music selections. On the inside, Saint was losing his mind. Nothing turned him on more than Delta Blues and Aretha. Lolling on the couch with Finn as he read and hummed along softly was killing Saint. Telling Finn that they were in the middle of his ideal afternoon was out of the question so Saint pretended it was boredom that had him sliding Finn’s boxers down so that he could take his cock into his mouth. He clenched his jaw and made sure he didn’t get caught up in the music as he thrust into the blissful heat of Finn’s ass.

After, they took another shower and spent the evening on the back porch, drinking cold beer as Finn told Saint about his college years and teaching at the university. Because of the heat, Saint kept dinner simple. They ate steaks and salad and lingered at the table when Finn pulled out a bottle of whiskey. For once, Saint didn’t mind that the dinner dishes were still waiting. He usually avoided whiskey, he couldn’t keep his hands to himself and he got too turned on. It didn’t surprise him when he practically hauled Finn from his seat and rushed him up the stairs. Or when he begged Finn to suck his cock or ride his ass like a lunatic. The dinner dishes could wait until morning. When it wasn’t so miserably hot. They couldn’t even stand touching as they tried to fall asleep, they’d silently agreed to keep their slick limbs to themselves.

“Saint?” Finn whispered.

“Hmmm?” It was all he was capable of. Finn’s head flopped on the pillow toward Saint’s.

“Did I wake you or are you dying too?” Finn asked weakly. Saint barely chuckled.

“I can’t sleep. It’s too fucking hot,” he muttered.

“Good,” Finn said as he jumped to his feet. “Get up!” He demanded as he gestured impatiently. Saint rose on his elbows and frowned up at Finn.

“Where are we going?” He asked and Finn waved toward the door.

“Come on!” He insisted and Saint groaned as he rolled off the bed. He grabbed the sheet and shook it as he searched for his underwear. “Let’s go!” Finn whispered loudly as he grabbed Saint’s arm and pulled him from the room naked.

“I don’t enjoy your pushiness as much when it’s this hot,” Saint grumbled as he was tugged down the stairs.

“Shut up,” Finn said and Saint glared at the back of his head as they stumbled into the kitchen. Finn pulled the back door open and Saint stopped and snatched his hand from Finn’s.

“What are we doing?” He demanded and Finn turned and gave him a mischievous grin. Saint shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. Finn raised a brow as he cocked his head toward the door.

“We’re going swimming,” he announced and Saint shook his head again.

“Hell no,” he said and Finn nodded.

“Yes, we are,” he said firmly and Saint took a step back as he pulled his lips tight. Finn pointed at the darkness beyond the door. “There’s a cold lake out there and we’re going to be in it. We’re going to dip our steaming, sweaty, salty bodies in cold water until our fingers and toes are numb,” Finn declared and Saint couldn’t help but look longingly in the direction of the lake.

“Someone could see us,” he argued and Finn rolled his eyes.

“It’s almost 2:00 in the morning and we’re miles from town. No one’s going to see or hear us,” Finn promised but Saint wasn’t convinced.

“We’ll get eaten alive by chiggers,” he said and Finn threw his hands up.

“Jesus. You’re the biggest, ugliest girl I’ve ever met,” he exclaimed. “If you run fast enough, they won’t hurt you,” Finn teased.

Saint growled as he rushed toward the door. Finn laughed as he tried to beat Saint through it only to gasp when Saint’s hand shot out and pushed against the middle of Finn’s chest. He yelled as he fell back on his ass and Saint grinned as he stepped out on the porch.

“Asshole,” Finn mumbled as he stepped behind Saint.

“Last one in does the dishes in the morning,” Saint announced and didn’t wait for Finn to react before he dashed across the porch and through the screen door.

He felt Finn’s fingers swipe at his arm and jerked away as he sprinted toward the lake. The moon was bright but most of the lake was blocked by trees. Saint could see a trail and the dock as he rushed down the hill. Out of nowhere, Finn blew past Saint and jumped over a large branch and hopped down a few steps. He landed on the dock and laughed as he ran. He turned before he reached the end and jumped backwards, laughing as his arms spread wide. There was a loud splash and Finn disappeared. Saint stopped at the edge of the dock and panted as he waited for Finn to emerge. Several seconds later, Finn’s head and shoulders popped out of the water.

“Get in!” He commanded. “It feels incredible!” Finn said and Saint reached over his head and dove into the water, then blindly swam in Finn’s direction. When Saint came up for air, Finn was just within reach. His arms stretched and he sighed happily as his hands found Finn’s body. He pulled Finn close and Finn’s arms wrapped around Saint’s neck as his legs kicked. “Tell me this isn’t heaven,” Finn said softly as his lips found Saint’s.

“This is heaven,” Saint agreed as one of his arms wrapped around Finn’s back.

They kissed, laughed, splashed and floated until they couldn’t talk or hear over the chattering of their teeth. There was a distant rumble of thunder as they strolled back to the house and by the time they fell into bed, there was a cool breeze and the soft sound of a storm rolling in. Saint wasn’t sure if it was the happiest moment of his life, or the worst as he realized they only had one more day to themselves.

Chapter 22

It was still raining when Saint woke up. Everything was grey and Finn’s bed was a warm cocoon. Finn’s face was pressed against Saint’s shoulder and their arms and legs were wrapped tight around one another. Saint raised his head and squinted out the window, trying to gauge the time. He lowered his head and inhaled as he buried his nose in Finn’s hair. A heaviness settled into his chest as he tried to estimate how many hours he had before he had to leave. He was going to pay for indulging Finn but Saint knew that he’d never regret it.

Saint pulled Finn close and tried to memorize how his body felt in his arms, relaxed and warm as Finn slept. It was probably the last time Saint would ever hold him like that. He forced his arms to release Finn and slowly untangled as he scooted back. He grabbed his underwear off the floor, stepped into them and pulled them up as he quietly left the room.

In the kitchen, Saint started the coffee maker and washed the dishes while he waited. He fried a pan of bacon and was flipping french toast when hands slid around his waist and hot, damp breath huffed in his ear.

“If I could, I’d never let you leave,” Finn murmured as his hands glided up Saint’s chest. The heavy weight of his conscience became almost unbearable but Saint managed to chuckle as he worked at the stove. Finn’s teeth tugged at Saint’s earlobe and he growled softly. “You’re spoiling me. Waking up to the house smelling amazing and a gorgeous, nearly naked man in my kitchen might be the most decadent thing that’s ever happened to me. Especially with all the sex,” he said and Saint snorted.

“Don’t get used to it,” he grumbled despite the longing that roared within him at the idea of letting Finn get used to it. He felt Finn shrug behind him.

“Why not? No one needs to know where you’re sleeping or what you do on your own time, right?” He asked and Saint shook his head as he stepped away from Finn and reached for a plate.

“I can’t keep doing this. I had to come up with a story and I can’t do that again. I’ve been fucking around and ditching my responsibilities,” Saint explained as he handed Finn his food. Finn frowned as he studied Saint’s face.

“You’re a grown man. You don’t owe anyone an explanation,” Finn argued and Saint rolled his eyes as he grabbed his plate and swept past Finn. He took his seat and waited for Finn to get his coffee and sit next to him.

“You can’t be that naive. People would notice and start paying more attention,” he said and Finn shook his head as he stirred his coffee.

“I’m not naive. I just wouldn’t let some ridiculous club have that much control over my life or keep me from being happy,” he mumbled and Saint wished he could tell Finn that he agreed and wanted his life to be different. Instead, he did what he thought was more humane. He ripped off the band-aid and did his best to keep Finn from hoping they had more of a future.

“You’re a good piece of ass, Finn. But this is just sex. I’m not throwing away everything I’ve worked for and my own security so we can act like teenagers,” he said and Finn’s eyes dropped and his lips pulled tight. Saint’s stomach became a knot and he told himself being cruel was the kindest thing in the long run. “And even if the club wasn’t an issue, this isn’t exactly a gay friendly community. They aren’t going to embrace you if they find out you’re gay and start having pride parades. I’m not going to come out and hold your hand,” he warned and Finn nodded as he cut his french toast.

“Right,” he mumbled. “I don’t know why I thought that this meant anything to you or that you’ve been happy here,” Finn said under his breath and Saint shut his eyes as they started to sting. He was about to lie and tell Finn that while it had been enjoyable, he didn’t feel anything significant when the sound of tires on gravel had them turning toward the door.

“What the fuck?” Saint asked as he looked at the clock. It was just after 10:00 on a Sunday. Finn frowned as he rose and Saint stood but stayed in the kitchen as Finn went into the living room. Saint heard a car door slam and plastered himself against the wall dividing the kitchen from the living room and listened as Finn opened the front door.

“Oh, my God!” Finn breathed and Saint’s nerves fizzed wildly as his stomach twisted. He looked down and regretted that he hadn’t put on a pair of jeans. He relaxed slightly as he noted that Finn was wearing a pair of flannel pajama pants. Saint tensed as footsteps crossed the porch. “What are you doing here?” Finn asked tightly and Saint’s brows rose.

“Let me in, Finn!” The voice urged. “It’s raining and there are frogs all over the damn place,” he complained and Saint silently prayed that Finn wouldn’t let him in.

“I’m kind of busy right now,” Finn said and Saint was about to relax when he heard the other guy laugh.

“Busy? What would you have to do, out here?” He asked and Saint heard the door open and he could tell that it was forced by the way Finn grunted and then sighed heavily.

“I’m busy,” Finn repeated as he began to pace. “What are you doing here?” He grumbled and Saint heard slower steps moving around the living room.

“Kevin’s gone and I realized that I made a mistake,” he said and Finn laughed.

“He’s gone? What happened?” Finn asked and there was a moment of silence before an irritated huff of breath.

“I found out he was seeing someone else, so I told him to leave,” the voice said. “Come home, Finn. I don’t know what you were thinking, moving all the way out here.” There was more slow movement and Saint’s temper started to boil as he waited for Finn to confirm his suspicions.

“I’m not leaving. I have a job and this place,” he explained and there was an incredulous laugh.

“Right. Teaching a bunch of hillbilly kids is more fulfilling than teaching at the university,” he snorted and Saint’s fists curled tight. “And this place… It’s… rustic. I can’t imagine why you’d ever want to leave,” he said sarcastically and Saint heard Finn’s footsteps stop.

“What I choose to do is none of your business, Taylor,” Finn said loudly and Saint could feel heat rising up his neck and ground his teeth. “I’m not some problem on a board you can manipulate or erase or redo. You crushed me and I had to start over, I’m never going back,” Finn insisted and Saint heard a patronizing shushing sound from Taylor.

“Come on, Finn,” he said softly and Saint’s eyes flared as he sensed that Taylor was getting closer to Finn and tried to keep his mind from imagining them touching. “We were so happy once. I know it was rough at the end but what have you got to lose?” He asked and Saint pulled his lips in to keep from yelling. He heard a sniff. “Were you eating breakfast?” Taylor asked.

“Maybe,” Finn said warily and there was the sound of a body shifting on the creaking floor boards.

“Are there two plates on the table?” Taylor asked and Finn exhaled loudly.

“I told you I was busy,” Finn said and there was a shocked gasp.

“That was fast. Is that why you don’t want to leave?” Taylor asked and Finn made an exasperated sound.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve!” He said. “You fucked around behind my back and kicked me out! Why I’m staying is none of your business,” Finn added.

“Look. I get it, you have every right to be mad at me. I made a mistake,” Taylor said placatingly. “I just didn’t expect you to give up on us so easily or get over me so quickly. You’re the one that said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me and I thought that meant something to you,” he said and Saint shook his head wildly and fought to stay silent and still.

“Give up? Taylor, I had no choice. I found out that you gave me gonorrhea, that you got from the asshole you were cheating on me with the same day you told me to pack up and move out,” Finn said in disbelief. “I loved you but I also had some pride. I wasn’t going to beg you to let me stay after I listened to you tell him you loved him,” he said and Saint saw red.

“Is this what pride looks like? You slumming in the Ozarks and being some hick’s whore? Where is he? Is he hiding because he’s married and in the closet?” Taylor asked and Saint growled as he pushed away from the wall and swung into the living room. Saint managed to keep his breathing even as his eyes washed over Taylor despite the strong urge to tackle him and beat the shit out of him. Taylor’s eyes were wide and his jaw fell as he took a few terrified steps back. Saint let Taylor get a good look as he slowly advanced. Taylor was tall but lean almost to the point of being slight. He had the pale skin of someone that was never outdoors or around windows. Saint could admit that Taylor was attractive, in a coffee shop geek sort of way. Saint sneered as their eyes met. He could break Taylor so easily.

“You should choose your words more carefully,” Saint warned and Taylor blinked several times before he looked at Finn.

“What the hell is this?” He whispered loudly and Finn’s brows pulled together in confusion.

“What do you mean?” He asked and Taylor waved toward Saint.

“Are you sleeping with this…trash?” Taylor asked as he pointed at Saint. Saint’s head pulled back in surprise but Taylor seemed unaware. “He looks like a criminal, Finn!” Taylor said loudly and Finn groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Taylor, you know how you forget that you can’t talk to people like they’re beneath you or ignore the fact that they can hear you?” Finn mumbled. “You’re doing it again and I’d suggest you stop,” he said and Taylor laughed as he pointed at Saint.

“He is definitely beneath me!” He insisted and Finn shook his head.

“Don’t be so sure,” he said and Taylor reacted as if he’d been slapped.

“I can’t believe you made such a big deal about me giving you an STD when you’ve probably caught a dozen from him. Look at him! He’s covered in tattoos and looks like he eats small children,” Taylor said and Finn groaned as he squeezed his eyes shut. Taylor ignored him. “You know, I don’t want you back now. If you want to be that much of a slut, I don’t…” He didn’t get any further.

Saint growled as he rushed at Taylor, grabbed him by the throat and slammed him against the wall. Taylor’s eyes bulged in panic as he clawed at Saint’s hands and his leg kicked wildly but couldn’t connect with Saint as he pinned him. Saint didn’t bother to hide the rage and loathing that infused him as he punched the wall next to Taylor’s face.

“Believe anything you want about me. It’s probably true. Believe that I’ve killed a man, if you want. Believe it and know that I wouldn’t give a fuck about breaking your neck right now,” Saint threatened and Taylor’s skin was even paler. “You can say whatever you want about me, I don’t give a damn. But you don’t talk to Finn like that,” he said in his most menacing tone. “You made a mistake?” Saint laughed. “A mistake is getting on the wrong bus or buying the wrong fabric softener. You let go of the best thing that ever happened to you and you’re going to have to live with that. You’re lucky I don’t stomp on your skull for hurting him,” Saint said as he watched Taylor turn purple.

“Let him go,” Finn said softly. Saint looked at Finn. His eyes shimmered and his lips were curved in a loose smile. “It’s time for him to leave,” he added and winked at Saint. Saint released Taylor and nodded as he stared at Finn’s lips and ignored the way his body demanded to be closer to Finn’s. Taylor coughed as he caught his breath and Saint turned back to him and glared.

“Get the fuck out of here. Now,” he growled and Taylor didn’t hesitate to stumble toward the door. Saint’s arm wrapped tight around Taylor’s neck. “I don’t want to see your face in Blytheville again. You get in your car and don’t stop driving until your ass is back in St. Louis. If you so much as breathe a word about me and Finn, I’ll kill you,” Saint promised and Taylor whimpered. “Go.” Saint pushed him at the door and Taylor fumbled with the handle a few times before he threw it open and ran onto the porch. They watched as he skidded on the grass as he scrambled for the car door. A minute later, Taylor’s car was speeding away from Finn’s house. Saint scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed heavily before he turned back to Finn. Finn looked like he was ready to gloat as he grinned and reached for him.

“You’re full of shit, Saint,” he announced and Saint’s lips pulled tight as Finn’s arms wrapped around him.

“What are you talking about?” Saint grumbled and Finn laughed softly as his lips brushed against Saint’s.

“All the stuff you said before about it just being sex,” he said and Saint shut his eyes and hated himself just a little bit more.

“It doesn’t matter, Finn,” he mumbled against Finn’s lips. “We aren’t going to have some gay fairytale life. We aren’t going to get married and breed tiny asshole dogs and open an antique store. We can’t adopt a bunch of kids and move to a small farm or rescue a bunch of cats and open a bed and breakfast. We can’t even live together.” Saint’s voice became raw and unsteady as he felt a hole being ripped open in his chest. He never imagined things would get so out of control so quickly with Finn or that he’d want a gay cliche for a life. Now, he wanted it more than anything. Finn nipped at Saint’s lips.

“Of course it matters. Not being able to have those things hurts but thinking that I’m just a good piece of ass was worse,” Finn said and Saint wasn’t sure he agreed.

“What about when all of this is over and we can’t be together anymore?” He asked and Finn’s eyes watered. “Wouldn’t it be easier if it was just sex?” Saint watched Finn’s eyes as they became distant. He shook his head faintly.

“No. And I wouldn’t believe it anyway,” Finn said and Saint laughed softly as he pulled Finn tight against him.

“What’s done is done. Why don’t we finish our breakfast?” Saint said and Finn bit his lip as he considered then shook his head.

“I think breakfast can wait. I want to see if we can fit in that old bathtub,” he murmured and Saint slid his hands under the waist of Finn’s pajama pants and pushed them down.

“It’s going to be really snug and we’ll probably get water everywhere,” he pointed out and Finn shrugged as he stepped back and let his pants fall.

“If we only have a little time, I want to make the most of it. Every time I walk past that tub I’ll wish we would have tried or wonder what would have happened if we had. We have no control over tomorrow but we can decide what happens today. And today, I want to squeeze into a tiny bath tub with you, make a soapy mess and then spend a few hours doing really dirty things to your body with my mouth,” Finn announced and heat flooded Saint’s groin as his body tightened. Finn kicked his pants away and pulled Saint toward the stairs. He turned and Saint groaned as his eyes dropped to Finn’s ass.