Fallen Angel (Hqn) (25 page)

“Angel, before you say anything, please hear me out.”

She nodded, emotion making her throat too tight to speak. She had so much to tell him. But she would listen first.

He took a step toward her, seemed to think better of it, stopped.

“Okay. Okay. I’ve been thinking. A lot. All night, if you want to know the truth. And I’ve come to some hard conclusions.”

Her heart twisted, stalled. Was he going to tell her he’d decided he didn’t want her anymore? Seeing him standing there with his emotions so naked on his face, she knew she wanted to be with him.
Needed
to be with him.

He took another step closer. He was so beautiful to her. His dark hair was mussed, as if he’d been running his hands through it. He probably had. His eyes were brilliant, that iris-dark-blue, the lashes black and full. He hadn’t shaved, which seemed impossibly tender to her for some reason she couldn’t explain.

“Declan—”

“No, let me say this, Angel.”

She nodded.

“I’ve been an idiot,” he told her. “And…closed off for most of my adult life. Which has only added to my stupidity. I’ve let my past rule me. My thought process. My emotions. Or my lack of emotion.” He stopped, shoved his hands into the pockets of his khaki work uniform. “The truth is, I’ve been living in fear. It’s been a component in everything I’ve done. But mostly in my relationships with other people. My dad. You. And there’s enough of the macho jerk in me that I didn’t see it. I didn’t
want
to see it. But I do now. I understand I have to get over this shit, that I have to let it go. Losing my mother. Losing Abby. Or I’ll be as trapped as you ever were, in that compound in the mountains.”

She felt the tears behind her eyes. They pooled, began to blur his face, as though she were looking through a rain-streaked window. She could still see, though, how hard this was for him.

“Declan, I’ve been unfair to you, too.”

He shook his head. “You were dealing with a trauma I can’t even begin to imagine. I knew something about how that kind of thing can work. Ruth told me. About how a victim can sometimes become emotionally attached to their captor. But my damn ego was in the way of me really listening. I wanted to believe you could put it all behind you just because I’d ridden in like some white knight to save you. Because saving you—saving
someone—
was so damn important to me. I needed that.”

“I don’t see that as being something terrible,” she said.

“No. What was terrible was that it became more important to me than anything else.”

“Is that really true, Declan?” she asked, almost afraid to hear his answer. “More important than me?”

He moved toward her then, a few long strides and he was right in front of her. He laid his hands on her shoulders and she felt the heat of him like a soft, lovely glow.

“Angel,
nothing
is more important than you. I just had to risk losing you to see that. I’m sorry. I’m so damn sorry.”

“Declan…” She swallowed her tears, her throat closing up. She had never before imagined how crucial it would be to hear him say this now—that she truly mattered to him. She started once more. “Declan, I’ve been hard on you, too. I need to understand how unusual my situation is, that you were behaving as most people would. And I needed to let go of my past every bit as much as you. More, maybe. And I’ve done it—I need to tell you that. I’ve said goodbye to Asmodeus. That’s over. I found that I don’t need him any longer, and whether or not he ever truly existed almost doesn’t matter to me. What matters is that I am my own person, finally. That I am of
consequence.
I am recognizing my own strength.”

“I see it, sweetheart. The stronger you become, the more I love you.”

He brushed her hair from her face, so much love in that simple motion.

“I have been emancipated, Declan. Some of it was with Ruth’s help, and much of it has been with yours. And much simply from myself, which is important. I have a long way to go. I understand the strangeness of my life may mean that I will always be dealing with the fallout, to some extent, that I may be able to go out into the world only so much.”

“That’s true for me, too, to some degree. It has been for a long time.”

“We have both been damaged,” she said.

“I don’t like to admit it, but yeah. We have. And it’s time for me to face the truth about a lot of things. But the most important truth, Angel, is that I love you. I need you. And I have to let go of my fears and my need to control my whole damn world so that we can be together.”

“I want that, Declan. I’m sorry I was angry with you.”

He shook his head, his brows drawn together. “Don’t be sorry. We’re here and…we’re together. Are we together, Angel?”

“Yes. I love you, Declan. Just as long as you can be patient with me. I still have so much to learn.”

“So do I. But it has to be with you.
Has
to be.”

She slipped her arms around his neck and he smiled, in a way she’d never seen him smile before. There was no restraint in it, for once. Purely unselfconscious. Beautiful.

He pulled her in close and she felt the inevitable heat of his body against hers. Love and desire were united in a way she knew it only could be with him. The man she loved, and who loved her in return. The man she
chose.

She knew, in that moment, that choosing love was what had truly set her free.

* * * * *

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ISBN: 9781459233232

Copyright © 2012 by Eden Bradley

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