Fallen (50 page)

After some time, I drew in a shaky breath.
“I didn’t know…” I mumbled.

“I’m sure you didn’t.” He
placed his finger beneath my chin and
gently lifted
it
. When we were staring at each other, he added,
“
But you do now.
How quickly can you leave the city?”

Before I
even
realized it, I was shaking my head,
adamantly
refusing.

“Magdalene, li
sten to me very closely. These
Fallen One
s…they wait for your retu
rn and when they learn you have…
they come after you.
They will stop at nothing to get to you.”

“Isn’t that-isn’t that why I have a guardian?”

“There are limits to what I can do, Magdalene,” he said, restlessly. “There’s a reason I didn’t know they were here at all. Only
you
can sense them.”

“
But Eran…I’ve waited so long for a home. And
New Orleans
is my home
.”

He paused and I could see him working through his thoughts. In the end, he demonstrated just how well he knew me
by
choosing the one reason
above all others
that
would make me see the sense in leaving
.

“
W
hen I say they will stop at nothing to get to you that includes hurting others around you
…including your roommates.
”

I stopped shaking my head
and focused
on him and the pain he held in his
expression
.

I
realized that
I had done it again
…
bring trouble to others.
Then
I felt my chest cave in
as
a direct result of my disgruntled compliance.

“Is this the only way to keep
everyone
safe? To run?” I had a challenge saying that last word. I hated it and the entire cowardliness wrapped up in it.

I could see the sadness in him as he nodded confirmation.

I
took
a deep breath and ignored the sinking feeling in my stomach as I gave him my answer. “Then
I understand what I need to do,” I said, very careful
on how I phrased
my words.

He breathed a deep sigh of relief and gave me
an indecisive
smile
,
held only until I spoke again.

“Was this
part of
the s
ecret you were keeping from me? The one you wouldn’t tell me the last time I saw you here?
Because I already know the other piece –
I know
we were in love in our past life together.”

The shock that ran across his face told me that he had no idea
I’d figured it out
. He stood and walked a few feet away and stopped.

“How did you know?”

“Does it matter?”

He thought for a moment before replying. “No, it doesn’t. It doesn’t change
anything.
Magdalene, you need to understand something…despite what happened in our past life together…” as he said this, he drew his shoulders in as if someone had just stabbed him
,
caused by
some memory that clearly left an indelible mark. He recovered with a
shiver
and went on.
“I am a guardian. With this post come
s
responsibilities and boundaries that must be followed. And regardless of your feelings for me,
regardless of
your love…”

We both froze at those words. It was the first time
he’d acknowledged them
and the nakedness of
their meaning
settled over us equally as
awkward
.

“You do, don’t you?” he stared at me, waiting for an answer which I didn’t
freely
offer. “I can feel it,
Magdalene
. How do you think I know when you’re fearful? How do you think I know when to show up just as you need help? I feel you. I feel your fear, your anger,
and
your
apprehension
for falling in love with me.” He
turned to me with stark conviction
. “And you
should
be apprehensive
,
Magdalene
.
We can’t be together. Not in this lifetime or the next.
”

“But why not?”
I refused to believe it.

He closed his eyes
and a shudder ran through him. By the end,
his fists were
tightened
and his teeth
were
grinding.
He was struggling with something
intense
and painful
.
I almost stood to go to him but he began to speak.
“I told you that I would help you understand why I was
avoiding you when the time came.” His jaw
clenched
for a brief moment as if he were sensing physical pain. In turn, I felt his ache course through me, a feeling of being torn between remaining carefully silent and telling the agonizing truth. “T
he time has come, though it’s far sooner than I thought it would be.” He sighed,
profoundly
troubled
, and then
opened his eyes
to
bore his focus
into
me. “The secret I kept wasn’t that we were
husband
and wife. What I held back…” another shudder ran through him… “was what they did to you on earth when they learned who we were
.
The Fallen Ones will never allow us to be together.”

“I don’t care.
I’m not scared of them.
All I want is to be with you,” I
pleaded, something
else
I’d never done before in my life.

“Enough, Magdalene,” he said softly but firmly. “I won’t let it happen again. You don’t remember what they can do, what their abilities are, but I
can’t forget
…
Damn it!
” He raged, though I understood that it was not directed at me but at the unfairness of our circumstances. “
Why do you think I only appear when you absolutely need me and only then? We…cannot…be…together.”

“
But why not?
”
I said carefully
, keeping my voice balanced
and
calm
. “You haven’t given me a good enough reason.”

He
remained silent
,
unmoving
.
He looked up at me with fierce, dark eyes and I was momentarily stunned.
“
If preserving your life isn’t good enough, you’ll need to understand this…
I am a guardian,
Magdalene
.
Guardians were made to fight. That’s all
we do. That’s all we are. The
Fallen One
s know this and if they were to ever realize your feeling
s
for me…” his
words fell away
as
he
stifled another
tremor
in response to a dark thought invading hi
s mind.
“
I will protect you…even if it means protecting you from yourself
.”

“
So you’re warning
me away from you?” I was appall
ed. “Then why are you doing this…guarding me at all
?
Why the torment?
Why
watch
over me
when you know that…that we should be more
?” I felt on the verge of tears, which amazed me. How could pain be so sharp in
the afterlife
? “Answer me, Eran.
Why?”

He sighed. “Because it i
s my job.”

I gasped
,
more
offended
than I’d ever been
. “I’m a job to you?”
I stared at him
and waited
for his
head to rise
but h
e refused to look at me.

“Yes,” he said weakly, defeated. His beautiful, rugged voice released as a whimper and the pain in
side
me grew. “You are just a job.”

I
didn’t think it was possible but the emptiness I’d felt with Eran being gone
those many weeks
held
no
comparison
to the magnitude of what I
was experiencing right
now.

I felt as if I had been gutted
.

“No…” I shook my head.
“I don’t believe you because you see, Eran, I can feel your emotions run through me. Whether you want to admit them or not, I know how you feel about me.”

Stunned, h
is head jerked up, his brilliant
blue-
green eyes
drilling
into
mine
. “You feel me too? How can that be?”

“I don’t know. But I do know that I feel in you the same emotions I have.”

He groaned and
turned away
. “
That’s not possible
…” he muttered
, pausing.
When he spoke again his voice was strained, determined. I drew in a breath as the intensity of
these
emotions ran through me. “It doesn’t matter. I won’t let this happen. This will not happen…I will not let us be together.”