Fall (The Ragnarok Prophesies) (22 page)

Once again, all the spaces reserved for him and Geri were empty. Tears flowed through the holes left behind, but not a single one fell from my eyes this time.

I stood silently, waiting while Dad loaded my suitcase into the trunk. I felt Ronan’s gaze on me, but I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want to see that blank expression on his face, the one that now mirrored my own. I stared instead at the ground, the cracked pavement beneath my feet distorted by shadows and unshed tears.

The air shifted around me, a familiar scent floating on the cool wind.

I lifted my head, peering through the darkness at the line of trees on the far side of the road. My sight wasn’t anywhere near as sharp as Dace’s, and I squinted, trying to make sense of the thick shadows slipping one by one from beneath the trees.

Buka?
I asked.

She stepped into the light ahead of the pack.

Dad stirred uneasily.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ronan shake his head at my dad, letting him know the wolves weren’t a danger to me.

The pack halted beneath a streetlamp across the road, settling back on their haunches. Buka crossed the road toward me; her thoughts slipping into my mind in that still new-to-me wolf way. No words. No images. Just instant understanding.

She stopped in front of me, tilting her head to look up at me.

“Oh, Buka,” I whispered, crouching as best I could to throw my arms around her neck.

Despite the danger, she came to say goodbye to me. They had all come to see me off.

Silent sobs shook my body as I clung to Buka, my face buried in her silky fur.

She laid her head on my shoulder, offering comfort as if she’d done the same a thousand times. She didn’t care that I was broken, no longer able to shift. She didn’t care that being here now put her at risk. I was her friend, and she knew I needed her tonight.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” I cried into her fur.

She chuffed, her breath stirring wisps of my hair, and then she stepped back to look at me again.

I wiped tears from my face, looking into her bright, yellow eyes. Eyes so much like Geri and Dace’s, shining with intelligence and sadness.

“Promise me you’ll stay safe,” I demanded, seeking the same promise my dad gave me. My heart would break in two if Buka were injured. If any of the wolves were.

I glanced over her shoulder at the rest of the pack, repeating my demand.

Kalei answered for the pack, dipping her head in a regal nod. Her vow to keep them safe sounded firm and confident. Her demand that I stay safe seemed equally as firm. She was so much like Dace, so much an alpha.

I stood in awe of her.

“I promise,” I whispered.

She dipped her head again, then wished me luck in that wordless, wolfish way.

Buka issued a single, short bark.

Fuki rose to his feet at the sound and loped across the road toward us. Last time I saw him, he still looked like a baby, so much smaller than any of the other wolves. But he’d grown since then. He hovered on the edge of gangly teenager now, all legs and awkward grace. His face was thinner, his coat thicker.

He stopped in front of me, more subdued than I’d ever seen him.

“He’s gotten so big,” I said to Buka, reaching out to scratch his head.

Usually, he yipped and danced like an endless bundle of energy. Tonight, he sat quietly at my side, his twitching tail the only sign of his childlike restlessness.

I raked my gaze slowly across the rest of the pack, taking a moment to memorize each of them from ancient-seeming Aki to Lykaois, the young warrior who charged at me in the woods so long ago. All stared back at me, saying goodbye with such sad formality I wanted to weep. These were my pack mates, my adopted family. I didn’t want to leave them here anymore than I wanted to leave Dace.

My gaze landed on Buka again.

Her request cracked my heart wide open.

She wanted me to take Fuki.

“I can’t take your baby,” I whispered, my bottom lip quivering again.

She watched me with sad eyes, her thoughts flowing into me one by one. They were a story. Her story.

Once upon a time, she had raised another den with her mate. They roamed the forest together, defending their kin. Then the hunters came. They killed her mate and her kin, leaving her on her own with no home or family and Fuki growing in her belly. Other packs chased her away. They had no place for one like her, a beta with none to guide and no mate to help provide for the pup growing in her belly.

She delivered Fuki alone, hidden in a small outcropping of rock deep within the mountains miles from here. Eventually, not even that hiding place sheltered Buka and little Fuki from fearful humans. They came for her in the night, forcing her and Fuki to flee. Kalei found Buka as she ran from place to place, hunted and homeless with a newborn pup to care for. Kalei accepted her as an equal, as a friend. They came here together, drawn to this place like magnets by something so old, no wolf alive remembered it.

Other wolves with no kin to protect and no home to claim trickled into the area behind them. They forged bonds with one another, formed their own pack. A band of those left behind by human hatred and fear, drawn to this place and the promise of purpose when none remained. And this place was different than the places before.

Buka raised Fuki in the woods here, surrounded by humans who didn’t hunt them or try to hurt them, far removed from the dangers she faced with Fuki’s father. The woods here were safe, as no other place had been in a long time, and Fuki knew nothing of the humans who hated wolves. But then Sköll and Hati came, and that changed. The humans who left them alone came for them with guns and knives and hearts full of fear and anger, and they almost found Fuki.

But the pack couldn’t leave this place undefended when this place had shown them such kindness. When Dace accepted them into his land and helped protect them. They owed him and the humans who helped him keep them safe, even if the humans no longer showed them that kindness. Buka understood their fear, and she didn’t blame them for their anger.

Duty bound her to this place, and she would not run from that responsibility. But like every mother, she wanted safety for her child. He didn’t understand the danger writhing like snakes around them now. He was too young, too innocent. And Buka couldn’t fulfill her promise to protect Dace’s people and watch over Fuki too.

She had no one else to help her save his life. No one but me. I could watch over him for her, remove the fear growing in her heart, and let him grow up where he didn’t have to hide or run. He could be safe. With my help… Fuki would know safety again.

“Oh, Buka.” I flung my arms around her neck again, squeezing her tight. I didn’t know what to say to her, but I couldn’t deny her this request. If I could keep Fuki safe for even a little while, I owed it to Buka to try.

I’ll take him.
I clung to her for a long moment before letting her go.

She butted me once with her head, then looked at Fuki.

He whined, sinking low to the ground in obvious misery. Buka stepped up beside him, touching her nose to his. Their eyes locked for a moment, and then Buka turned and loped away.

I stayed crouched beside Fuki, both of us watching as the wolves slipped back beneath the cover of the trees soundlessly. When they disappeared into the woods, Fuki lifted his muzzle and howled one long, forlorn howl.

The pack howled back.

So did Freki, her farewell to our family a soft whisper piercing my heart.

I listened until the pack’s goodbye faded into the freezing wind, and then I wrapped my hand in Fuki’s soft fur. “It’s time to go,” I whispered to him, turning to look at my dad and Ronan.

My dad smiled at me, his cheeks wet.

Ronan opened the back door for us before climbing into the driver’s seat.

Fuki stayed at my side as I made my way to the car.

He looked at me and then at the car, his thoughts full of distress.

“It’s okay,” I told him. “We’ll be okay.”

I don’t know if he believed me anymore than I believed myself, but he huffed a sigh and clambered into the backseat. He curled up on the far side, closing his eyes.

I hugged my dad tightly one final time.

“Love you, Ari,” he whispered, kissing my forehead.

I let him go and climbed in beside Fuki.

Ronan started the ignition and pulled away from the curb.

In a matter of moments, the house faded behind us, swallowed up by the night.

I stared straight ahead, Fuki’s forlorn thoughts a heartbreaking dirge echoing in my head.

don’t know if I slept, or if I simply lost myself in a waking dream, but Dace held me in his embrace and I felt warmer than I had in a long time. He whispered songs to me, running his fingers through my hair. His heart beat strong and steady beneath my ear, singing my favorite song. The smile on his face wasn’t twisted with bitterness or self-loathing, and my heart didn’t feel shredded by regret and goodbyes.

I didn’t want to leave him, so I didn’t.

I curled into him, and I stayed there, lost in my vision as the car sped down the interstate, carrying me far away from the painful things I didn’t want to think about or remember or deal with. In that waking dream or fugue, Dace held me, and I felt content. There was nothing but warmth and comfort. That’s all that mattered.

Until Chelle shook my shoulder, calling my name softly.

Dace’s face blurred and twisted, his body turning to smoke beneath me.

You did this,
he mouthed, then vanished.

My eyes flew open, a little cry of alarm breaking from my lips.

I focused wild eyes on Chelle leaning over the backseat… and then I remembered.

I had left Dace.

Pain engulfed me, and I wanted to scream at myself. What did I do? Why? One accusatory question after another bounced through me, glancing off one another until an avalanche of doubt and fear and worry, of what-ifs and maybes barreled through me, screaming for my attention.

Why had I left?

What if I never saw him again?

That question screamed the loudest. What if I had just said goodbye to Dace for the last time? What if, what if, what if…. The question spun and swirled until the world around me blurred and I couldn’t catch my breath through the clawing, cloying, consuming
fear
threatening to drag me under and leave me there.

I clenched my hands hard, trying to battle back panic and hysteria. My fingernails gouged into my palms, scoring my skin with bright red lines of desperation. The confusion racing through my mind slowed, allowing me to shove it behind a hastily-erected wall.

I took a deep breath, then let it out.

“Where are we?” I asked Chelle, my voice thick and heavy. I sounded detached, cold. Maybe that was for the best. I’d keep everything behind that wall, and focus on the immediate, one step at a time. No thinking. No regretting. No hurting. Just focus on the here and now, and leave the rest behind.

“We went through Jackson ten minutes ago,” Ronan answered for her.

Jackson? As in Tennessee? I blinked, his response cutting through me.

“We’re going to your mom’s,” Chelle said.

I opened my mouth and then closed it again. Nothing they said made sense. We weren’t supposed to go there. We were supposed to go to Indiana, to see Dr. Michel. I shook my head, hoping to clear it. Thinking maybe I still dreamed.