Fall On Me (12 page)

A waiter was dispatched to our table within
minutes of us sitting down and took our order. Kyle made small talk
with Tracy while we waited for our food. I didn't hear a word of
it. I was too anxious and I couldn't sit still. I squirmed in my
seat but no position helped with my discomfort. It was more than
discomfort. I was in agony. Biting down on my fist, I pushed the
pain to the back of mind. I was such a wimp. I usually had a much
higher pain threshold and was disgusted with myself for whimpering
over menstrual cramps. Every nerve ending in my body was on high
alert. I looked around at their faces in a bid to occupy my mind
and distract myself.

Kyle looked guilty. Derek looked bored. Hope
was
bored because she'd fallen asleep in her car seat,
between Kyle's chair and mine. And Tracy looked nervous. Her brown
eyes were wide as she chewed on her lip with her teeth.

Brown eyes.

I'd never known what color my mother's eyes
were. I guess I got my gray eyes from my daddy. Her hair was the
same as mine though. Wild brown curls that she held back from her
face with a single clip and I let flow free. "So, Kyle, where did
you grow up?" she asked setting down her glass of water.

Kyle shifted uncomfortably in his seat and
cleared his throat. "Uh…I grew up in care. I moved around a lot as
a kid."

My eyes snapped up and I glared at Tracy
before softening my gaze when I looked at Kyle. "You don't have to
talk about this," I said protectively. His past bothered him and I
wasn't going to sit back and watch his old wounds open. Besides,
all she had to do was open a newspaper and she could read all about
it. We'd been slaughtered in the press. The only thing about our
lives that hadn't been written about, funnily enough, was her.
"This is your business," I told him before glancing at her. "Nobody
else's."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Tracy blushed. "I wasn't
trying to pry…"

Kyle clasped my knee with his hand to
reassure me. "Its fine, princess," he said in a gentle tone before
turning to Tracy. "As far as I know I was born in a small town
close to Colorado Springs. My mother was young when she had me and
from what my case workers could gather we moved around a lot. The
only place they're certain we lived is Aspen..."

Our waiter returned with our order and I
breathed a sigh of relief. I felt raw pain in my chest every time
Kyle spoke of his childhood. We ate in silence although I had no
appetite for my steak. I messed around with the food on my plate,
slicing up pieces of meat aimlessly while I prayed this night would
end soon. I needed a shower and some pain relief.
I needed a
tranquilizer.

"Why Aspen?" Tracy asked and I wanted to
throw my fork at her.

Kyle sighed heavily and lowered his fork from
his mouth. "That's where she died. That's where they found me."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Tracy gasped. "What happened
to her?"

"Look," I said through clenched teeth,
interrupting both of them. "I am grateful for the kidney, truly I
am. So, thank you for saving my life." I inhaled a deep breath
before continuing. "But you should know that there is only one
reason I am sitting at this table, sharing a meal with you." I
covered Kyle's hand with mine. "And it is because of this man. He
is my world and for some strange reason he has a soft spot for you.
Don't mistake his feelings for mine and don't throw his kindness in
his face. I won't sit back and allow you to make him feel
uncomfortable. His private life is exactly that. Private. Are we
clear?"

"Lee…" Kyle started, but Tracy interrupted
him.

"No, Kyle, I'm sorry," she said quickly. "Lia
is right. I shouldn't be asking you such personal things." She
lowered her face. "I haven't had much company over the years. I've
been alone for a very long time."

"Whose choice was that?" I couldn't help but
ask. "And my name isn't Lia."

"Lee," Kyle said in a warning tone, but I
ignored him. I was sick of sitting here and playing happy families
with the woman who abandoned me to a life of mental and physical
torture.

"Mine," Tracy said staring directly at me.
"It was my choice."

"At least you admit it," I whispered unsure
of what else to say. She was confusing me with her honesty. I
didn't understand her.

Tracy sighed and wiped her forehead. "I admit
that my will to live caused me to make the biggest mistake of my
life. I can't change what happened to you when I left. But I can
tell you that I didn't think he'd harm you. He loved you. We both
did."

"Just not enough," I whispered under my
breath, though I was sure all three of them heard me.

"Phew," Derek said as he blew out a breath
and stretched. "It's hot in here tonight. I might just grab some
fresh air." He smiled apologetically. "Won't be long." I watched as
the traitor stood up and retreated from the table.

Two on one…

"I need the bathroom," I mumbled as I tossed
my napkin on my plate and pushed my chair back. I needed to get
away from this woman. I wasn't ready for this and I was done with
being forced into things.

I felt Kyle's hand take mine. His fingers
threaded through mine. "No running," he whispered as he leaned in
to my ear. "I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you," he
added before pressing a kiss to my temple.

I pulled my hand from his. "You already
have," I muttered as I stood up and left.

****

Kyle

My girl was like a tiger tonight. Protective
as hell over me…and in a weird way I loved it. I wasn't used to
having people stick up for me. It always shocked the hell out of me
when Lee stepped out of her comfort zone. She was usually so mild
mannered and timid. It never ceased to amaze me when her claws came
out.

The morning she stood her ground against
Rachel in my kitchen, defending my honor, was one of the most
surreal moments of my life. I was pretty sure I'd stood there with
the biggest smile on my face as I watched this tiny ball of curls
punch over her weight.

She'd shocked me again tonight. When Tracy
had asked about my childhood, for a moment I'd thought Lee was
going to explode. There was a dominant look in her eyes as she
stared her mother down, an almost feral wildness in those fiery
gray depths. Princess was coming back to life. Thank fucking
god.

Now all she had to do was come back to the
table…

"This was a bad idea," Tracy said as she
pushed her chair back to stand. "I should go."

"No," I said leaning forward and grabbing her
hand. Tracy flinched and I released her hand immediately while I
battled down a surge of anger I had directed solely at Jimmy
Bennett. Was he proud of himself? Did it make him feel good to know
he was the cause of his wife and daughter shrinking and shying away
from a man's touch?
Bastard…
"Just give her a minute," I
choked out. "She'll calm down."

Tracy reluctantly sat back down. "You're very
optimistic, Kyle," she said with a small smile. "But this is wrong.
I shouldn't have put you in this position."

****

Lee

My anger had simmered down by the time I
found Derek perched on top of a bench table in the beer garden at
the back of the hotel.
It had been replaced with pain.

"Sorry, ice," he chuckled. "I love you,
sweetheart, but that was one hell of a drama overload in
there."

When I saw what he had in his hand my step
faltered. "Derek," I asked. Even my voice sounded confused. "Why
are you smoking?"

He dropped his head and stared at the ground.
"Calms me," he breathed as he exhaled a puff of smoke. "I promised
Cam I'd quit when we met," he added as he took another drag and
exhaled. "Seems kinda pointless keeping that promise now, don't you
think?"

"No, I don't think that," I urged as I
stepped closer to him. "I feel her around me every day. Looking
down on us. I bet she can she you now." I patted his knee. "She'd
be sad to see you hurting your body like this, Derek."

"If," he said as he put his cigarette between
his fingers and picked up a small tumbler that was resting on the
bench next to him. I watched him toss the golden liquid back his
throat and shivered. I hated that golden liquid. Whiskey did
dangerous things to a man. "
If
she is watching us," he
continued as he wiped his bottom lip. "It's not my body she's
concerned about."

I had no answer for that.

I raked my brain and came up empty.
Everything I wanted to say wouldn’t do any good…"I'm sad to see you
hurting yourself," I told him as I climbed awkwardly onto the bench
and sat alongside him–not an easy task in heels. "I'm concerned
about you. I love you and I care." It probably didn't help, but he
needed to know he was loved.

"If I had a baby sister," he chuckled as he
nudged my shoulder. "Then I would want her to be you."

"You're the only brother I'd ever want, too,"
I replied nudging him back. The pain in my back was getting worse
and I was burning inside. I had to force a smile, but I was sure it
looked more like a grimace.

"Don't be too hard on him, Lee," Derek said
after a moment and I knew he was talking about Kyle ambushing me
with Tracy. "As fucked up as it looks, he does all these stupid
things because he loves you. Trying to get you to make up with your
mother is his way of trying to repair some of your childhood. He
wants to fix you because he loves you and he fucks it all up
because he's never done any of this before. He's never had to
because you're the first person he's let in, Lee. Ever."

"He let you in…" I started to say, but Derek
shook his head and smiled.

"He's never been in love before you," he said
in a serious tone. "He's never
been loved
before you. Not in
the way he needs. You give him that. This is his way of showing you
he loves you too. He doesn't know any other way to express himself
because he's never been shown. He runs around thinking he can fix
everyone because he's spent his whole life trying to make up for
the things that he couldn't change. The things he's had no control
over."

"His mom," I whispered.

"Bingo," Derek said. "Kyle's a problem
solver. That's the way his mind works. He wasn't raised, Lee, he
was dragged up. Spent his whole life on his own, pushing people
away, not trusting a soul until he met you. You cracked him open.
Exposed his weaknesses, revealed his secrets and loved him
regardless. He's never had that before. You're his biggest risk,
his deepest fear and his greatest accomplishment all rolled into
one. So, just think about that before you chew him out over
this."

"I love him too, Derek," I whispered. "So
much."

"So much," he mused before chuckling softly.
"You don't have a clue what you've done to him, do you?"

I shook my head. "What do you mean?"

"It's a scary thing, Lee," Derek replied.
"When a man falls so hard for a woman that he can't figure out if
she is his salvation or his downfall."

"That doesn't sound very appealing," I
muttered.

"No," he smiled. "It's not the most
comforting feeling to have your heart walking around in someone
else's body. It makes you feel incredibly exposed and
vulnerable."

"Which one was Cam?" I asked.

"Which one was Cam what?"

"Was she your salvation or your downfall?" I
blushed and mentally slapped myself on the head.
Stupid, Lee.
Stupid!

Derek sighed heavily. "That's the really
fucked up thing about love," he said. "When it's real. When it is
real honest to god love, you'll know that she's both. She's gonna
ruin you and save you all in one breath."

"I…" I trailed off because I had no words. I
was stunned. Nothing had ever been so confusing yet made more sense
to my ears. I'd never heard a man explain feelings quite like that.
It was humbling to think that Kyle could feel like this for me and
absolutely heartbreaking to know that Derek felt like this for Cam.
He would never get over her. If this was how he felt, how in god's
name could he ever move on?

"Here, I have something for you," he mumbled
as he shoved his hand into his pocket. "I meant to give it to you
the night of your birthday, but…well, we both know how that went
down."

"Ah, yes. The vomit," I mused. Derek and Kyle
both got rip-roaring drunk the night of my birthday. Kyle had sang
me a song about chasing me around with a gun. Derek had puked on my
lap… "Have to say, Der, it was definitely a birthday I'll
remember."

He smiled sheepishly. "Yeah…uh, sorry again.
Well, your gift is second hand, but I think you'll like it."

"Derek," I breathed when he handed me the
gold locket wrapped in tissue paper. A gold locket I'd seen more
than once. I shook my head as I tried to make sense of why he would
have this. I'd thought they'd taken everything. "Where…"

"Did I get it?" he said with a small smile.
"I stole it from her bag of things that Ted collected from the
morgue. He left it on the kitchen table, and I…I just thought I
needed it at the time I guess." He threw his head back and exhaled
loudly. "Except that's not what I needed." Opening the locket my
legs wobbled as I looked at the two tiny cut out photos of Cam and
Derek.
Oh Derek…
"Besides," he said with a forced smile. "I
bought it for her so technically I didn't steal it."

"Derek, I can't take this," I whispered as I
pushed it into his hand. I didn't want to have this in my hands.
This was on her neck the night she died…Why was she wearing a
locket with Derek's photo when she was with Mike?

"Please take it, Lee," he choked out.
"Please. Just take it away for me."

"She loved you," I sobbed as I wiped my nose.
"She did, Derek. I know she did. Cam loved you."

"Just not enough," he whispered throwing my
earlier words back at me.