Fall Into Me (Heart of Stone) (22 page)

I
felt his hand gently cradle the top of my head and looked up to see those
beautiful brown eyes so full of pain looking down at me. My heart skipped a
beat as I waited for him to speak, and I prayed to God that I wouldn't hear him
say he didn't love me anymore.

"I'm
sorry, Nina. I don't know why I'm like this. I don't know why I make such a
mess out of everything. I didn't mean to."

I
pulled myself up to my knees and took his face in my hands. "You didn't do
anything wrong. It's okay. I get that you're jealous. I felt that way when I
saw all those pictures of you and those women at those parties. It's just that
I'd never want Cal instead of you. You need to believe that."

"Just
the thought of you with him makes me crazy. I'm sorry I'm so fucked up, Nina. I
never meant for things to end up this way. I thought I could handle
things."

The
sadness and pain in his eyes broke my heart. "Things are fine between us.
It's everyone else outside of us that aren't okay. We're fine. I love you and
you love me. What else is there? I don't know what you mean about handling
things, but you can't stop how people feel about things. I don't know why Rogers didn't like me or why that man you work with thinks you shouldn't be with me, but we
don't have to listen to them."

"Nina,
you should do what I said. Leave here and I promise you'll want for nothing.
You'll be taken care of for the rest of your life."

"I
don't want that. What do money and things mean to me when the most important
part of this life you've given me isn't there anymore?"

Pressing
my lips to his, I kissed him tenderly, feeling his sadness. I didn't know why
he was so tortured, but it tore me up to watch him like this. Those brown eyes
that spoke volumes were crying out in pain, despite his ability to hold back
the tears.

"Nina,
are we just putting off the inevitable?" he asked in a voice barely above
a whisper, as if merely saying the words scared him as much as they did me.

I
leaned forward and pressed my forehead to his. "No. I'm not leaving you,
no matter how fucked up you say you are. I love you, Tristan Stone. You better
just get used to it."

He
let out a huge sigh and I wrapped my arms around his neck, wishing that a hug
would give him even a little comfort.

"Promise
me something?"

"Anything,
Tristan."

"Promise
me someday when this is all over you'll forget all the bad and just remember I
loved you."

Taking
me in his arms, he kissed me, pulling me into him like he couldn't get me close
enough. There was a desperation in him that I wished I could reach to prove
that I loved him and vow that I would never leave, no matter what he tried to
do to tear us apart.

When
he was like this—so raw and vulnerable—I had a hard time reconciling the man
who said so little and could be so cold. As we made love, we clung to each
other, Tristan taking the strength I offered, as if nothing and no one could
come between us.

I
just prayed to God that was true.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Tristan

The
low beat of a techno song from a room on the other side of Top reverberated
through the building, making the floor beneath me vibrate as I sat staring up
at the TV on the wall across from me. Some movie about a mobster played, but I
wasn't paying attention.

I'd
been at Top for two nights, unable to go home and missing Nina more than I
could handle. I couldn't be around her, though. Not now.

Each
night I laid in bed afraid to close my eyes, afraid of the nightmares. A new
one had taken over my nights since coming back from Atlanta. I saw my face hovering
over the body of a naked girl smiling up at me. She reached out for me, and my
hands grabbed at her breasts, pinching and tugging until she cried out in pain.
Each time, she screamed a single word over and over. Taylor. I knew that wasn't
my name, but I couldn't stop myself from wrapping my hands around her throat
and slowly squeezing the soft flesh until there was no more life left in her.
Gentle brown eyes stared up at me in surprise that I could hurt her as I backed
away into a someone who stood behind me.

My
father.

He
patted me on the back all the while wearing a smile. He said nothing but stared
at me like he admired me for what I'd just done to the girl.

Pouring
myself another glass of scotch, I leaned back against the leather couch and
closed my eyes, letting the alcohol slide down my throat. I didn't know how
much more it would take, but I needed it to make me numb. I didn't want to
think anymore. I wanted to not care anymore. To not miss Nina like someone had
cut out my heart and left a painful, aching hole in my chest.

 Karl's
announcement that morning that he'd gotten copies of Joseph Edwards' notes from
Nina's sister had given me a second's peace and made me believe for a fleeting
moment that all the terrible events put in motion by my father would finally
end. That we'd finally be free to live without the past haunting our every
step.

But
Karl wasn't a man to let things go that easily. Kim's copies were just that.
Copies. He wanted the actual notes Joseph Edwards took as he dug into the
horrible world of Stone Worldwide and knew I had them.

You
didn't think I wouldn't have you followed, Tristan? Did you? For God's sake, I
had your father and brother followed, and I trusted them. I know where you've
been and I know what you have. If you're smart, and I think you are, just give
it all up and never tell her what happened and you'll be fine.

Are
you threatening me now, Karl?

Son,
I'm not the man to play with. This shark doesn't care if your father thought
you were a piranha or not.

At
least I now knew why Kim hated me from the moment she met me in Nina's hospital
room. She'd judged me to be the same kind of man my father and brother had
been. Could I blame her? Two Stone men nothing better than lying murderers. Who
would want their sister to be involved with a man like that?

Was
I truly any better? I'd brought Nina into my world believing I was keeping her
safe, but it had been my own selfishness more than anything else. I was no
different than I'd ever been. I wanted something and used my money to get it.
Typical Stone behavior.

Out
of the corner of my eye I saw the door to the private room open. "Get out!
I told you I didn't want to be bothered, Chase."

"It's
not Chase. It's me, Tristan," a woman's voice said quietly.

I
turned to see Brandi standing with her back against the door, frightened by my
barking. I wasn't in the mood to hear her sad stories about that asshole ex or
current or whatever the fuck type of boyfriend Chase was to her now.

"I
want to be alone, Brandi."

"I
know. I just wanted to check to see if you needed anything."

She
moved cautiously from the door as I turned back to stare at the TV. Taking a
seat next to me on the couch, she touched my arm softly. "Are you
okay?"

"I'm
fine," I lied. "Just want to be alone."

"Sometimes
when things are bad it's good to talk to someone. You've done that for me more
than once. Maybe if you talk about it you'll feel better."

I
drank the final gulp of scotch in my glass, enjoying the warmth as it sat in my
mouth for a moment before I swallowed. "There's nothing to talk
about."

Brandi
shifted herself to face me and took my hand. "I hate to see you like this,
Tristan. I can't believe someone who has so much could be so sad."

"Well,
believe it."

I
felt her squeeze my hand and looked over to see her grinning at me. "I
have something that I think might make you feel better, at least for a little
while."

"Brandi,
don't," I said flatly as I pulled my hand away.

"You
know you'd feel better. Just a little. Chase said it could help."

I
knew what she meant and I should have told her to leave. I knew that. But as I
sat there thinking about Nina and what I knew I had to do, all I wanted was
some relief from the pain. A tiny reprieve from my sentence.

Brandi
slipped a small box from behind her back and spread out three lines of coke on
the coffee table in front of us. She snorted the first line and sniffing, flopped
back on the couch and pointed toward the rest of it sitting there waiting for
me.

"Your
turn."

Leaning
forward, I looked down at the white powder that had given me so many nights of
good times. Clean since the crash, I hadn't even thought of getting high, but
now as it sat there waiting to give me the relief it always had, I could think
of nothing but the feeling I'd have in just a few minutes.

Blocking
my left nostril, I inhaled a line and closed my eyes. A rush coursed through my
head and instantly I remembered why I loved coke all those years ago. In
minutes, I was on top of the world—powerful, free, and happy. Truly happy, like
the way I felt every time Nina told me she loved me.

One
more line and everything that had tortured my mind for weeks was gone, replaced
by pure bliss. My heart raced and my body felt like it could run a marathon.
Brandi was a novice, so it didn't take more than a line for her to be bouncing
off the walls. She seemed to be talking a hundred miles a minute about how she
wished Chase was like me, but I wasn't listening. I didn't care about her
problems.

All
I cared about was that mine had vanished, at least for the moment.

Brandi's
hand fastened on my crotch, and she licked her lips in an attempt to be
seductive. "Tell me you don't love fucking when you're high, Tristan.
Nobody would have to know. You know it would be great."

I
didn't want to fuck Brandi. That would only make me feel worse. I had someone I
loved already. It didn't matter that I couldn't be with her. I still loved her.

"Get
your hand off your boss's cock, Brandi. If Chase doesn't fire you, I will.
You're ruining this."

She
wasn't going to be that easily convinced. Sliding her palm up and down my
zipper, she cooed, "You're not my boss, Tristan. You only own the place. I
guess that makes you my owner. Oooh, I like that."

"You
know he's got cameras all over this place. Look around. At least smile for your
boyfriend as you try to fuck someone else in front of him," I snapped,
already hating how this was turning out.

Brandi
rubbed her body up against my arm like a cat in heat. "Mmmm, that would be
hot. Come on, baby. It will help you forget whatever's making you so sad."

Her
lips pressed against mine, and all I could taste was the flavor of her
spearmint gum. She jabbed her tongue into my mouth as her hands attempted to
pull my shirt out of my pants, but I didn't want any of what she had to offer.
I pushed her off me, and she fell back against the arm of the couch, her legs
wide open.

"You
know you want it, Tristan. Just let it happen. Don't fight it."

The
door flung open before I could repeat that I didn't want her, but it was too
late. There in the doorway stood Nina watching Brandi rub her pussy through her
shorts as she did her best to convince me to fuck her.

"What
the fuck is this?" Nina asked, her voice full of hurt.

Brandi
leaped off the couch and began explaining how she had just wanted to help me feel
better. It only made things worse and made me look guiltier.

Nina
turned to face her and put her hand up in front of Brandi's face. "I so
don't want to hear another fucking word from your mouth. Get the fuck away from
me right now before I totally lose my cool."

Brandi
was cheap, but she wasn't stupid. Nina had barely finished speaking and she was
running from the room, nearly getting her four inch heels stuck in the door as
she slammed it shut behind her.

"Tristan,
what is this? Why haven't you been home in two days? What's going on here?"
Nina rightfully demanded to know.

I
leaned forward to pour myself another drink. "Nina, go home." I
couldn't explain to her why I was sitting there with a woman I didn't give a
damn about instead of lying in bed with the woman I loved more than anyone or
anything in this world.

She
wasn't going home, though. That wasn't her style. My mind was still racing as
she sat down next to me, but my high was quickly fading, leaving the reality of
what I had to do pressing down on me like a weight on my chest.

"I'm
not going home. I know we've been dealing with some things, but I can't believe
you're just planning on never coming home again. Have you been here every
night?"

I
looked away, unable to face her when I saw the tears in her eyes. First, I'd
been a selfish prick and fallen in love with her, all the while telling myself
I'd been keeping her safe. Now, I had to tell her the truth. It didn't matter
if she left anymore. Whatever I'd thought I could give her was over now.

"Have
you been with her?" she asked quietly.

I
shook my head sadly. "No. I wouldn't do that. I never meant to do any of
this, Nina."

She
took my hand in hers and held it to her heart. "Tristan, what's going on?
Why would you stay here instead of coming home to me?"

I
couldn't continue like this. I'd kept what I'd found out about her father's
death and my family's part in it a secret for weeks, and I couldn't do it
anymore. Every day I worried that her memory would finally return and she'd
know the ugly truth and leave me again. At least now, I knew that she was safe
from Karl and his friends on the Board.

It
wasn't her they wanted out of the way. It was me.

"I'm
sorry, Nina. I have something to tell you. I can't keep it from you
anymore."

She
touched my chin with her forefinger and forced me to look at her. "You can
tell me anything. I love you, Tristan."

Bowing
my head, I kissed her palm. "It's time you knew everything. Come with
me."

I
led her upstairs to the apartment above the club that I'd been staying at. It
was nowhere as nice as our house or the penthouse, but it didn't matter.
Telling her the truth as we sat on expensive furniture wasn't going to change
what I had to say.

"What's
this about, Tristan? Why are we here?" she asked as she looked around at
the place where I'd been hiding from her.

"Sit
down. I need to get his off my chest before it crushes me."

She
sat on the edge of the grey sectional that took up most of the living room and
looked up at me with eyes full of worry. I knew what she thought I was about to
say—that I'd met someone else and didn't want to be with her anymore. Maybe she
thought that I'd lied about Brandi and was actually cheating on her.

At
least I wasn't that man.

I
took out her father's notebook and held it in my hand as I finally confessed
what I'd held in for far too long. "Before I tell you what I need to say,
I want you to know that I never meant for things to get to this point. I wanted
to tell you every day, but it just never seemed the right time. No matter what
you think after this, I need you to know that I've never loved anyone like I do
you."

Nina
reached out to take my hand and squeezed it in sympathy, not knowing what I had
to say would likely turn her away from me forever.  Her blue eyes were begging
me not to break her heart. "I know you love me. If you're going to tell me
you've been with someone else, don't. I'd rather not know. Just let me go on
thinking it never happened. I can live with that. I can."

I
shook my head and dropped her hand. "I wasn't with anyone else. I wish it
was that easy. No, there's no one else. That makes what I have to tell you ten
times harder."

"Tristan,
what is it? Tell me."

"I
thought you'd remember by now, to be honest. I dreaded that every day I might
come home and you'd tell me you remember everything and then leave me. Maybe
it's better that you didn't. I should have to tell you this. It's the least I
can do as the last remaining member of my family."

Her
face telegraphed her confusion, and I continued, pacing as I began the story
that I knew would be the end of us.

"My
father was Victor Stone. I was never close to my father, so I never really knew
what he was like. By the time I was an adult, I was too busy stuffing the shit
you saw downstairs up my nose to be bothered to find out what Stone Worldwide
was all about. My brother was the one my father wanted to take over for him. Taylor was all about business and following in my father's footsteps, so I didn't care
about that world. It was for people like them. I was too busy having a good
time."

I
knew this probably wasn't making much sense, but I needed to get it all out. It
was as if saying it out loud might finally exorcise it from my mind and give me
some peace. I needed to believe that I wouldn't always be covered in the layers
of guilt that covered me now.