Fall Forever (Fall For Me) (13 page)

“Yeah, I am,” he agreed with a
grin. Then he furrowed his brow. “Why’s our sister afraid of everybody?”

“Because her boyfriend killed
himself out in our front yard, and then after that everyone was mean to
her—really,
really
mean.”

Rafe gazed at Regan questioningly,
and she looked away. Carly had a big mouth for such a little kid.

“I’m going to watch cartoons, do
you want to come?” Carly offered, still gazing up at Rafe.

“No. I think I’m going to talk to
Regan for a minute.”

Regan winced, knowing what he
wanted to talk about.

“Okay, but come and get me when you
eat breakfast,” Carly instructed as she skipped away. The two of them already
seemed close. Regan was jealous that she’d missed his big homecoming. She
wanted to be her brother’s friend too.

“What was she talking about?” Rafe
asked, watching Regan closely once Carly had left the room.

Regan wished with all of her heart
Carly hadn’t told him. She had wanted Rafe to think she was normal—not
that she’d exactly acted normal when Parker had come. She knew she hadn’t. But
before that—before Parker came and ruined everything—they had been
getting along so well.

She didn’t want Rafe to know about
Michael, about what he did, any of it. She was too ashamed, and talking about
it hurt too much. Still she didn’t want to alienate Rafe with the knowledge
that she had things she didn’t want to share with him. She wanted them to be
close, and tell each other everything. She didn’t want secrets between them.
And yet, she just couldn’t bring herself to tell him about Michael. It was just
too painful.

“Nothing.” She tried to sound light
about it, but how does a person sound light about something like that? She
swallowed. “It was a long time ago.”

Rafe looked directly into her eyes,
and suddenly, she wanted to blurt out the whole story—everything. More
than just the Michael stuff—everything. But she didn’t. She couldn’t.
Instead, she just stood there, frozen.

“Okay,” he finally said, still watching
her. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.” She smiled
stiffly.

Rafe wet his lips. “Well, I’m going
to go take a shower.” He started to walk away, but then turned back to her,
gazing directly into her eyes. “Later though, Regan? Will you tell me later?”

Regan swallowed, not knowing if she
could. But she gave a slight nod anyway, wanting to make him happy.

Rafe gave a slight nod back, his
eyes lingering on her as though he was concerned. Finally he turned away.

Still standing in the corner, Regan watched
him head up the stairs, wishing, somehow, that she had confided in him. But how
could she? She couldn’t talk about it with anyone,
anyone
. Not even him. But she had a niggling feeling that she
would. She had a feeling he was going to change her life.

***

Rafe’s shower was
cold—purposely. He got being a brother. He did. He felt it instantly
toward the little girl—Carly. But Regan was another
matter
altogether. The word that came to mind wasn’t “brotherly.”… Though, yeah, okay,
he felt the brother thing towards her, too. He did. That part of the boy’s
memory was still there—strong. Making his emotions even more
complicated—two intense, totally opposite feelings colliding. Instantly,
making his feelings for her way too intense. And run the gamut. There wasn’t a
deep emotion he didn’t feel for the girl he’d thought about, dreamed about for
the past ten years. But all the emotions she stirred inside him, they all led
to the same thing—want. He wanted her.
All of
her—body and soul.
And he knew that wasn’t right. That wasn’t the
way it was supposed to be.

Still, he couldn’t help feeling
grateful that there had been a moment—one glorious glimpse of a
moment—when Regan first saw him—that she’d been confused,
uncertain. For that moment she’d seen all of him—Drake, Rafe, both. But
now she’d thrust the Drake away, only seeing what she wanted—Rafe, her
brother. So, though it caused him agony, he would be that for her, her brother.
He would be anything she wanted,
give
her anything she wanted, anything. Unfortunately, he knew all she wanted from
him was that—to be her brother.

He growled,
What
kind of hell is this?

Finally, he met the girl he’d
dreamed about for the past ten years, only to learn he couldn’t touch her. He
could
never
touch her.

He growled again.

It was ironic. When he first
arrived here—back where the boy had actually been happy—he was
unable to believe the universe had been so
kind as to let the
boy finally come
home. His heart had reveled, learning the pleasure of a
family’s love.

These few days, he truly started to
believe his mission might be over, he was finally free to feel joy. He actually
let himself believe it might be true … until this morning when his eyes fell on
Regan gracefully dancing in the sunlight. Then his heart knew hell. His mission
wasn’t over. The universe
wasn’t
kind.
Of course.
Only how could it be so cruel?

Why did he have to go through this
torture? (Her
brother!)
Why was he
here?

***

The entire Turner family assembled
in Dr. Heath’s office at 9:15 that morning. Having just finished a session,
Rafe was already there. He raised his eyebrows, looking uncomfortable as
everyone piled in.

“Can I, um, wait outside?” Regan
heard him ask the doctor.

The man gave her brother an
incredulous look. “We’re going to be discussing you. Wouldn’t you like to stick
around?”

Rafe said nothing more, but slumped
back in his chair, looking uncomfortable. Regan was left with the impression
that his answer was no, he didn’t want to stick around. But the doctor didn’t
seem to notice, or chose to ignore it, turning his attention to the family.

He explained that Rafe hadn’t had a
structured family life since he’d been taken away, and that he had no concept
of what it meant to be part of a family as far as emotions were concerned. The
Flynns (the couple that had abducted him, Regan learned) had really confused
her brother. They’d made him call them his parents, and yet they hadn’t treated
him as a child. Dr. Heath didn’t go into how they
did
treat him, saying that would be betraying Rafe’s confidence, but
he urged that each family member try to talk with Rafe themselves, and get an
open line of communication going.

“It’s crucial that you take into
account that this young man hasn’t had a traditional up bringing in any sense
of the word,” the doctor informed the family. “He’s confused about what’s
expected of him, and how he should behave, not only as a member of society, but
also as a member of your family.” The doctor folded his arms, gazing intently
at each sibling. “It’s up to you to show Rafe what it means to be a family, and
to help him, not by criticism of his mistakes, but by example.”

Dr. Heath stressed that Rafe had no
concept of what it meant to be a son, or brother. It was something he was going
to have to learn. It wasn’t an instinctive trait—at least not in Rafe.

Furrowing his brow, the doctor
turned his attention to Mr. and Mrs. Turner. “Your son is accustomed to living
on his own.”

He explained that it would be hard
for Rafe to adjust to a bombardment of parental rules. “You’re going to need to
give him a lot of space in areas that might under other circumstances seem out
of the question to you as parents.”

The doctor emphasized that Rafe was
innately a good person, and that he had a strong desire to please them, but had
no idea what was expected of him as a son.

The family learned that Rafe used
to be on drugs, but was now free of the addiction. “He’s a chain smoker
though,” the doctor pointed out, turning his gaze to Mr. and Mrs. Turner. “At
this time, I wouldn’t recommend trying to make him give up the habit, but
perhaps set limits on it, such as, he can only smoke in his room, or
outside—I understand an arrangement of this kind is already in effect?”

Both Mr. and Mrs. Turner nodded,
and the doctor scribbled something in his notes.

“Also,” he gazed thoughtfully at
Rafe,
then
back at Mr. and Mrs. Turner, “I’m aware
that you’re concerned about Rafe adjusting to home life, and school—and
these are valid concerns. But your son has stressed a desire to work and make
his own money. And I agree with him. It would probably be best if he did. He’s
not ready for total reliance. He needs to hold on to some of his independence.
It’s going to take time—patience. At the moment, your son doesn’t feel
secure enough to have dependence on anyone, not even his family.”

Regan watched as her parents gazed
at each other questioningly. She knew they hadn’t planned for Rafe to work this
year. They had wanted him to be close to home and concentrate on studies. But
she could see they were willing to comply with anything and everything the
doctor said.

The family listened to Dr. Heath
with fascination, asking few, if any, questions. The doctor seemed to have
Rafe’s emotions and needs all in his notes, and read them off one by one,
explaining things here, emphasizing there. Rafe sat in silence through the
whole session, not objecting to or confirming anything the doctor said. He just
looked uncomfortable about being discussed so candidly and Regan felt
bad
for him having to sit through it. She knew she wouldn’t
like to be discussed like that, even if the people discussing her were her
family who she knew only had her best interest in mind.

***

That night the whole family
gathered to celebrate Rafe’s return. He’d had an easy enough time that
afternoon keeping track of names when it was just the immediate family, but for
the celebration his sisters had brought their husbands and children with them
as well. Regan noticed her brother was having trouble remembering whose name
went with what child.

“Don’t worry about it,” she
whispered to him as they sat down at the table to eat.

Regan had gotten over her shyness
while Rafe was at Dr. Heath’s this morning. She had written all of her feelings
out in her journal and concluded she was simply unaccustomed to her
brother—so, in a sense, fascinated by him, and
he was
fascinated by her
. They hadn’t grown up together and seeing each other
this morning, after being apart for ten years, had been a shock. Their feelings
would take adjusting, but nothing was “weird” between them. She decided she’d
imagined all that—the strange, “magical” attraction and … everything. It
was too crazy.
And creepy.
She decided she had just
been shocked by his attractiveness, but she was getting used to it now. She
figured soon her strange feelings would all go away. Relief!

She explained all that to Rafe as
soon as they came home from Dr. Heath’s. She had him sit outside with her on
the front steps and confessed her confused feelings (pretty much).

She concluded her complicated
explanation to him with a shy smile, “I was just overcome with happiness to see
you.” She flushed, her face turning a pretty shade of pink. “I’m really
emotional. Even cheesy commercials make me cry.”

Rafe bit his lip. He had studied
her hands while she spoke, watching her graceful manicured fingers clasp and
unclasp as she tried to fit together things that couldn’t be explained (that
is, without knowing a world beyond the one they were now sitting in); saying
nothing through her whole explanation, just silently staring at her gentle hands
with a furrowed brow.

He looked up at her now, his eyes
seeking hers. “Did you cry when I got taken away?”

Regan widened her eyes. “Are you
kidding? Of course I cried! I did nothing
but
cry. When I lost you I didn’t only lose my brother, I lost my best friend. I
mean that Rafe. You were my
best
friend. I hated living without you. I hated walking to school by myself, and I
was afraid to go in our tree house without you. It had spiders in it, and you
always killed them for me.”

He smiled a little. “I was a good
brother, huh?”

“You were the best. I mean it. You
really were. There was this boy—Charlie Braggs—he used to always
chase me at school. But you wouldn’t let him. You used to beat him up, and make
him leave me alone. When you disappeared I had to spend every recess in the
bathroom because of stupid Charlie Braggs. I would always start crying while I
was holed up in there, thinking that if you were still around you wouldn’t let
Charlie be mean to me.”

“I wouldn’t have,” he said softly.
“I wouldn’t have let anyone be mean to you.”

“I know,” she assured him.
“Whenever anything went wrong in my life, I’d always think that:
This wouldn’t be happening if Rafe was here.
”

Rafe gazed at her intently. His
eyes locked on hers. She could feel his warm breath on her cheek as he drew
closer. And closer.

For a frantic moment, Regan thought
he was going to kiss her. Her breath caught and her
heart
beat
panicked. Went wild. But then he didn’t kiss her.
Of course.
He straightened, running a hand over his face. He
pulled out a cigarette.

Cigarette
= outlet
.

Watching him, Regan reddened,
feeling shallow and silly. Complaining to him how it had been for
her
while he was away. Like she’d
had to endure so much. She cringed.

He looked so solemn. She wanted to
do something comforting—something to take away his pain.

“I’m sorry all of those awful
things happened to you,” she said softly.