Fall For Me ((The Tate Chronicles #1)) (27 page)

I turned that over in my mind. “You love me?”

“I have always loved you, Grace.”

“So, this is how angels kiss then? I never knew…”

“…how good it was?” he asked.

Exactly.
I felt my smile widen.

You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this moment, Grace. How long I’ve waited for you.

I closed my eyes, laid my head on his shoulder, and felt like I was home. I hated myself for feeling that way, for betraying Josh, but I couldn’t deny it. You can’t choose love, it chooses you.

Seth’s lips brushed my ear and he whispered, “We have an audience.”

When I lifted my head, I faced my brother’s ice cold stare. His hazel eyes darkened as he frowned, looking less than impressed.

“How much did you see, Arch?” I dropped my eyes.

“More than I would’ve liked. Doesn’t he have somewhere else to stay?”

“I have a place in town, but it’s not as nice as this.” Seth flashed Archer a grin.

“Whatever.” Archer folded his arms over his chest.

Ryan sat up at the sound of Archer’s voice and rubbed his eyes. “What’s going on?”

The silence hung between us all. Charlotte came to sit beside Archer. Her expression was neutral, and I was grateful she wasn’t taking sides.

“To judge others is to judge
yourself
,” she said.

“I can’t believe the Council want you gone.” I shook my head as I sat up. “The world needs more people like you, Charlotte.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” she whispered.

Archer scowled and stood up, heading outside. Seth followed and I didn’t stop him.
Let them sort out their differences,
I thought. I was tired of being mediator.

Happy birthday, big brother,
I said in Archer’s head. He didn’t reply.

“He’ll come
good
, Grace,” Ryan said.

“I bet you wish you’d never found out about us and our freaky, supernatural world.”

Ryan sat studying his hands, and I thought he would never answer. Charlotte seemed to be hanging on the edge of her seat, waiting for a response as well.

“I don’t know. Emma is gone. My best friend is … different. I’m having a pretty tough time dealing right now, but I guess you can’t change the past. Would I be better off not knowing? I don’t think it would make a difference, she would still be dead, and Josh would still be gone.”

Ryan was right. Suddenly I felt very guilty for bringing him into this mess. Losing two people in one week was a lot to take, I was living it as well, but at least my coping mechanisms were a little more advanced.

After breakfast, we took turns in the shower and got ready. At least our grey school uniforms were depressing enough for a funeral. Archer and Seth were both keeping their morning conversation locked away in their heads, which was probably a good thing, and all focus was on Emma and getting through the service in a relatively sane fashion.

It felt weird pulling into the school parking lot, two days away felt like two years. Everyone milling around the main yard looked like strangers. They had their funeral faces on, and it made me mad knowing some of them would shed tears for someone they didn’t even know, or like.

By the sound of the first bell the entire school, along with teachers, parents and family, was crammed into the cathedral. Mr and Mrs Shrove sat in front with Emma’s older brothers and their wives. I didn’t know them well as they all lived interstate and I could count on one hand the number of times we’d met. As Emma’s close friends, Charlotte, Archer, Ryan and I had the privilege of the second pew. Seth was somewhere with all the others who had to stand. It really was quite a turn out. I would have been happier in the back so I could see everyone, but I guess I had to settle for listening only. But after a few minutes it was driving
me
crazy and I shut everyone out. There were so many judgemental and bitchy thoughts; I just didn’t want to know. Josh wasn’t around either, I couldn’t sense or hear him. This made me sadder than I thought it would. Despite what he’d done, I still needed him. I hadn’t had a chance to talk to him properly since his rage of jealously started, and I kicked myself again for getting into this mess. I knew I’d have to make a choice, but how do you split your heart in two?

Father Michael’s service was short but nice, and Mr Shrove held it together for the eulogy. Before I knew it, Ryan, Archer, Mr Shrove and Emma’s brothers were getting up for the procession, all acting as pallbearers. Everyone filed out the big doors behind them and into the sunshine. Only family and close friends were invited to the grave side part of the ceremony, and I knew it was time to get up, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to say goodbye. If I stayed right where I was, maybe I wouldn’t have to. I’d managed to keep my cheeks dry, but I knew watching Emma being lowered into the ground would open the flood gates. Thinking of her, trying to remember her smile, her laugh, my eyes began to sting. I took a deep breath.

“We’ll see you in a bit,” Mrs Shrove said, patting my arm on her way past.

I offered her a tight lipped smile and nodded. Charlotte linked her arm through mine, helping me up. I was glad she was there. We walked the red carpet of the long aisle to the back of the cathedral where Seth stood waiting, leaning against the sandstone wall.

“I’m surprised they still let us in here,” he said.

“A house of God is open to all, Seth, you know that.”

He nodded, pushed th
e door open and held it for us.

“Judgement occurs in Heaven. I haven’t forgotten everything,” he replied.

We walked to the cemetery in silence. The student body had been directed to class for reflection before getting back into the swing of things. “Busy minds don’t ponder,” Mr Gerard had said. How right he was. With my eyes fixed on the ground, I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other until Charlotte stopped. When I raised my head I locked eyes with Abby.

“I can’t remember if I ever told you how sorry I am, about Emma,” she said.

I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. She took this as her cue to keep talking.

“Saturday night was fun. Thanks for putting on a great party.”

“Did you get home ok?” I asked.

“Yeah, Jesse took us back to the dorm, but I don’t really remember leaving.” Abby’s brow furrowed. “Oh well, again, sorry,” she said. I knew she was being genuine, and I was glad to see she was ok.

Emma’s casket sat next to a freshly dug grave. We stood in a semi-circle with Father Michael at the head. After saying a few words and waiting for Mr Shrove to nod, he pushed the button to activate the lowering device. The soft whir of the mechanism was the only sound in the quiet cemetery, even the magpies and cicadas had fallen silent as if out of respect. I watched the box that held my best friend slowly descend into the ground, and that’s when the tears started. Staying strong for Emma’s family was no longer an option; I just couldn’t hold it in.

My knees sank into the soft earth at the edge of the grave, and I sobbed uncontrollably. Archer tried to help but I waved him away. I needed to do this alone. After a few moments, I blinked away my tears and looked up at Mrs Shrove. She knew what I wanted to do.

“Go on, Grace,” she said. Her cheeks were also wet.

Slowly, I got to my feet and took the few steps to the mound of dirt at the foot of Emma’s grave. I dug my fingers into the soft cold soil and took a fistful, closed my eyes, then threw it onto the casket. I felt a little better, like I could actually let her go. She would be in a safe place, even if I could never get back there, at least I knew Heaven would look after her.

“Grace,” Seth whispered at my shoulder. “Look.”

When I opened my eyes, I saw a beautiful white butterfly flutter into the sunshine. I held out my hand and it landed lightly on my palm, where it lingered for a moment. Then it took flight, beating its radiant white wings against the beautiful azure sky.

JOSH

F
rom the shadows of the Moreton Bay fig, I watched Grace walk down the cemetery path, leaning on Charlotte. Seth wasn’t far behind, his hands in his pockets and his head down. I stiffened at the sight of him, wanting nothing more than to run down there and pound him into the ground.

They came to a stop beside a freshly dug grave. Ryan and Archer were pallbearers, and I’d just watched the casket procession before Grace arrived. I felt a pang of guilt for what I’d done to Ryan, but it didn’t last long. I definitely knew one thing, becoming a vampire changes you in ways you never imagined. Sure, you get to run fast and be really strong, but it also hardens your heart.

Grace was on her knees, sobbing over the hole in the ground. Let her cry and suffer. Let her feel pain like I had. At least she lost someone to death, but me, I had to watch as she slowly slipped through my fingers. My blood boiled more as Seth stepped close to her and whispered in her ear. I could see the tiny white butterfly as clearly as my own hand. For a moment I softened when Grace’s radiant smile lit up her face. She turned her gaze skyward until the butterfly disappeared.

Grace, being the faithful friend, sat at the edge of the grave for a while longer. Emma’s family were already gone, and the others were getting ready to leave. I heard their conversation easily with my new hearing. “We’ll see you back at the shed,” Archer said. He gave Grace a quick brotherly kiss then left with Charlotte, passing my mum’s grave as they went. Guilt surfaced as I watched Charlotte’s hair sway across her shoulders. She had wanted to help me and I’d pushed her away. Seth said something about searching for Angelica but I blocked his voice and concentrated on Grace. I needed to talk to her, by herself, and I knew if I thought her name she’d hear me. I waited until she was alone before stepping to the edge of the shadows.

Grace.

Slowly, she raised her head. That’s when I knew Grace wasn’t the one I was angry with. She was beautiful and good, and how could I not love her? Her eyes sparkled with fresh tears, but she didn’t move.

Grace, I know you can hear me. Please, I…

Don’t,
she said. I could feel her in my mind.

We stared at each other, Grace crying and me softening more with every tear.

“I can’t do this right now, Josh.” Her voice travelled across the cemetery. “I have to go.” She dropped her gaze and turned away.

“Grace,” I yelled, stepping into the sunshine.

“Please, Josh, it’s my birthday. Just let me deal.”

Her birthday, how could I forget? But how could I remember with everything that had happened? She took a few steps and I decided I wasn’t going to let her go that easily. She was the one that taught me to fight for what I believed in, so I was going to fight.

I reached her side in seconds, but she didn’t stop, so I grabbed her arm to spin her towards me. With one quick movement, Grace hit me and I stumbled backwards, landing heavily. It was good I was a little more resilient after the change, but I couldn’t say the same for my pride. I sprang back to my feet and ran to block her path.

“Please, get out of my way,” she said.

“Why won’t you talk to me?”

Grace looked at her hands and fiddled with her ring. I knew she was thinking over what she was going to say, it was a habit of hers, always trying to put the words in the right order.

“I can’t look at you without hating myself for what I’ve done,” she finally said.

“You were trying to save me, I get that now.”

“But none of this would have happened if I never got involved with you in the first place.”

“What’s happened to us? I’m still here, I’m still me.”

“No, you’re not. Look what you did to Ryan. You’re this angry person I don’t recognise any more,” she said.

“Well, maybe I wouldn’t be so angry if the enemy wasn’t trying to suck face with my girlfriend!”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, yeah, you and Seth have history, but I’m betting he’s already tried one on you, am I right?”

Grace stared at me with wide eyes, and from the look on her face I knew what her answer would be.

“Seth kissed me this morning, and I let him.”

I bit my tongue and blood welled in my mouth as I fought to contain my anger.

Grace stepped around me and walked to the rusty gate of the cemetery. She paused with her back to me, her hand on the latch, and said, “I don’t know how to fix this.”

“Just tell me … tell me you love me.”

“You know I do, but it’s not as simple as that.”

“Why, Grace? Why can’t it be that simple?”

I was ready to forgive her for everything, for ever letting
him
touch her. All I wanted was to take her in my arms and hold her, for everything to be like it was before Saturday. But she was right, I
was
different.

I took her by the shoulders and turned her towards me. Her eyes looked haunted, and I wished I could get into her head like she could get into mine, but she’d blocked me. I needed to understand why we’d got to where we were.