Falcorans' Faith (34 page)

He reached the lower deck, turned left, then right, and stopped in front of Stalnek’s door.  Without hesitation he turned the knob, pushed the door open, and stepped inside.  He closed the door behind himself and locked it.  Then he walked over to a corner of the room that he knew the camera couldn’t see and leaned against the wall while he tried to calm his racing heart. 

Once Kevlin had composed himself, he left the safety of the corner and went to the built in desk that held Stalnek’s personal vid terminal.  Stalnek’s constant belief that everyone around him was stupid had allowed Kevlin to learn more secrets than Stalnek would ever have guessed possible.  Using Stalnek’s personal pass code, which he’d actually known for years, but had never used before, he accessed Stalnek’s private files. 

Even knowing what he was doing, it still took several minutes to unlock the half dozen layers of safety protocols guarding a program that Stalnek thought no one else was even aware of.  When the program finally launched, it took only a few seconds for Kevlin to enter the fifteen digit string that he’d memorized five years earlier, arming the
Chameleon’s
self-destruct system. 

Kevlin watched the countdown for a few seconds to be certain it was activated, then he changed the pass code with an encrypted set of numbers that he chose randomly without even looking at the key pad.  Given enough time, any reasonably skillful being could break the new code.  But it would take a lot longer than fifteen minutes.  

Satisfied that what he’d begun could not be stopped, not even by himself, he stood up and walked to the door.  It seemed odd that Stalnek hadn’t spotted him yet, but there was no one at the door, no one in the hall, no alarm bells ringing.  He closed Stalnek’s door and started to go into his own room across the hall.  His plan had been to sit in his room and wait for the ship to explode.  It suddenly occurred to him that there was no reason why he couldn’t escape the destruction of the
Chameleon
.  Darck would take him in, surely.  He could spend the remainder of his days living in peace with his sons and grandchildren.

He checked his watch as he spun around and headed for the shuttle bay.  Three minutes had lapsed since he’d started the countdown.  Plenty of time.  He took the stairs up one deck at a near run, then turned toward the rear of the ship.  As he walked, he mentally reviewed the controls of the shuttle.  It had been a long while since he’d piloted anything but a ground car, but surely he remembered enough to manage the shuttle.  It practically piloted itself anyway.

Kevlin reached the shuttle bay and checked his watch as he pushed through the door.  Nine minutes to go.  He smiled and looked up, then came to an abrupt stop.  The shuttle bay was empty!

He reached for the comm on the wall and entered the code for the bridge, his gut telling him who had taken the shuttle out before the captain picked up.  He understood now why Stalnek hadn’t spotted him and raised the alarm. 

Stalnek hadn’t stomped nearly long enough to burn off his anger but he paused anyway to see who the incoming message was from.  Seeing that it was from Magoa, he hurried around the desk and sat down with more than a little satisfaction.  He opened the message, and read quickly.  When he was finished, he leaned back in his chair, thinking.

It didn’t take him long to make a decision.  He contacted the captain and ordered him to have a pilot prepare the shuttle immediately.  He disconnected before the Captain could ask why, or for whom, or any other ridiculous questions that he had no intention of answering.  Then he accessed the thermal scans of Onddo that had been run when they’d arrived early that morning.  He copied the scans onto a memory crystal, slipped the crystal into a pocket, and left his quarters. 

A few short minutes later he was strapping himself into the
Chameleon’s
only shuttle, watching the pilot, a young male named Lerck, go through his pre-flight check with confident precision.  Satisfied that the young man knew what he was doing, Stalnek relaxed.  He wondered briefly if he should have told Kevlin he was leaving the ship, then dismissed the idea.  Kevlin had been acting strangely since learning that their people had all died.  If he spoke with Kevlin now, he’d just get irritated all over again.  Better to have his meeting with Magoa without getting himself riled up first.

He leaned his head back and focused on appearing as relaxed as possible as the pilot took them out of the
Chameleon
and headed for Onddo.  Not being a huge fan of small ships, it took more effort than he liked, but for no reason would he ever show fear.

“Oh, shit!” Lerck exclaimed.

Stalnek frowned.  “What?”

“Excuse me, Mr. Stalnek, sir, but I think...I mean...,” Lerck trailed off as he stared at a screen on his control panel. 

“My patience is at an end,” Stalnek growled, but the very paleness of the pilot’s face as he turned to face him froze the words in his throat.

“The
Chameleon
is gone, sir,” Lerck said.  “It just exploded.  There’s nothing left.”

Several questions ran through Stalnek’s mind, but he discarded most of them as being weak.  “What caused it?” he asked finally.

“I don’t know, sir,” Lerck said.  “As soon as we land, I’ll replay the sensor recordings.  Maybe that will tell us something.”

Stalnek almost ordered him to turn around, to go back and be sure, then subsided.  What difference did it make.  If the ship was gone, it was gone.  How it happened didn’t matter.  What mattered was that he and this young pilot were the only Brethren left in the Universe. 

Chapter
Twenty-Six

The Falcorans left the cafeteria with Faith and made their way toward the elevators in silence.  They were all happy to be together without the stress and worry of the past few days, and were content to enjoy it without the necessity of words.  When they reached Tristan’s room they all took the same seats around the table that they’d used before.  Faith accepted some cold water from Tristan, knowing she was going to need it if for no reason other than to have something to do with her hands.

“Faith,” Tristan said.  “We can feel that you are becoming nervous.  Please know that we expect nothing from you. 

“I do know that,” Faith said.  “It means everything to me, too.  I’m nervous because I have to say some things to you that are difficult to say.  That’s all.”

“Say them in your own time, in your own way,” Tristan said.

Faith smiled, then took a deep breath.  “Okay, first thing I have to tell you guys is that I can’t have children.”  Faith took another deep breath, relieved to have that out.  She looked at Tristan, Gray, and Jon, but their expressions hadn’t changed.  She reached for their emotions, and found only concern, and a bit of sadness.  Well, that was understandable.  They’d already told her that they craved family.  “I’m sorry,” she said.  “Cinthy’s laser gun took more than my stomach.”

“Do not tell us that you are sorry for something that was done to you, please,” Tristan said.  “We are sad for you, because we can feel how much it hurts you.  But children are not going to be an issue, Faith.  Please, I ask that you trust me on this.”

Faith nodded, though she didn’t understand what he meant.  She supposed he meant they didn’t mind adopting. 

“The next thing is, as I told you before, I have a lot of scars.  I’m not pretty to look at.”  She kept her eyes on the table when she said that, barely noticing when Jon pushed back his chair and stood up. 

“Do they look anything like this?” he asked.

She looked up, startled to see him standing with his shirt pulled up, baring a stomach rippling with muscle.  She swallowed hard, her mouth going dry, then realized that she was supposed to be looking at the scar.  Once she got past the beauty of his sculpted body, she saw that he had a scar that looked a lot like her own, covering an area about twice the size of her fist on one side of his stomach.  The scar was shiny, with ridges on the edges and white striations running through it.

“Radiation weapon?” she asked.

“Yes,” Jon replied, as he lowered his shirt and sat back down.  “It’s one of the few injuries that our bodies cannot regenerate, or heal quickly.  I remember how painful it was, which is why I asked you how much of your body got hit.  I wasn’t concerned with how much of your body was scarred, Faith.  I was concerned with how much pain you suffered.”

Faith blinked rapidly.  She was not going to ruin this by bawling.  “Thank you, Jon.”

He smiled at her.  It was enough.

“I have nightmares sometimes, as you know,” she continued.  “I have an aversion to being touched by strangers.  And, I’m prone to panic attacks, though I’ve been able to head those off lately.”

“Is that why you left the Observation Deck that day, when Bubbles shifted in the elevator?” Gray asked.

“Yes,” she replied.  “There are some words that set it off if I’m not expecting them, like radiation.”

“Understandable,” Jon said, surprising her with a wink. 

“Okay, here’s the final bad thing, but it’s also the biggest,” she said.  She took a long drink of her water.  “From the first moment I laid eyes on the three of you, my body reacted in a way that I had never experienced before.  I felt arousal.  And it scared the hell out of me.”  She took another drink.  “That’s why the nightmares came back.”

“Wait,” Tristan said, frowning.  “Your sexual attraction to us caused the nightmares?”

“Yes,” Faith said. 

“I’m sorry, Faith,” Tristan said.  “I do not understand.”

“I know,” she said with a small sigh.  “I’ve only ever had one sexual experience.  So when my body began reacting as though it wanted...that...well, it terrified me.”

Tristan leaned back in his chair as understanding hit him.  He’d guessed that she had an issue with the fact that there had been three guards, and there were three of them.  But he hadn’t realized it went this deep.  “Faith, we would never hurt you,” he began, but she held up one hand.

“I know,” she said gently.  “In my head, in my heart, I know you would never hurt me.  But that was the only experience I had.  It was all I knew.  All I could imagine whenever I thought about being with you three.  I’m sorry.  I don’t mean to insult you.  It was just so confusing for me.”

“Please, again, don’t apologize to us for this,” Tristan said.  “There is no need.”

Faith nodded, then finished her water and took hold of her courage with both hands.  She was almost there.  She had just one last thing to say to them, but it was going to be the most difficult.  She forced herself to meet Tristan’s gaze.

“Now that I know what
not
to imagine, I was hoping you guys wouldn’t mind giving me something good to imagine, instead.”  She dropped her eyes to the table.  “If you still want to after the things I’ve just told you, of course.”

Faith blew out a long breath of relief that she’d gotten through all of that without shedding any tears.  When she looked up, she froze, unable to decipher the expression on the men’s faces.  It was a disconcerting mix of pleasure and displeasure.

“It’s all right Faith,” Tristan said.  “We are just trying not to be insulted that you would think we would change our minds about wanting you because you have a few scars.”

“Its not the scars,” Faith said, surprised they thought that.  “I’m not saying I like them, but they don’t bother me all that much.  It’s my inability to have children that bothers me most.”

If she hadn’t been able to feel their confusion, it was certainly clear enough to be seen on their faces.

“Faith, that first night on the cutter, when we entered your cabin,” Tristan said.  “We noticed that you had covered the mirrors with towels.”

Faith took a deep breath to ease the shock she felt.  She hadn’t thought about this, hadn’t prepared herself to admit, or explain it.

“You don’t have to explain, Faith,” Jon said.

She gave him a grateful smile, but it was time to be fully honest with them.  “Grace and I weren’t just identical twins.  We were what are called
mirror
image
twins
.  When you guys look in the mirror, you each see yourselves as different from your brothers because your reflection is a flipped version of what you see when you look directly at them.  Not counting your eyes, of course.  But when I look in the mirror, I see Grace.  Exactly.  I know she’s gone, and will never come back.  I’m not delusional.  But when I look in the mirror and see
her
, a part of me automatically responds as though it’s really Grace standing there.  When that happens, I have to accept that she’s gone all over again.  That’s very...hard.  So I don’t look in the mirror.”  Faith paused, then smiled.  “I’ve been working on it the last few days though.  I decided that it was time for me to stop avoiding things, including mirrors.”

“You are too hard on yourself Faith,” Gray said.  “What you’ve been through would have destroyed most people.  Yet here you are, still moving forward.”

 “Mostly, I think I’m just too damn stubborn to give up,” Faith said with a faint grin.

“Now
that
it is easy to believe,” Tristan said, lightening the mood a little.  “Faith, we love you. 
You
.  The person that you are inside.  Your mind and heart.  The scars on your body, the injuries you’ve suffered, your inability to have children, these are things that have no bearing on our feelings for you.  We did not fall in love with the body your soul is housed in.  Though I must admit, we have no complaints in that department.  We find you to be the most beautiful woman we’ve ever seen.”