Read Falcon Quinn and the Black Mirror Online
Authors: Jennifer Finney Boylan
“And yet, it is not unpleasant, to be transformed into music,” said Pearl. “But now I am home once more, safely buzzing before you upon these translucent wings, ready to
use the
Stinger
to avenge our misfortune!”
“Yeah,” said Max. “We gotta set things right, man.”
“We will,” said Falcon. “Let's do it.”
“Okay,” said Max. “So what's our first job?”
“First thing,” said Falcon, “is breaking into the dungeon. And setting everybody free.”
“Breaking into the dungeon.” Max nodded.
“I too shall join you on this quest,” said Pearl.
Falcon looked at Mortia.
She nodded. “I'm in,” she said.
“Okay,” said Max. “So, how do we break into the dungeon? Don't we need a key or something?”
“It is a great pity,” said Pearl, “that we did not retain the keys of the one called Quimby. I imagine that some of those keys might unlock the doors of the dungeon, and others besides!”
“Jonny Frankenstein had them,” said Max.
“Yes,” said Falcon with a mysterious smile. “He did.”
Falcon reached into the pockets of Jonny's leather jacket, which he was still wearing, and pulled out the iron ring of Quimby's keys.
“Dude,” said Max.
“What happened to Jonny Frankenstein, anyway?” said Mortia.
“He escaped with us, man,” said Max. “But then he betrayed us! He was one of them all along.”
“He
was
one of them,” said Falcon, “but he saved Megan. And he gave me his jacket, with the keys in it. I think Jonny was trying to help us, in his own way.”
“Why would he do this thing,” asked Pearl, “if he was sent here by our enemies to destroy us?”
“I think while he was here he decided they were wrong,” said Falcon. “Once he became our friend, he learned that we weren't what they had told him. That we weren't all bad.”
“Yeah, well, I can see that,” said Max. “I've got a totally infectious personality.”
“Wait,” said Mortia, “Jonny Frankenstein wasn't really a Frankenstein? That whole time he was just a big fake?”
Falcon nodded. “He wasn't what he seemed to be,” he said. “On the surface, anyhow.”
“Of whom can it be said,” asked Pearl, “that he has no secret self?”
“Uh,” said Max. “Wellâme, maybe.”
“Besides you!” said Pearl.
“Guys,” said Mortia. “About the dungeonâwhat's the plan? We use the keys to get into the dungeon and then let everybody out?”
“That's the plan,” said Falcon.
“But no one knows where the entrance is,” said Mortia. “It's a secret.”
“It's not a secret,” said Falcon. “Sparkbolt told us when
we sailed by. Remember?”
“Ah yes,” said Pearl. “So shall it be.”
“Oh no,” said Max, as it came back to him.
“What?” said Mortia. “Where is it?”
“The entrance to the dungeon,” said Falcon. “It's in the Upper School. In the office of the headmaster. The
Crow
.”
T
hey stood there in silence for a moment. Mortia shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. “Um,” she said.
“You don't have to come,” said Falcon. “None of you do. But it's something I have to do.”
“We are with you!” shouted Pearl. “Señor Max and I together shall stand at your side, in this fight for justice!” She looked over at Max. “Won't we?”
“Oh, yeah,” said Max. “Definitely. I'm in. Shame we don't have any of that Sicko Sauce, though. I wouldn't mind a little extra monster kick.”
“
Señor
,” said Pearl. “You have all the monster necessary!”
“I don't need Sicko Sauce,” said Mortia. “I can do the Zombie Snap.”
“The Zombie Snap? What's that?” asked Falcon.
“You're serious?” she said. Then she began to sing a kind of zombie hip-hop aria:
If you're in an opposition to the very definition
Of the humanoid condition, don't just sit there like a sap!
What you need's an expedition that will change your disposition,
On a search and rescue mission, and that means the Zombie Snap!
When you lose your concentration and you got no explanation
And the nation of vibration's just a tent without a flap,
Get yourself an education in the monster population!
Son, you're no abomination if you do the Zombie Snap!
Mortia snapped her fingers and in an instant zombified. Her skin mouldered and decayed. One of her eyeballs hung out of its socket. Several of her teeth fell out. From head to toe, she putrified and decayed.
“Dude,” said Max.
“That's some snap,” said Falcon.
“What's that
smell
?” said Max. “Is that
you
?”
“There is an overwhelming aroma of deadness!” said Pearl. “It is most impressive.”
“Dude,” said Max.
“She who played it,” said Mortia, “has decayed it.”
Pearl buzzed across the gym toward the exit. Falcon
turned back to the green men.
“Thanks, guys,” Falcon said.
The green men looked at Falcon without expression. They glanced at each other. Then they picked up their drumsticks and began to play again. It was a triumphant recessional march. Falcon and Max and Mortia nodded gratefully toward the green men, then headed after Pearl.
“Those guys are totally out there,” said Max. “But they sure can play.”
“If it wasn't for the green men,” said Falcon. “I'd never have been able to make a sound loud enough to bring you back.”
“Whoa, Falcon,” said Max. “Your eye's all glowy again. The black one, I mean.”
Falcon wriggled his shoulders around.
“You okay?” Max asked.
“Yeah. It feels like the skin on my back is going to shrivel up and die.”
“I love how that feels!” said Mortia.
“Comrades!” said Pearl. “It is time for us to begin our attack.”
“The attack,” said Max. “Right.”
“We have to get over the wall to the Upper School,” said Falcon.
“But the wall is eight feet high,” said Mortia. “The only
way in is through the gates, and they're locked.”
Falcon held up the ring of Quimby's keys.
“Let us proceed!” said Pearl.
“Remember,” said Mortia. “There are students patrolling everywhere. They're waiting for you to attack.”
“I'm not afraid!” said Max. “I'm huge!”
“Sshhh! Be stealthy,” said Pearl.
“Dude,” roared Max. “This
is
stealthy.”
“Are you okay?” said Falcon. “You just seem kind ofâextra hairy.”
“It's GOOD to be hairy!” shouted Max. “It's excellent!”
“Comrades,” said Pearl. “I shall buzz to the gates of the Upper School. You shall stand here at the entrance to the gym and observe. If the way is clear, I shall buzz in a circle around the gates; if there are others, I shall buzz back. Let us begin!”
“Dude,” said Max.
Pearl hovered for a minute in front of Max's face, then buzzed forward and kissed his cheek. Then she flew away. Max blushed.
“Oh, man,” he said. “I am seriously crushin' on the Chupakabra.”
Falcon watched as Pearl buzzed across the quad to the iron gates to the Upper School. There were tall columns on either side of the gates; Pearl circled the stone figure of Scratchy Weezums.
“Look,” said Max, “she's buzzing in a circle. That means the coast isâ”
But even as he said this, something seemed to catch Pearl's eye. She looked at them and waved them back. From down one of the stone pathways came another student, a girl in a plaid school uniform with perfect hair and rosy red cheeks. She was looking at the school grounds with an air of haughty superiority, as if she was searching in vain for anything that she felt was half as wonderful as she was. On her head was a beanie marked
PINKY
.
“Dang it,” said Mortia. “It's Pinky. I mean Merideath. She and her friends are the worstâworse than the teachers.”
“Pearl!” Max whispered hoarsely.
Merideath paused, as if she'd heard something. She looked around the quad suspiciously. Pearl, who was directly behind her, buzzed around the gates, looking for a place to hide. Merideath must have heard the sound of buzzing wings, because she turned around suddenly. Pearl, at this same moment, landed on top of the left-hand column. She opened her mouth in the same expression of fear that was on Scratchy Weezums's face, and froze her hands in a mirror image of the other statue. Merideath turned around again, her eyes narrowing, searching the quad. Then she walked onward, past the gates and back toward the entrance to Castle Grisleigh.
Pearl remained statuesque for a moment longer, then glanced toward the Fitness Center and ushered them toward her.
“Okay, let's go,” said Falcon.
“And Max,” said Mortia, “try to be quiet.”
“This
is
quiet,” said Max.
They rushed across the quad to the iron gates, casting glances in every direction to make sure they were unobserved. The bells up in the Tower of Souls would begin chiming soon, and the students would wake up and head down to breakfast, and the campus would surge to life. There wasn't much time.
“Good work, Pearl,” said Falcon, as they arrived at the gates, and he pulled the keys out. “I thought she was going to catch you for sure!”
“Señorita Venacava!” she said. “Her repulsiveness has increased since our last encounter! I did not know that this could even be!”
“Dude,” said Max. “How's it going with the keys?”
Falcon was trying every key on his ring in the lock. All of them seemed the sameâfitting into the lock without much trouble, but then refusing to turn.
From the Tower of Souls came the sound of a large bell ringing.
“Uh-oh,” said Max.
“Falcon,” said Mortia. “You'd better hurry.”
“What
is
the Upper School, anyway?” said Max. “How come they wall the older students off from us?”
“It's like Castle Grisleigh, I heard. Only worse,” said Mortia.
“None of the keys work,” said Falcon.
There was the sound of voices and moving feet coming from the Academy.
“What do you mean, like, none?” said Max.
“They don't,” said Falcon. “I tried them all.”
“Try them again,” said Pearl.
“Where did these keys come from again?” said Mortia.
“From Jonny Frankenstein,” said Falcon.
“Who's a guardian, right?” said Mortia.
“Sort of,” said Falcon.
“And you think he's trying to
help
us?”
“Dude,” said Max. “What are we going to do?”
“They are coming,” said Pearl, buzzing several feet over their heads.
“It's a trap,” said Mortia. “Your friend Jonny
wanted
you to get caught!”
“I don't know what we're supposed to do!” said Falcon. “I don't know!” He pounded his fist against the iron gates.
One of the gates groaned inward.
“Dude,” said Max. “It's open.”
“Open?” said Falcon.
“Open,” said Max, pushing forward on the gate. It swung inward with a creak.
“Sssh,” said Pearl.
“Hurry,” said Mortia, and the four of them rushed forward through the gates of the Upper School. Once they were all through, they pushed the gates closed behind them. There was a heavy
click
, and the gates locked shut behind them.
“Uh-oh,” said Max again.
“
Now
they lock,” said Mortia. “Great.”
“It would appear that entry to the Upper School is not the problem,” said Pearl. “The problem is getting out, once admitted.”
“Whoa,” said Falcon, looking at the grounds of the Upper School.
“Whoa,” said Max as he turned around.
The grounds of the Upper School contained castles and gingerbread houses, observatories and gatehouses, oddly shaped cottages with tall chimneys. Around the perimeter of the campus was a vast forest. Small crooked pathways wound from building to building and into the woods.
“It's like a
college
for monsters,” said Mortia.
“Yeah,” said Max. “Monster U.”
“Hey guys,” said Falcon. “Where is everybody?”
They realized at this moment that this was the most
peculiar aspect of the campusâthere was no sign of life whatsoever.
“I don't know,” said Max. “Maybe we should try to avoid finding out?”
“I have located a signpost,” said Pearl, buzzing forward. Fifty feet in front of them was a tall post with various signs attached to it. Each sign was shaped like a human arm and hand, with a long bony finger pointing in one dircection or another.
HALL OF UNSPEAKABLE TONGUES
said one.
HALL OF HORRIBLE EXPERIMENTS
said another. There was the
HALL OF REVOLTING OBSERVATIONS
and the
HALL OF DISMAL SCIENCES
and the
CENTER FOR SOCIAL DISENGAGEMENT AND DISINTEGRATION
.
“Lots of options,” Max said.
“
HALL OF ADMINISTRATION, ADMISSIONS, AND PUS
,” Mortia read. Beneath this, in smaller letters, were the words
OFFICE OF THE HEADMASTER
. A long finger pointed to the right, and the four of them looked, in unison, to a creaking, dilapidated building with a tall widow's walk. A black cloud the exact size of the building hovered above the roof. As they watched, a bolt of lightning flickered and crashed upon the building's tall chimneys.
“Uh-oh,” said Max.
“I am not afraid of this falling-down, chunky, broken place!” said Pearl. “Now is the time for us all to unveil our
powers! Let us think of our friends, whom we have been sent to set free!”
“Okay,” said Max.
Another bolt of lightning crashed on the roof of the building.
“She's right,” said Falcon. “Let's do it. Monster up!”
They all put their hands together, then rushed toward the Hall of Pus, and the office of the headmaster of the Academy for Monsters.
The building had a set of crooked stairs leading to a warped veranda with stained wicker furniture on it. They tried to be careful as they stepped across the porch, but each step that Falcon made seemed to make another giant
creak
. Then they opened the torn screen door, which creaked softly, and peeked into the building.
It was empty and covered with dust. There were some antique computersâa Kaypro II and an IBM Peanut.
“Where is everybody?” said Max.
“Ssh,” said Falcon. Before them was a long hallway, at the end of which was a door with an old, mouldering sign that read
HEADMASTER
.
They looked at each other and nodded. “Pearl,” said Falcon. “Get your stinger ready.”
“I do not wish to sting this Crow once more,” said Pearl. “Since last time it nearly drained me of my life. But I shall reveal the stinger if I mustâto save our friends,
and defend our precious freedom!”
“Ssh,” said Mortia.
Together they crept down the hallway. The floor creaked beneath Falcon's feet. They exchanged one last glance, then swung open the door to the headmaster's office.
They were at one end of an elegant chamber, with high ceilings and a chandelier. At the other end was a large fireplace with two andirons that had the faces of gargoyles. Above the fireplace was a marble mantelpiece with a clock upon it that ticked softly in the quiet space; next to the clock were old photographs in ornate frames. There were three floor-to-ceiling windows with long, tattered curtains in front of them. In the center of the office was an enormous desk covered with papers. A candle was stuck into a bottle covered with many different colors of wax.
“Dude,” said Max, looking carefully at the desk. There, spread out neatly in a row, were four folders, marked
QUINN
,
FALCON
;
PARSONS
,
MAXWELL
;
PICCHU
,
PERLA
; and
MOULDER
,
MORTIA
. “Wait,” said Mortia. “Why is my fileâwith yoursâ¦?”
“You are among our company!” said Pearl. “Why should your name not be with ours?”
“But I only joined you ten minutes ago,” said Mortia. “I mean, they'd have had to⦔
They all looked at each other. “Okay,” said Max. “So where's the entrance to thisâdungeon?”
No one said anything. At that moment the door to the headmaster's office swung closed, and there was the sound of locks turning and bolts being drawn. At the same moment bars clanged down over the windows, blocking their escape. Max pulled on the heavy wooden door, but it would not budge. “Great,” he said.