Read Fake (A Pretty Pill) Online
Authors: Criss Copp
“Now I’m in,
” I begin, “do I have to do the mandatory years of service? Or are there special dispensations for having to live with Silas?” I smirk.
“Oh, you’re stuck with us
for an extended service period. But you’ll always have my pity for having to live with him.” Ben smirks and leaves me at little Ben’s door.
Little Ben is so cute
. He has his mother’s red hair but his eyes are blue. Jade tells me that they’ll change into a grey blue like his father’s most likely, and I think that with them as parents, he’s going to be an extremely handsome man.
I get a few pangs of loss every time I see little Ben. I can really feel the failure in not being able to have my own kids. Not that I divulge these feelings to anyone. There’s really nothing I can do about it anyway. Little Ben is a good distraction though. I get to give him lots of cuddles and then after a bit, I’m able to move beyond t
he initial disappointed feeling of not being able to have my own child.
He’s awake and
lying in his cot, pumping his fists and creating bubbles with his mouth.
“Hello there Ben.” I coo.
“Time to get up and have your first Thanksgiving little fellow.” I explain to him as I reach in and pick him up.
He pumps his legs as I lift him and it makes me laugh.
“You little fighter you. I bet you kicked your mom black and blue when you were rugged up inside her.” I say, leaning in to nuzzle his cheek. I get a whiff of nastiness drift up, so I pull him to me and place him over my shoulder so I can have a quick peek.
“Poooo…” I puff out, seeing the offending smear travelling up his ass crack.
“We’d better get onto that. We can’t have that smell competing with the turkey dinner buddy.” I complain, moving over to the change table underneath the window.
“You don’t give a toss, do you?” I say to him, as I lay him down and pull out the necessary items.
He keeps pumping those fists and kicking those legs.
I lift his feet up in one hand and peel
his pants down over his bottom and then I proceed to go through the motions of cleaning the little boy up. I finish by smearing cream on his butt, put another diaper on him and pull up his pants. Then I use a fresh wipe to clean my hands, followed by rubbing on some hand sanitizer.
I look at him now happily chugging away. Arms and legs rocking him animatedly.
“You are the cutest little guy ever.” I say, bending forward and lifting him to my face for a big kiss.
“Nah, Silas was cuter.” Jade says from behind.
“I was?”
I swing around to see I have an audience.
“How long have you two been there?” I ask self-consciously.
“Sinc
e you told him he could compete with the meal for smell.” Silas says. Coming over and grabbing his nephew to give him a big kiss and cuddle.
I
turn to look at Jade with shock, “I didn’t say it like that, I hope you realize I meant in opposites. Like a battle of good versus evil.”
“Don’t worry Isi. Your nipples are safe
.” Jade states.
I think my eyebrows hit my hairline.
“Not from me they’re not.” Silas smirks.
I find my head drop to look at the floor.
“Don’t worry Isi, you’ll get used to us. It’s only taken Ben a year.” Jade offers.
I sigh, but I can’t help smiling and shaking my head.
***
“I call it ‘Bonny Scotch Turkey’.” Jade enthuses as we watch Ben carving up a gorgeous looking turkey. It has a golden red glaze about it and alongside the baked potatoes, carrots and pumpkin, it
just looks amazing.
“Just grab your vegetables
and the gravy is over there.” Jade points.
“Cranberry sauce?” I ask.
“Oh damn, I totally forgot to buy some Ben, sorry Isi.”
“That’s okay, gravy will be good too.” I reason.
“Cranberry sauce is an institution honey.” Ben points the carving knife at her.
“You point that thing at me
again Benjamin Reynolds and I’ll use it to give you a free vasectomy.” Jade explains.
“You still haven’t seen the doctor?” Silas asks.
“No, I kind of want another one.” Ben states.
“That’s because you don’t have to carry them
inside you.” Jade reasons grumpily and then she swings around to me with a horrified look. “I’m so sorry Isi.”
I go to say
it’s okay, but Silas uses this moment to give it to Jade.
“Damn Jade, are you on a warpath to crucify Isi? No Cranberry sauce and now bloody pregnancy
pessimism. Geez.” He shakes his head.
Jade looks even more mortified.
“No… it’s okay Jade. Silas is just being a dick.” I soothe.
Jade picks up a bread roll and throws it at him.
“
STOP.
” Ben commands. “You two are not entering into a fucking food war at the Thanksgiving table.” he informs; then he drops the carving knife and fork and sighs. “And now I’m pissed because you made me swear in front of my son.” He explains.
I can’t help it, I burst out laughing.
My family was never this warm and friendly. They were never really a family either, this is where I belong. My laugh breaks any pending tension.
Jade
begins to laugh too and then we’re all having a bit of a chuckle.
Ben loads the delicious looking turkey onto our plates and
Silas lathers gravy over his and pours a little for me over my meat.
I have a glass of wine in front of me. I don’t drink unless there’s an occasion because my mom has totally ruined the excitement of alcohol for me.
Silas has a beer, as does Ben and Jade has a wine cooler she is referring to as a
‘spritzer’
.
The turkey has a warm color to it and I mention it to Jade.
“Wow, the color in the meat is amazing Jade. What did you marinate it with?”
“The name is Bonny Scotch.” she enthuses.
“I haven’t heard of that brand of glaze, but it sure as hell looks and smells incredible.” I enthuse.
“I’m glad you like i
t.” Jade states, “Now everyone dig in.”
Th
ere’s a delicious warm taste and the texture of the turkey is amazing. It’s incredibly juicy and succulent.
“Jade,
you’ve well and truly outdone yourself this time.” Ben says as he shovels in another huge forkful of turkey, potatoes and gravy.
J
ade is smiling at everyone.
It is around about the fifth mouthful that I begin to realize that my lips are actually burning and that it isn’t a temperature thing. It’s a spice thing.
“Wow, it delivers a bit of a kick afterwards.” I smile taking a chug of my cold wine.
“It’s still good though.” Silas says, smiling over at Jade. He takes a swig of his beer.
I’m not good with heat. I can do a bit of spice, I like Mexican food, but I always go for nothing stronger than medium. This heat has now hit my limit.
Ben has a look on his face that
corroborates that he too can sense the heat. But then he’s been eating a whole lot more than me. He takes a huge guzzling pull of his beer.
“Damn.” He says
shaking his head.
Jade is looking uncomfortable, “This
does have a bit of a kick, doesn’t it.” She smiles, but she can’t help licking her lips and giving everyone a pained smile rather than the cheery version she had before.
Silas.
“Fucking hell Jade, what the fuck have you done?” I’m screaming as I attempt to wipe the offending burn from my tongue with my
paper napkin, which is completely fucked because it just disintegrates and I end up spitting it out in bits and swallowing even more. I feel like I’ve licked battery acid, swallowed it and then for good measure smeared the burning shit all over my lips.
I’m staring at everyone, while I wipe my mouth and occasionally dab tears from my eyes. I feel like I’m in a state of shock.
Ben is roaring, and he’s drinking the carafe of water that was on the table in such a way that he’s covered in it; it’s all over him.
He slams the carafe down and turns to Jade who is gurgling her drink and crying.
“Jade.” He roars. “What is this shit called?” He bellows.
She can’t speak. She just looks at him. Tears streaking her face and shakes her head.
“Get me the fucking jar NOW.”
“Shit
.” Isi hollers. Her face is red raw, and her eyes are dripping tears. “Mother of mercy, fucking help me.” She screams to the ceiling.
I want to go to her, but I just can’t help. I’m incapacitated too.
She jumps from the table and runs to the kitchen.
I think she’s got the idea. I’ll open my mouth under the faucet.
So I follow her.
She’s shaking and crying
and in the freezer.
“Ice?” I ask
bending over and lapping at the water I now have streaming from the faucet.
She doesn’t say anything;
she just pulls out two tubs of
Chapman’s
ice cream.
She stumbles to the drawer
s and grabs a handful of spoons and then she’s juggling the ice cream and spoons out to the dining room and jerking her head at me to go with her.
I follow her out and watch as she dumps a tub of icecream and
all the spoons in front of Ben and then shoves it between him and Jade.
She comes to me and grabs my arm
to push me down onto the floor.
I’m concerned that my mouth and throat will be permanently scar
red and I won’t be able to taste anything again.
And then I feel Isi’s fingers force ice cream into my mouth…
***
Fuck
ing life saver.
The burning still remains, but much
, much less, and we can all breathe and focus once more.
Isi and I are
seated on the floor and look like a couple of 3-year-olds that have had trouble getting our treat into our mouths. Our hands are covered in icecream, at least the remnants of it.
“More, get us some more Ben.” Jade requests
, indicating we could all use some more ice cream.
“You get the God damn jar.” Ben
squeaks.
“It’s in the bin
in the kitchen.” She offers.
“I’ll get it.” I
offer and realize that my voice sounds like I’m a 14 year old teenage boy with hormone issues.
I follow Ben out of the dining room.
We’re both walking like we’re recovering from a hangover.
“I think your sister hates me.” Ben squeaks.
“I think she hates all of us.” I moan.
He reaches for the freezer and reefs it open, pulling another tub out.
“We’ll have to share this one. It’s the last one.” He says.
“I’ll ride down the shops and buy more.”
“Nothing’s really open.” Ben states.
“Oh.”
I groan as I push my hand through the recyclable materials in the tub under the kitchen sink.
“That girl of yours is a bloody legend. I thought I was dying.” Ben states.
“I know. I fucking love her – so much.”
“I might want to swap girls with you
.” Ben says swaying slightly.
I give him a concerned look.
“I’m sorry. I’m not into incest.” I explain, finally finding the offending jar and packing up the spilled jars and bottles.
“I want to marry your girl,
she’s my angel of mercy.” Ben states.
I chuckle
and close the cupboard door.
“Sorry, you broke Jade
so you get to keep her.”
“I will kill you if you lose that woman. She’s seriously the only one of us that has a brain in a crisis.” Ben points
out. “She has to stick around forever.”
“She was in a war zone you know.” I
say in an understanding tone. “Twice. You have to think clearly about what you’re doing in a war zone, level head and stuff like that.”
“Stop fucking talking you two and bring the ice cream out.” Jade cries from the dining room.
“Don’t fuck it up Tayte.” Ben says to me, grabbing the jar and trundling out the kitchen door.
No fucking way…
I follow Ben out and find Isi seated in my chair. I pull hers up so I can sit close to her and we all crowd Ben’s end and share the icecream.
“I should’ve known about ice cream.” Jade says looking thankfully at Isi. “I’m a nurse after all.”