Fake (A Pretty Pill) (25 page)

“I think I’m glad Ethan is already caught, because I need to find Isi and look after her instead of wasting time trying to find him.”  I groan.

“Good answer.”

“However, if he wasn’t found, I’d look after Isi and then spend an inordinate amount of time looking for him
later so I could fuck him up for good.”  I clarify.

“It’s a start.”  Dr. Jensen sighs.

Ben looks over to me and places his face in his hands.

Dr. Jensen isn’t finished with me though; I can tell she has something else to say.

I give her my questioning stare.

She sighs again.

“Silas, as much as I know you’re not having a manic episode now; it’s very important that you learn how to deal with stress.  Stress is a major trigger for you to lead into mania.”

“I know.”

“So, you need to use your skills that you learn in therapy to calm your thoughts and feelings.  You need to channel that negative emotion away from you, so you can remain healthy.  This is really important Silas.  It’s really important that if you can’t avoid heightened stressful situations that you at least learn how to control your responses to them.”

I nod. 

“I’ll put all my effort into the trial hearing for Isi.” I growl.

“Supporting Isobelle would be nice.” She agrees.

“I’m looking forward to coming face to face with Ethan at the courthouse so I can bash his face in.” I explain.

Dr. Jensen groans, but
I feel a growl emerging and so she remains silent.  I’m doing my best and she shouldn’t expect miracles from me.  My instinct is to fuck him up to the best of my ability, and until I totally calm down that feeling will remain insitu.  Hell, maybe it won’t ever go away.

***

Ben asked me to follow him to the hospital, because I wasn’t sure where it was.

Now we’
re standing in the waiting room, waiting for Isi.  It’s fucking agony.

“So you tackled him?”
I ask.

“Yes.  I tackled him off her and punched him in the face.”

“Did you break his jaw?”

“I dislocated it.”

“Good.”  I applaud his effort.

“She’s a pretty girl.”

“Yes, she is.” I answer, while sort of smiling and looking at my feet.

It’s so weird.

Anger. Anger that can materialize and then fade just as fast; and yet still remain so that I’m able to concentrate and focus regardless.  I wonder how many times I have just been angry and felt it was more because I just didn’t understand?

“I like her.  I really like her
.”  Ben says.

“I think I’
ve fallen for her.” I voice.

“I’m sure it wouldn’t be a hard thing to do.”

“No, it wasn’t hard at all.”

Isi.

My shoulder is so sore.

My elbows are sore.

M
y wrists and ankles are bruised.

But I
kind of don’t care right now, because the smell of Silas lying directly in front of me and facing me is intoxicating and surreal.

I feel him shift frequently, since h
e keeps leaning up and watching me; I guess he’s checking to be sure I’m okay. 

It’s just this one night
and then I have to go back to the halfway house or lose my place.

The CBT has been going so well.  After one week of early morning group sessions and applying what I’m given; I’ve learned a lot about how to deal with the anxiety that builds up under certain circumstances.  I’m facing life again, rather than hiding from it.  I don’t want to leave ‘Harrington House’ as yet.  I at least want to finish the sessions over the next two weeks, it’s seriously been the best therapy I’ve ever had.

Silas is shifting again, which means he’s looking me over again.  I feel his eyes looking at me and then I hear his sigh.  I can’t help a slight smile appearing across my lips.

“Isi?  I know you’re sore, but
I really want to kiss you.”

Instantly my heart starts hammering in my chest. 
We’re in the guestroom of Ben and Jade’s house; and he’s left a nightlight on for me in the room so I can see my way around if I need to get up. I open my eyes and look directly into his beautiful ones.  The soft light is like a burst of moonlight in the otherwise dark room.  It allows me to see him in soft blue/white tones that make him appear transcendental, like an archangel; beautiful, alluring and dangerous.  His naked chest is mere inches from me.  His chiseled jaw has been cleanly shaven, and the smooth angles have me desperate to glide my tongue slowly across them and taste him.

“Okay.” I whisper
, my heart in my throat beating an unsteady rhythm.

He reaches out with his hand and places the tips of
his fingers underneath my chin; slowly lifting it, and positioning my lips forward.  At the same time he shuffles up and leans his face in till he lightly brushes his lips against mine.  I close my eyes and the light caress of his lips sends shivers through my body and I’m fighting my sore arms not to engage and pull him to me, but the pain would be acute and ruin this beautiful moment.

Silas presses in slightly harder, beginning to move his mouth the barest minimum
; yet it elicits a burning molten pool of lava in my pelvis.  A soft, gentle whimper escapes my throat and Silas breaths in hard through his nose, yet remains focused on being gentle.

His tongue emerges to lightly trace between my slightly open lips, and I find myself opening my mouth further in an invitation for him to proceed with this kiss.  His tongue does
a gentle sweep of my lips once again, before tentatively exploring further into my mouth and engaging my tongue.

The moment my tongue
tastes him and is sliding against his, I’m lost to him completely.  He’s barely touching me, but he may as well be caressing every inch of my body with his silken tongue and lips.  I feel my moan travel up from inside and sound into my mouth where he joins it with a throaty, sensual growl.  I want to reach down with my good arm and feel him, but I won’t… not until I can be consumed entirely by him and devour him in return.  Only then will I explore him that way. This kiss, this sweet, beautiful and sexy consummation of our developing feelings is like a sweet promise of what we’ll have; I sigh into Silas’ mouth and he deepens the kiss further still.

Not once has he moved beyond the boundaries of touching my face, yet this
smoldering kiss has harvested fires that are now bursting into heated infernos underneath my skin and throughout my entire body.

I have never been kissed with such sincere passion and need.  I have never before felt such a deep and meaningful connection.  I want to stay here forever.  I want to taste more.

The emotion Silas invokes with his kiss is completely soul defining.  He is consuming the essence that is me and then replacing it with the essence that is him.  It feels like he is magically strumming the core of my being and teaching me to love again, and I want him so badly it could make me cry.  I want to claim him for me; I want his innocent anger, his wanton lust and his devotion… I want it all.

I feel him shift his body up a
s he lifts his chest up and I slightly twist so he can lean over me more and press me back into the pillows, though not enough to hurt.  If I wasn’t wounded, we’d be taking this to the next level as we’d be without the ability to prevent the desperate need to tumble down into each other.

Silas.

Kissing this woman is like melting into one being with her.  I feel like I’ve found home, the place I’m meant to be.

I shouldn’t think about Shae, but I can’t help but briefly compare this moment to the many hundreds of moments I have experienced in the past. 

I know we
have the capacity to experience the most amazing and passionate lovemaking, I can feel the electricity surging between us; even in this sweet and innocent kiss that threatens to spill over into burning passion.  But there’s one thing that makes this developing relationship already trump my previous one. I had always felt Shae was my world, and at the time she was.  However, Isi is exceedingly fast becoming my universe.  We share the common denominator of completely understanding each other and being able to feel the sincere perceptive acceptance of our individual composition.  It is a connection I can’t believe I was willing to live without.  That complete understanding and acceptance from the person you love, it’s intoxicating.  And with the experience now well within my reach, I’m salivating to secure it with both hands and hold onto it; like an oxygen mask delivering me life saving breaths, while I navigate the cavernous depths of an ocean of emotion.

I’m devouring her mouth and claiming her for me.  I’m tasting her and wishing I could taste every inch of her.  She’s whimpering, and we’re barely even touching except for our mouths and my hand on her face.

I’m hovering over her and I’m struggling to contain my desire and my complete need to feel her wrapped around me as I’m buried within her.  The denial of these strong and desperate emotions has me shaking.  A shuddering breath emits forth from my lungs and I know I must stop now or be unable to prevent myself from claiming her completely.

I release her mouth and place my forehead against hers.

“Oh.” I whimper.

We’re both struggling to breathe.  I need to tell he
r how I feel, but I’m scared it’s still too soon for her to hear, despite the obvious connection we already share.

I breathe.

My body is swamped with an aching enthusiasm to pursue the rapture.  My hips are straining to move against her and my penis is desperate to have her.

I shudder.

“Silas.”  She whispers.

I can’t talk
immediately, I can only breathe.  So I look directly at her in her eyes.

“Do you want me to help you
right now?  Would you like me to, um,
help
you achieve a release?” She asks shyly, however she’s managing to maintain eye contact.

Oh yes,
I really, really do.
  But I don’t want it to be just about me.  I want it to be about us.  So I groan and answer her the only way I know will satisfy me afterwards.

“I want our first time to be better.  I want it to be about both of us.” I throatily whisper.

We look at each other and both of us are breathing hard.

“I think I’m in love with you Silas.”  She whispers fearfully.

I knew it, I knew she loved me and it was the right thing to say, to deny my immediate need and prove to her that she means much, much more to me than my own satisfaction.

“Oh damn,
I wanted to be the first one to admit to that.”

“You were.  Your body is screaming it
at me.  I needed to let you know I feel the same.”

“I wish I could crush you to me right now.  This lying next to you and not being able to caress every inch of you is killing me.” I croak.

“I’m glad, because I’d hate to think I’m the only one experiencing the agony.”  She says, gingerly leaning in and lightly pecking me on the lips.

But I move forward and
begin to develop the kiss, and it deepens rapidly.  But of course I want more, so I pull back.

“Shit.  Isi, I need to stop.  I want to keep kissing you, but I can’t temper the desire.  I don’t want to hurt you
.  But damn, I want to make love to you so much right now.”  I explain in my rasping tones.

She sighs,
“Okay, let’s talk about something else; this is just as hard for me – everything you’re saying is just making my body build up towards an orgasm.”  She moans.

“Ohhhh!
” I groan, rolling onto my back and running my hands up over my face and into my hair where I grip it hard and pull the roots up for a bit of pain.

If Isi looks down, she’s going to see my rock hard erection barely trapped in my boxers.  I can stop it from existing, but I don’t want to leave the bed and go to the bathroom to run my second rate hand across it either.  I have the feeling it will cheapen the feelings I just admitted to right now.

“Please Isi, don’t say stuff like that. I’m very weak at the moment.”

“Okay.  How about tomorrow we go out and look for apartments for you.”  She suggests, changing the subject.

“Yeah, that would be cool.” I agree.

We disc
uss what I want in an apartment and she tells me of some Property Managers she has found pleasant to talk to.  We formulate a plan to systematically go through every one of them and check out everything they currently have on their books.  However, despite these diversionary tactics, my erection stubbornly refuses to go down the entire time.

***

“Now Silas!”  Isi says, depressing the clutch and waiting for me to change the gears.  “You need to focus on my foot, or at least listen to the revs so you know when we need to change.” She giggles.