Faithful (26 page)

“You think?”

I took a deep breath. “I’m ready to get down on my knees and beg you to please forgive me. My life is nothing without you. I love you so much, and it absolutely kills me that I’ve hurt you. I promise you…if you can find it in your heart to forgive me…I promise, baby, I’ll do everything in my power to make it up to you every single day for the rest of our lives. I’ll be the best husband and father I can be. I would lay down my life for you.”

Her eyes filled with tears as she shook her head. “I gave up my dreams for you. I became something I wasn’t just to make you happy, so you could keep your goddamn parents happy. Do you know what it’s like to walk into your college classroom pregnant and have everyone stare at you? Do you know what it’s like to tell your parents that you’re leaving your husband because he’s taking drugs? That he flipped out on you one night and told you to give up the baby? Oh, and then to say…by the way, Mom and Dad, the night I got pregnant, my husband forced his high-ass self on me!”

I was doing everything I could to keep from crying.

Bryan cleared his throat. “Amanda, you have to know that he was not the Brad you met and fell in love with.”

“At this very moment, I have to say no…I can’t forgive you. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive you for the way you treated me during all those months or for making me go through half this pregnancy by myself because I thought you were no longer in love with me.”

I fell down to my knees and looked up at her. “Please, God, no. Amanda, please don’t give up on me. I’m begging you, please. Baby, I love you more than anything or anyone.”

I saw a tear fall from her eye.

“How does that make you feel, Brad? Do you feel like shit? Do you need a hit to forget all this pain?”

“Amanda!” Bryan said.

“I want you to hurt like how I’ve hurt. I want you to feel the pain I felt when you forced your drunk, high-ass self on me and then left me alone for days.”

I could hardly see her through the tears in my eyes.
She hates me.

“Amanda, please calm down,” Bryan said.

Amanda looked over at Bryan and then at me. “I’m sorry, Brad. I don’t think I can do this right now.” She started to make her way to the door.

I jumped up. “Amanda, please! I’m begging you to just give me a second chance.”

She turned back to me, and tears were falling like rain down her face. Just as she was about to open the door, I heard one of the nurses telling someone not to come into our room.

Amanda glanced over at Bryan and then me. “I’m sorry. I just can’t do this right now, Brad. I won’t give up on you, but I just can’t do this right now.”

When she opened the door, my mother and father were standing in front of her.

“What’s going on here?” my mother said, looking around.

“Excuse me. I was just leaving.”

My mother grabbed Amanda by the arm and forced her to stop. “Oh no, you’re not. We’re all going to sit down and talk about this. That is my grandchild you’re carrying, and you will not walk away from your marriage and abandon your husband like this!”

“Mom—”

“How dare you! How dare you even show your face here! If it weren’t for you and your mind-controlling, bitch-ass ways, none of this would have happened,” Amanda said.

My mother sucked in a breath of air and looked back at my father.

“How dare you talk to me that way! I’ve done nothing but set up everything, so you and my son could live a comfortable life with no worries.”

Amanda let out a laugh as she tried to yank her arm out of my mother’s grip. “I don’t want your money. I’m moving as soon as I graduate from school. You will never tell me what to do ever again.”

“Don’t blame this on me. You were the one who couldn’t keep your husband happy. God knows how you treated him to drive him to drugs.”

“That’s enough! Let go of my wife right now, Mother.”

Amanda and my mother both snapped their heads toward me.

“What?” my mother said.

“Let go of my wife’s arm now. As a matter of fact, I need you to please leave. You weren’t invited to this meeting.” I started shaking but not from the desire for anything. I didn’t need alcohol or drugs. All I wanted was my wife. I longed for her touch and only her touch.

“Brad, I think maybe you’re just upset and not thinking clearly.”

“No, Mom, I haven’t been this clearheaded in a long, long time. I stand behind Amanda one hundred percent on whatever decision she makes.”

I glanced over toward Amanda. She was just staring at me…stunned.

“Dad, I didn’t want to do this now, but I see I have no choice. I’m going to quit my job with the company.”

“What?” Amanda and my mother said at the same time.

My father nodded as if he knew it was coming.

“I’m sorry, Dad, but working for you and taking over your company is just not my dream.” I looked at Amanda and smiled. “Not our dream.”

“What in the hell are you talking about?” my mother said. She turned and looked at Amanda. “You will get back in there, and we will talk about all this nonsense!”

Amanda shook her head. “No. You can’t tell me what to do any longer. As soon as I finish school, I’m moving.”

My mother put her hand to her chest. “You can’t move away. We’ll never be able to see our grandchild if you move.”

“Exactly,” Amanda said with a smile.

“Bradley, talk some sense into your wife. Tell her you made a mistake.”

“I already asked Amanda to forgive me. I’ll do whatever she asks of me.”

My mother started laughing. “What are you trying to say, Brad?”

“I’m saying that I’ll stand behind Amanda and whatever decision she makes, Mom. If that means she’s moving to pursue her dream, then I’m moving with her—either as her husband or to be near her and the baby.”

“What if she divorces you? Are you just going to pine after her and follow her like some lost little puppy?”

“Carol, that’s enough. I think we need to leave and let Brad and Amanda work out their problems on their own,” my father said as he tried to take my mother’s arm.

My mother turned and looked at me. “If you do this…if you leave your father’s company and follow this lowlife piece of trash around the country, I promise you, son, you will regret it. You will not see a dime from us!”

“Carol!” my father said as he tried to get her to stop talking.

“No, it’s okay, Dad. Go ahead, Mom. Make the same threat you’ve been making to me for the last three years. I don’t care anymore. Some things are more important than money.” I looked over at Amanda, who was now standing there with her mouth hanging open. “You didn’t like Amanda the moment you laid eyes on her. You’ve made our lives a living hell because of it. Well, no more. I’m done. Please leave now, and the next time you want to visit, I suggest calling ahead.”

I turned and went to sit back down. I raised my eyebrows at Bryan as he smiled and gave me a thumbs-up.

Holy fucking shit! I just stood up to my mother! Finally, after all these years, I spoke my true feelings.

I could hear my mother bitching the whole way out.

I sat down in the chair and put my head in my hands. “Oh god. I just lost everything—my wife…my parents…my job. Motherfucker. Everything is gone.”

I watched Brad as he sat down in the chair. When I heard him say he just lost everything, I couldn’t catch my breath. I turned and walked out of the building and to my car as fast as I could.

Oh. My. God. Now, he decides to stand up to the witch. Damn it!

I almost started jogging. I needed to get away. I got into my car and started it up. Christina Aguilera’s “Stronger Than Ever” started playing, and I put my head on the steering wheel.

I really have to stop listening to this song!

Just then, I heard someone knock on my window.
Motherfucker. If it’s Carol, I’m going to punch her fucking lights out.

I slowly looked up and saw Bryan standing there. I opened the car door and got out.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry I went off on him like that!” I immediately broke down into tears. “I just wanted him to hurt as much as I’ve hurt. Oh god…I don’t want to walk away from him, but I’m so angry with him.” I fell into his arms, sobbing. “I just don’t know what to do. I love him so much, but I hate him so much, too.”

“I know, Amanda, and what you did was exactly what I told Brad would most likely occur.”

I pulled away and looked at him. “What?”

“Brad knows how much he hurt you. He might have mentally prepared himself for what just happened, but he was not prepared for it emotionally. He needed to see and hear how he has hurt you. He needed to see how his decision to do cocaine cost him everything. In order for him to never want to touch it again…he needs to see the destruction he has caused.”

“You knew I would react that way?” I asked.

He nodded with a weak smile. “Unfortunately, it’s all part of the job.”

I leaned back against my car. Just then, I felt the baby move. I closed my eyes and put my hand on my stomach.
He’s never even felt the baby move. I wouldn’t let him touch me. Oh, God, please help me.

“Amanda. Before Brad’s parents showed up, he was going to read this letter he wrote to you. He wanted to read it himself. Things got a little crazy though when his psycho mother showed up.”

I let out a laugh. “Bryan, I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to call her that.”

He shrugged his shoulders and smiled. “Probably not, but in the years I’ve been doing this…Jesus, I’ve never seen such a controlling parent. Anyway, read the letter, Amanda. He also put a CD in there for you.”

He leaned down and gave me a small hug. “Good-bye, Amanda. I hope to see you again soon.”

“Good-bye, Bryan. Thank you for bringing this out to me,” I said as I tried to give him a smile.

I took a deep breath and got back into my car. I opened the envelope, and I pulled out the CD and put it into my CD player.

Vince Gill’s “I Still Believe in You” began playing, and I instantly started crying.
Oh, Brad…oh my god, I love you so much.
I slowly opened the letter and tried to read it through my tears.

My dearest Amanda,

No matter how many times I say I’m sorry, I know it will never change the fact that I hurt you. I can never take back the moment I started to use cocaine. When I’m lying in bed at night, I think about how I hurt you and how I left you for days to wonder why I acted the way I did, and all I want to do is just scream.

Bryan once asked me, “If you could go back in time and change one day, would you pick the day you started to use drugs?” I didn’t even think twice about it. I knew what day I would go back to. It would be the day you told my mother you wanted a small wedding outside by the water, and she laughed and said that was nonsense. I saw the hurt in your eyes. That was the moment I gave her control over our lives. The more I pushed you away, the emptier I felt inside. I thought drugs could help me, but I know now that you are the only thing in this world I need to get through anything.

All I can say is that I love you, Amanda. I’ve loved you ever since the first moment I laid my eyes on you. I will do everything in my power to make it up to you. I promise you…I’ll do whatever you need me to do to make you happy again. I just want you and our baby. I want that life we dreamed of the night I asked you to marry me.

I love you, Amanda. I’ll love you until the day I die.

—Brad

I leaned my head back onto my seat and cried hysterically while I listened to the words of the song he’d picked out. When I felt the baby moving, my eyes snapped open.

I won’t give up on him. I won’t give up on us. He needs me now more than ever, and I need him.

I reached for my keys, turned off my car, and got out. After I made my way back into the rehab center, I saw Bryan talking to someone.

“Excuse me, Bryan?”

He looked at me and smiled.

“Can I please talk to my husband?”

“He’s taking a walk on the property. He’s probably down by the pond. It’s a secluded and serene area, and it’s one of his favorite places to sit.”

“Will you show me?”

Bryan walked me outside and down a path. We talked about how Brad’s treatment was going.

“Amanda, I really think with the proper support system, Brad can make a full recovery.”

I smiled, knowing that all we needed was each other and our friends to help us get through this.

Bryan came to a stop and pointed. When I looked over, Brad was sitting on a bench, staring out at the water.

“Thank you, Bryan,” I said as I began heading toward the love of my life.

We are worth fighting for. We can do this together—him, me, and the baby.
I tried so hard not to start running.

I stopped right behind him and fought like hell to hold back the tears. “Brad.”

He turned around, and the moment he saw me, he jumped up.

I couldn’t think of what to say to let him know I wouldn’t abandon him. Then, it hit me.

He just needs to hear six simple words.
“I love you and forgive you.” I broke down and started crying.

He shook his head, and I saw the tears falling from his eyes. When he reached out, I slammed myself into him and hugged him. He pulled away and grabbed my face with his hands. Taking my lips with his, he kissed me as if it were our first kiss, and I let out a moan.