Faith Wish (19 page)

“No, you're right.”

“Okay, then, get yourself off to Bible study. You're already ten minutes late.”

Anne-Marie felt a new sense of relief. The Lord
would
lead her in all ways if her faith was unconditional. She gave Sister Abigail a big hug before she left.

That night after supper, Anne-Marie called Eleanor. She wanted to use her cell phone and call from the dorm, but she knew too many of the other girls would be there. So instead, she used the pay phone on the porch of the dining hall. No one else was there.

When she heard it ringing, she hoped Eleanor might be out, in which case all Anne-Marie would have to do would be to leave a message on her answering machine. But no such luck.

“Hello?”

Anne-Marie took a deep breath. “Eleanor, it's me.”

“Anne-Marie. Baby, are you okay?”

“I have a new name here, Big Sister. They call me Ruth Anne.”

“I don't care if they call you Joan of Arc. I want to know if you're okay.”

“I'm fine. I couldn't be in a better place for sorting things out and seeking the Lord's guidance.”

Eleanor didn't sound patient. “I called Mom and Dad like you asked me to. They were frantic, of course, assuming you'd been abducted.”

“But I haven't been, see? Trust me, I'm okay.”

“You can say that all you want, but I need to see you. I need to see for myself.”

“Just trust me.”

“No, this time I'm not going to just trust you. You're going to have to trust
me
. Mom and Dad have called me at least three times to see if I have any more information. What can I tell them? What do I know?”

“Do they have the cops looking for me?”

“I have to assume they do. They haven't said otherwise. You have to tell me where you are. I have to come see you.”

“Don't ask me that,” Anne-Marie pleaded. “I only called you to reassure you. Can't you tell by listening to me that I'm okay? Besides, aren't you working in that seminar?”

“I'm involved with two seminars, but they can wait. If I don't get the chance to talk to you, I can't concentrate on my work anyway.”

“But we're talking right now.”

“Don't play games. I mean face-to-face.”

“I said don't ask me that.”

“I'm asking it anyway,” declared Eleanor firmly. “I'll put it to you this way: This phone has caller I.D. When you hang up, I can have the number traced. I'll call Mom and Dad and tell them where you are. They'll pick you up and bring you home. You're still underage, don't forget. Would you like that better?”

Oh God, why didn't I use the cell
? Anne-Marie could feel her stomach tying itself into a knot, and it wasn't anything to do with being pregnant. She felt trapped. In her mind's eye she reviewed that horrid day when Michelle's parents came to Shaddai to drag her out. “No,” she said. “I wouldn't like that better.”

“Then make up your mind.”

Anne-Marie sighed. Her resistance seemed depleted. She knew Eleanor didn't mean to betray her, she was just deeply concerned. “Okay, but I don't think you're like giving me a choice.”

“I would think you'd be happy to see your big sister.”

“Of course I would, but you have to promise to try to understand what we do here and how we let the Lord lead us.”

“Right now you're the one who has to make the promises. Where are you?”

“It's in southern Illinois, but I'm not exactly sure where.”

“Are you close to any big city?”

“Not that I know of. I'm pretty sure we're south of Carbondale. I guess we're not too far from St. Louis.”

“Just give me the name of the place,” said the impatient Eleanor. “You give me the name and I'll find it.”

“Okay. It's called Camp Shaddai.”

June 25

Eleanor found Camp Shaddai. Anne-Marie discovered her leaning against a blue Taurus in the parking lot by the main arch, right after Bible study. She ran to hug her sister. “You found us!” she declared.

“It wasn't that hard.”

“But how did you?”

“I used a map-search program they had on the computer at the airport's customer service. That was the easy part. Finding all these back roads and knowing where to turn was a little trickier. I have to admit I had to stop and ask for directions a time or two.”

Eleanor was wearing a Harvard T-shirt and blue jeans. Her hair was pulled into a casual ponytail. She looked worried, though. “Look at you. Anne-Marie, I hardly recognize you with that hairdo.”

“Do you like it?”

“I guess I could learn to like it, but it's certainly different.”

“It's more than a new 'do, Eleanor. It signifies the new me, the me in Christ.”

“Let's don't go there right away, okay?”

“Okay.” But Anne-Marie was disappointed. “You want me to show you around?”

“Later. I'm going to take you to town first.”

“Town? I don't even know where town is.”

“I do, though,” her big sister replied. “I've already found it. Why don't you get whatever stuff you need, and we'll go to town. I think they're even having some kind of a festival.”

“But I want you to meet Sister Abigail.”

“I've already done that.”

“You have? You're kidding, right?”

“I'm not kidding,” Eleanor assured her. “I talked with her for about twenty minutes in her apartment.”

“Did you ask her about taking me to town?”

“No. We didn't talk about that.”

“I'll go ask her then,” said Anne-Marie.

“You need permission to go to town with your sister?”

“I'm not sure. I'll go see.” She ran to the dorm so she could get a little money and put on her headband. She stopped briefly in Sister Abigail's quarters to ask if it would be okay to go to town with Eleanor.

“Of course it's okay,” replied the counselor. “Why wouldn't it be?”

“Okay, thanks. See you later.” She gave Sister a quick hug before she left and then was on her way.

The town, Crystal Cove, was only about a twenty-mile distance, but moving along the crooked and hilly road that followed the contour of the lakeshore, it seemed much farther. It took more than forty minutes and allowed plenty of time for conversation.

“Isn't Sister Abigail beautiful?” Anne-Marie asked Eleanor.

“She is physically. I would have to wonder if that beauty extends beneath the skin, though.”

“Oh no, Eleanor. She's more beautiful on the inside, even if you wouldn't think it's possible. She carries the Lord in her heart above all things.”

“It sounds like you adore her, so I'm not going to speak against her.”

“Adore would be too strong a word. We save our adoration for the Lord Himself. What did you two talk about?”

“We talked a little bit about the camp, why people come here, things like that.”

“You didn't quarrel with her, did you?”

“I wouldn't say so. I did ask her why she hadn't called our parents to notify them where you were.”

“You did? What did she say?”

“I'm sure you know the answer to that one. She said the Lord would lead you to that decision, if it was the one He wanted you to make.”

“And I'm sure you thought that was a lame answer.”

“I wasn't happy with it, but I didn't have a better one.”

“What d'you mean?” Anne-Marie asked. It seemed like a puzzling remark.

“What I mean is, she asked me why
I
hadn't called them to let them know where you are.”

Anne-Marie smiled. “I guess that was a gotcha then, wasn't it?”

“I guess it was.” Then she changed the subject. “Your headband is striking. Did you make it yourself?”

“Yeah, I made it in arts and crafts. You like it?”

“I said so, didn't I? You've always been good in art.”

“True,” Anne-Marie admitted, “it's just too bad they have other subjects in school like economics and English and biology.”

“But all your academic problems were the result of goofing off, Anne-Marie. You've always had plenty of intelligence.”

“Please don't go there. I don't know how many times I've heard that from teachers and counselors. I've heard it like forever.”

“I'm sorry. I guess I was trying to give you a compliment on your IQ. It didn't come out right, did it?”

But Anne-Marie was quick to reply, “It doesn't help your self-esteem to know that you're lazy, any more than you're stupid. It also doesn't help to know you have attention deficit disorder.”

“I apologize again. You don't need to have low self-esteem, though. There are plenty of things you're good at.” Eleanor slowed to twenty miles per hour to navigate another one of the road's sharp turns. Across the shore, the lake seemed even larger than Anne-Marie had realized. Even larger than from the perspective of Rachel's mountaintop.

“I have an older sister who's perfect,” said Anne-Marie bluntly. “That tends to keep your self-esteem down.”

“I'm going to tell you just how perfect I am,” Eleanor answered, “as soon as we get to town. But if you have low self-esteem, Little Sister, it can't be my fault.”

“I know. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Eleanor. I'm sorry if I did. But what is it you're going to tell me?”

“Just … just be patient.”

“But what? You've gotta tell me.”

“I said I would, but you'll just have to wait.”

When they got to the edge of town, Anne-Marie was surprised to discover that it was large enough to have a couple of motels and even a mini-mall with a Wal-Mart. There was a summer festival downtown, with a few carnival rides, some food booths, and an oompah band. There were face-painting booths, art exhibits, and a petting zoo.

It seemed so raucous compared to the tranquillity and serenity of Camp Shaddai. Anne-Marie wondered if that was why Eleanor had brought her here, to provide her with a renewed exposure to the “real” world.

Eleanor parked in the lot next to the L & L Motel.

“Why are you parking here?” Anne-Marie asked her.

“Because I'm staying here. I'm already checked in.”

“But I was hoping you'd stay with me. There are extra beds in our dorm.”

“Nope,” was Eleanor's firm reply. “I'll be staying here overnight. Tomorrow afternoon, I'll be driving back to St. Louis. My flight to Boston leaves at four in the afternoon.”

Anne-Marie looked at the motel. It was a one-story mom-and-pop operation with doors that opened onto the parking lot. At least it looked clean. First she was disappointed that Eleanor had to come at all, now she was disappointed the two of them weren't staying together overnight.
What am I supposed to think
? “Will I get to see you tomorrow?” she asked.

“Of course. I'll drive out in the morning. That's your chance to show me around.”

“Good.”

It was a walk of about three blocks to the festival activities, but the streets were roped off, so there wasn't any traffic. They had hot dogs and old-fashioned funnel cakes, which reminded Anne-Marie of a time in their past. “Do you remember the time you took me with you to the state fair?”

“I remember.”

“You were about eighteen. You'd just graduated high school. I was about twelve.”

“I don't need help with the math, Anne-Marie.”

“Very funny. I felt so grown-up and free that day, just the two of us. That was fun.”

“I was in charge,” Eleanor remembered. “I was the boss.”

“Yeah,” Anne-Marie laughed, “and you were bossy, too.”

“I don't remember it that way.”

“No, you probably wouldn't.”

They came to a stage where southern Illinois doggers dressed in western outfits were dancing in a line. The aluminum stage thundered like a storm beneath their cowboy boots. It was hick stuff but it seemed fun all the same.

The two sisters found a table beneath the corner of a large food tent, where they ordered Cokes. “I haven't had any junk food for weeks,” said Anne-Marie. “At Shaddai, they stress health food.”

“I'm glad to hear that. I guess we might as well junk it up today, then. You know those cloggers back there?”

“Yeah, what about them?”

“I don't know why, but watching them dance reminded me of that time when you and the other cheerleaders won that contest out at Centre Court at North Ridge Mall.”

“That was when we were sophomores,” Anne-Marie replied carelessly. “I forgot you were even there.”

“I was there. I was home on spring break. I remember how impressed I was.”

“You were impressed with that? All that was was stealing some dance steps from popular groups on MTV and lip-synching some of their songs.”

“But it was so good. Don't you remember how the crowd loved it? I was so impressed by the way you had all your moves and timing in perfect synch.”

“It was just a bunch of cheerleader moves and lip-synching,” Anne-Marie repeated. “I don't know why something like that would impress you.”

“I'm trying to tell you that there are things about you that I've envied.”

“
You
envied
me?
”

“Sometimes. I envied your social skills and your looks and your athleticism. I never could have been a cheerleader. I wasn't athletic enough, and even if I had been, the costume would've made me self-conscious.”

“Oh please, Eleanor. You won the Oneppo Medal and the National Merit Scholarship and every other academic award in the whole world. Like you should be envious of
cheerleaders?
”

“You won the contest. You wowed the crowd. You took home a big trophy. Those are the facts, Anne-Marie.”

Anne-Marie was so perplexed by this exchange she forgot to mention that she now preferred to go by Ruth Anne. “The trophy was a huge piece of cheap plastic,” she informed her big sister. “The truth is, the figure at the top and the numbers on it broke off as soon as we tossed it in the backseat of the car. It was as phony as the whole contest.”