Fairytale Not Required (24 page)

His face darkened in denial. "You're not ordinary," he growled.

"I am! Dammit, Jason, stop trying to seduce me with all these words." She thudded her palm against her chest. "See me for who I really am, Jason. Stop living in your world of fantasy, and stop thinking that I can sweep down and fix your life. I'm not that girl. I'm the one who will come in and bring turbulence and chaos. I'll push you away because I'm terrified of being hurt. I won't let you in my bed because I don't want to give up my space. I'm a mess, Jason! A mess!"

"I don't care!" Jason was on his feet now, fury boiling in his eyes. "Shit, Astrid, why can't you see how amazing you are? I know what you're like, and I see the beauty in it—"

"What do you want in a woman, Jason?" His words were too beautiful, too tempting, and she could feel herself wanting to fall into them. "Tell me your dream. Don't talk about me. Tell me about the woman that you moved up here to find." She had to do something to make it clear to both of them that there was no fairytale romance developing between them. It was just cold, hard reality with no happy ending.

Jason paused before he answered. Had he heard the intensity of Astrid's voice, the plea for his honesty? He swore and ran his hand through his hair, and she could see him gathering himself, forcing himself to take a step back and answer her question. Her heart began to thud, because she sensed he was going to give her the truth. Did she want to hear it? Truly. Suddenly, she was terrified of what he was going to say, that he would prove her right that there was no hope for them together.

She didn't want to be right. She wanted to be
wrong.

"I want a mother for Noah," he admitted. "I want a woman who will be warm and loving, who will adore him and make him feel like the most important thing in the world. He's never had that, and every kid deserves it."

Grim realization flickered through Astrid at his words, a sinking feeling because she knew she couldn't live up to that standard. "What else?"

"I want that for me, too. I want a partner who loves me beyond words, and who lets me love her beyond comprehension." He met her gaze. "I want the fairytale, Astrid. I want a wife who comes to the store with me every day. We spend all day together at the pizza shop making our dream come true, and then we come home at night to a family. Yeah, we might argue or disagree, and I'm sure we'd drive each other mad sometimes, but in the end, we'll all know that the love that binds us is so unconditional that we go to bed at night feeling like each other's arms is the safest damn place in the world."

Astrid stared at him, overwhelmed by his vision. Yearning pulsed through her, a sense of longing so strong she felt her entire heart ache. It was beautiful and perfect. In a few short sentences, he'd articulated every dream she'd had her whole life, starting from when she was a little girl and she'd wanted that family from a child's perspective, all the way through to this very moment, when she wanted it as a woman and a future mother.

"Yeah, I know, babe. It would be amazing, wouldn't it? You want it, too. I can see it in your eyes." Jason took her hand, and pressed it to his chest, over his heart. "See, Astrid? We're not so different, are we? Neither of us are teenagers anymore, sweetheart. We've both been through hell, and we know what we want, and we know when we find it. We've found it with each other. Stop fighting it, Astrid, and let it happen. Give us a chance."

Longing burned through her so intensely that her chest actually hurt. For a split second, she imagined saying 'yes' to him. To trusting him. To letting him into her heart. And the moment she did, she was hit with raw fear, an absolute terror of being wrong. "And what if I do, Jason? What if I let down my guard and allow myself to believe in your beautiful words of forever, and then I lose the baby?"

Shock flashed over his face. "Don't say that—"

"But what if it happens? What if I lose the baby, stripping you of your dream that I can give you a family? And then you run across some woman who fits your vision? A woman with a couple kids. She's domestic. She bakes cookies. She knows how to decorate a home." Astrid's throat burned as she spoke, as the truth of her shortcomings became more and more glaring. "A woman who is everything you want?"

"Hell, Astrid, you're everything I want—"

"Am I?" She forced herself to speak the truth, knowing that she had to say it. "I don't want to bake pizza, Jason. I want to design jewelry."

Regret flashed over his face, but then he shrugged. "We can work with that—"

"I don't know if I can love someone else's child the way he would deserve. I don't know how to bake cookies." She met his gaze, and her heart broke at the disappointment in his eyes. "And I will run away if I think you're going to hurt me. I don't know how to stay, Jason. In my fantasies, I want to be the woman you yearn for, but I'm not."

"You could be—"

"I'm not. That's why I was leaving Birch Crossing, Jason. I have all these friends here, and I was still leaving. I don't know how to stay." Her heart aching, she peeled the fire bracelet off her wrist and handed it to him. "I made this for you, and I can't even get this right. How could I get a partnership with you right? I can't do it, and I won't lie to myself or you that I can. Paul was right. I'm not that woman."

"Dammit, Astrid—"

"No." She held up her hand as she pulled open the window to go inside the house. "If you are the good guy you say you are, you won't let the baby trick you into making promises that neither of us can keep. I've been through it once. I won't do it again." Then, before he could reply, she stepped over the window frame into the house and pulled the glass shut.

As she reached for the shade to close it, Jason set his palm on the window. She knew he was asking her to reconsider, to give them a chance. For a split second, she placed her hand over his, and the cool glass burned her skin, reminding her of the reality of how different they were. "I can't," she whispered, and then she closed the shade, blocking him from her life.

Jason wiped the sweat from his brow, surveying his cafe. He'd left his parents at home to watch Noah, and he hadn't invited them to the store to help him or hang out while he organized.

He was doing it himself, and he was doing it in time for the Fourth of July grand opening. He'd been working his ass off for almost three days straight, and the place was looking damned good. He had only thirty-six hours until opening. It wasn't much time, but hell, he was going to make it.

But even as his vision came into shape, Jason was grimly aware that not a single person from town had stopped in to see him in the last week. When he'd gone into Wright's, conversation had stopped and silence had greeted him. A few people had even suggested that he move back to New York and find a woman there, which told him that the town had taken up arms to protect Astrid from him. No small town hospitality was being extended in his direction, that was for certain.

Granted, Jason liked the fact Astrid had an entire town supporting her. It told him it was exactly the kind of town he'd hoped it was, but at the same time, being ostracized by the entire community had not been a part of his vision. He was becoming increasingly aware that unless something changed, not a damn soul would darken his threshold and patronize his store once he opened.

He had no idea what the hell to do about it. He'd stopped by to see Astrid three times, but she had never been there. He'd called her, but she never answered her phone or returned his messages. He knew she was still living there because all her belongings were still inside, but she might as well have left, given how inaccessible she was.

He didn't know where she was going all the time, and it was starting to get to him. He needed to see her, to talk to her, to be in her presence. Hell, last night, he'd spent ten minutes staring at the carriage house when he'd gotten home, hoping for some sign of activity from within, but there'd been nothing. Her car had been there, but the lights had been off. Since it was three in the morning, he couldn't bring himself to wake her up, but man, how he'd waited for some sign that she was still awake.

Nothing. So, he'd gone to bed without talking to her yet again.

As hard as he'd been working, it hadn't been enough to take his mind off Astrid. He kept thinking of her past, of the yearning in her voice. He
knew
she wanted what he did, but at the same time... Shit. He couldn't handle another woman who didn't want to be a part of his life. Running a pizza store was long hours, and if his wife refused to be a part of it, it would be the same kind of marriage he'd had before. Two separate lives.

And Noah. His son deserved a real mother. Jason couldn't get entangled with a woman who wouldn't love his son, like Astrid had claimed. But even as he thought it, anger roiled through him. He didn't believe that she didn't have the capacity to love. He just didn't. It made no sense! He slammed the hammer down on his thumb, missing the nail, and pain shot through his hand. "Shit!"

"Lovely language for a father," Eppie said as she strode into the cafe. "What kind of example are you setting for your son?"

Jason groaned at the interruption. "Listen, Eppie—"

"The store looks much improved," she said as she walked briskly across the newly finished floorboards. Eppie was wearing a wide-brimmed violet hat with yellow pom-poms hanging from the brim. They swung about like miniature lemons taunting him as she moved her head. "I didn't think a city slicker would have a vision that fit with this town, but I was wrong." She tilted the hat back. "Nice work, Doc."

Jason grinned, then cocked his head to study her as a sudden idea popped into his mind. Eppie was connected to the community more than anyone he'd met. She could reach people. "I don't suppose I could hire you to be my marketing guru? You'd be in charge of spreading the word and getting people to come here."

Eppie's gray eyebrows shot up so high they disappeared under the brim of her hat. "Son, I haven't sold my services for money in forty years. You can't pay me for that kind of thing. The value I bring to this world far exceeds any translation to monetary value."

He leaned on the counter, suddenly feeling weary. "Well, then, what would it take to get your help? The whole damn town hates me."

"Well of course they do." She folded her arms across her chest. "You deserve it."

Anger rippled through Jason, the same anger that had festered inside him for all the years of his marriage, when Kate had lashed out at him each time he'd dared to ask that she be present for some aspect of their children's lives or their partnership. "Is that right? And why is that?"

Eppie wandered over to the refrigerated glass case that was already holding an assortment of drinks, plus a few beers for his own consumption. "Really, Jason? You have to ask why?" She pulled open the door and helped herself to a beer, selecting the most expensive beer he had in there: a German microbrew that he'd brought up from New York.

"Yeah, I do." He couldn't keep the irritation out of his voice. "And those aren't for sale. I don't have a liquor license."

She popped the top. "I wasn't offering to buy it, so we're all good there." She took a long drink, and then sighed with contentment. "I have to admit, that I love Birch's Best. It's the best local brew in the state. But there is just something satisfying about a good German ale." She pulled a bag of chips off the display rack and opened it. "You really should buy local with the chips, Jason. Who in town wants to buy chips made in Minnesota?"

"They're the best damn chips made," he scowled. "What do you want, Eppie?" Piles of supplies were stacked on the counter behind her. He still had so many things still to set up. He didn't have time and he wasn't in the mood to take grief from Eppie.

She stuck her nose into the bag and inhaled deeply. "Damn, Doc, those do smell good."

"Of course they do." He gave up trying to get anything useful out of her and strode across the store. He ripped open a box of paper plates and began unloading them to the shelves beneath the front counter.

"Astrid went to the doctor," Eppie said.

Jason whirled around, his heart leaping. "She did? Is everything okay?"

"Yep. Just fine." Eppie took a chip out of the bag and peered at it. "What are the red specks? It looks like cayenne pepper. Who in God's name wants to eat a chip with cayenne pepper on it?"

"Is she healthy? The baby's fine?" He set the plates on the counter, leaning forward to study Eppie, to search her face for secrets she might not be telling him. "Did Astrid tell the doctor what had happened before? What's the name of the doctor?" He pulled out his phone. "I'm going to look him up. I'll make some calls to ensure he's legit."

Eppie raised her brows. "You know, I think I agree with the rest of the town. You are indeed a bastard." Then she popped the chip in her mouth, and her eyes widened with surprise. "Holy crap. These are incredible. Where in God's green earth did you find these?"

"I grew up with them. My aunt and uncle make them." He was barely paying attention to the chip discussion. "What the fuck is going on with Astrid, Eppie? Tell me everything. I need to know."

"If you were a real man, you'd ask her yourself."

Jason stared at her, outrage boiling through him. Son of a bitch. He was so tired of being accused of not being enough. He'd tried so fucking hard with Kate. He'd moved his life up north for his son. He'd moved Astrid into his damn carriage house and tried repeatedly to contact her. What the hell else was he supposed to do? "I think you should leave," he said, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice. "I'm done with this conversation."

"I'm not." Eppie ate another chip and sat down at one of the tables. "See, here's the way I see it, Jason. Astrid is a treasure, a real treasure, but she doesn't trust anyone. Not even me, or Clare, not really."