Fair Game: A Football Romance (109 page)

“So you’re not sure she has this? That’s what it sounds like anyway. I mean, you need to do more tests before you can diagnose her, right?” Liam asks with a little less panic in his voice than a few moments ago.

“Well yes, we do have to run some tests, but her blood results are highly indicative of Hodgkin’s disease. I’d like to get Lourdes in right away for a full physical and a few scans,” Dr. Jacobs says. He has taken a seat next to me on the opposite side from Liam.

“Scans? Is all of this safe to do while she’s pregnant? Is the baby going to be okay? Maybe we should get a second opinion.” Liam’s first three questions are directed at Dr. Clover, but the last is sort of a verbal musing that trails off into nothing.

“That’s another positive note. You’re in your second trimester. Treatment is safer after the first trimester. I don’t want to commit to any specific treatment plan until we know exactly what we are dealing with, but typically, we would do a round of chemotherapy soon, and if all goes well, deliver you a few weeks early so you can have another round after delivery.”

I finally find my voice when I hear the word chemotherapy.

“Isn’t chemotherapy poison? Doesn’t it kill all the cells without discrimination? How can that be safe during pregnancy?” My voice sounds so weak and timid that I hardly recognize it.

“Yes. I don’t understand that either. Isn’t there a different treatment for pregnant women?” Liam asks.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I’d like to schedule an appointment for tomorrow morning in my office for an exam. Does nine o’clock work for both of you?” Dr. Jacobs asks.

Toby’s arms are still securely wrapped around my neck when I look at Liam for help. He looks more scared than I’ve ever seen him. His eyes are full of tears and he’s pale, with a deep line etched between his brows. He holds my gaze for five long beats of my heart—thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. My life pauses, moving in slow motion for those five beats. At the end of them, Liam shakes his head slightly as if to clear the fog that’s settled around us.

“Of course we can be there,” he says with his eyes still locked on mine.

“Good. All right then. Our best chance at a full recession is to move quickly and get a solid treatment plan in place. I’ll see you both in the morning?” he asks, and I tear my gaze from the safety of Liam’s and nod at Dr. Jacobs.

Dr. Clover stands and leans against her desk behind her. “Lourdes, we will get through this. If you had to get cancer, this is the best scenario. We caught it extremely early, you’re young and otherwise healthy, and the baby is in its second trimester, which makes it much safer to treat you,” she says, reaching out to take my hand.

Best-case scenario? These people are fucking off their rockers if they think anything about this is a best-case scenario. Dr. Jacobs touches me on my shoulder and gently reminds me that he will be seeing me tomorrow. Then he shakes hands with Liam and walks out the door. I wonder how many times a day that man has to do this? How many times has he scared the shit out of someone telling them they have cancer? What a depressing job. Why would anyone choose to do that? I guess I should be grateful that he does what he does, but I’m not feeling very grateful about anything right now. In fact, I’m not feeling anything at all. I’m numb.

“Lourdes,” Dr. Clover addresses me, and I look at her over Toby’s head like a zombie, expressionless and flat.

“You’re both in shock, and I’m sure you have a lot to discuss. Would you like to use my office for a little while? I need to start seeing patients, but you’re welcome to stay.”

I don’t want to be in this office another second longer. In fact, I never want to see the inside of Dr. Clover’s office again. If we have to discuss something, I’m requesting it be done in an exam room from now on. I will forever associate this office with the moment my life came crashing down.

I stand and gather my purse, still holding Toby, and leave without a word. I don’t think Liam said anything either, because he’s right behind me within seconds, with his hand on the small of my back. I look over at him, but he’s focused on the exit. He needs to get out of here too.

Outside, I feel like Mother Nature knew what was in store for me today. It’s still gloomy and overcast. The rain has stopped, but the day is as dreary and grey as my heart. Liam takes Toby from my arms when we reach the car.

“Stay right here. Don’t get in,” he says when he opens the back door. He ducks inside to buckle Toby into his seat, and I hear him reassuring my little boy that I’m okay. When he unfolds out of the back seat, he closes the door and steps in close to me. He takes my head in his hands and slides his thumbs over my still-damp cheeks.

“We’re going to kick some Hodgkin’s ass, baby. You and me. We’re going to get through this. It’s going to be fine.”

I lower my eyes to the wet concrete, but he tilts my face back up to his.

“I’m going to kiss you, Lourdes. I’m going to kiss you, because I want you to know that I’m in this forever. I love you, and nothing—not a meaningless marriage license or even fucking cancer—can keep us apart.”

He slides one hand behind my neck and pulls me against his chest. My body is still in shock, lifeless and limp. I stand with my arms hanging at my sides. He moves his other hand down my neck to my chest, where it rests on my heart. I blink and stare at his beautiful mouth. His lips are so close to mine that I can feel his energy flowing from them before we even touch. He breathes life back into my defunct body with his kiss. When his mouth melds with mine, I imagine a black and white photograph of two lovers flooding with color from the point where their lips meet. A cloudy, gloomy day becomes bright with sunlight, and their hearts can be seen through their skin, beating full and red with life and love.

He begins slow and gentle with soft, tentative kisses to my lips. When my arms float up to his shoulders, he holds me tighter. I give in and allow him to take me wherever he wants to go. He senses my release and slides his tongue between my lips into my welcoming mouth, where it glides and dances in perfect time with mine. I feel like I’ve never really been kissed before—not properly, anyway. We fit together perfectly, our mouths, our bodies, our spirits. This connection is so much more than physical. It’s soul deep.

My hands have a mind of their own as one slides up to the back of his neck into his hair and I drag the other along the stubble of his jawline, urging him to take more of me. The hand over my heart moves over my breast and brushes my nipple through the thin material of my shirt with his thumb. We separate for a second for air, and a whimper escapes my lips. He moans and covers my mouth with his again until we’re both gasping and panting. With our lips still barely touching, forehead-to-forehead, he whispers the words I almost missed earlier, and one of the worst days of my life suddenly becomes the best.

“I love you, Lourdes.”

“I love you too, Liam. More than you can ever know.”

Chapter Twenty-six

Liam

Fucking cancer. Why? Why do such shitty things happen to such wonderful people? Isn’t it enough that the father of her baby was killed in a tragic car accident before Toby was even born? Now she has to suffer through chemotherapy while she’s pregnant with my child. I wouldn’t be surprised if she forever associates pregnancy with disaster.

I glance over at her in the passenger seat every mile or so to make sure she’s still okay. She isn’t. She looks comatose, staring out the front window with no expression. She came out of it for a few minutes back in the parking lot at the doctor’s office when I kissed her. Every part of her seemed to electrify when our lips touched. Kissing Lourdes was the single most life-altering moment of my life. It crushes any kiss I’ve ever experienced before. Every experience is like a first with Lourdes. My life has been consumed with becoming successful in my career. It’s been about leaving my shitty childhood in the dust, and it’s been about seeing how many women I could conquer. But what we have isn’t something to conquer. It’s something to cherish and nurture.

I’ve never loved a woman before, and I wanted her to know that I have her back in all things, including this fucking cancer, so I kissed her. Right there in broad daylight, where Amira’s father’s spies could easily take a picture of us. I kissed her because I fucking love her and she deserves to know it.

At home, Toby is asleep when I carry him in. He murmurs that he wants his mommy when I lay him down in his bed. She’s right behind us, standing in the doorway watching. I turn to her and raise my eyebrows to see if she’s going to come and lie with him, but her eyes are glassy and unfocused.

“Mommy is going to take a nap too, buddy,” I say. He’s not fully awake, and he accepts my answer with half-shut eyes. Before I’m out of the room, I can hear him snoring softly.

I guide Lourdes to her bedroom with my hands on her shoulders from behind. I sit her on the side of her bed. I feel like a puppeteer, leading her around where I want her to go and arranging her just so.

I crouch down and take off her shoes and place then next to her night table like I did when I spent the night at her apartment a week ago, but instead of leaving her alone, this time I stay. She’s staring at me but not. I don’t know where she is, but she’s not here with me. I smooth my hands up her thighs to her hips, where I squeeze her flesh in hopes of reigniting the life inside of her.

Her eyes begin to clear, and it’s as if she is just realizing where we are.

“I’m scared, Liam,” she says.

“Oh baby, I know you are. So am I.”

“I need you.”

“You’ve got me.”

“No, I
need
you,” she says, taking ahold of the collar of my shirt and pulling me into her intoxicating bubble. Oh my God, is this the right time to take this leap? She’s devastated and in shock, she’s just had the worst news imaginable handed to her this morning, and now she wants . . . well, I’m not exactly sure what she wants. Maybe she just needs to be close to me and for me to hold her until she falls asleep.

I stand with the intention of sliding her over and spooning behind her, but she stops me. She wraps her hands around my wrists and moves them to my sides, looking up at me through her dark lashes. She curls her fingers into the waist of my jeans and tugs me closer to rest the side of her face on my belly. Instinctively, my hands circle her shoulders, but she slides one hand up my leg until it’s resting on my semi-hard cock, and I know that snuggling isn’t the kind of comfort she wants right now.

My cock grows under the pressure of her hand, and I try to take a step away, unsure if we should be going where we’re going. She grasps my shirt, pulls me back against her and starts to un-tuck it, never looking up at me. When she unbuttons my jeans and pulls down the zipper, I take her chin and tilt her face toward mine.

“Are you sure this is what you want right now?” I ask.

“Yes, I’m sure.” And with that she is pushing my jeans down off my hips, and I’m pulling my shirt over my head with one hand and toeing off my shoes. When I’m in nothing but my black briefs, I wrap my arm around her waist and drag her up the bed, pinning her arms over her head with one hand and undressing her with the other. It’s nothing to slip the lightweight blouse over her head. Her black cotton skirt slides off without a hitch, but when I settle over her in only a black bra and matching tiny panties, I’m awestruck. Her eyes are so full of conflict and desire that I’m torn. I want to go on. Fuck, more than anything, I want to strip her bare, but is she going to regret this tomorrow? Am I taking advantage of her weakened state?

“Stop thinking so much and take me, Liam. Take me away from all of this. Make me forget. Show me how much you love me.”

I release her wrists and stand on the bed over her, watching her slip out of her panties and bra. She tosses them both off the bed and wraps her hands around my ankles.

“Now you. Please, Liam,” she whispers.

I close my eyes, take a deep breath in, and release it before peeling off my briefs. Her eyes widen when she sees my cock spring forward, hard and long.

I kneel over her while she runs her hands all the way up my calves to my thighs and then to grip my ass. I reach behind me and take her hands, lifting them over her head again. My cock is heavy on her belly when I move, and the tiny gasp that comes from her lips is so fucking hot that I consider sliding into her without warning. When she arches her back and slides her feet up my legs, she spreads open wide, and I feel her hot, wet lips against my cock.

I can’t hold back one second longer. I lunge at her mouth and cover it with mine while my free hand slips between her legs into her soaking wet folds. I slip two fingers inside and slide them out and up over her clit.

“Oh God, Liam,” she moans between kisses, and I begin to work her mouth and her clit in time together. When I feel her body tense and I know she’s close, I stop and place her hands around the slats of the headboard.

“Hold on here. Don’t let go, understand?”

“Yes,” she says, nodding her head up and down. I start a path of kisses behind her ear and kiss and nip at her skin as she writhes under me. My hands wander all over her skin, searching, mapping, learning as much about her as possible before I arrive between her legs. Her tummy is fluttering with anticipation and she’s panting when I hook my hands behind her knees and spread her open. I can see all of her now. She’s exquisite. I can’t believe I’ve been able to deny myself the pleasure of tasting her for so long.

I kiss her perfectly bare mound. She arches off the bed, and I dip down and lick her from back to front. I bury my face between her legs and circle her clit with my tongue until she’s trembling on the edge. Sliding my hands under her gorgeous ass, I bring her closer so I can feast on her and suck her clit until she cries out so loudly, I worry she may wake Toby, but there is a baby gate at his door that he doesn’t know how to scale, so I know I’m safe to work her up and bring her to orgasm again with my mouth.

“Liam I—I—,” she stutters. She’s in that place where it feels so fucking good, you don’t think you can handle one more second of pleasure when I sink my cock into her ripe folds. Slowly, I slide in until she is completely full of me.

I lower myself down onto my elbows and bury my face in the curve of her neck and whisper, “You can let go now.” She releases the headboard and begins exploring my shoulders, my back and my ass. She’s fucking killing me with her little whimpers, and now her hands are all over my body. I pick up the pace, and she locks her ankles around my back, pushing against me with her heels, tilting her hips up, encouraging me to go deeper. The only sound in the room is that of our bodies slapping against each other and our heavy breathing until I can’t hold back any longer. After over three months of wanting her, dreaming of her and figuring out a way to be with her, I’ve finally got her wrapped around my body, writhing in ecstasy and pulsing on my cock. I let go with a roar that is only mildly muffled by her neck and the pillow under her head, and I come harder and with more intensity than I ever have before.

We lie locked around each other, both feeling the aftershocks of our orgasms while our hearts return to their rightful places in our chests and our breathing slows to a normal pace until we are able to speak again.

“I’m not as scared now,” she says. “I mean, I’m scared, but this thing we have . . . it’s real, isn’t it?”

“It’s always been real for me.”

“I wasn’t sure until . . .”

“Until you heard the words?”

“Yes.”

“Promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“Promise me you’ll never doubt that again. From this moment on until the end of time, I want you to know that I’ve never loved anyone before you. You’re my once in a lifetime, my once in a blue moon.
I am in love and out of it I will not go
.”

We roll to our sides, still tangled in each other’s arms, and I hold her face in my hands and look deeply into her eyes so she will connect my words to my feelings.

“C.S. Lewis,” she says with a smile.

“I knew you were a smart girl,” I say, kissing the tip of her nose.

“Thank you.”

“For what? I don’t think I had anything to do with your being smart. You should thank your parents for that.”

“No, silly. Thank you for turning this day into something good.”

“I promise that part of every day from now on will be good. Even if only for a minute or an hour, we will infuse even the worst days with a little bit of good.”

“I like that.”

“I like you,” I say.

“I thought you loved me?”

“That too. Yes, I do, I do so love you. I love you more than a foot loves a shoe, more than a boat likes to float or an alligator loves a moat . . .”

She covers my mouth and laughs. The sound of her laughter is bittersweet. This is just a moment stolen in time, but I’m glad I’m able to give it to her on this shitty-ass fucking day. The day that we started our battle with the big C.

“I have my very own Dr. Seuss,” she says when she has control of her giggles.

“Yep, if you need a rhyme, just ask anytime. Ask in the morning, ask in the night, ask when you’re finally boarding your flight . . .”

“Oh my God, stop. I’m going to pee the bed!”

“Okay, okay. We can’t have that. It’s not a very good example to set for Toby.”

“Toby. Yeah, we’d better get dressed before he catches us,” she says with wide eyes.

“Race you to the shower?” I say, hopping up, and she rolls her eyes.

“Do you really want me jumping out of bed and racing anywhere?”

“No, you’re probably right.” I scoop her up to carry her to the shower instead.

“We have to hurry. No hanky panky. He’s going to be awake soon—if he isn’t already,” she warns.

“Do it quick in the shower, do it quick in a chair. Do it quick in every room, every where.”

“How do I shut off Mr. Seuss?”

I smile a wicked smile. I’ll show you where the off switch is, baby.”

“I’ll just bet you will.”