Faerie Wars 01 - Faerie Wars (36 page)

'A little ... sudden for my taste,' Kitterick remarked.

Blue shushed him. 'It's probably better inside.'

Kitterick shuddered.

Two enormous rock-crystal manticores guarded the front steps. Like the windows, they had been enchanted for they turned to watch as Blue and Kitterick approached. Blue gave them a wide, nervous berth, but they made no move to block the way. She jerked the bell-pull on the pulsing pink front door and was rewarded with the brief swelling of a phantom orchestra somewhere deep inside. The amount of money Chalkhill had spent on spells and nonsense was quite extraordinary.

They waited. Behind them, the crystal manticores settled back laboriously into their original positions.

The door swung open and Blue almost gasped. She had an impression of luxurious brown ringlets and deep, dark, soulful eyes. The boy was tall. He was dark. He was handsome. In fact he was the most handsome young man Blue had ever seen. He was wearing formal butler's uniform, but the trousers had been cut off into shorts, worn with ankle socks and soft, green, pointed shoes.

'Yes?' He didn't seem too pleased to see them.

Blue dragged her eyes away from his legs. 'I am Sluce Ragetus,' she told him boldly. 'This is Mr Kitterick. We're here to see Mr Chalkhill.'

She expected him to ask the nature of their business and had her story about the wrinkle cream all ready. But he only said, 'You can't come in.' He looked Kitterick up and down. 'He would clash with the furniture.'

Blue's jaw dropped as the door closed.

'Sluce
Ragetus?'
Kitterick exclaimed. 'No wonder he wouldn't let us in.'

Completely at a loss, Blue said, 'What are we going to do now?'

'May I suggest, Ser -- Mr Sluce, that we walk around to the back? I understand from Madame Cardui that Mr Chalkhill owns some sort of swimming pool. He may be taking the waters or enjoying his enchanted sun.'

'You think they'll let us just ... go round to the back?'

'I see no one to stop us,' Kitterick said.

Which was surprisingly true. After her experience in Brimstone's rooms, Blue had expected tight security around Chalkhill's mansion, but so far there was really none at all. The butler who had refused them entry hardly constituted an armed guard.

A flower bed of foxgloves and bluebells sang softly to them as they walked around the side of the mansion. The path meandered through a heart-shaped grove and past a croquet green with luminous pink hoops. The swimming pool, when they reached it, was nothing short of breathtaking.

At first Blue thought it must be some sort of illusion spell, but as she looked closer, she realised this was actually exactly how the pool was built. Although she was no stranger to wealth, the extravagance astonished her. The pool had been cut from a single piece of amethyst, the largest she had ever seen, then rimmed in gold and filled with sparkling water driven by machinery that maintained its fizz.

Blue's eyes slid reluctantly away from the pool to take in the painted apparition reclining on a heavily cushioned lounger beside it. Although the creature was severely under-dressed, she could not decide for a moment whether it was a man or a woman. It was certainly plump and it was painted more extravagantly than Madame Cardui. The skimpy bathing costume was a mix of gold lame and ostrich feathers.

'What on earth is that?' asked Blue underneath her breath.

That,' said Kitterick, 'is Mr Chalkhill.'

They stepped back together, out of sight of the pool. 'What now?' Blue whispered.

'I believe,' said Kitterick, who never seemed at a loss in any circumstances, 'we might simply approach him openly. We appear, after all, to be honest merchants -travelling salespeople, if you will -- with something to purvey. A certain ... aggression is expected of us.'

'You don't think he'll find it suspicious that we've sneaked around the back?'

'That is precisely the point, Mr Sluce. We are not sneaking anywhere -- we are approaching quite openly.'

'And then what?' Blue asked, irritated with herself at how vulnerable she felt. She'd been more together tackling Brimstone's traps which were a thousand times more dangerous than this.

'Then,' said Kitterick patiently, 'we lay out our sales pitch, engage Mr Chalkhill in conversation and hope he -- ' He stopped as a heavy hand fell on his shoulder.

The man was no giant, but he still towered over Kitterick. Blue had an impression of well-balanced features and a pockmarked skin. He was wearing the bottle-green uniform of a Security Guard Captain. There was a vicious-looking stun wand hanging from his belt. He glowered at them. 'What are you two doing sneaking round back here?' he asked.

Blue swallowed. 'Sluce Ragetus,' she said automatically. 'Here to see M-Mr Chalkhill. On business,' she added lamely.

Captain Pratellus's dark eyes bored through her, turned to Kitterick, then back again. 'Do you have an authorisation from Mr Chalkhill for your visit?'

'Well, no,' Blue said, 'but -- '

'Do you have identification papers?'

'Well, actually -- ' Blue began.

Kitterick turned and bit the hand on his shoulder.

'Is he dead?' Blue asked, staring down at the prostrate body.

Kitterick shook his head. 'No, but he will remain in a coma for several hours. And there will be a substantial headache when he wakes up. And tremors. Something of a limp. Blurred vision. Impaired hearing. A few facial tics. Some nausea, loss of appetite, occasional hallucinations, flatulence, a weakness in the back. The nerve damage will repair itself in a few years. Providing he rests, of course.'

'What are we going to do with him?'

'Perhaps you would be so kind as to help me drag him underneath those bushes. I doubt he will be missed for an hour or so. By which time we shall have finished our business with Mr Chalkhill. One way or another.'

Blue's heart was pounding as they stepped out on to the patio surrounding the pool. Chalkhill spotted them at once.

'Why, visitors!' he exclaimed. 'How unexpected. How intriguing.' He removed his sun-glasses and stared at Blue. 'A young man -- how delightful.' His glance moved to Kitterick. 'And a small orange person.' He struggled from his lounger. 'I was just about to go inside. Will you join me? I find too much sun so
destructive
to the skin.' He hesitated, looking at Blue. 'Unless you'd
prefer
to stay out here?'

'No thank you,' Blue said quickly.

'Quite right,' said Chalkhill. He belted on a towelling dressing-gown. 'We shall go inside and Raul shall bring us iced tea with lots of sugar.' He smiled and his teeth sparkled and glinted. 'Then you can tell me who you are and why I have the pleasure of your company today.'

Blue glanced at Kitterick and found he was examining his fingernails. It looked as if she was on her own. They followed Chalkhill into a room dominated by a pink piano and several off-white singing chairs. 'Mr Chalkhill,' she said. 'I am Sluce Ragetus and this is Mr Kitterick. We represent Panjandrum Products, the well-known cosmetic manufacturers. The reason we are here is that our wizards have developed an astonishing new skin cream based on natural tachyons that generate a field capable of permanently reversing time.' She drew a deep breath and launched into her fake sales pitch.

Chalkhill sat entranced, twittering with delight and giving trills of pure excitement as she outlined the benefits of her imaginary cream. She had two sample jars, made mainly from suet, in case he asked to see the miracle, but he did not. 'This cream,' he said. 'It's not just for my face?'

'Oh, no,' Blue nodded brightly as Raul returned with a tray of iced tea. He set it down on a little table in front of Chalkhill and a strange look passed between them.

'Well,' said Chalkhill as Raul left again, 'aren't you the practised little liar.'

Blue blinked. 'I'm sorry?' But Chalkhill was changing before her eyes. He still looked the same man in his ludicrous bathing costume and fluffy white robe, but he seemed straighter somehow, taller, and his eyes had taken on a steely glint.

'You're not -- what was it? Sluce Ragetus? You're not even a boy, however prettily you dress. Unless I'm very much mistaken, you are Her Serene Highness Holly Blue Iris, the Princess Royal, out on one of her famous slumming jaunts. Oh, don't look so surprised. I may not have recognised your reclusive brother, but it's well known that you like mixing with hoi polloi in various ridiculous disguises. Don't tell me you believed your subjects were too stupid to recognise you?' He rolled his eyes towards the ceiling and smiled broadly. 'My dear, in certain quarters you are positively a laughing stock.' The smile died abruptly as a Halek knife emerged from the folds of his robe. Tell your dwarf to sit still, Serenity. I'm perfectly well aware what it means to be bitten by a toxic trinian. Oh, and in case you feel I would hesitate to use this, let me tell you this is a
reinforced
blade. It cost me a king's ransom, but the Halek guarantee it
never
shatters. The ultimate weapon, you might say.'

Kitterick looked as if he might be prepared to risk it, but sat back warily at Blue's warning glance. 'Mr Chalkhill -- ' she began.

'What now?' Chalkhill asked. 'Try to persuade me I'm mistaken? Oh, no, Serenity, this game is well and truly over. You know, it will be something of a relief to finish with this pose.'

'Pose?' Blue echoed.

'The fool with more money than sense. Here is a riddle for you, Princess Holly Blue: if a fool and his money are soon parted, how did he get it in the first place? You've seen my home. You'd have to be blind to believe it didn't cost. Where do you think I found it?' He stared at her, his eyes a piercing blue.

Blue decided to drop her pretence. 'I was told you poisoned your aunt,' she said coldly.

Chalkhill smiled and now his teeth no longer fizzed and sparkled. 'Ah, poor Matilda -- she was like a mother to me. But then you should have seen my mother. Indeed I did poison my aunt -- how word gets around -- but that was not the source of my income. She only left me a small property. Everything else was provided by Lord Hairstreak.'

'Hairstreak!' Blue breathed. She felt a sudden chill crawl up her spine. 'Why would Black Hairstreak give you money?'

'Because,' Chalkhill said proudly, Tm something you could never be, despite your amateurish bunglings. I am Lord Hairstreak's most valued secret agent.'

It was Kitterick who broke the silence that followed. 'Past tense, surely, now you've told us.'

'I think not, trinian,' said Chalkhill. 'And I plan to tell you more.' He turned his attention back to Blue. 'You see, Serenity, I've always claimed a deep and lasting friendship with Lord Hairstreak. Of course nobody believed me. It was the perfect cover. People were always so busy laughing they never thought to suspect the truth.'

'A cover for what?' Blue asked contemptuously. 'Your interest in a glue factory?'

Chalkhill looked genuinely surprised. 'You of all people ask me that? I assume you're here because of your poor, dear, missing brother?'

After a long moment, Blue said, 'What do you know about Pyrgus?'

'What do I know? What do I know? Let's see ...' He glanced upwards as if lost in cheerful thought. 'I know he's next in line for the throne. I know that if anyone planned to overthrow the Purple Emperor and, let's say, replace him, it would make things tidier if the immediate heir was eliminated as well. I know -- '

'You're planning to overthrow my father?'

'Not me, Your Serene Highness -- Lord Hairstreak.'

She stared at him, unable to speak. It was all beginning to make a horrid sort of sense -- the negotiations that had turned sour, the threat of war, Pyrgus's disappearance ...

But Chalkhill was talking again. 'You look surprised. I'm glad. You would not believe the care we took to hide what was really going on. Do you know, our first plan was to have my fool of a partner kill your brother? Dear old Brimstone, always playing with his demons. He thinks he controls them, but they've been leading him a merry dance for years -- especially the ones in Lord Hairstreak's pay. Anyway, I arranged for some thugs to chase Prince Pyrgus down Seething Lane. Do you know the area by any chance?'