Fae (21 page)

An army. So the other
Auri
had
been
busy saving civilians. But not all of them? I couldn’t help but
wonder what had happened to make them stop from saving everyone
instead of a “bunch” of them. Could it have been another one of
Cailen’s lies? Another way to trick me into thinking he was really
on my side?

I shook my head in
frustration. I was done worrying about him. I had other things to
attend to.

"If he was mad
after
those people had
been taken,” I said, “why did he attack me the moment I transported
into the control room?"

He shook his head and made
a frustrated noise in his throat. "I don't know everything. I've
only heard bits and pieces. But think about it. You trespassed into
a highly defended military compound. Into a group of soldiers
expecting an attack of transporting Auri at any moment." He paused
to shake his head again. "You really should have thought that one
through."

I tilted my head back and
closed my eyes. The same kind of relief I'd been used to didn't
come this time. All the lights were still there. Because what I saw
now didn't come from my eyes, but my mind.

There was more to it than
that. They’d been in Meir’s room, waiting for me. And stupidly, I’d
thought there was nothing they could do to harm me. But the
Mosandarian weapons were different. Sound waves. I guess I should
have been happy I didn't end up as a pile of mush on the
floor.

"All right." I put my hand
to my head, suddenly exhausted. Having my ability to the forefront
like this sucked more out of me than I'd been used to. "I'll save
Ranen for you. But let's make a plan. I don't want to be caught off
guard again."

"I know the way through
The Block to the Royal Wing. I can lead you, but I can't help you
fight them. They don't exactly leave weapons lying around for
anyone to pick up. But I'm guessing you might not need me for
that."

I shook my head and
smiled. No, I could handle myself in that area.

"But it would be a lot
faster and probably result in fewer deaths if you just transported
us there."

I shook my head again, but
for a completely different reason. My skin tingled in apprehension
at the thought of transporting on my own. "Not like this. I don't
know if I can do it blind."

The red, blue, and green
bunch of molecules at the top of his body fluctuated up and down.
"I was beginning to wonder if you were really blind. You're doing
very well, considering."

"Yeah, well, you know I
have some advantages, but I still don't know if I can transport to
the right location like this."

"Then we walk."

I shrugged a shoulder and
smiled. "Yeah. Who cares if there are a few more dead guys along
the way?"

Chapter Seven

A Few More Dead Guys Along the
Way

I stood close behind Meir
just outside the door to the little room, both seeing and feeling
the heat radiate off his back. We both looked to the left before
hurrying down the corridor. Lastrini and his men hadn't made their
attack yet, but we could hear them just beyond the
corner.

I imagined what I'd do to
them when they finally did come up behind us. They would have no
way idea I knew they were there no matter how stealthily they
moved. Would I wait for their black eyes to widen in
terror?

No. I would just kill
them. Painfully, but quickly.

I chuckled, enjoying the
train of thought far too much. A whisper of something tickled in my
ears and suddenly I felt overwhelmed with shame. What would El
think about His Destructor now? Could he ever forgive or accept the
person I was? Hadn't He made me this way?

Maybe it was wrong for me
to enjoy so much death.

"You should enjoy it.
They're insects meant to be squashed by you."

The guilt seeped away
until I hardly remembered feeling it.
Are
you going to make it a habit of popping up whenever you feel like
it?

"You forget that I'm
always here, Ella. Always listening."

I shuddered. But
underneath that expected reaction, something else surfaced.
Something warm and comforting. I liked having Malik here with me.
He'd stuck around when everyone else had left.

"Like Cailen."

Yes, like Cailen. Tears
pricked at the corners of my eyes. I didn't want to think about how
he'd betrayed me. I should have trusted my instincts when I'd first
started remembering. I never should have given Cailen a chance to
weave his lies. Without him around to confuse me, I realized how
much I’d truly loved him. It only made the betrayal
worse.

"He's not the only one who
left you."

He was right. Ranen had
disappeared, too, even though he was supposed to train me. And
Meir, even though he was here now, leading me down the deserted
corridors, he'd been gone for so long. He had allowed himself to
sink into insanity. Hadn't he'd known I'd needed him? That I
couldn't go a day without him? And had he apologized? Even now he
pretended it didn't happen. That he hadn't let the Soltakians put
him in that room. I'd fought my way out; he could have, too. I
wondered if he really cared about me or just saving his precious
friend.

"You're forgetting
someone,"
Malik mocked.
"Who put you in this mess in the first
place?"

My insides twisted. I
couldn't go there. I shook my head and wrapped my arms around my
waist.

No.

"Yes,"
he hissed.
"Where. Is.
El?"

Shut up!
I ground my teeth and pushed him away as far as
he would go. I hated him. I hated them all. No one deserved to talk
to me. To know me, or love me. I was El's Destructor. And who were
they? Who was Malik? Dead, and not even rotting. I'd destroyed him
like I'd destroyed billions of others.

The only one who'd been
even close to being my equal was Manoo and he was dead,
too.

The voice in my head
chuckled.

***

Mother's been gone from my
room for hours and I am alone with only my Bana hound, Lolabelle,
and the locket to keep me company. Lolabelle is too busy gnawing on
a bana fruit husk to pay me any attention. She's been eating more
and more lately. I suspect she's probably pregnant. I'd let her
loose a few weeks ago to play with some of Daddy's hounds. I'd
thought at the time she was paying a bit too much attention to one
hound in particular. Oh well. I love puppies.

I stare at the locket and
stroke its death stone, watching as the light sends little rainbows
on my finger. The gem is appropriately named. Death is the
culmination of every moment a person has ever lived into one final
moment. Like white is the existence of all colors in one. Like this
gem. And I love it. It is beautiful and it speaks to a part of me
that's deep down, not yet touched. I've always known that part was
there, dark and quiet, waiting. But staring at this stone makes it
stir like a beast coming out of its cave. I smile and stroke it
again.

Someone knocks on my door
and I hide the locket beneath my tunic, making sure to pull my
collar up to hide the chain.

"Come in," I
say.

One of my servants steps
in—a girl just a little older than me with black hair and bright
eyes—and bows slightly. "The King and Queen have asked me to get
you."

I sigh and slide off the
bed. Lolabelle lifts her head long enough to see what's going on
before going back to her snacking. I stand up on my tiptoes to
stroke her between the ears and kiss her on the nose before
following behind the servant.

She leads me down through
the south wing where our personal quarters are to the more public
section of the palace, where the throne room and ballrooms are. I'm
expecting to go straight to the throne room, but am surprised when
she turns to take us through the glass doors out onto the
patio.

My mother and father are
waiting for me with broad smiles on their faces, but they are not
alone. Galen, Cailen, and the girl are also with them. I freeze
underneath the doorway and think about running. I don't want to
deal with this now. It's customary for the royal family to bless
the commitment of close friends before the actual bonding ceremony.
But I can't do it. Not for Cailen.

My mouth goes dry as they
stare at me. Daddy encourages me forward with a wave, but my eyes
turn to Galen. He looks patient and happy enough if you don't look
too closely. As I stare back at him, I see his eyes go hard, dark.
And it's in that moment that I know he doesn't like me. Possibly
even hates me.

My mother steps forward
and wraps her gentle, soft hand around my arm. "Come here, my love.
Your father wishes to speak with you."

I gulp and let her lead me
to the happy little group of my worst nightmare. How can I say
goodbye to Cailen? I just can't.

Daddy kneels down to wrap
his arms around me and kiss me on the cheek. I melt into his hold.
It's always safe there. Maybe he can make it all better even now. I
rub my cheek against his to feel his scratchy scruff. I breathe in
his crisp, clean scent. Too soon, he releases me and stands
straight and tall. "Galen shares happy news," he says to me,
staring hard. I feel like he's addressing only me right then, like
he wants to me to take this moment as seriously as possible. Like
he knows my life is about to change and he wants me to know that
too.

I nod, holding the tears
at bay.

He gestures toward Cailen
and the red-headed girl next to him. She's my age, but not as tall
as me. I straighten, proud I have at least that on her. No one my
age is as tall as me and that thought makes me warm with pride.
"These two have been committed to each other," he says. "Cailen,
your best friend, could be bonded soon. Aren't you happy for
him?"

My gaze flits to Daddy and
I see in his eyes what he's really asking. He wants to know if I
approve of this match. I know then he will never bless their
commitment if I say no. I look at Cailen, hoping to pull the truth
of his feelings from his gaze alone. He doesn't look back at me,
though. I'm left to wonder why he told me that morning. Was it
because he was happy? Or did he want my help in getting him out of
it? I'm infuriated at myself for leaving. I could have known the
truth of what he wanted.

I turn then to the girl.
Her bright smile spreads practically from ear to ear. She is
beautiful and seems nice enough. And she's a Windbringer, like
Cailen. Perhaps they could be happy. And could I say no to
something that could make Cailen happy? Especially when I don't
even know if he wants to be bonded to me?

My shoulders slump under
the weight of what I know I must do. I can't keep this from Cailen.
He deserves to be happy.

I turn my gaze back to
Daddy and swallow the lump in my throat down so I can say this
without my voice breaking. "Yes," I whisper. "I am happy for
him."

Daddy stares at me for an
immeasurable amount of time before nodding and giving his blessing
to Cailen and Anna. I peer out from beneath the strands of my hair
to see Cailen's reaction. He's staring back at me now, shock and
anger written all over the features of his face. I see pain
there.

Horror oozes through me
and I nearly fall. I was wrong. I'd made the wrong
choice.

***

The darkness seeped away
and I was back, walking behind Meir in an empty corridor.
Everything looked the same so I had no idea how far we'd gone or
how much time had passed—again—while I daydreamed.

Of Cailen.

So it had been my fault he
wasn't bonded to me. Of course it had.

My hollow stomach ached
deep inside me and I knew it had nothing to do with my hunger. I'd
thrown him away. But how could they have expected me to make such a
decision at so young an age? And whatever I did decide didn't
excuse Cailen's lies to me now. Did he really think I might never
get my memories back? That was a big "if" to count on.

It all really came down to
the fact that Cailen couldn't have cared if I found out. That kind
of heartless, self-centered betrayal made the drilium in my veins
surge, hungering for prey. And since my real target wasn't anywhere
around, I focused on the prey I would soon encounter. Lastrini
might give the orders, but his soldiers didn't have to follow them.
They would be held accountable for all I'd suffered. They would
taste darkness.

Green lights formed and
surged behind me, a thick wall of death not even the Mosandarian
weapons could get through. Meir's lighted form turned for a moment,
his black eyes on me, before they turned again. I
smiled.

My body ached for an
attack, any excuse to poor my wrath out on someone. I would take
them all. I would make them hurt.

"You know," Meir said, "I
thought stealth had been an implied part of the plan. Not that an
enormous wave following at your backside isn't chilling, but I have
to assume pretty much anyone who has ears can hear that
thing."