Fading Away (Hardest Mistakes #1) (16 page)

CHAPTER 22

Kai

It’s getting dark. I’m not entirely sure how to find my way back to the cabin. I stumble through the undergrowth, following all sorts of twisted scents scattered across the ground, none of them what I’m looking for.

Something wet hits my nose. I tilt my head back to look up at the dark sky. Another drop, it’s starting to rain. I glance around, but I really can’t be bothered trying to find shelter. After all, it’s not like I’m human anymore, I’m an animal.

Sammy

“What about a board game?” Dylan calls from the main room of the lodge. I glance out a window as I walk down the hall. Kai hasn’t come back yet and it’s starting to get dark. Dylan is holding up
Monopoly
when I emerge into the light of the main room. I groan, sitting down beside Ashlee.

I haven’t played this game since my first foster home. I help lay out the board and hand out money. The sound of rain echoing on the roof makes me glance up. The little pings are slow at first and then they get heavier and faster. Soon, they’re so loud I can’t hear myself think.

“Where’s Chester?” Ashlee asks quietly from my left.

I turn to look out the large front window. “I’m not sure.”

“Should we be out searching for him?” Dylan asks with a concerned frown.

Ashlee shakes her head before I can answer. “Nah, he’ll be fine.” I try to cast off the unsure feeling swelling in my chest and roll the dice.

Before long I’ve forgotten about Kai. Dylan laughs evilly at me when I land on his ‘Marvin Gardens’ with a hotel. Dylan takes the last of my fake money, so I’m out of the game. I’ve never been any good at chance. Chuckling, I head into the kitchen to get us all a drink. It’s completely black outside; I can’t even see the tree line through the window. The rain is still coming down heavy on the roof.

The howl barely reaches my ears through the storm, but I still hear it. Was that Kai? How could I have forgotten about him? I nearly drop the glass I’m holding. What if he’s hurt? I jog to the front door and let myself out onto the front porch. My hair flicks wildly in the wind.

“Sammy, what are you doing?” Ashlee grabs my arm and pulls me back into the house.

I look at her, wide-eyed. “I heard a howl; I thought it might be Kai. What if he’s hurt?” I whisper to her as Dylan walks up behind us.

She glances back at Dylan before turning back to me. “He’ll be fine. Going out in that storm is idiotic. If he’s not back by morning, we’ll go looking for him.”

“But…”

She closes the front door and pushes me back into the kitchen. “He will be fine.” She pours lemonade into three glasses and hands me one, and then heads back into the main room to finish her game with a confused Dylan. The storm is still pelting the lodge when we all head off to bed. I lie awake in the dark, staring at the ceiling. I can’t take this anymore, I have to go find him.

Kai

I’m soaking wet. The rain isn’t letting up; any chance I might have had in following my own trail back to the cabin is gone. I find a large heavy oak tree and curl up at the base. The icy wind is starting to make me shiver. I don’t want to be like this anymore, trapped in this body, losing everything I cared about. I’m fading away.

I stare out into the dark trees around me. The shadows look like they’re moving on their own. Pressing closer to the tree, I squeeze my eyes closed to shut out the world. My father’s image flashes in my mind. I miss him so much. I remember the last conversation we had, the last conversation we will ever have now.

“Son, you do whatever makes you happy in life. Choose the path you want to follow, not what your mother chooses for you.” Dad sits down beside me on my bed.

I glance over at him, unsure. “But mom?”

He sighs gruffly. “I’m not trying to second guess your mother, but only you can decide what you want to do with your life, no one else.” He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a slightly faded, crumpled picture and hands it to me. I look down at the grey photograph of my father’s younger self, smiling and wearing a pair of dirty overalls, covered in grease. He looks so happy.

“When this photo was taken, I was living my dream of becoming a mechanic. It was your mother’s family that convinced me to buy into their travel agency. I don’t regret it, but I do miss the smell of grease and hard work.” Standing up, he hesitates briefly and then pats me on the shoulder before turning and leaving my room.

I still have that picture, hidden in my sock drawer at my old house. I curl around myself to try and stop the shivering. A loud crunching noise to my left startles me and I jerk my head up.

“Kai!” Sammy’s voice screams out of the darkness. Just as I’m about to stand and find her, she walks through the trees beside me and stops. “What are you doing out here, you stupid idiot?” Her face is twisted in frustration. Shaking her head, she spins around. “Come on.” She strides back through the trees the way she came. I jump up quickly and race after her.

Sammy

Ashlee sits beside me on the front porch. I woke up before sunrise and couldn’t get back to sleep, my thoughts too jumbled together and loud. I left Kai in my room fast asleep. I can’t even imagine why he was out in the middle of a storm. I know he’s still hurting about his family, I can see it in his sad eyes every time I look at him. He’s lost, giving up. I want to help, but I don’t know if I can.

“So I already booked the old Black Pike Castle for your birthday party. It has a gorgeous ballroom and garden,” she announces with a huge grin, trying to pull me out of my morbid thoughts.

I glance over at her in surprise. “Wow. Thank you, Ashlee…that sounds amazing.”

“Thought you’d like it, you’re always watching those old medieval movies and romances.” She places her hand on my shoulder before standing up and heading back inside. I sit in the quiet early morning, watching the sun rise up above the tall trees on the horizon across the lake. Its light reflects off the water in dazzling patterns, making it glow. A noise from behind me makes me turn my head to investigate. A dark shape shuffles through the door.

“Are you okay?” I ask as Kai lies down beside me. He doesn’t look up at me or wag his tail. I place my hand on his head and he sighs out a heavy breath.

Kai

Sam stands at the sink playing with her phone. The way her fingers tap across the screen, I think she’s texting. I bury my face in the bowl of cereal in front of me, I haven’t eaten since yesterday morning; I’m so hungry. Sam mutters something under her breath and pushes the phone across the counter away from her. I lick the bowl clean and sit down to watch her. She looks upset.

Dylan walks into the kitchen and smiles at her. “Hey grumpy, didn’t get any sleep?” My nose twitches in irritation. I feel useless. I want to be the one asking her what’s wrong. She glances away from him to her phone.

“I haven’t heard back from Riley since before we left.” She frowns and looks down at the floor.

Dylan reaches over and touches her arm in comfort. “He’s probably just busy, or he lost his phone?”

She shakes her head. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s all it is.” She doesn’t look convinced, but she puts on a small smile for him.

“I’ll drive you over to your parents place after breakfast.”

“Thanks.” She nods, grabbing his hand and squeezing it before exiting the kitchen. I stay where I am for a moment with narrowed eyes and study Dylan. When did they become so close? He looks at me and raises his eyebrow curiously. I snuff at him and then follow after Sam.

***

I jump down from the backseat of Dylan’s truck as soon as Sam opens the door. I don’t like traveling, even if Dylan’s truck is really nice; it still makes me feel sick to my stomach. After he drives away, Sam turns to face her foster parents’ home. No one is out in front waiting to greet her. Didn’t they know she was coming? I follow her to the front door and wait as she knocks. Kathy answers a moment later with a cry.

“Oh Sammy, how are you? I’ve missed you so much.” Her child toddles up behind her on unsteady feet. He’s grown quite a bit since we left. Kathy ushers Sam inside and closes the door in my face. Okay, so I’m not allowed in, fine. I turn and run down the street, not realizing where I’m going until I trot up to my parents’ house. The front lawn is overgrown and the gardens haven’t been tended in weeks. I walk around the back and push my way through the long grass to the glass door.

Sammy

“I kicked David out almost two months ago now.” Kathy pours me a glass of water and places a plate full of cookies in front of me on the coffee table.

“Wow, Kathy, I had no idea.” Well, actually I did, but now she’s realized what a douche he was too.

“Yes, well, we both know what kind of person he is. I’m just a little embarrassed I hadn’t done anything about it before now.” She smiles and her eyes sparkle with unshed tears. If I turn out to be half as strong as this woman right in front of me, I will be happy. A tear slips down my cheek and I wipe it away quickly.

“Connor has grown,” I say, trying to change the subject before she breaks down. Connor is sitting on the carpet near us playing with a toy train and some blocks. Kathy looks at him lovingly and takes a sip of her coffee.

Kai

For a moment I stay on my hands and knees, listening to my breathing slow and briefly contemplating giving up completely. I’m naked, so I suppose I need to get inside quickly before anyone spots me. I look around, my eyes landing on a loose paver. Picking it up, I throw it through the glass sliding door. It shatters and I dash through the glass.

Once inside, I head up to my old room and chuck on a pair of jeans from my cupboard. I hesitate and then turn back to my dresser. Opening the top drawer, I rifle through my mismatched socks to find my dad’s picture. I pull out the old photo and run my fingers along its creased and faded edges, staring at my dad’s smiling face.

I inhale sharply and then walk down the hallway slowly toward my mom and dad’s room. I pause with my hand on the doorknob. I don’t know if I can do this. I’ve tried to push the pain to the back of my mind, but I can feel it bubbling to the surface.

I take a deep breath and open the door haltingly. As soon as I take a step through the doorway, the scent of mom’s perfume slams into me. I close my eyes briefly in pain before walking over to the bed. I toss dad’s photo on the bed and wander around the dark room. A picture sitting on the nightstand catches my attention. I pick it up and look at it. We look so happy and carefree—we look like a family. Nothing like I remember. I’m sitting in front of them at a resort near the beach; I think I was only ten.

Thinking about them nearly cripples me. I won’t even be able to bury them. I turn and hurl the picture at the wall across from me. The angry tears slip down my face as it cracks on impact and falls to the floor. My insides feel shattered, just like that picture.

I grab my mom’s perfume bottle and throw it as well; it fractures but doesn’t break. I don’t know what to do, I can’t fix this. I can’t bring them back. I can’t even fix myself…there is no way out of this.

“Kai?” I hold my breath and glance toward the open bedroom door. “Kai, are you okay? I heard something break…” I walk out of the room and down the hall to the top of the stairs. Sam stands just inside the destroyed back door.

“I’m here,” my voice cracks. She swivels to face me.

“I thought I’d find you here,” she replies, carefully picking her way through the broken glass toward me. “I brought a bag with me in case you wanted to take anything from your parents’ home with us and maybe some clothes.”

She stops at the bottom step and looks up at me; I can see the compassion in her gentle eyes. My legs give out and I go down on my knees, holding onto the railing. I don’t deserve her kindness. I’m a bad person, I must be. Look at all the bad things that have happened. They’re all my fault.

She walks up the stairs one at a time slowly. I hang my head once she reaches me. I feel the tears spill down my cheeks slowly; she must think I’m so weak.

“I can’t do this anymore, Sammy.” I stare down through my blurry vision at the room below us.

She touches my cheek gently, wiping at the tears. “Stop it, you’re not giving up. Don’t be stupid.” She says it firmly, but in a kind voice.

I glance up at her. “Obviously I’ve done something to deserve this. I’m a bad person. Please, I don’t want to live like this anymore.”

“No.” She kneels down on the step in front of me and looks me straight in the eye. “You’re not a bad person, Kai. I wouldn’t keep you around if you were.” She smiles, reaching up to hold my shoulder. “This isn’t the end. I’m here for you. I’ve told you all of this before, you’re not giving up. I won’t let you.” She clutches my hand and stands up, dragging me with her. “Which one’s your room?”