Faded (Rock Star Trilogy) (6 page)

“How can you even ask that? Of course you’re good enough. There is something seriously wrong with them if they can’t see how amazing you are.”

“I pretend to be confident, but I’m not.” I wipe some of the tears from under my eye away. “I’m really just an insecure, broken, little girl.”

“Don’t ever say that, Scarlett!” Stephan scolds me. “Don’t let your parents take away your confidence. You are beautiful, you are smart, and you are so talented. I am crazy about you. So are Alec and Bridgett. You have so many people that love you. Don’t let them steal your spark.”

I feel better at his words, because he’s right. I don’t need them, and I haven’t in a long time. If they don’t want me, why should I want them?

Monday, October 19

7:06
AM

O.C.R.C.T.L.S.D.H.O.M

After confronting my mom, I pretty much want to get the hell out of Europe. We take the jet back, and I spend all day Sun
day in bed asleep. Stephan stays with me, but I think it's because he's worried about me. He's never seen me have such a major meltdown. Truthfully, I'm glad he's here for me. I need him. I don’t think I could get through this without him.

Alec obviously thinks the best thing to do is distract me from the pain. He decides that tonight we will start working on “
Operation Convince Record Company To Let Scarlett Do Her Own Music
”, or
O.C.R.C.T.L.S.D.H.O.M
, as he likes to call it. I do laugh at the name, which I think is what he was going for.

Bridgett is also trying to
cheer me up. She bought me a journal. She says, “Writing down your feelings helps”. It's true. But I express myself a little differently. I will use the journal to write lyrics.

On Monday morning, I decide the best thing to do is just go to school, like normal. I can't stay in bed forever, though I must admit, being in bed with Stephan forever could be fun.
The sooner I move on, the sooner I can start living my new life.

“Make sure you fix you
r hair today,” Alec tells me, when he sees my messy bun. “The camera crew is going to be following you around at school today.”

My eyes get big. “What? Certainly the school isn't ok
ay with this!”

Alec
grins mischievously. “They were thrilled. They are getting a new gym out of the deal.”

“Well, you want this documentary to be real. The hair stays,” I pout.

The bun doesn't stay. Before leaving for school, I straighten my hair and change my outfit. As bad as I want to not care,
I do
. I don’t want people to see me on film with sweatpants and messy hair.

When I walk downstairs, I can tell Alec is about to tell me, “I told you so.” But then he
sees the evil glare I'm giving him, and he quickly shuts his mouth. I smile.
Good decision, Alec
.  I’m definitely in a bitchy mood today, and I am not to be messed with.

The doorbell rings, and Alec goes to answer it. I s
it down at the bar beside Stephan and Bridgett. As always, my amazing sister has a cup of coffee waiting for me.

“I love you,” I tell her, as I take a drink of the heavenly
-tasting coffee.

Alec comes back into the kitchen followed by six guys.
Four of them are holding cameras, and one has a boom microphone. The last guy has a clipboard. It feels like a definite overkill, but what do I know.

First, I am introduced to the director. Peter. (Or at least, I think that was his name). He explains everything to me in great detail. They are going to follow me
everywhere
. They are even going to attach a camera to the dashboard of my car. They want to capture every moment of my life that they can. They need thirteen hours of good footage. Hopefully it won’t take them too long to get it.

“Why does this feel more like a reality show than
a documentary?” I ask Alec, as they wire a microphone to my body. I’m going to have to watch everything I say.

“It's not really a documentary of your whole life. It's just a documentary of like
three months of your life,” he explains. “And if it goes over like they think it will, they will do it again in six months.”

“Which is what a reality show is
.” I roll my eyes.

Alec just
shrugs and gives me his thousand-watt smile. He forgets that I am immune to its powers.

“This conversation is not over,” I warn.

9:03
AM

Disney

After they wire Stephan and
me, we are off to school. We get there an hour late, and I arrive just in time for history. I slip into the desk beside Ethan.

I look back at the camera crew,
which is still recording while I'm in class.

“Really?” I ask. “You're going to record
this
?”

They nod, and I turn back around to Ethan. “S
’up?” he asks.

I just s
hake my head. “Oh, you know... just my life being exposed to millions of people on MTV. Could it be any lamer? I think not.”

Ethan shrugs. “At least it isn't the Disney Channel.”

I giggle loudly. Everybody turns around to look at me. “Sorry,” I say, and then turn to Ethan. “You are seriously awesome.”

And just like that, my morning is turned around. I can
almost
forget about the camera pointing straight at me.
ALMOST
. I love having great friends.

“So how was your weekend in Paris?” Ethan
whispers.

“It was... the har
dest thing I've ever had to do.”

Ethan looks at me sympathetically. “You know, my mom wasn't that great of a mom either, so I know how you feel.”

“Where is your mom?” I wonder. I haven't asked before, but I haven't ever seen her around. I always just think of Stephan's mom as his mom.

“She died.” I can hear the sadness in his voice. “She purposefully overdosed on drugs.”

“Oh my God,” I shake my head sadly. “Ethan, I'm so sorry. I had no idea.”

My mind goes back to when we were studying in his room...
The joke I made about “killing myself” over math... No wonder he got so upset. I am an awful friend.

“She was selfish, but whatever. She was a terrible mom anyway.”
I can tell he’s trying to act tough, but it has obviously affected him more than he lets on.

“How long ago was it?” I ask.

“It was ten years ago,” he explains. “She was depressed. I can't remember her ever being truly happy. She spent her last year alive in a psychiatric hospital. She pretended to take her pills and saved them for two months. One night, she took all of them at once. They found her dead the next morning.”

My chest hurt for him.

“She didn't even say goodbye.” His voice is almost bitter. “I guess we all have pretty screwed up parents.”

I nod in agreement. “At least you have a good dad.”

He shrugs. “My dad isn't really around much. I think he blames me for my mom. But Stephan's mom isn't so bad. She's the closest thing I've ever had to a mom. I’m thankful for her and Stephan. I feel like I have a real family with them.”

“Why would your dad blame you for your mom's mental illness?” I shake my head. “I'm sure he doesn't.”

Ethan doesn't look convinced. “My mom wasn't sick until after she had me. She had like... postpartum depression or something, and it just never went away.”

“Still, it's not your fault. I'm sure he knows that.”

He just shrugs, and I wonder if he really
does
think it's his fault.

Poor Ethan.

12:01
PM

Five minutes of f
ame

At lunch, Ethan goes to sit with Mona and all her friends, and I sit with Stephan. Stephan doesn't really have a lot of friends at this school... Well, neither do I for that matter. I haven't really tried that hard, though.

“So where do all of your racing friends live?” I ask Stephan.

“Mostly on the east side of town,” he answers. “So they don't go to school here.”

“It must suck to go to a different school than them.”

“Not really. Everybody here hates me. If they went here, they wouldn't be an exception,” he says easily. “I don't mind anyway. High school will soon be a distant memory. Friends that I had here won't matter anymore.”

Somebody takes a seat beside me. “Hey, Scarlett.”

I look over to see Mona.

“Are you kidding me?” Stephan gets up and storms away. One of the cameras follow
s him, and the other three are on Mona and me.

“What do you want?” I ask
flatly. I am so sick of dealing with her and her drama. I can only imagine how bad it’s been for Stephan.

She flashes me a sm
ile, and I realize why she's here. She's here for the
camera
. “I just wanted to say hi. We've missed you.”

I roll my eyes. “I highly doubt that.”

“Oh, come on, Scarlett.” She reaches out and touches my arm like we're good friends. “Just because Stephan and I don't get along doesn't mean that you and I can't be friends.”

“Actually, that is
exactly
what it means,” I counter. “Are you forgetting the fact that you've made high school
hell
for him?”

“Hig
h school is hell for everybody.” She waves me off.

I can't deny what she's saying, because it's true. Why I wanted to put myself through this torture, I will never remember. But now that I'm here, I can't give up. No matter how bad
ly I want to.

“Look, I get that you want your five minutes of fame, or whatever, but
we are never going to be friends. EVER
. Not unless you can somehow fix this stupid hate relationship you have with Stephan.” I too get up from the table and am about to storm off dramatically. (Because, let's face it,
I'm DRAMATIC
). But Mona stops me.

“Wait,” she says.

I think about ignoring her, but instead turn toward her.

“I'm sorry.”

She looks very convincing. But then I remember what Stephan said about her being an amazing actress. I just shake my head. “I am not the one you should apologize to, and you know it.” I turn back around.

“There's another reason why I don't like Stephan,” she blurts out.

I turn back around. “I'm listening.”

She shakes her head. “Not here.”

Damn my curiosity
.

“Come for a ride
?” I ask.

She nods.

Mona follows me, along with the cameras, to the parking lot. Thankfully I'm driving my Sesto Elemento, so they can't come with us... Though, I suspect the dash cameras are recording.

In weird ways, Mona reminds me of Stephan. They don't really look alike, besides their green eyes,
but their actions are alike. Part of me even likes her. (That part that likes her is
very small
). I mean she's still a total bitch for how she treats Stephan.

I roll my eyes when I see the camera crew following behind us
in their creepy black van.

“I see now that fame could be a pain,” she says, sympathetically. “It must suck to never have privacy.”

“I have to be careful. Everywhere I go there is always somebody taking pictures. Trust me when I say, the paparazzi is great at getting embarrassing pictures. It’s the ugly pictures they like to post online.”

“What do you do if you have a wedgie?”

Mona's question is so serious that I can't help but laugh. She too joins in.

“I wear a lot of thongs,” I finally answer. “But I suppose I would just go to the bathroom. I mean, what do
you
do when you have a wedgie?”

She smiles, sheepishly. “I have my friends stand around me, and I pick it.”

I start laughing hard again. Seriously, even though Mona is a complete bitch, she's kind of awesome. I can see why she has so many friends. She's rather charming. If she would just move past the whole Stephan thing, I could easily be her friend.

“So where do you want to have this conversation?” I ask her.

“Coffee?” she suggests.

“Sure.
Let's go to my house. My sister makes the
best
coffee.”

12:34 PM

Thank you, Alec.

When we pull into my house, Mona sits up a little.

“You live next to Stephan and Ethan?”

“Yeah. It was annoying at first, but now I find it rather convenient.”

We both get out of my car and walk inside. The cameras follow closely behind. As much as I try to ignore them, I can't.

“Have you met Bridgett?” I ask her. I know she did at her beach party, but I think everybody thought Bridgett was me that night.

She shakes her head.

I pull out my phone to text Bridgett.

Where are you? - S

With Alec. We got you some studio time for tonight. - B

“Well, she's not here,” I say. “Guess you'll meet her later.”

Mona follows me into the kitchen, and for the first time since moving here, I open the fridge. I see a 24 pack of Red Bull inside.