Fade (11 page)

a grin.

Janie grins back. “So, you think most of them will want to be there?”

Stacey thinks a moment. “I can"t think of anyone who wouldn"t jump at

the chance.”

7:02 p.m.

Janie wraps up her notes at Cabel"s house, and muses, “This is getting

curiouser and curiouser.”

Cabel reads over her shoulder. He growls lightly. “He did that lame

eyelash trick on you? God, what a loser.” He begins pacing.

“Easy, big fella,” murmurs Janie distractedly as she types in the info she

got from Stacey that day. When she finishes, she flips screens to the

party flyer and prints out ten copies.

Cabel"s on the phone.

“It"s Cabe,” he says. “I think we need to watch Durbin"s house in the

evenings up until—” He pauses. “Oh. Well, that"s why you"re in charge.” He grins sheepishly into the phone. “Thank you, sir.”

He hangs up. “Did you know Captain"s been surveilling Durbin"s house

for two weeks already?”

“Nope. But it"s a good idea. How"s your progress going, Cabe? I think

it"s strange that I can"t find a single student who doesn"t like Durbin.

Have you been able to approach that question yet with your new contacts?”

“Some. He seems to be gunning for teacher of the year, though, the way

things are going.”

“If a student was the one who made the call, what would make them
not

follow through and get their reward? I don"t understand that. Not everybody drinks. And if they showed up there last year not knowing it

was that kind of a party, wouldn"t they back out slowly, or at least talk to

somebody about it? I"ve never heard of this happening before. You"d

think Carrie"d know.”

Cabe begins pacing again. After a while he says, “Carrie wouldn"t know.

She and Melinda and Shay and people into high-end Hill parties aren"t

science geeks. There"s not one person on the list who I"ve ever seen at a

Hill party. It"s two different worlds.”

“So, what is Durbin"s hold over the geeks that makes them want to

protect him?”

Cabel"s in the zone. Janie can almost see the wheels turning in his head.

She glances at the flyers, and on a whim, goes to her Gmail account and

types up an e-mail to the address Mr. Durbin gave her.
Hey Mr. Durbin,

I talked to Stacey O’Grady today, and she’s stoked about being
invited

to your party. She told me you guys had a terrific party last
semester. If

it’s okay with you, she’s going to distribute the flyers to the other
kids

from that class. Would it be cool if she and I came about an hour
early

to help you set it up?

And I know you said no alcohol, but I’ve got this great dessert
recipe I

wanted to bring…It has crème de menthe in it. Just a little. Not
enough

to get anybody even a buzz from eating a huge piece. Would that
be okay

with you? If not, I could always bring Rice Krispies treats instead.
Janie Hannagan

P.S. I’m a little worried about Friday’s big test—trying to study and
get

ready for the chem fair is taking up a lot of time. Can I set up a
meeting

to talk over some formulas with you?

Thanks. J.

She presses Send and keeps the computer booted, turning up the volume

a notch, just in case he"s online and gets back to her quickly.

“What are you doing?” Cabel says suddenly.

“Flirting with Durbin.”

“Oh.” He turns back to his pacing, and then stops again. “You know, I

think I finally understand how it felt for you. Remember when you stopped by my house and Shay was over?”

“Ah…yeah. It"s burned like a cross into my brain.”

“I didn"t want you to see that. Not because I wanted to hide it from you.

But because it would hurt.”

Janie smiles at him. “I know. Sucks, doesn"t it.”

“It"s driving me nuts,” Cabel admits. “If that bastard hurts you, I"ll kill

him. I"m still not sure about you putting yourself in a position like that.”

“Good thing I don"t work for you, then.” She knows it"s harsh. He stops pacing. Looks at her. “Damn. You"re right.” Starts pacing again. “So, do you think Durbin is hot?”

“I can see why girls are attracted to him.”

“Are you attracted to him?”

Janie sighs. “Oh Cabe. Shay is hot, rich, sexy, popular. A cheerleader.

Were you attracted to her?”

“No. She was a facet of my job.”

“Exactly.”

“You didn"t answer my question.”

Janie hesitates, wanting to be truthful. “Durbin is attractive. I can"t deny

that. But when he did the eyelash thing, it made the hair stand up on the

back of my neck. He creeps me out, Cabe.”

Cabel nods absentmindedly as he walks. “Okay. That makes me feel

better.”

She smiles. Gets it—it was the same with Cabel and Shay. And is proud

of him for the new way he"s approaching it now. “I love you, you know,” she says. It"s getting easier to say.

He comes over to where she"s sitting and massages her shoulders lightly.

But his voice is grim. “I love you too, Janie.”

“And I"m getting really good at protecting myself,” she adds. “My self-defense class kicks ass.”

He tugs her hair. “I"m glad you"re taking that class. You"re really getting

buff, you know that? It"s very sexy. As long as you"re not beating me

up.”

“Don"t make me hurt you,” she murmurs. “Hey, can I stay tonight?”

“Wow, I don"t know, jeez, I"m, like, really busy and shit….”

She grins.

And then she hears the binking sound of an e-mail arriving.
Janie,

LOL! Bring the dessert. And the bottle.

And a resounding yes to everything else you asked me, and
more.

I could do tomorrow (Tues.) after school, for us to go over the
formulas

in question. The rest of my afternoons are tied up until around 7

p.m.,

but if you don’t need much equipment, you could always stop by
my

house after 7 either tomorrow or Wednesday.

Dave Durbin

“He is so freaking smooth,” remarks Cabel. “He knows tomorrow is

Valentine"s Day, and there"s not only a big basketball game, but also the

pep rally after school and the Valentine"s dance from seven to ten. He"s

not expecting you to make it then.” Cabel thinks for a moment.

“When

you write him back, call him Dave. He"s begging for it.”

With that, Cabel walks away.

Janie purses her lips, and hits Reply.

Dave,

How’s Wednesday around 8? I know right where you live. Thanks!

J.

She hits Send, and waits less than a minute before she has a reply.

Looking forward to it.

Dave

Janie shuts down the computer and finds Cabel in the living room, watching some old western on the movie channel. She slides in next to

him.

“I"m going to his house Wednesday at eight,” she says. “Will you spot

me?”

He snakes his arm around her neck and tugs gently. “Of course,”

he says.

“I"m going to alert Captain to it, too.”

“"Kay,” Janie says, snuggling close.

After a while of watching TV, the volume on too low to actually hear the

story line, Cabe says, “I wish we could go out tomorrow night. I"m so

tired of this routine, hiding out all the time. Our biggest excitement is

lifting weights or deciding between green beans and broccoli.”

Janie sighs. “Me too. Do you think we"ll ever be able to go out on a

date?”

“Yeah. Maybe this summer. For sure in the fall. Once we rid ourselves

of the web of lies we leave behind at Fieldridge High.”

It"s a sober moment.

Janie nods.

Rests her head on his shoulder.

He tousles her hair.

ı

“Hey Cabe?” she asks as they climb into bed.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Do you mind if I practice on your dreams tonight?”

“Of course not. You don"t have to ask me.”

“I feel weird about not asking you if I"m planning it in advance,”

she

says.

“It"s cool. You working on something in particular?”

“Yeah…I"m trying to TiVo.”

He laughs. “What, you mean pause, rewind—that sort of thing?”

“Exactly.”

“That"ll be interesting. I hope you pull it off. You don"t want to take me

with you, do you?”

“Not this time. I need all the concentration I can muster. Once I get it,

I"ll gladly show you, though.”

He turns off the light and lets his arm rest around her midsection. He

strokes her belly with his thumb, like he"s strumming guitar. “You know,” he says, “you could really have fun with a good dream once you

learn how to do that.”

“Guess why I want to practice on you,” she says with a smile in the

darkness.

“Be careful or you might go to school tomorrow flushed with sex.”

She chuckles softly. “All part of the plan, babycakes.”

“Well, that oughta turn Durbin on.” Cabel"s voice turns bitter. Janie turns toward Cabel. “Have you figured out yet why nobody narcs

on Durbin?”

“I think so,” Cabel says. “It"s because he"s only a few years older and

good-looking and athletic, and he really acts as if he likes the science-type kids. He accepts their geek minds and praises them for it.

He"s the epitome of a cool, popular kid, whose groupies have never been

popular in their lives. They lap it up.”

Janie clears her throat.

Waits.

Clears it again.

“I—I mean,” stutters Cabel, “ah, I mean, some of them are like that, and

some, you know, some others, like you, for example, see right through

the facade and…uh…shit like that.”

“Mmm hmm,” Janie says.

“And…I love you so much? And now I"m going to shut up and go to

sleep, so you can manipulate my mind in a dozen ways and more?”

“Weak,” she says. “But it"ll do.”

Cabel dreams.

ı

Janie slides into the darkness, and then into the computer room. It"s a dream that"s loosely based on the night they made love there.

She"s watching him, she"s watching herself, curiously, surprised to see

how quickly they find their rhythm together for the first time. She concentrates with all her might. Stares at Cabel.
Pause
, she thinks,

over and over again.

A minute goes by, but nothing changes.

Another minute.

And then the scene slows.

Ten seconds later it"s paused. In a very interesting spot, Janie notes.

Janie looks around the room, trying to notice everything. The office

items on the desk; the clock on the wall stopped as well; the color of

everything. It"s incredibly difficult to hold the scene there. And then she

begins to lose it. She can feel her body shaking, weakening, and the

dream slips into regular speed again.

Her head pounds. Her fingers are numb. She bumps Cabel with her

behind, trying to wake him just enough so she doesn"t have to use her

waning energy to pull out of the dream too. She knows she can"t do it

after that. She can barely feel her arms and legs as it is, already. Cabel takes in a sharp breath, and she can feel him against her backside,

aroused in his sleep. He begins to stroke her numbing body while he"s

still in the dream. She can feel his touch, fading in and out on her skin,

as she"s seeing it in his mind. And she"s stuck. And falling. And very

aroused and blind and numb and watching it in her mind while feeling it

on her body, all at the same time, and she wants it. Wants to make love

right now. But she is completely paralyzed.

She can"t move.

She can"t feel anything.

She can"t speak.

ı

It can"t happen. Not like this.

She needs to wake him up, before something happens. So they can do it

right.

ı

She takes all her strength, all her concentration, all her will. She bites

blindly. Feels hair in her teeth. Pulls back with her neck. And everything goes black.

ı

She"s shuddering.

Shaking.

Trying to catch a breath as she aches to see something. Anything. His

face. She wants to see his face.

ı

He"s talking to her.

His hand is on her cheek, sliding through tears. And she realizes it now.

Realizes that there will scarcely be a time when they roll together, unawares, and make love sleepily in the dead of a winter night, lingering

on their dreams.

ı

She"s broken.

Her muscles are like water.

And he"s there, lifting her shoulders, holding a glass to her lips, telling

her to drink and swallow.

She can feel his fingers pushing the hair out of her eyes. Hear his voice

in her ear. Smell his skin nearby. Taste the milk on her tongue, in her

throat. And then slowly she sees shadows. Black and white, at first, and

then his face, looking wild. His hair, flipping every which way. His cheeks flushed.

And she speaks roughly. “It"s okay,” she says.

ı

But it"s not okay.

Because she wants him, and now he"s afraid to touch her like that.

ı

He makes her eat.

Sits by the bed.

Waits for her sleep to come.

She finds him, awake, on the couch in the morning. Sits in the crook of his body.

And they look at each other, both so very sorry and neither one needing

to be.

Cabel, feeling helpless. Janie, trapped by her own ability. Despairing in