Faceless (52 page)

herself.

One thing she knew for definite, Susan Tranter had stood by her

dad through everything and as far as Lucy was concerned, that

counted for something.

The woman answered the door. Her face betrayed none of the

surprise she was feeling.

‘Yes? Can I help you?’ c-

‘Hello. I’m Kevin Carter’s daughter Lucy.’

Susan stared at her blankly and she hurried on, ‘I wondered if you

350

had seen him? Could tell me how he was?’

‘Well, there’s visiting for family and friends. Any time you want to

go, you can. He’s not banged up as such, he’s in a psychiatric

hospital. Rampton, actually, as I’m sure you already know.’

The sarcasm was not lost on Lucy and before she could stop

herself she was crying. It was the last straw. Everyone had a downer

on her and she was feeling incredibly lonely and sorry for herself.

Susan had a kind nature. Seeing the younger woman on her

doorstep looking so distressed, she relented and brought her into

the house. Twenty minutes later, the recipient of a cup of tea, Lucy

poured out the whole story of her mother and her own broken

engagement.

Susan listened sadly. Kevin had spoken of Lucy many times, had

felt sorry for her, saying that she was her own worst enemy. And as

she listened to her now, Susan was inclined to agree with him.

Lucy was eaten up with bitterness like her mother before her. It

was a shame because when she smiled she looked lovely. She just

needed to make herself a happier person and then she would attract

people to her. As it was she drove them away.

‘I want me dad. I miss him so much.’

The loneliness in her voice made Susan sorry for her but she was

also sensible enough to see that she was Lucy’s last resort. She had

no one else to turn to so she wanted her daddy and Daddy’s bird if

necessary.

But as Susan tried to explain, Kevin wasn’t right in the head. He

had had a complete breakdown and she wondered at a daughter

who could not even be bothered to go and visit him. She told Lucy

the doctors believed it was because Kevin had kept so much bottled

up inside him for so many years. His daughter’s imprisonment and

his son’s suicide had been hard on him, but he had had to suppress

his natural feelings of grief because of his wife and the way her own

mental condition had deteriorated after these events.

It was all a sorry tale and now she had his daughter and her

problems on her doorstep. In one way Susan was glad because she

missed Kevin very much. Lucy was better than nothing, at least she

was a part of him. If Susan could help her, maybe she could help

him. Kevin needed to see his children, the doctors were all agreed

on that. Maybe she could talk Lucy and Marie into going to visit

him and the psychiatrists; it might keep him from being locked up

once and for all. She would do anything for Kevin, she loved him

with every ounce of her being.

351

So she listened to the younger woman with half an ear. Until

Lucy spoke of her and Kevin.

‘I beg your pardon?’

‘I said, I don’t blame my father for turning to you. My mother

was never the easiest woman to be around. How long has it been

going on? You and him, I mean.’

Susan shrugged nonchalantly.

‘Years. I loved him for years and he loved me. But he would never

have hurt your mother though she was a trial to him, as we both

know. I feel sorry for Lou really. People like her, eaten up by

bitterness, never find happiness. Even her own grandchildren were

tossed aside. Your father found that very difficult, you know. As he

found not seeing or hearing from Marie difficult. If it had been left

to him, I think he would have taken the kids on and tried to make

the best of it. But your mother was determined that they would

never be a part of the family. I assume you’ve heard about Tiffany’s

death? Marie must be in bits, the poor woman. Her whole life has

been a struggle.’

‘She chose to kill her mates, no one made her do it.’

The old animosity was back again.

‘Drugs made her do it, Lucy. Drugs are a terrible affliction,

especially for the person caught up with them. It’s hard enough for

the family who have to cope with knowing their child is an addict,

but for the person themselves it must be doubly hard.’

Lucy didn’t answer.

‘So where are you going to stay?’

She looked around her at the untidy room and shuddered. She

did not want to stay here but it might be necessary for a few days

until she sorted herself out. She certainly didn’t want to go back to

Mickey’s house and have to deal with his bloody witch of a mother.

‘I don’t know, to be honest. I was going to go to a hotel …’

Susan had seen the way Lucy looked at her home and had

obviously found it lacking so she didn’t offer her a bed. She had

been going to but now she felt that Lucy deserved all she got if she

would only realise that fact. She could look down her nose at Susan

all she liked. No one was forcing her to sit in this mess, were they?

She glanced around her and felt like smiling for the first time in

weeks. It was a mess, she’d be the first to admit that. But it was a

comforting, clean mess. Papers and books everywhere. Plants growing

wherever they were put and just left to overrun windowsills and

shelves. She liked her home. Liked the sense of tranquillity it gave her.

352

‘Your father loved it here. Said after your mother’s regimented

cleanliness it was refreshing. I think he liked the fact he could put

his feet up on the furniture and there wouldn’t be a fight. Could

put his plate on the floor if he wanted to and just chill out, as the

youngsters say nowadays.’

She didn’t know why she had said that but she wanted this girl to

know her father had had happy times in this shithole. Because she

knew that ‘shithole’ was the word that Lucy and her mother would

use to describe her home. And maybe it was, but not to her and

certainly not to Kevin. It had become his refuge and they both

knew that.

‘I can understand that, actually. My mother could be overpowering

at times. I am looking forward to seeing him. Do you think he

will want to see me?’ Lucy asked hesitantly.

Susan grinned.

‘He’ll be over the moon to see you, Lucy.’

She shrugged.

‘I don’t know why. Marie was always his favourite.’

The bitterness was back once more.

‘Oh, really? He talked mainly about you to me. I got the

impression he saw you as the stronger person, far more able to cope

with the world than Marie.’

It was lies and they both knew it but Lucy appreciated the fact

that this woman would do that for her. It was so long since she had

been shown even a small kindness that she was near to tears.

The messy house was forgotten now as she finally saw what had

attracted her father to the rather blowsy lady sitting opposite her.

Susan was kind and she was nice and she had a quiet way with her

that was very relaxing.

Seeing Lucy with her guard down, Susan saw a woman in her prime

who needed a friend. Someone who would not judge as her mother

had done, but would just like her for herself.

‘You could stay here for a few days until you get on your feet, I

suppose. But as you can see, I’m very untidy.’

She saw the relief on Lucy’s face and any qualms she had felt

about her offer disappeared. She had always been a sucker for lame

dogs. She only hoped that this one wasn’t going to bite her at some

point in the future.

But she was doing this for Kevin anyway. At least he would see

one of his remaining children. She only hoped she could get Marie

to visit him as well, though she had her own priorities at the

353

moment and Susan understood that. To bury a child must be the

most traumatic thing a person could do.

‘If it’s not too much trouble?’ Lucy said timidly.

Susan smiled without answering. Deep inside she was wondering

if she had gone stark staring mad.

Jason and Marie were in the TV room at the back of the house. Like

everywhere else it was spotlessly clean, though the furniture was

shabbier here than in the rest of the place. Marie guessed that this

was the room they used when they were not entertaining. It was

more relaxing here than in the other rooms because it was not like a

magazine picture. As they sat together and talked, Marie felt herself

unwinding.

‘She doesn’t mean it. My mum … I mean. Verbena. It’s just that

she’s had me to herself for so long she finds it hard to share me

now, that’s all it is.’

Marie grinned at her boy. Soon he would be a man, and from

what she had seen he was going to be a good man. A decent man.

He was certainly going to be a handsome man.

‘I am sorry if I’ve caused a rumpus but I felt the urge to see you.

I missed you so very much when I was away from you.’

He looked into her face.

‘Why did you do it. Mum? Why did you kill your two friends?’

She shook her head sadly.

‘I wish I knew the answer to that, Jason, I really do. But I don’t

remember it, any of it. I woke up covered in blood and that was

when I realised what had happened. My handprints were on the

weapons used and I was charged with murder. Two counts. My

brief tried for manslaughter due to diminished responsibility but it

was rejected. I was deemed fit and able mentally, and they assumed

I had known what I was doing and why I was doing it, I just wasn’t

telling them. But I have never been able to remember any of it.’

‘Truly?’

She nodded.

‘Truly. But you have to understand, Jason, I was a different

person in those days. I was an addict and they’re not like everyone

else. Their whole life revolves around getting drugs or drink,

whatever their preference is. I would take anything I could lay my

hands on. It’s like an illness only people don’t understand that.

People who can control their lives do not become addicts. I could

never control mine. I did far too much too soon and it took its toll

354

on me. I was fifteen when Tiffany was born and just seventeen when

I had you, and I was just far too young for all that responsibility. So

I started to get out of it, take drugs. Tried to stop the pain and the

hurt that my life had brought me.’

She saw the searching way he looked into her eyes and felt a

desire to lie to him, but she knew she couldn’t. He had to know the

truth and he had to accept her for what she had done and who she

was now, otherwise they would both be living a lie.

‘It’s hard to believe you did something like that.’

She clasped his hand tightly.

‘I know, I feel like that myself. I have had to learn to live with the

knowledge that I went out of control and took the lives of two

people I liked and cared about.’

He nodded like a seventeen-year-old ancient.

‘I’m not going to take drugs ever.’

It was said fervently and with complete candour.

‘Some of my friends have taken Es and smoked grass, but I won’t.

If Mum knew who the boys were she would freak out because

they’re all what she classes as good lads from good homes. But the

world is different these days, drugs are practically socially acceptable.

In Amsterdam the government check out the drugs to make

sure they’re good quality. My friend James said his dad reckons that

will happen here eventually.’

‘I hope not. Drugs can never be a good thing, can they? Not if

they destroy lives. They destroyed my life and yours.’

He nodded solemnly.

‘And Tiff’s. Are you going to get Anastasia? Only I hate to think

of her being adopted. She’s all that’s left of Tiffany, isn’t she?’

‘I am going to try. I just have a few things to sort out first.’

‘What things?’

‘Oh, just a few things that need doing. Nothing for you to worry

about.’

As she said the words her decision to be honest with her son went

out of the window. She would be as honest as she could about

everything else, but she could never admit to him that she was

contemplating killing his father.

Though she didn’t remember killing the first time, she was determined

to remember every second of it this time. This was retribution,

not murder - there was a difference as far as she was concerned.

Her phone rang and she was glad of the intrusion. As she answered

it and heard Maisie’s voice she felt her heart begin to beat faster.

355

*

Patrick was driving around the streets erratically. Since the call

telling him about the raid on the club he had been possessed by a

rage so acute he could feel it eating into his very soul. When he

found out who was responsible he was going to bite their heads off

personally and after ripping out their hearts he was going to get

seriously nasty. As he drove he thought up more and more elaborate

ways to inflict pain on his enemies.

He just could not believe it! He had taken out the most

dangerous and notorious Gangsta in the country and now someone