Face of Death (15 page)

“He’s calling the cops. We can’t keep this car. He saw us. He can ID us.”

“Jodi, calm down.” Matt reached for my hand. His touch sent shivers through my arm. Not exactly calming.

“Let’s get away from here and then dump the car. We’ll hide out for the rest of the day and walk to Serpentarius tonight.”

“No way.” Matt’s hands were back on the steering wheel, and his eyes focused on the road. “I’m not giving up on seeing my family.”

“I have an idea. Go to the cemetery.” It was where I’d been planning to take him to begin with.

“Why? You can’t raise souls. You’re human now.”

“I know. There’s something I want you to see.”

“What could possibly—” He turned to look at me, only glancing at the road long enough to keep us from colliding with a tree or telephone pole. “You want me to see my grave, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

He shook his head. “Why? That’s twisted, Jodi.”

“No, it’s not. If you’re going to move on with your life, you have to say goodbye to who you used to be.”

“Is this your plan to convince me not to see my family?”

“No. This is one step in getting you to be okay so I can return to the other Ophi.” There, I’d said it. He knew my plan. He knew what I wanted for him. He knew I didn’t see a future for us.

“So, you’re sure that you’re going to go back to what you were, a necromancer? You don’t even want to consider staying with me?”

I’d considered it, all right. Too much. I shouldn’t have been having any of these feelings for him. I should’ve been focusing on Alex and the others. This had to end. The split personality thing was killing me.

“Matt, I have to go back.”

“You know, you’re trying to convince me to move on, let go of the past, but you won’t do the same.”

I swallowed hard, getting up the courage to say what I had to say next. “You are my past. Alex is my present and my future.”

He looked hurt for a moment. “You’re wrong. Look around.
I
am your present, and I could be your future, if you’d let me.”

He wasn’t letting go. I decided not to say anything else. He wasn’t going to listen, and I didn’t want to argue. He pulled into the cemetery and parked near the entrance. We left the car, and I led him to the place where he was buried.

He slowed as we approached the headstone. This wasn’t going to be easy on him, but it was something he had to do.

“Do you know what the worst part about dying at seventeen is?”

Instead of answering, I waited for him to continue.

“It’s not missing out on graduation or going to college. It’s missing out on being in love.” I stared at him, wondering why he thought that. It wasn’t the typical guy answer. Most guys would’ve said the worst part was dying a virgin.
Was
Matt a virgin?

“I never got to experience the kind of love my mom said only teens can have. The kind that consumes you. Makes you do stupid crap, and you don’t even care because someone else thinks you’re the greatest thing on earth.”

He wanted that with me. The thought tore me up. He’d died kissing me, falling in love with me. And I’d just told him I was leaving him. “You know, we technically never broke up.”

“I know. I just kind of figured the relationship is assumed over when—”

“One person dies?”

I was thinking when one person kills the other, but his way was nicer. I turned away. This was getting way too emotional for me to handle.

Matt stepped closer to me and lifted my chin.

“Matt, don’t.” My voice shook, and his touch brought goosebumps to my skin.

“I know I said I wouldn’t do this, but I’m desperate.” He looked me in the eyes. “Pick me.” His words were like a knife to my heart.

I opened my mouth, not knowing what to say, but his lips came crashing down on mine. His arms wrapped around me, lifting me off the ground. I froze for a moment, but as Matt continued to kiss me, I felt myself giving in. My eyes closed, and I kissed him back. We may have been in two completely foreign bodies, but together we were still Matt and Jodi. We fit. We made sense. We had great chemistry.

We stayed like that for several minutes, only pausing long enough to take a breath every once in a while. Then, I heard sirens approaching. I pulled away and saw the glow of red and blue lights coming toward the cemetery. They’d spotted the stolen car.

“We need to get out of here.” I pulled Matt with me out the back exit and through the houses. I could easily get to my house from here. I’d done this exact route the night of Matt’s funeral. But I didn’t want to go home. I wasn’t ready to. Still, I found myself ducking into my backyard, behind the shed. The exact spot where Matt had attacked the bunny.

We sat with our backs against the shed, catching our breath.

“I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t fun.” Matt smiled at me. I knew he meant the part about us kissing more than the part where we ran from the cops. I was completely leading him on by making out with him on top of his grave like that. God, what was happening to me?

“Look, about what happened…I’m confused. I don’t know how to handle this double life I’m living right now.”

“You still have feelings for me.” He said it so matter-of-factly.

“Yes, I do. I won’t deny that, but I love Alex. I can’t deny that, either. I need time to make sense of what’s going on with me.” I leaned my head back on the shed. “I need you to stop kissing me. I can’t control myself around you.”

“Yes, you can. There have been plenty of times that you stopped me from kissing you—before all this and now.”

That was true. Before I ran away with Alex, Matt and I had missed out on plenty of opportunities to kiss each other, and mostly because of me. And there was the incident outside the grocery store. I’d resisted the urge to kiss him then.

“You gave in to that kiss in the cemetery because you wanted to kiss me. I know you won’t kiss me without wanting to, and I’m not about to stop you if it’s what you want.”

Man, that was confusing. “You think
I
brought that on in the cemetery? That was all
you
.”

“You didn’t stop me. You kissed me back.”

“I know, but you started it. You have to stop that. If I kiss you first, then have at it. Go nuts. I give you permission. But if I don’t, please…”

I hated putting these rules on our relationship. It wasn’t fair to him. It wasn’t fair to Alex. Hell, it wasn’t even fair to me. I was losing it.

“Is this a game to you?” He looked beyond hurt.

“No. I know I’m screwing up royally. I suck at being two people. You don’t deserve this.”

“Want to make it up to me?”

Now if it were Alex who’d asked that, I’d assume he wanted to make out again. But Matt wasn’t Alex. He had more self-control, most of the time anyway.

“What can I do?”

“Make me a sandwich. This Brian guy has the same appetite I had.”

I laughed, relieved he’d said something to break the tension.

“Your mom should be at work, right? I didn’t see her car in the driveway.”

“Yeah. We can go in the back way. There’s a hidden key in the lantern.”

Matt stood up and gave me his hand. Always the gentleman. He followed me to the back door, and I reached inside the lantern for the spare key. Even though I knew Mom wasn’t home, my hands shook as I turned the key in the lock. I was going inside my house for the first time since I’d killed my mom and Alex had brought her back to life. How different would my home look? Would my room still be the same? Would there be any evidence at all that I’d lived here?

Matt put his hand on my shoulder, as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. “I’m right here with you.”

I nodded and turned the doorknob. The kitchen looked the same. The table was set with four green placemats. The counter still had a bowl of fresh fruit. That was a good sign. Mom had moved on, continued to live without me.

I walked to the refrigerator and pulled it open. I gasped when I saw several packages of chicken, more green peppers than I could count, and two bags of onions.

“What’s wrong? You look like you saw a ghost.”

Yeah, the ghost of our last meal together—or at least the meal we’d been preparing when I’d cut myself and bled on Mom, stopping her heart.

“She keeps making the meal we were cooking the night…” I couldn’t say it.

“Maybe it’s not as bad as you’re thinking. There’s some steak in there, too. Maybe the chicken and stuff is just her way of keeping you around, you know? Remembering the good times.”

“Except it wasn’t a good time.” My throat burned as I sucked back the tears, refusing to let them out. “She died, and I left.”

“Does she know she died?”

“I don’t know. Alex brought her back, and we left before she came to.”

“So, maybe she’s making the meal over and over, hoping you’ll come back.”

Ugh, this was torture. Worse than I’d thought.

“You could tell her the truth. I believed you. She’s your mom. I’m sure she’ll believe you, too. You could get a second chance. We both could.”

I closed the refrigerator door and walked over to the table, slumping into one of the wooden chairs. “Please, don’t use this to try to make me choose you.”

“You know that’s not what I’m doing.”

I did know that. It wasn’t Matt’s style. He genuinely wanted me to be happy, to have another chance with my mom, to be human again.

I had to know how far this went. How much my mom was holding on to the memory of me. I stood up, letting the chair squeak across the floor.

“Where are you going?” Matt’s eyes darted back and forth between mine.

“My room.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

I didn’t care at that point. I had to know. I took the stairs two at a time, with Matt right behind me. My bedroom door was shut. I hesitated. Thankfully, Matt didn’t push or try to convince me not to do this. He waited patiently, letting me make up my own mind.

I counted to twenty and opened the door. Immediately, I felt the slight breeze coming from the open window. I’d always kept it open, even in the dead of winter. Mom was continuing to do the same. My bed was made, and my desk still had my schoolbooks strewn across it. She hadn’t touched them.

I walked to the closet, noticing the faint stain on the off-white carpet from when I’d bled on it while trying to catch the rat I’d brought back to life. As I remembered Mom and me working together, huddled on my bed, trying to catch the thing, I broke down. I fell to the floor, sinking into my misery.

Matt rushed to me and rocked me back and forth in his arms. He smoothed my hair and whispered, “It’s okay. Get it out.”

I had a lot to get out. I cried huge tears, ones that sucked the air out of my lungs and made me choke. I felt my nose run, but I didn’t care. The pain inside me was too much. I had to get it out, like Matt said.

We sat like that for hours, until I’d cried every last tear inside me. Then, we stared out the window, not saying a word. I didn’t move at all. I let my body go numb, tuning out feeling to every part of my body. Matt stayed silent, letting me handle this my own way.

Finally, I heard the sound of tires pulling up the driveway. Mom! The little girl inside me wanted to go running down the stairs and throw myself into her arms, but I knew that wouldn’t be a good idea. I would never be able to leave her again. Still, could I leave things the way they were? She obviously wasn’t getting over losing me.

“Jodi, come on. We’ll slip out the window.” Matt was on his feet, holding his hand out to me.

“No.” I made a split-second decision.

“What do you mean?” He narrowed his eyes at me, trying to figure out what was going through my mind now.

“I’m tired of being two different people. I can’t do this to her. She deserves to know the truth.”

“Are you sure?” He looked worried for me.

I nodded, even though my bottom lip quivered.

The front door shut, and Mom’s footsteps sounded on the stairs. She was coming.

“Last chance to change your mind.” This was proof Matt was an amazing guy. If all he was worried about was getting me back, he would’ve encouraged me to tell my mom the truth. But he cared more about me doing what I thought was best, whether that meant I stayed with him or not.

“I have to do this.” I braced myself as Mom reached the top of the stairs. She immediately noticed my open door and turned toward Matt and me.

Her eyes widened. “Who are you? How did you get in my house?”

“Mom, it’s okay. It’s me, Jodi.”

She looked horrified. “I’m calling the police.” She turned and raced down the stairs.

Matt met my eyes, waiting to see what I was going to do. I rushed from the room and to the kitchen, where I knew Mom would be on the phone.

“Mom, please!” I reached for the phone, wrestling it from her hands.

“911. What is your emergency?” I heard the operator’s voice on the other line.

“Sorry, hit the wrong button,” I said and quickly ended the call.

“Who are you people?” Mom’s face was red with anger and hurt. “How dare you come in here and talk about Jodi?”

“Mom.” My voice shook as I fought the urge to cry. “Please, listen to me. Do you remember what happened the night I left?”

“Get out. I don’t know who you are, but I want you gone. Now!” She pointed to the door as if I didn’t already know where it was.

“Please, hear me out, and then if you still want me to leave I will. We both will.”

“Please, Ms. Marshall.” Matt motioned to the kitchen table. “Sit down and talk to us. Five minutes. That’s all we’re asking for.”

Even though Matt was talking, Mom kept her eyes on me.

“I can make us some tea. You always drink tea when you get home from work.”

She tilted her head to the side and stared into my eyes like she was trying to see my soul.

“I know I don’t look like myself, Mom, but you’d know me anywhere. You have to. You’re my mom.”

“What happened to you?” She said the words slowly, like they were hard to get out.

“Everything I told you about Alex and me being different was true.” I walked around her, placing her cell on the counter and going for the teapot on the stove. I filled it with water and placed it on the burner, turning it on high.