Eye Candy (23 page)

“
My God you are strong,” Danny grunted. He tried to exert more force without hurting Candy’s wrists.

“
I told you,” Candy grunted, “years of gymnastics. Lots of weight-lifting.”

Candy
’s right hand was within inches of Danny’s left cheek.

“
No!”

“
What’re you so afraid of? It’s your own stuff.”

“
I can smell it.”

“
Guys don’t like it yet women are expected to swallow it,” Candy grunted. “Talk about a double . . . standard.”

“
Truce!” called Danny. “Truce?”

“
Okay, truce. Sperm truce.”

Danny slowly relaxed. He kept his eyes on Candy, and on her hands. Candy gradually relaxed and withdrew her hands from Danny
’s face.

The moment Danny released his grip on Candy
’s wrists, she shouted, “Just kidding!” and splatted both wet hands firmly on his face, one hand on each cheek.

Danny didn
’t move. He merely stared at Candy. “It’s cold.”

“
Here, there’s some more on the back of my fingers.” She turned her hand over and wiped her fingers against his face. “We should probably get some on your forehead too.” She spread the clear fluid across his brow. “Can’t neglect the crow’s feet. And the laugh lines.” She spread it around his eyes, and on either side of his nose and mouth. “Just think of all the money you’ll save on plastic surgery.”

“
That was a mean trick. You owe me a kiss. At the very least.”

“
I can live with that.”

Candy leaned forward and kissed Danny
’s lips. He seized both sides of her head and began rubbing his face against Candy’s face.

“
No!” Candy tried to squirm away but Danny held her fast. “Ooh, it
is
cold!”

Once Danny had made what he hoped was a thorough application, he released Candy. She pulled her head back and looked at him. His eyelashes were wet.
“You have semen in your eyelashes,” she said.

“
So do you.”

Candy applied light, upward strokes to her eyelashes.
“This stuff is better than mascara. And I’m not talking about the cheap three-dollar crap you get at China Mart. I’m talking about the expensive department store stuff.” Candy finished stroking and shaping her lashes. “There. How do I look?”

Danny considered her. Candy
’s upper lashes were nearly vertical. “You look . . . alert.”

“
Here, let me do yours.”

Before Danny could protest, Candy reached out and with delicate fingers stroked his lashes.
“Look up.”

Danny did as instructed.

A few seconds later, “There.” Candy leaned back and surveyed each of his eyes.

“
How do I look?”

“
Like you said: alert.”

“
But it’s sexy, though, right?”

“
Absolutely. You’re going to have to beat the girls off with a stick after this.”

“
Perfect.”

“
Wait, your left eye needs a touch-up.” Candy began gently adjusting his lashes. “You know, when I put up my online dating profile, I never would have guessed I’d meet a cute guy who dressed like me, and with whom I would then almost die in a shuttle crash, only to then go flying around the California coast at fifty thousand feet under a full moon, thereby helping me forget all about the robot who killed himself in my office that day, and with whom I would then have a slumber party at my house followed by a nice, heartwarming chat over a plate of delicious vegetarian fish served by a flaming robot waiter, only to then have my genitals caressed by a one-point-five-million-dollar pleasurebot while a man in a yellow suit watched. And, now, here I sit, smearing semen into the cute guy’s eyelashes. I feel like I don’t have a care in the world and I can honestly say that there is nowhere else I’d rather be.” Candy made one final adjustment to Danny’s lashes. “There.”

“
Better?”

“
Perfect.”

“
It’s been an interesting three days,” said Danny.

“
Very interesting.”

“
When I saw you walk into that restaurant, two things occurred to me,” said Danny. “The second thing was that we were wearing the exact same clothes.”

“
What was the first thing?”

“
That you were the most beautiful, amazing, gorgeous, sexy woman I had ever seen anywhere ever, in person or on tv or in movies. I mean anywhere. Ever.
Ever
.”

Candy averted her eyes and lowered her face.

“Why Candy, if your face weren’t covered in my sperm, I’d think you were blushing.”

“
Stop.”

“
Stop what?”

“
You’re embarrassing me.”

“
We just got busted trying to be Mister and Misses James Bond and now we’re sitting here with semen on our faces and you’re suddenly embarrassed?”

“
Yes. No one. . . .”

“
No one what?”

“
No one has ever said anything like that to me. I always thought I was kinda pretty and I’ve always tried to stay in shape, but I’m not a glamour girl. I didn’t have boys chasing me in high school. I wasn’t a cheerleader. I didn’t date the captain of the football team. In fact, I didn’t date anyone from my high school. I did date a guy on my gymnastics team. But the night we tried to have sex for the first time, he couldn’t get it up. I thought it was me. Finally he confessed that he was gay, and that he’d been using me to prove to himself that he wasn’t.

“
Even in college, I didn’t get that much attention. I was always the smart chick.”

“
Smart is sexy.”

“
People don’t like the smart chick. They want to copy her lecture notes and they want her to come to study hall, but when Friday night rolls around and there’s a kegger at the Omega Chi house, no one calls. And the smart girl ends up in her dorm room by herself, eating Dulce de Leche Haagen-Dazs, watching sixty-year-old re-runs of
90210,
and rewriting her Robo-Physics lecture notes.”

“
Candy, look at me.”

When Candy didn
’t look up, Danny touched her chin and gently lifted her head. “Look at me.”

At last Candy
’s eyes met his.

“
There’s nothing wrong with being the smart girl. It’s simply that other people can be intimidated by that intelligence. They feel inadequate. They may even feel jealous.”

“
But why? I worked really hard to get good grades. Graduating with honors with dual degrees in Robotics and Psychology doesn’t happen by itself. It takes work.”

“
I know it does. But it’s human nature to be jealous and insecure. Those people who wanted to study with you but who didn’t call on Friday night didn’t consciously decide that they didn’t want to be your friend. I would guess that it actually had nothing to do with you. It was all about their insecurities and their own feelings of inadequacy. They felt they were not capable of getting two degrees at the same time, and looking at you reminded them of this. But rather than being able to make that distinction, they projected all those negative feelings onto you, or they simply didn’t want to think about it. And the easiest way to do that was by not being around you. Being your friend would’ve been the smartest move they could’ve made. We all have our individual strengths. Just like we all have our individual weaknesses. Their weakness was their own fragile ego. It’s nobody’s fault, really. It’s just human nature.”

Candy studied his eyes.
“You really think I’m beautiful?”

“
I don’t
think
anything. It’s a fact. You’re gorgeous. Didn’t you see the guys checking you out tonight when we were strolling through the mall?”

“
No.”

“
Seriously?”

“
Seriously.”

“
Wow. It was all I could do not to say something. A couple of guys actually turned their heads. One guy was holding hands with a woman. I bet he’s sleeping on the couch tonight. Idiot.”

Candy
’s gaze was cast down. “Women learn from a very early age to ignore men. If you look at a man who is looking at you, he thinks you’re interested. Some women enjoy being sex objects, but being hit on gets old really fast. So women learn to not look. They learn to keep their eyes fixed on where they’re walking, and use body language to convey that they’re not interested. Most of the time it works. But some guys are relentless. I was in Paris a few years ago for a robotics conference and some French guy followed me down the street telling me I was his
reves humides
, his
wet dream
. I pretended that I didn’t understand. Then he started asking me to take off my shoes.”

“
Why would he ask you to take off your shoes?”

“I don’t know;
I didn’t ask. Maybe he has a foot fetish.”

“
Or a shoe fetish. Maybe he wanted to smell your shoes. Some guys like that.”

“
So anyway, no I didn’t notice any guys examining me tonight. I’m mostly oblivious to that sort of thing.”

“
Well, take it from me, doctor, as a trained professional with years of experience dealing with aesthetics, I can say that in my unequivocal and highly professional opinion, you are divinely beautiful.”

Candy slowly smiled and looked up at Danny.

Danny said, “And I’m not just saying that because you have my semen all over your face.”

“
Thank you, Danny.”

“
You’re welcome, Candy. So, how long do we have to leave this stuff on our face?”

Candy leaned forward and wrapped her arms tight around Danny
’s neck. She took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and then, still holding fast to Danny, released it. She murmured, “Forever.”

Danny enfolded Candy in his arms, savoring the brush of her soft blond hair against his face, her body pressed against him so warm and firm, and was equally lost in the embrace.

Forever was perfectly fine with him.

Chapter 20

Dry Water and Bright Darkness

After a wonderful, peaceful, restful night’s sleep with their bodies entwined, Danny and Candy roused themselves late the following afternoon. They enjoyed a luxurious brunch comprised of Danny’s self-proclaimed world-famous scrambled eggs (the recipe for which he refused to disclose to Candy so early in their courtship) and Candy’s allegedly equally-famous nacho-cheese-flavored tortilla chips topped with a massive quantity of grated Jack and Colby cheese and dosed liberally with her favorite fast-food chain-supplied picante sauce, then popped into the oven for ten minutes at 400 degrees.

In between bites of scrambled eggs and feeding each other tortilla chips covered in melted cheese, Danny commented that the special protein mask they had enjoyed the night before seemed to have had a positive result on her skin, which he assured her in no way needed any anti-aging treatments of any kind.

Candy thanked Danny and said that perhaps, if he were lucky, she would apply more of the magical fluid on his face later that night.

They agreed to visit Robot City, a small unincorporated township which had grown up between Silverlake and downtown Los Angeles. Robot City was a city comprised almost entirely of robots, primarily robots whose owners had no longer wanted them (perhaps after acquiring the new model year ’bot), or owners who had passed away, and their faithful servant had no longer had a human to serve. The reasons were as wide and varied as the variety of robots which inhabited Robot City.

Robot City was a quiet place during the day, but it came to life at night. It was a great, glowing place full of lights and neon signs and flashing, brilliant edifices designed to entertain the eye. Who knew robots were such night owls?

The human population of Robot City was less than three thousand, as opposed to the robot population numbering near 50,000. At least, that was the estimate. No census had been taken in Robot City, and it was unlikely ever to happen. For although Robot City was an odd place reviled by many human beings, there was an informal de facto city council comprised of four humans and five robots. The council had modeled itself after the nine justices of the Supreme Court of the United States, selecting the odd number of nine so that there would not nor could ever be a tie when it came to deliberations pertaining to the daily operations and wellbeing of Robot City and its inhabitants. The council also saw to it that both Los Angeles County and California State taxes were paid. Robot City was left almost entirely to its own devices, and all nine members of the counsel, as well as the vast majority of residents, had no problem buying a bit of privacy and autonomy with their quarterly tax payments.