Extraordinary Ernie & Marvellous Maud (2 page)

It wasn’t another student. It didn’t seem to be a teacher either; too colourful. It was a short, slightly plump man wearing purple tights that sagged at the bottom, and an orange skivvy that strained over his belly to meet the tights. A small purple cape was slung over his shoulders. Could this be a new drama teacher? Ernie couldn’t think of another reason why a grown man would wear purple tights and a cape.

As Ernie watched, the man plucked a piece of paper from his sack and pinned it to the noticeboard. He then emptied the rest of the sack’s contents into a bin.

Ernie was so puzzled that he forgot to pay attention to his feet, which slipped out from under him. Next thing he knew, he was flat on his back and skidding along the corridor straight towards the stranger. Before Ernie could think to warn him, he had slammed straight into the man’s legs. His schoolbag came to rest on his chest.

The man seemed surprised, but not upset. Looking down at the boy tangled around his feet, he said, ‘Hello.’

‘Hi,’ said Ernie weakly.

‘Where did you come from?’ the man asked.

Ernie pointed back towards the door.

‘Well you’re certainly light on your feet,’ said the man admiringly. ‘I didn’t even hear you coming.’

Ernie shrugged modestly, which is hard to do with a schoolbag on your chest.

‘I’m Amazing Desmond,’ said the man, removing himself from the muddle of Ernie’s limbs.

‘Ernie,’ said Ernie.

‘You’re not some kind of athlete, are you, Ernie?’ Amazing Desmond asked suspiciously.

‘No,’ said Ernie honestly. He was rather flattered, though. No one had ever mistaken him for an athlete before.

Desmond studied him for a minute. ‘Athletes and A students,’ he muttered to himself. ‘Ha! We can do better than that. What we’re looking for is guts and gumption—not the principal’s pet.’ He bent and pulled one of the pieces of paper from the bin, and handed it to the boy. ‘You might be interested in this. Maybe I’ll see
you there.’ He set off down the corridor, whistling.

Ernie, still lying on his back in the school corridor, began to read …

Ernie looked up and down the corridor. Amazing Desmond was nowhere to be seen. Was this some kind of joke? He couldn’t answer ‘yes’ to a single one of those questions—but Amazing Desmond, who must be a superhero himself, seemed to think that he, Ernie Eggers, could become a superhero too!

It was already past four o’clock when Ernie hurried down High Street looking for number 32. Passing a scruff laundromat—number 30— he stopped outside a florist—number 34. Looking behind him, he saw that he’d walked right past a vacant-looking shop.

On closer inspection, Ernie noticed that the shop’s shabby brown door had the number 32 stencilled on it in small, neat letters. He tried to peer through the shopfront windows, but they appeared to have been papered over.

Ernie knocked.

After a few seconds the door was thrown open by a tall, thin man in blue tights. The letters ‘SW’ were stamped in red across his bony chest.

He regarded Ernie sternly, taking in his rumpled shirt and dirty collar. ‘What do you want?’ he asked.

‘I’m here for the Superhero Contest,’ said Ernie.

‘Oh,’ said the man. He gazed over Ernie’s shoulder. ‘Is there anyone else with you?’ he asked in a hopeful voice.

‘No,’ said Ernie. ‘I don’t think so.’

‘Oh,’ said the man again. ‘Pity.’ Then, taking a deep breath, he ushered Ernie into the room and began to speak very quickly in a jolly voice. ‘Welcome, welcome. I’m Super Whiz, and this is Housecat Woman and Valiant Vera. We’re the judges.’

Ernie said hello to Housecat Woman, who
was in an armchair, and Valiant Vera, who was sitting on the far side of a large table. He couldn’t see Amazing Desmond anywhere.

Super Whiz joined Valiant Vera at the table, and beckoned to Ernie, who moved to stand nervously in front of the table.

‘Well now,’ said Super Whiz, leaning back in his chair. ‘The fourth member of our little team, Amazing Desmond, is busy interviewing applicants for the sidekick position. That will be
your
sidekick, should you win this contest. Though I must warn you, the competition is very tough. Are you sure you’re qualified to be here?’

Ernie was surprised. Amazing Desmond had been quite encouraging. ‘Well, I’m Ernie Eggers,’ he explained.

The superheroes looked blank.

Ernie paused as a thought struck him, and he looked around the deserted room. ‘Where are the other contestants?’ he asked.

‘Ah …’ Super Whiz looked uncomfortable. ‘They … haven’t arrived yet. But carry on, Ernie. Tell us a bit about yourself.’

‘Oh, right.’ Ernie tried to stand up a bit straighter as he faced the judges. ‘My name is Ernie Eggers, I’m ten, and I’m very good at …’ He paused again, trying to think of something, anything, that he was very good at. ‘Football.’

‘Football? Now that’s interesting,’ said Valiant Vera. ‘What are your strengths? Speed? Stamina?’

Ernie slumped. ‘To tell the truth, I’m not
that good at it myself. But I watch it on TV a lot, and …’

‘What are your school marks like?’ interrupted Super Whiz.

‘Um, they’re not
that
good,’ confessed Ernie. ‘Just average, really.’

‘You do realise that this is the
superhero
contest, don’t you? The
average
hero contest is next door.’ Valiant Vera gave a snort of laughter, and Housecat Woman let out a brief giggle.

‘Oh. Okay. Sorry,’ said Ernie. He turned and walked towards the door.

Super Whiz rolled his eyes. ‘That was a joke.’

Ernie turned back to face them. ‘Look, I know I’m not exactly super, but I really
want
to be. I’ll work so hard—I can be here every day after school and on weekends—and I’m sure that with your help and lots of practice …’

Super Whiz held up a hand. ‘Please,’ he said, ‘spare us.’ He turned to Valiant Vera and began a whispered conversation.

Ernie could just make out snatches of it—‘only entrant’ and ‘one new recruit is better than’ and ‘the principal must have rocks in his head’.

Finally, the two superheroes turned to face him once more.

‘Welcome to the team,’ said Super Whiz with a sickly kind of smile. ‘You’re a trainee superhero.’