Exposure (32 page)

The thin membrane separating her walls was
so slight he could feel the pulsing of the vibrator with every
glide. His balls tightened, drawing up. Pressure in his lower back
spread, and he knew he wouldn't last much longer. Just as he was
about to warn her, beg her to come, her inner muscles squeezed,
clamping around his aching shaft.

"Noah…" A cry wrenched from her throat. "I'm
coming." She grasped his shoulders and trembled under him, hips
bucking and breath seizing.

He gave her two more gentle thrusts before
he stilled, dropping his forehead to her collarbone and roaring
through jet after jet of his release.

Breathing heavy, he withdrew as gently as
possible, removed the vibrator, and fell on top of her. He wrapped
his arms around her and rolled them to the side, cradling her to
him.

She curled into him, like she always did
afterward, but he sensed no difference in her. He suspected all
along he'd actually
see
the change,
feel
the exact
moment she cracked and realized she loved him, too.

Tonight was not that night.

Every time they came together he lost more
of his soul to her. She was perfection, beautiful inside and out,
and the only woman he ever desired an eternity with. But if he
didn't tip her emotions in his favor, if he couldn't get her to
feel the same way after everything they'd done, then one day she
was going to shut down for good. And his heart would stop.

The pleasure cooled and reality slammed in.
Maybe she'd been right when he'd first proposed the idea of more
and outed himself months ago. It was entirely possible she was too
broken to love, and too stubborn to want to change. For her, safety
was in routine, in what she knew. Unless she got past that and out
of the dark, she'd never fully be his.

Perhaps he was holding on too tight, wishing
for what could never be. He'd told her time and time again he'd
wait, wouldn't push. Yet if his past taught him anything, it was
that people could be ripped away in a blink. That mangled, brutal
life he'd been living the past decade was finally drawing to a
close, opening possibilities and promise.

But the cold sensation of numbness settled
in his gut and spread like a virus. An inevitable defense. Because
there was no future without Raven, and he knew she wouldn't keep
him.

R
aven closed her
computer program and flagged Max outside her office door. "Ready
for lunch with my mom?"

Her bodyguard's eyes narrowed a fraction,
but his lips curved in what passed as a smile. "I'll sit off to the
side, Miss Crowne, if it's all the same to you."

She patted his shoulder as she passed him.
"Smart man."

He chuckled as they descended the steps. At
the bottom, he held the door for her and scanned the sidewalk
before falling into step with her.

The restaurant was only a couple of blocks
away and she needed the air. By the tension in Max's gait, he
didn't like her out in the open, but she wanted a clear head for
lunch with her mom. Plus, her recent troubles with Noah were
bothering her, so best to walk it off.

After they'd made love last weekend and he'd
taken her to incredible new heights, Noah had…shut down. There was
no other word for it. He'd mentally vacated and hadn't come back.
She had no idea what had spurned the shift, and when she'd hinted
at the freeze, he'd retreated more. For three nights straight, he'd
worked late, claiming paperwork or an overbooked fishing charter,
and had crawled into bed long after he'd assumed she'd fallen
asleep. He hadn't even held her. She'd felt like a trophy wife as
she'd sat alone at their kitchen table with dinner cooling.
Eventually, she'd thrown the meals in the garbage, unable to eat
herself.

And two days ago, he'd flown to Mexico for a
photo shoot by the Mayan ruins. He hadn't offered to take her
along. Not that she could've broken away from the gallery this
week, but an offer would've been nice. She supposed with everything
going on as of late, he needed to get out of dodge for awhile. He
hadn't left Alaska in at least four months. When they'd been
friends and nothing more, he'd take little trips every couple of
months. She'd always figured it was business, but now she knew it
was Hoan's work, not Noah's. All she could do was wonder what model
Hoan was using this time and if he was sleeping with her.

Corralling the thought, she shook her head.
Noah would never cheat on her. Yet something was off. He was like a
cold, remote version of himself.

A car backfired on the street, the loud
crack splintering and echoing off the buildings. Before she knew
what happened, Max had her back against a storefront and his body
molded to hers.

Heart pounding, she tried to force down the
nervous laugh bubbling. "Max, I'm flattered, but what would Noah
say?"

He frowned at her and turned his head to
scan the street. "Just a car."

"Raven? Who is that man?"

Car horns blared as Raven peeked around
Max's shoulder.

Her mom. Lovely. Willow Crowne, dressed to
the nines, as usual, leaned across the passenger seat of her
vintage Bronco and shouted out the window. "Is that your new
boyfriend?" Cars lined up behind her mother, honking. Mom was
oblivious.

Max must've assumed her mother was a
non-deadly threat because he stepped to Raven's side and shoved his
hands in his pockets.

"Go park, Mom. I'll be right in." When the
car pulled into a lot two buildings down, she eyed Max. "She might
hit on you. Sure you don't want to sit with us, pretend to be my
boy toy?"

He regarded her with no emotion she could
decipher. "Miss Crowne, what would Noah say?" he mumbled, repeating
her words back to her.

She blinked in surprise. "Ha! You made a
joke."

He sighed and warily glanced around. There
were more guards posted where she couldn't see, and their route had
been secured long before they'd ventured out, but her guard was
still nervous. Ever observant. "Come on. Let's get you inside."

The Greek diner was nearly empty when they
stepped out of the wind. Fried food scented the air and made her
stomach churn. Max jerked his chin to the counter, indicating he'd
be right there. She nodded, spied her mother at a corner booth, and
headed that way.

"He's not my boyfriend," Raven said right
away to block any questions. Unwinding her scarf, she slid into the
booth. Her mother was wearing a strand of pearls as artificial as
her fingernails and a blue pantsuit that was older than Raven. Her
short blonde hair was wild around her shoulders, her makeup painted
thick. Same ole Mom. "You look nice."

She grabbed Raven's hand and pressed a kiss
to her palm, something she'd been doing since Raven was a girl. "So
do you, honey. How's work?"

"It's work. We're building quite the cred,
though, so that's nice. You should come to one of the showings.
Hoan Dwell is doing an exhibit with us next weekend." If her mom
recognized the photographer's name, it didn't show on her face. And
Raven was preaching to an empty room by asking her to attend a
function. Her mom loved her, but she didn't get art.

"We'll see," she said with a wave,
dismissing the subject. "So tell me, who is that man if not your
boyfriend?" Her gaze sized up Max's body in one fell swoop.

Poor Max pretended not to notice.

"He's my bodyguard."

Mom's eyes widened. "What? Why do you
need--?"

Raven held up her hand. "Calm down. He comes
courtesy of Noah. Just a precaution, with him being so rich and
all."

The waitress came and took their order,
setting down two glasses of water and striding away.

Deciding to get the conversation out of the
way, Raven rubbed her forehead. "Noah and I have been seeing each
other."

Mom's hand slapped the table, her momentary
dropped jaw closing in a grin. "I knew it. I knew it. Haven't I
said a thousand times how perfect you two would be together?" She
patted Raven's arm. "When did it start? Give me all the
details."

Raven bit back a sigh. The relationship with
her mom had always been more of a friendship, at least from her
mother's perspective. Now that she was grown, it wasn't so bad but,
as a child, Raven had never known boundaries or rules like other
kids. She'd always assumed her mom had adopted her out of
loneliness, to forever have someone to love.

She traced the condensation on her water
glass with her finger. "He asked me out on a date a couple of
months ago, said he always thought about it."

"Oh." Mom clapped both hands to her chest.
"How romantic."

Raven guessed it was kind of romantic, if
she thought about it that way. Friends to lovers and falling for
what was in front of her all along. Raven had never been a
particularly swoony female, preferring logic to dreams. Noah was
changing that, though. She'd found herself smiling at sweet little
gestures or just thinking about him for no reason and her heart
would flip in her chest.

"It got pretty heavy right from the start.
I've…been living with him."

Her mom squealed. The few patrons in the
restaurant looked at them.

Raven tucked her head. "It's not that
exciting."

"Yes, it is. Honey, you've never talked
about a man with me before. Heck, I don't think you've ever had a
boyfriend. This is worth celebrating."

God. She closed her eyes. "You make me sound
pathetic. I have dated, you know."

"You've never been in love, though. And Noah
is so dreamy and handsome and rich."

Yeah. None of that mattered to Raven. His
character was his most honorable trait. As for love, she still
didn't know. Something was still…off. "I think we had a fight. He's
been distant."

"Have you told him you love him?"

Unlike her mother, who cracked her chest to
expose her heart to any willing male, Raven was more cautious. So
cautious, in fact, she couldn't even trust Noah with her heart.
Again, she wondered what was wrong with her. Before she could take
it back, she told her mother as much.

"Honey," Mom said, gripping Raven's hand, a
placating twist to her mouth. Always with the touching, her mom.
"You've been like that since you were a girl. A little distant,
aloof. You keep others outside your protective bubble. I figured it
was because of, you know, how you grew up before
we
became a
family."

Raven stilled, the hairs on her arms raising
in warning. "What do you mean?"

Mom shrugged and sipped her water. "Well,
being raised by that group during your impressionable age had to
leave marks. They weren't allowed to show any public displays of
affection. Can you imagine? And once the children were old enough
to be potty trained, they were put in different housing with other
kids. That kind of separation, with no love? No wonder you're the
way you are."

With every sentence, Raven's heart pounded
louder and louder. She hadn't been abused. She'd had clothes on her
back and food in her belly. But she'd never been shown any sign of
love until her mom adopted her, and by then she'd grown to hate
touch or attention. It made a lot of sense, really.

Except, even with this knowledge, how did
she change for Noah to give him all of herself? Already, she'd
sensed him backing off, pushing away. As if he'd done all he could
and there was nothing left in him to give.

God. She didn't know how to…love.

Her throat closed, but she picked up her
glass and forced a sip of water to cool it.

Mom blathered through the rest of the meal
about her current boyfriend, and by the time Raven got back to the
gallery, she'd been so shaken she didn't even say hello to Nicole.
Walking past her assistant, she climbed the steps to her office and
sank behind her desk, shaking. She had no idea how long she'd been
staring at her blank monitor when Nicole strode in later.

"You have a lot of explaining to do,
missy."

Raven looked up, taking in Nicole's blonde
locks and green eyes. Now that was the kind of woman Noah deserved.
Nicole was kind and gave her all in everything she set about doing.
She loved hard and often, was pretty and sweet. And she was talking
to Raven, but she hadn't heard a thing.

"I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

Nicole sighed. "I said Michael Hawthorn
dropped off Hoan Dwell's photos for next week's exhibit. You never
mentioned you were one of his models. You little skank." She
grinned wide. "What was it like posing for him? Is he as intense as
everyone claims?" She gasped. "Did you sleep with him?"

Max coughed from just outside her office
door where he stood sentry, and she swore his shoulders moved in a
laugh.

Raven eyed Nicole. "I didn't tell you
because I wasn't positive we'd use my pictures, and the rest is
private. Even from you," she added with a smile to soften the
words. She tapped her fingers on the desk. "How do they look?" She
hadn't seen the final product after posing. Now she was
curious.

Nicole's grin turned sly. "You look hot. I
mean, it's Hoan Dwell, of course they're good. But yeah. You look
hot."

Raven rose. "Thanks. I'll check them out in
a minute." Or as soon as her assistant left her office. They kept
all pieces in a storage room off the back of the gallery, so Raven
wouldn't be fooling anyone. She'd have to walk right by Nicole to
get to the hallway.

Max followed her down the stairs and to
storage, where she entered a key code for access. Fluorescent
lights buzzed overhead, kicking in from the sensor.

This room was the only one without direct
heat. She rubbed the chill from her arms and took stock of the
shelves lining two walls, floor to ceiling. Some held pieces they
never sold and others stored props for exhibits. Several tables
lined the back wall next to the emergency exit, as well as easels
and extra lighting. Noah's photos were on the matting table in the
center of the space, having not been framed by Nicole yet.