Exposed (Free Falling) (23 page)

We lingered there in awkward silence.  Rather,
I
lingered there in awkward silence.  Sam stared at me, thinking I had something to say.

With a sigh, I finally replied.  “Goodnight.”

She smiled a little bigger this time before turning to go inside.

“Wait….”  The sound of my voice came acr
oss way more desperate than I meant for it to.  “Can I see you again tomorrow?”

Her cheeks turned red like they had so many other times tonight.  “Sure.  I don’t have any plans.”

Excitement washed over me when she accepted my invitation.  I had no clue where we’d go – mostly because I decided to ask her out at the last minute – but all that mattered was that I’d get to see her again.  With a smile that I couldn’t hide, I nodded and turned to walk back toward the steps.  When her door closed behind me, I looked back at the empty hallway and felt like my heart was beating inside my chest for the first time in years.  That excited and scared me all at the same time.  It was okay to have those feelings…just…not for Sam.

C
hapte
r
T
hirteen

Sam

“Thanks, Bev,” I said with a smile that faded as soon as my boss left my cubicle.  She’d been getting on my nerve all day, making the inkling of praise she’d just given for a job well done worth very little in the big scheme of things.

It was already three minutes after five and I had to get to the grocery store.  I texted AJ around lunchtime to let him know that, instead of going out, I’d cook for him
, seeing as how he had a hankering for a home-cooked meal.  I grabbed my purse, keys, and phone before heading toward the elevator.  As soon as I rounded the corner, though, Jason stood there waiting for me, wearing an apologetic look on his face that didn’t move me in the least.  When I sighed and tried to sidestep him, he blocked the way and held his hands out to halt me.

“Wait, wait, wait…” he said quickly, his expression shifting to panic when he
thought I might get away.  “I know you don’t want to hear what I have to say, but Sam…baby, we’ve been together too long to just end things like this.”

I took a deep breath and looked around to make sure we were still alone.
  The last thing I wanted was for my coworkers to be all up in my business. 

“No, we’ve been together too long for you to have hidden the fact that you have a son, and that you’re
MARRIED
, Jason.”  I looked back again and tried to calm myself before I started yelling.  “We are
not
doing this here.”

“Okay, let me come by toni
ght.  We can talk about it then?” he begged.  “I’ll bring dinner and we can –“

“I didn’t invite you over.”

Jason’s posture deflated a little when I cut him off.  “Well, what about Friday?  Can I take you somewhere nice?  Explain everything to you over drinks maybe?”

I stood there staring at him, feeling torn.  His green eyes flickered bet
ween having hope that I’d agree and fearing that I’d turn him down again.  “Please, baby.”

I folded my arms over my chest and let out a breath.   “I’ll let you know,” was all I
said in response.  “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go.”

Jason continued to stand there for a moment, like he wanted to plead his case longer, but the unwavering expression on my face warned him not to even bother.  Defeated, he stepped aside and let me pass.  I pressed the button for the elevator to come and was glad that he knew to wait for the next.  The two of us in an enclosed space like that wouldn’t have been ideal.  I glared at him through the sliver of space between the closing doors, still n
ot believing how he played me.

I detoxed my mood while I shopped for the ingredients for dinner, not wanting AJ to know anything was amiss.  Thus far, I managed to avoid telling him that Jason and I were on the outs
.  It seemed messy to share the nitty-gritty details of my relationship with him, which was why I gave such a general response when he inquired about Jason the night before.  It seemed like AJ had the same idea, keeping his relationship with Kira out of our conversation aside from when I asked about her for the sake of being polite. 

Combing the aisles, thinking about the conversation AJ and I had the night
before, I tried to decide what to cook.  Whatever I was going to make would have to be quick because I didn’t have much time.  He was due at my apartment by 7:30, which only left me two hours to get home, cook, shower again, and straighten up a little.  Deciding to make baked chicken, asparagus, and au gratin potatoes, I headed for the register after adding a pack of dinner rolls too. 

I paid, sat impatiently through the ten minute cab ride, and then rushed up to my apartment to get started.  Rushing around like a mad woman, I managed to get the chicken in the oven and the sides prepped before hitting the shower.  When I was finished, I put on something more casual since we’d be staying in.  I grabbed a pair of stretch pants from my pajama drawer and a black tank top to go under a pink cotton shirt that hung way off the shoulder and stopped at the top of my thighs.  I stuck my feet inside my
fuzzy, black slippers and went to check the chicken.  I’d just managed to get the sides going when I heard a knock at the door at exactly 7:30 on the dot.  A smile crossed my face, knowing who would be on the other side of the threshold when I answered.

AJ greeted me with a warm smile and I couldn’t help but to give him
a onceover before stepping aside to let him in.

“Wow, something smells good,” were the first words he spoke. 

“Hello to you too!” I laughed -
yeah, he missed eating real food
.  “It shouldn’t be too much longer; half hour max.”

He han
ded over a bottle of wine that I couldn’t even pronounce the name of.  “Thank you.”

While I disappeared in the kitchen to set the bottle down, I heard AJ take a seat on the couch.  When I returned, I explained why my place was so empty.

“Ok, so, it usually doesn’t look like this in here, I promise.  I just have to replace a few things since Angel left.”

He laughed and leaned back, getting more comfortable.  “I’m in no position to judge.  I spend my nights on an air mattress, so…”

I cringed.  “You win.  That has to be murder on your back after a while, doesn’t it?”  I took a seat on the other end of the sofa and propped my feet up on the ottoman.

“It could stand to be more comfortable,” he said with a smile.

I realized I was staring again and looked away quickly.  “How was work?” I asked.

He shrugged and sighed at the same time.  “Eh…fine I guess.  I’m just looking forward to the day that things run more smoothly.  I have to stay late tomorrow, so that should be fun.”

“I hate days like that.  My boss dropped a project in my lap last Thursday that needed to be finished by Monday.  I had to stay until almost midnight to get it together so it wouldn’t throw me off schedule with everything else I had on my plate.”

“Have you ever thought about branching off on your own?” He asked.

I smiled.  “I have, but I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.  Maybe in a few years.  Stepping out right now would be career suicide.”

He nodded in agreement.  “That sounds like the exact same thing
I told my father.”

I checked the tim
e to see how much longer the chicken had, and then asked, “You didn’t want the promotion?”

He shrugged again.  “Wanting it and being ready for it are two totally diffe
rent things.  I would’ve seen myself in my current position a decade from now, not at twenty-four with two years of experience under my belt.  I mean, thank God I haven’t screwed anything up yet, but it’s still too early to tell,” he chuckled.

I waved h
im off.  “You’ll be fine.  If your dad didn’t think you could handle it, he wouldn’t have sent you here.”  When I looked at AJ again, he was already watching me.  I felt my face heat up and a nervous smile broke free.  I had to look away to control it.

“You know what?  I think I’ll have a glass of wine now,” I announced as I stood to my feet.  I l
ooked back over my shoulder to ask AJ if he’d like one as well, but paused when I caught him staring at my behind while he thought I wasn’t looking. I blushed even harder and cleared my throat. “Umm…would you like me to bring you a glass too?”

He looked up into my eyes and realized he’d been caught.  The corner of his mouth hitched up into a slick smile and he nodded.  “Yes…please.”

I smiled back and went to the kitchen.  When I got there, I braced myself against the counter for a few seconds while my stomach fluttered.  The tension between us was unreal.  Be it sexual or otherwise, I couldn’t tell, but it was heavy and I needed a break.  Once the feeling dwindled a little, I returned with two filled glasses in my hands and the bottle tucked underneath my arm.

“The whole bottl
e, huh?  You tryna get me drunk?” he joked.

Another smile broke fr
ee.  “Actually, I just know I’m gonna want more than one glass.”

Because you have my nerves going haywire just
by sitting next to you.

He accepted his glass and took a sip while I reclaimed my seat beside him.  I put my feet back on the ottoman and was getting ready to drink when AJ’s phone sounded off.  My eyes shifted to him a
nd then back down to my glass.

He stared at the screen and deliberated about whether or not to answer for so long that I knew who it was without even having to ask –
Kira. 
I was just getting ready to tell him that he could take the call in my bedroom if he needed privacy, but he answered too quickly for me to get the words out.

“Hey,” he said, sounding far calmer
than I would have in his situation.  I mean, granted, we weren’t doing anything wrong, but still; I was pretty sure Kira wouldn’t approve of us hanging out. 

With the volume on AJ’s phone relatively high, I heard Kira’s response
to AJ’s greeting without having to strain.  “Hey!  Still at work?”  She asked.

“Yeah….I’ll probably be stuck here for a
nother couple hours,” he lied.  I couldn’t help but to turn and stare at him full-on now.  When our eyes locked for a brief moment, he quickly dropped his gaze to the floor.

Trying my best to give him some privacy
, I turned away and sipped more of my wine.  He and Kira exchanged a few more words before she let him go and then the two of us were plunged into silence.  I didn’t even look over in his direction.

“Sorry about that,” he said with a sigh, leaning forward to place his phone on the coffee table. 

“No big deal,” I answered, waving him off casually.

But it kind of was…

My eyes were fixed intently on him, thinking about the way he just had to lie to even do something as innocent as sit on my couch and have a conversation.  Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.  I mean, yeah, it seemed like the stars had aligned to get us to this point, but thinking about it left me feeling somewhat torn.  I was pretty sure that, like me, AJ had no intention for anything physical going down between us; however, Kira would never believe that and I didn’t want AJ to ruin his relationship because of me.  After the things I’d done in the past, the way I broke his heart, I didn’t have a right to interfere with his shot at happiness. 

When I set my glass down, I had AJ’s full attention
– maybe the look on my face alerted him that something was wrong.  I started my sentence a couple times and had to stop.  I absolutely did not want him to leave…but it wasn’t about me. 

I cleared my throat one final time and just blurted it out. 
“Are you sure it’s okay that you’re here with me?” I paused while he shot me a bewildered look.  “You’re risking a lot, and I’m not sure if kicking it with me over expensive wine and store-bought dinner rolls is worth it,” I added with a nervous laugh.

The silence that followed my statement was deafening.
  AJ stared for a few seconds and took a deep breath when he looked down at the floor. 

“
To be completely honest, I’m not exactly sure
what
I’m doing here tonight, or why I came to see you yesterday, or why I even asked you to call,” he admitted.

I held my breath while he organized his thoughts.

He shook his head and his expression became hard to read.  “I know what’s at stake, Sam, but I’m here anyway,” he stated clearly.  “And I think that says it all.”

It
absolutely did.
 

He took a while to speak again and I got lost in my thoughts while I waited. 
“I’ve never forgotten what it was like – being with you, spending time with you…..loving you.”  He paused again and stared at the floor when he continued.  “Call me crazy, but I miss it all.  For some reason, no matter how hard I’ve tried, no matter how wrong I know it is, or what I know I’m in danger of losing…I can’t seem to make myself stop wanting to be around you.”

My limbs went numb
and if I’d still been holding my glass of wine, I would’ve certainly dropped it after hearing that.  “Wow,” I said under my breath.  That was the only word I could think to say.