Explosive (The Black Opals) (32 page)

“Jayce,”
Jordan warned again.

He brushed her off with a lift of his hand.
He wanted to be sympathetic, wanted to be the gentleman who shut the hell up and let the woman he loved grieve. But damn it, he was hurting too. He’d been forced out. Relegated to
unimportant
somewhere in the course of everything and left to twist in the wind. He needed answers as much as Alyssa needed understanding.

“Alyssa, why didn’t you tell me?
Why did you shut me out?”

She shook her head, and her expression cleared.
To his surprise, no tears shone in her eyes. When she spoke, her voice held an unnatural calmness. “I didn’t know how.” She hurried for the door. “I can’t do this right now.” She turned an apologetic look on Jordan. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t help you.”

Heartbreaking sympathy filled
Jordan’s expression. She reached for Alyssa’s hand, but Alyssa pulled away and reached for the doorknob.

Jayce bolted from his seat and braced a heavy hand on the door.
Like hell she was running. He might not be winning any awards for most sympathetic partner right now, but he’d be damned if he was letting her walk out of here tottering on the edge of breaking down. He glanced at his sister over the top of Alyssa’s head. “Jordan, give us a few minutes.”

She gave him a jerky nod and disappeared down the hall.
Her bedroom door closed firmly.

“Jayce, let me leave.”
Alyssa’s gaze locked on his chest.

“Can’t.”
He pulled her into his arms. Ignoring her rigid posture, he held her tight. “Despite what you think, you don’t need to be alone right now.”

She pushed insistently at his waist.
“Let me go.”

He tucked his nose into her hair, breathing in the comforting scent of her flowery shampoo to quiet his own roiling emotions.
“Is this what you were going to tell me tonight?”

“Yes.
Now, let me go.” Again, her voice remained emotionless. Again, she pushed at his waist.

“Alyssa, don’t run from me.
We can work through this. Let’s just make it through this evening, and we’ll go from there. One day at a time.”

This time she shoved out of his grasp.
Her gaze flashed with anger, and something else Jayce couldn’t quite identify. When she spoke, flat and emotionless gave way to bitter sharpness that cut like a knife. “No, we can’t! There’s nothing to work through. It’s always going to be there. The first thing that came to your mind was why didn’t I tell you. You’ll never be able to put that behind you. I didn’t, Jayce! I didn’t come to you. And you’re lying to yourself, and me, if you think that won’t always be between us.”

At a loss for words, he stared, blinking rapidly.

“I hurt your sister. Do—”

“
They
hurt my sister. And you.”

She shook her head violently.
“I didn’t come forward. My parents wouldn’t let me, and I wasn’t brave enough to fight them.”

He gripped her by the shoulders and lowered his head to look her in the eyes.
“Alyssa, listen to yourself. It’s not your fault.” Good God, had she gone through this completely alone? Had
no one
been there for her? He ached to pull her into his arms again and strip away her pain, to tell her she’d never again be alone. But she was shutting him out again, forcing him away and erecting impenetrable walls.

Alyssa twisted out of his grasp.
“Just let me go, Jayce. I’m not going to the dinner. I can’t do this right now.”

He shook his head more emphatically.
“It’s not safe for you to go off by yourself. Remember?”

That silenced her for a few seconds.
Her gaze jumped to the door, a strange mix of longing etched into her features. Yearning to escape. To be free…of him. Jayce grimaced inwardly.

“I need to leave,” she murmured.
“Just give me some time to myself. I’ll take a cab back to my car and drive around for a while. I won’t get out.” Lifting her gaze, she held his. “I promise.”

A thousand objections clamored for freedom.
But he couldn’t force her to go to the rehearsal dinner and he couldn’t stop her from leaving if she was intent on doing so. The minute he and Jordan departed, she could strike out on foot. Frustration threatened to override his judgment, and before he said something he couldn’t take back, he figured it was better to give her some space. He let out a sigh of resignation. “Can we talk later?”

“I guess.”

He reached into his pocket and withdrew his keys. Jayce pressed them into her hand. “Take the truck.” At least that way, if she stopped responding to phone prompts, the tracking system in his pickup would give them a location. “Promise me you’ll call if anything unusual happens.” Before he released his grip, he said more firmly, “We are talking later. No excuses. And don’t get out of that truck.”

She nodded absently and jerked open the door.
Before Jayce could wrap his head around the fact she was really leaving, he heard his engine roar to life in the drive. Damn it! He thumped a fist against the door frame. Why did she refuse to let him in? Twenty minutes ago he’d have sworn they were making progress. Now, when he had the answers he’d been after, more emotional distance spanned between them than ever before.

T h i r t y – f i v e

J
ayce looped his tie around his neck, forcing himself to go through with the damned dinner, despite the way everything inside him demanded he chase down Alyssa. He coaxed himself through the motions with the reminder that she didn’t want him right now. She hadn’t been hysterical, hadn’t even shed a tear, while he’d overheard his sister quietly crying inside her bedroom. Alyssa was strong. She’d always been strong. Even when she was weak, when she did break down, that underlying strength saw her through.

He tied the tie with a jerk of his wrists.

“What are you doing?” Jordan asked.

Through the mirror’s reflection, he saw her leaning against the doorway.
With a lifted brow, he answered the obvious. “Getting ready.”

“I see that.
I guess I should ask, why are you here, when Alyssa isn’t?”

Jayce shrugged, determined to ignore the fierce stab of pain behind his ribs.
“She doesn’t want to talk to me.” He blew out a hard breath and lowered his hands, allowing the truth to flow over him. “She never has wanted to.”

Jordan
grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him out of the bathroom, down the hall, to the tiny front room. She pointed at a chair. “Sit.”

Jayce obeyed with a grumble.

“You’re here with me. You asked me if I was okay. You know what I heard you say to her? Why. Why didn’t she tell you.”

Okay, maybe she had a point.
But Alyssa hadn’t exactly given him an opportunity to make up for his bad behavior. Besides, contrary to the point Jordan was trying to make, Alyssa asked for time alone.

“Jayce.”
Jordan hunkered down on her knees, her turquoise gaze latching onto his. “Do you really think she wants to be by herself right now?”

He sagged into the chair.
“I don’t know what to think, Jordan. Maybe I was an ass, but damn it…” Covering his eyes with one hand, he squeezed his temples between thumb and middle finger. “I know it’s her tragedy, but it was mine too.
Is.
You both have had ten years to cope with it. I’ve had…thirty minutes. She was my fiancée. They killed
my child.
And she didn’t tell me. She didn’t come to me when her parents sent her away. I don’t understand why.”
“Her parents sent her away?” Disbelief resonated in Jordan’s question.

Jayce dragged his hand down his face.
“She said they blamed her. Told her it was her fault.” He’d assumed she meant the pregnancy the other night. Now, that confession took on new meaning. Meaning that made him want to strangle the life out of her father.

“Jesus,”
Jordan muttered. She set a hand on his knee. “That should tell you something. Mom and Dad were wonderful, Jayce. There wasn’t a day, an hour, I didn’t know they completely supported me. But even then, Jayce, standing up to Vince, Michael, and Justin, was terrifying.
I
changed that night. Alyssa’s entire
world
changed.”

She withdrew and stood.
“No one wants to go through this alone. Certainly not twice. Go after her, Jayce.”

Frowning, he gave a slight shake of his head.
“You need me too, Jordan. Jasmine needs me. Alyssa wants to talk after the dinner.”

“No.”
She let out a chuckle. “I don’t. I have the whole family. Jasmine will deal. She’ll have a hissy fit, then she’ll be just fine. Besides, you don’t want us to know it, but Alyssa has always meant more to you than anyone.”

And she had no one.
Even McTavish had turned against her. Protectiveness rose as Jordan’s words hit home. Along with it, came just enough righteous anger that she was shutting him out again to fuel him out of the chair.

He snatched his cell phone off the table and hesitated over the keys.
She likely wouldn’t answer a call just yet. But she might a text. He thumbed in a message:
Where are you?

Under the weight of
Jordan’s stare, Jayce resisted the urge to fidget while he waited for a response. Seconds ticked by. Just as he began to believe he might end up driving aimlessly around the entire city, his phone vibrated.

Stopped by the office to pick up a very important file.
I’m not staying long.

The office?
“Damn it!” he swore beneath his breath. The office was the worst place on this earth she could be if someone was intent on harming her. The damned door lock hadn’t even been fixed yet.

He quickly replied,
You said you weren’t getting out of the truck.

This time, her answer came more quickly.
I know. I didn’t plan it. I just ended up here.

Great.
Could today get any worse? Resisting the urge to scold her further, he changed tactics and fired another message off to Kane.
Go to the office and check on Alyssa. I’ll be there momentarily. You’re closer.

Jayce flipped his phone shut and stuffed it in his inside suit pocket before turning a pleading look on his sister.
“Can you give me a ride? I sent her off in the truck.”

“Just take the car.
I’ll call Mom for a ride.” She swiped her keys off the coffee table and handed them to him. “One more thing.”

He shot her a puzzled look.
“Yeah?”

“Can you still love her even if she never tells you everything?”

Yes.
The answer was instinctive, raw, and so powerful it nearly knocked Jayce sideways. As his throat closed around a tidal wave of emotion, he gave Jordan a nod and jogged out the door. He didn’t need to know the details. In fact, he was better off not knowing if he intended to survive the next sixty years without incurring a life sentence for hunting those three bastards down. But he did need to know why Alyssa didn’t come to him. She was wrong—he could move past it. Could put it behind him. But he needed to know the
why
. Why she blocked him then, and why she blocked him now. If for no other reason, he wanted to make damn sure she never felt like she couldn’t turn to him again.

As he reached the intersection to the highway, his phone vibrated in his pocket.
He fished it out, activated the incoming message with one hand. Kane had replied.
Can’t leave. In the middle of something. Will go ASAP.

“Son of a bitch.”
Jayce pressed harder on the gas. Torn between hoping she was still there when he arrived, and hoping she’d already left, he sped onto the freeway.
Please, baby doll, be okay.

The drive to Alyssa’s office passed in a blur.
With each mile he covered, the concern over her safety began to gnaw away at his sanity. He’d let her go off alone. As she’d said, who knew if Parker was watching her? In their stalemate, he’d left her wide open to possible harm, and if something happened to her, he’d never forgive himself.

Yet when he pulled in beside his truck and saw her office window aglow, those suffocating worries eased off.
All that mattered was convincing her to leave, with him, and overcoming this horrible mess, together. Though what he intended to say, he didn’t quite know.

He let himself out of the car, surveyed the general area in a casual glance, then went to the still-compromised office door.
It gave easily beneath a light touch, and Jayce poked his head inside to find Alyssa sitting on the floor of her office, sorting through jumbled papers. She jerked around as he closed the door. Judging from the tight pinch of her mouth, she wasn’t any too happy to see him.

“Hey,” he called quietly.
“Look, I’m sorry for saying all the wrong things back there.”

“I don’t want to talk about this right now, Jayce.
I have to get these reports finished for the Andersons. All I want is some peace and quiet.”

“To build those walls you hide behind so well?”
The sharp accusation escaped him before he could silence it. “Not going to happen, Alyssa.”

She scowled and slapped a handful of papers onto her tidy stack.
“Why, because you say it won’t?”

“No.
Because I want to understand.”

“Understand what?
That I was raped? That I was beaten and lost our baby? That my goddamned parents told me I deserved it and sent me to learn the Bible with my aunt?” She slapped another handful of papers onto her stack, then scooped it all up and dumped it on her desk. “Or do you want to understand why I was so ashamed I couldn’t come to you?”

Holy shit.
He’d pieced things together. But never with such brutal coldness. He forced all the dozens of minor questions to the side and focused on what had driven him here. “I need to know why you felt you couldn’t turn to me. Why you were ashamed at all.”

“See? I told you, you wouldn’t be able to let it go.”
She stalked past him, carrying the parts of a broken lamp to the trash. “It’s not about you, Jayce.” She dumped the trash, then stormed back into her office, where she resumed her furious attack on the chaotic surface of her desk.

“You’re right, it’s not about me.
But damn it, Alyssa, you matter to me. You mattered then, and you matter now!” He stopped trying to keep everything calm and neutral. She clearly wanted to fight, and he was more than happy to oblige. “It’s not always about you, either. I lost a child that night too. I lost
you
and all my dreams. Pardon me if I’m having a bit of trouble dealing with it—I didn’t have ten years to let it settle in.”

As fury battled frustration he reached out and caught her by the wrist.
With a tug, he spun her around to face him. “Why are you so intent on keeping me out? Christ, Alyssa, it doesn’t have to be this way. But you’re forcing this.”

He could feel her trembling.
Witnessed the pain and fear glimmering in her eyes. “What are you afraid of? Me?” His throat felt raw, his words scraping out in a raspy whisper. “I wanted to marry you. I didn’t ask you to be my wife because you were pregnant, Alyssa. I asked, because you were you.”

* * *

Alyssa struggled to escape Jayce’s hold on her wrist and his imprisoning gaze. Couldn’t he see she was a nanosecond from falling completely apart? It wasn’t just about the nightmare of her past any longer—her past had become her now. She’d made Jordan suffer. Every time she looked at Jayce’s sister, she’d know it. Jayce would know it. Even if she could move beyond that, she didn’t know
why
she had run from Jayce. Not precisely. Fear, of course. Shame too. She’d just…shut down.

And this waking up out of that haze of denial was harder than she’d ever imagined.
An hour ago it had seemed simple. Confide in him. Let him in. Now everything had changed all over again.

She jerked free, angry with herself, not so much him, and snatched the
Anderson’s file folder off her desk. “Jayce, just give me a little space.” It wasn’t so much to ask, was it? She wasn’t telling him to go away for good. Just to go away for right now. Let her clear her thoughts so when she did spill everything it didn’t come out in a hysterical, nonsensical jumble. Brushing past him, she stormed into Brice’s office and yanked open the filing drawer on the left of his desk to retrieve an unused ledger book.

“I don’t want space between us.”
Jayce followed her inside, his stride every bit as determined to corner her as she was to escape. The hard set to his mouth had returned. “Don’t you get it, Alyssa?” he thundered. “I’m fucking in love with you, and you’re ripping my heart out!”

Shell-shocked, her jaw dropped and she stared at Jayce, frozen in place.
He seemed oblivious to her state of immobility. Flinging an arm toward Brice’s window, he unleashed in a way she’d never seen him lose control.

“Someone’s trying to hurt you.
You’ve kept this all from me. You’ve given McTavish everything I ever wanted. It’s
him
you turn to. Hell, he knows, doesn’t he? He’s known all along, hasn’t he?”

Unable to respond, she bowed her head to hide the heat that crept into her cheeks.

Jayce kicked an overturned box, sending it skidding across the room as he swore again. “You fucking told
him
what you couldn’t tell
me
, when I’d have given up everything to be there for you.” He stopped, grimaced, and checked his temper. With a light bump of his fist to the wall, he shook his head. “What am I supposed to do with that? Pretend it doesn’t exist? I can’t. You’re the only thing I’ve ever wanted in life. Maybe I’m a fool for not walking out of here, but
goddamn it
, Alyssa, give me a chance.”

When she lifted her head, the look of anguish on his face clawed at her soul.
She’d never meant to hurt him, and yet, she’d wounded him perhaps as much as she had been wounded. That he was standing here now, fighting for the very future she wanted but didn’t know how to grab, fighting for
them
was proof of how deep his love ran. Would she have done the same if their roles were reversed?