Exploits (15 page)

Okay, now I'm scared to move at all. I sit and watch the flames, wondering what Kristy finds so mesmerising. I try to focus on the sound of distant waves crashing.

Gary comes bouncing over, "Stef, come look here, babes"

He lurches into my vision. I stare at him, "I can't move."

He laughs as though I just tickled his g-spot.

Waaaaahahahaha, "My woman is stoned! This is
so
rad!"

No, I'm not. I just can't move. Nothing works. Oh lordy, there's bloody breathing in my ear. I can't even turn my head to see who it is. Gary is gone. There's so much brush around us, I'll never find him. They've probably gone off to smoke a joint on the beach.

"Hello!"

That sounds enthusiastic.

I mumble, "Hello."

"Would you like a drink?"

"Yes please."

Hang on, I can't find my hands.
I can’t FEEL my hands.

A cold Savannah is placed between my fingers. I can feel the cold slippery wetness of a bottle. Okay, my hands are still there. Thank God.

Oh look, it's Nev. Yay. I'm still not sure why he instils never-ending enthusiasm with his mere presence in everyone. Oh god, was it his breath in my ear just now? He's doing the manic beam at me.

He trips and falls at my feet, smiling at me. (He's like a cat, this dude. He falls head first, but when he lands, it's gracefully facing the right way as if he planned the whole thing. Bloody bizarre!)

Speaking of which, I guess we all dream of having men fall at our feet. But I didn't picture it like this.

SMASH.

"Cheers!"

Whoa, too fast, slow down dude
.
R-e-e-e-e-l-a.a.a.ax.x.x.
.
(My world has turned into slow motion and his fast-forward gestures turn him into Neo from the Matrix.) His blurring Keanu manoeuvres are making me feel nauseous.

Mumble, "Cheers."

"Did I tell you that you're
fabulous
?"

I nod.
Oh my freaq
! Eeeeeeeeewww ... Lurch ... I think I'm going to be sick. Head spiralling like a Catherine Wheel. Wheeeeeee, nausea ... ugh, I feel like crap. Get
your hand off my leg.
Oh mommy! My head won't stay still. I feel as though I'm lying down but I don't remember lying down. (I can't focus on the hand that I can feel. Everything is blurry. Breathe slo-o-o-w-ly. Fo.o.o.c.u.s. There you are.)

Fuck dude, you are
waaaay
too close. Where the hell is Gary?

Oh look, Nev's lying next to me grinning like a happy camper. (Waaaaaahahaha, sorry I could not resist that one.)

Why does he only smile at me? Go away. I can't move.

"That's the best cake I've ever had. Did you make it?"

Deeeeeeelaaaaay ....

"What?"

Get your hand off me
.

Want to cry. Mommy! He's rubbing my arm and I can't move away. Running is out of the question. His face is about three inches away from mine and he's still beaming at me. Is he trying to seduce me? Is he mad?

"The cake. I want more."

Oh, I bet you do.
Uhm ... Gary would have a hissy if you told him you tasted my cake ... usually I would find that funny, but right now I'm just trying to hold onto consciousness, because if I pass out ... with you ... you fucking scare me dude.

I feel sick.

"Smoke."

Oh jeez. He's just moved his head right up to my nose. I can feel his breath. I was trying to distract him, send him off to get me a smoke because I'm spatio-temporally
paralysed. I am legless! Stop
breathing
over me.

"Hmm?"

(It's all flirty. Shudder.)

"Smoke ..." Croak ... head spin ... ugh ... "Please ..."

Phew, he just bounded off out of my vision. PHUCK ME.  This is insane.

I think I need some of Gary's starch. I've lost my bones. They've liquidated. I try lifting the drink to my lips. Why is it taking
soooo
long? After what seems like three and a half hours, I feel the cold glass on my bottom lip. Feeling like a toddler, I carefully tip it.

Wow, I am thirsty. I down the whole thing. Damn, I just remembered I need to
pee. That's just going to have to wait. Pity I'm not a lizard. I'd just grow some new legs so that I can walk again.

I've turned into the blob. A dizzy blob. I keep myself as still as possible, just waiting for the vertigo to pass. I hate this. I am never doing dope again. Now I know why they call it dope. You have to be a dope to like this! Who needs the date rape drug when you can have chocolate cake? Here have some cake, then you can't run away.

I'm in shit street and Kristy hasn't even registered that I'm being stalked. How can I be fabulous? He's known me for all of five minutes. Am I the only person to find that assessment scary?

…
Pause …

Chapter 20

The Ex Factor

…
Play …

After three and a half hours I could finally use my body again. And that was the one and only time I was ever stupid enough to eat laced chocolate cake. It was so laced, it put a corset to shame.

It was one of those enlightening weekends. I got to know Neville, vaguely. What I did like about him, is that he's intellectual and philosophical. At last I had someone I could really talk to inside the Gary entourage.

* * * * *

For two months I was happy. Really happy. Gary
used my name more frequently, he made coffee, he even cooked dinner. So when he sat me down on a Saturday afternoon, looking like he'd just swallowed arsenic, I had no idea why he looked so serious.

"There's no easy way to say this."

My eyebrows rise as my stomach clenches.

"I think getting back together was a mistake. I want you to move out."

What.
OMG this isn't happening. You fucking son of a bitch.

"Why?"

He seems dead serious too. This time he's not joking or messing with my mind.

"It's not working."

What do you
mean
it's not working? It's never worked
better
.

I am
not
going to cry another goddam tear over you. I am livid!

PING.

"Who is she?"

"An old friend."

So you're still fucking me around? I HATE you.

I nod and stand up, grabbing my smokes, "Fine. I'll be out by the end of the week."

"I'll help you move, find a place. I feel bad."

I nod. "Great. See you later."

"Where are you going?"

I glare at him, "That's none of your fucking business."

Wow, somehow he still manages to look hurt! He just booted me and
he
has the
cheek
to demand to know my business. Asshole.

He stands up and walks after me, "Woman, wait."

I keep walking.

"Stefanie."

Oh look, my name.
That
I respond to. Swivel and
glare
.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

Sure you are.

You selfish, self-centred, dumb, motherfucking son of a bitch.

I just give him the why-don't-you-go-put-your-head-in-a-furnace stare, then keep on walking. As soon as I'm out of sight, I sit down, light a smoke and phone Selene.

My throat is tickling, my eyes are prickling.

"Hello?"

"He just broke up with me."

"Where are you?"

"Down the road."

"I'm on my way."

I sit and smoke, pondering.

My solar plexus is so constricted, I feel ill. I'm so choked up with anger I can hardly breathe. What the hell did I do?

I stare up at the perfect day. Mocking me. A happy, sunny, blue day; a perfect mountain, in a perfect seaside location. I exhale my smoke and glower. I need to exercise to work off some of this anger. So, I start a brisk walk. He's colder than cryogenics, he is.

I am seething and ranting internally so much that I didn't even notice Selene until she yells "Hey."

Stunned with panic, I stop and stare wildly. Phew! It's Selene.

"Get in."

I get in, and her sympathetic expression just nails me. Now I feel emotional.

She says nothing, she just keeps driving. I laugh at her when we get to the pool bar.

Amen sister. Let's hustle some boys! And I think I'd like a seriously girly drink.

Wow. All it takes is fifteen minutes and I have a man flirting with me and buying me drinks. And I'm kicking his ass at pool. I Am Empowered. I do not need Gary. Maybe I should make that my mantra? I do not need Gary.
I do not need Gary.
I do not need Gary.

Selene giggles and gossips. When it's dark and we're starving she says, "Staying at my place tonight?"

I could kiss you!

"I'd love to. Right now I just want to kick him in the nuts so hard they'll look like baubles on a Christmas tree."

She throws her head back and laughs with abandon. Selene has one of those totally infectious laughs. It reverberates and booms and soon we're crying, we're laughing so much.

My laughter chokes. Shit. Everything I own is at his place.

I am telling you this woman is telepathic, "We're the same height. You'll fit into my clothes."

Smile! "I'll buy us dinner."

We're sitting at her kitchen counter, dishing up Chinese, when her home phone rings. She saunters to it and I take over.

"Hello? ... Hang on."

She gives me an austere stare, "It's for you."

"That's impossible. No one knows where I am."

She arches one eyebrow, "I think it's him."

Fuck.

I take a huge inhalation and walk to the phone, suddenly feeling afraid, "Hello?"

"Stef ..."

"Go away!"

"WAIT."

Grrrrrrrrrr! I wait in silence.

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"Don't pretend you give a damn. I am no longer your problem."

Shit. I hate tears. Why do emotions only visit you when you really don't want them to?

"Stef, I'm not sure ..."

"I am! It's over."

Slam
.

"Sorry."

(Don't slam your friend's phone, it's not polite.)

"How did he get my number?"

I hiss venomously, "He must have gone through my phone book."

Riiingg
g
.

I glare at the phone. Snatch.

"Hello."

"Are you coming home?"

"Gary, it’s not my home. You just kicked me out. REMEMBER?"

"Babes, I'm worried about you."

(You're such a liar! You're just saying that to be p.c. To make yourself feel better. Shagging someone else and then pretending you give a shit.)

"Oh, don't you worry about me. I'm going to be just fine without
you
. I have to go, we're going out tonight. I'll call
you
when I'm ready to pick up my things."

"I can drop them off."

"
You do that.
"

(Dripping scorn. Actually doing an Exorcist with it: I picture scorn hurling over the walls and slowly seeping like slime, down to the floor.)

"When?"

"
How the hell should I know? I’ll call you when I’m free.
"

Slam
.

Crap, I just did it again.

"Sorry."

"It's cool. I understand. If it rings again, just ignore it."

I nod, "I will. Selene, I'm so sorry to make my shit your problem."

"You didn't. I offered."

I gaze at her aquiline nose and full lips and smile, "I think you're the best friend I've ever had."

She smiles and pushes a plate at me, "Eat! You're going to need it. I think someone's going to be getting shit-
faced tonight."

I giggle, "I just might."

Chapter 21

No Show

One week later I moved into my own tiny apartment two roads away from the beast. Naturally all of my Gary friends were banned from speaking to me, or associating with me. (I like the way I get to lose everything, even my friends, because
he
says so.)