Experiment in Terror 06.5 And With Madness Comes the Light (6 page)

I liked it a lot. I had a boner in two
second flat and was hard as fuck, straining against my pants. Part
of me wanted to feel embarrassed, the other part wanted to rub it
up and down on her while I rejoiced that I had finally gotten a
hard-on over someone other than Perry. I finally found a woman’s
proverbial dick to suck.

I needed a better saying.

“Are you with the band?” the woman asked in
a low, husky voice. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. She
had a nice pink tongue that probably matched the rest of her nice
pink bits.

I smirked at her. “These fucks? No.”

She smiled back, totally bitchy, totally
hot. “Well, I am. I guess I’m one of these fucks, too.”

Oh mama. I loved the way her lips looked
when she said fuck. I loved the way her eyes looked when she said
it, too. She wanted some of this, and judging by the heat I was
packing in my pants, I couldn’t blame her.

“What were you saying about fucking?” I
asked, taking a step toward her. I wasn’t normally so forward, but
I obviously didn’t have any blood left in my head.

She grinned and touched my shirt. “I asked
because you have an eyebrow ring and a shirt that looks like it
used to fit you in the ‘90s. I didn’t say anything about fucking,
but now that the card is on the table, maybe you can prove to be
more manly than you look.”

I grinned right back at her, my eyes
drifting over her shoulder and toward the bathroom door. Nailing
someone in the bathroom of a grungy metal bar was probably one of
the grossest, dirtiest things you could do. But I felt like bathing
in dirt after being so clean for the last month.

“Can I buy you a drink?” I asked her,
remembering my manners before I got carried away.

She put her hand on my chest and slid it
down until it reached the waistband of my boxer briefs. I don’t
know why I was worried about being dirty when I’d only last a
couple of minutes, tops.

“I’m good,” she said slowly. “But you go get
yourself one. I’ll just be in the women’s washroom, right over
there.”

Message was received loud and clear. I
watched her sashay her tight little jean-clad ass over to the
washroom and disappear inside. I had maybe two minutes before I
would join her and suddenly I was nervous as fuck.

I went over to the bar and got Clarissa’s
attention long enough to order a shot of bourbon. After I put it
back and tried to gather up my courage, which had somehow
disappeared along with the blood in my brain, Dean appeared beside
me.

“Saw you talking to that hot piece of ass,”
he commented, leaning forward on his elbows.

“I guess you could call it talking,” I said,
wishing I had another shot. I raised my hand for Clarissa and
waited. “It was more like ‘let’s fuck,’ but not said as vaguely as
that.”

“You know, I always thought you had a type,”
he mused.

“What do you mean?” I asked as Clarissa
filled up my shot glass again and down the hatch it went. What the
hell was wrong with me? Even my erection was deflating, like I was
losing all my nerve, like I was all talk and no show.

“Oh, the bitchy look. Like Jenn, like the
redhead. Gorgeous and all that, but mean. You know, you can tell
when a girl ain’t got no heart. And you like that. That’s why I was
so surprised that you fell in love with Perry.”

I fell in love with Perry. I was in love
with Perry.

“She was so sweet and cute and somewhat
innocent. Not the girl who would screw you in a shithole. Not a
girl who would ever hurt you on purpose. You know, she was nice.
And well, you don’t like nice, Dex. You like bitches. You like to
be treated like shit for some god damn reason, and I don’t know
why. You don’t deserve it. But maybe you think you do.”

“Dean,” I said slowly, pushing my shot glass
away from me. “Have you been listening to a lot of self-help tapes
lately?”

“I’m just saying, man. It’s interesting. I
feel like I’m finally cracking the Foray code.”

Time was ticking away. The redhead was still
in the bathroom, probably waiting for the last chick to leave so
she could barricade the door, avoiding the puddles of vomit and
piss in her platform shoes. Was that really what I wanted? Now that
I was called to act upon it, my dick argued against it. It didn’t
give a fuck and I meant that literally. I wanted the easy bitch
because it was safe and familiar. And let’s face it, I was horny as
hell.

But that wasn’t me anymore. I’d seen the
light. I wanted the girl who embodied it. I wanted to deserve her,
to be the man she needed. And I’d do whatever I could to be that
man.

I sighed and slapped a few bills on the
table. I smacked Dean on the arm. “I’m going home, buddy.”

I pushed past him, waving at Seb as I went,
who was still stuck in a conversation with one of Clarissa’s
friends.

“Does that mean I can have her?” Dean called
out jovially from behind me.

“She’s probably still in there,” I answered
back and walked out into the cold night. I was going home alone,
and for the first time in a long time, that was completely okay
with me. I, too, had a code to crack.

CHAPTER FIVE

With my life wrapped up in running, working
out, and making myself extremely fuckable in Perry’s eyes, a couple
of weeks had flown by before I saw Rebecca again. She finally
flagged me down and invited me out for pizza. I hated to be one of
those guys who turned his nose up at the Italian pie, so I dragged
my ass out the door, promising myself I’d do an extra session at
the gym afterward.

“Dex, over here!”

I scanned the restaurant looking for the
source of the smooth English accent that called my name. I swear,
Rebecca’s voice was on par with Morgan Freeman’s in the voices I’d
like to narrate my life category.

I saw her in the corner of the room and made
my way over. The restaurant was a hipster-ish pizza joint not too
far from my apartment and at 6:00 p.m. it was absolutely bustling.
She looked delicious as usual, dressed from head to toe in a
form-fitting black dress that gripped her hips and set off her
vampire-pale skin.

She got out of her chair and went for a hug,
her smile wider than normal. She wrapped her arms around me for a
few tight seconds, then she stepped out of the embrace and placed
her soft fingers around my bicep and gave another, heartier
squeeze.

“So you’ve been sticking to it,” she
remarked, looking proud. “Good for you. You look fantastic.”

I felt fantastic. Okay, that was bullshit.
But I felt better than I had in weeks.

“You look gorgeous,” I told her honestly and
sat down at our cozy booth.

She gave me a coy wave, simultaneously
brushing off the compliment and reveling in it as only she knew
how, and ordered herself a drink when the waiter came by. I ordered
a Jack and Coke, naturally.

She waited for the waiter to leave before
she looked at me, surprised. “Really?”

I leaned back against the soft leather seat.
“What?”

“I thought you were turning over a new
leaf.”

I snorted. “I have. I’m going to the gym
every day, running, I quit smoking, I quit my meds. I can’t give up
all my vices. I’m not a superhero.”

She twisted her cherry red lips around. She
knew old habits died hard and was probably thinking back to
Christmas when she and Em had to come rescue me. Man, that felt
like ages ago.

“That’s...all done with,” I added, feeling
defensive. “You know I was in a bad place at that time.”

She smiled sadly and gave me a slow nod. “I
know. I’m not judging. Frankly, I don’t think I could hang out with
you if you weren’t the vice type of guy.”

“Well then, you’ll be pleased to know that
I’m still drinking and I’m still wanking to porn.”

“That’s my boy,” she said appraisingly. The
waiter came back with our drinks and we said cheers over it.

“To friends,” she said.

“To friends,” I agreed.

I took a big slug of my drink, the bubbles
fizzing my nose, causing me to tense up. With watering eyes I
looked at Rebecca. She was staring at my arms with an odd look on
her face.

“What?” I asked.

She shrugged. “I don’t know, Dex, your arms,
your shoulders...you look really good. It’s nice to see.”

“Good enough to make you switch sides?” I
joked.

She took a sly sip of her drink. I had
missed the harmless flirting with her. I’d missed her in general.
Hanging out with her, Dean, and Seb made me realize how badly I’d
neglected my friends when I was with Jenn. It sounded cliché as
fuck and I hated that I’d actually missed out on this earlier.

“Well you better not tell Em then,” I
continued. “Actually, maybe you should tell her. See if she wants
to get in on the Dex action, too.” I winked at her.

She giggled. “Oh, you. Once a pig, always a
pig. At least that hasn’t changed.”

I gave her a forced smile even though what
she said stabbed at me a bit. That was the thing with Rebecca. She
still felt some kinship with Perry, the very thing I still felt,
and the fact that we were both to blame for our relationship’s
destruction was always on the surface.

Her face fell, which meant I wasn’t doing a
very good job of keeping my emotions under wraps. It was harder now
when I was off the medication. I felt everything tenfold, and it
was impossible to ignore at times. I felt sorry for women for
having to deal with this emotional shit most of their lives.

I cleared my throat and anxiously picked up
the menu, absently looking for something to eat. Going off the meds
also made me hungry—too hungry—another reason why working out was
so important now.

“So how is Jenn?” I asked innocently. I
didn’t really want to know but I’d asked anyway. Seriously, I
should get points for this. I hadn’t asked about her since the
breakup.

So, understandably, Rebecca looked a bit
shocked. She lowered her voice and leaned in slightly. “Do you want
me to tell you what you want to hear or do you want the truth?”

I shot her a quick glance, trying to play it
cool. “It doesn’t matter, I don’t really care.”

“She’s doing well then. I’m not too happy
about it, but it makes working with her easier.”

I sucked in my breath and nodded. “Oh,
yeah?”

Fuck Jenn. Why did I even ask that? Wait, I
didn’t care.

“Yeah,” she continued, watching me carefully
for some sort of meltdown. “I guess Bradley makes her happy. It’s a
weird sight to see. She’s still an annoying cunt though.”

I humored her choice of words with a smile
and went back to trying to pick out a pizza. I
was
grateful
that Jenn was out of my life, but it still hurt to hear what
Rebecca was saying. I didn’t miss Jenn, but I didn’t think it was
fair that she was happy after everything she’d done.

Rebecca reached over and placed her hand on
mine, trying to get my eyes to meet hers. “You did the right thing,
Dex.”

“Right,” I mumbled.

“Just because...” she trailed off.

I gave her a sharp look. I didn’t want her
to finish that sentence.

She didn’t. She just tapped my hand. “You
know you did the right thing. You and Jenn breaking up was long
overdue. You deserve someone better than that.”

I didn’t. But I appreciated the lie.

I smiled quickly and went back to the menu.
I was distracting my head with the different toppings I could order
when my phone rang.

I shot her an apologetic look and wondered
if it was Jimmy. I’d finally talked to him the other day and we
discussed my little sabbatical. He was adamant that I keep going
with the show anyway and said he had a few tricks up his
sleeves—whatever that meant. He probably wanted me to partner up
with someone else, and hell, if they didn’t see ghosts the way that
I supposedly did they’d just fake it. But without Perry, I didn’t
see a whole lot of point to going forward. Without her, I wanted to
do something, anything else.

I fished the phone out of my pocket and
quickly glance at the screen. It wasn’t Jimmy at all. It was some
other number.

My heart stopped beating. I looked at
Rebecca.

“Where is area code 503?’ I asked
quickly.

“Huh?”

“Area code 503!” I repeated in a panic.

Her face grew paler. “Portland.”

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. Luckily
Rebecca snatched the phone out of my hand and answered it for me
before the caller hung up.

“Hello?” she asked. She frowned, listening.
“Yes he is. May I ask who is calling?”

I bit my lip, my chest growing tight from a
lack of oxygen. She looked at me, her eyes wide, her mouth dropping
a little bit.

“Hi, Ada. It’s Rebecca,” she said. “What’s
going on? Are you okay?”

I immediately put my hand out for the phone.
I still wasn’t breathing but I was functioning.

She eyed me and nodded. “Okay, calm down,
I’m just going to give you to Dex here.”

She placed the phone in mine and twitched
her head in the direction of the doors. It seemed like it was
something I’d need to take in private.

I gave her a quick smile and put the phone
to my ear as I got out of the booth.

“Ada?” I asked, making my way past the
crowded tables.

“Dex?” I heard her young, tiny voice on the
other end.

“Hi, what’s up? Is Perry okay?” I didn’t
want to ask it, I felt like I had no right to, but I couldn’t see
any other reason for Ada to call. It had been too long since we had
our falling out, the time to be reprimanded had passed. And
somewhere in my black heart, the minute I asked it, I knew that
Perry
wasn’t
okay.

I was lucky to have made it out of the
restaurant and onto the chilled street when Ada said, “No, she’s
not okay. Something’s happened to her.”