Experiencing God at Home (11 page)

Our children need protection today more than ever. Whether it is from a bully on the playground or a stalker on the Internet, dangers abound. At times our children’s friends can be manipulative, or schoolteachers can label our children improperly. As our children grow older, they may need us to look out for them on a team road trip or at a school party. They may even need us to protect them from themselves. The world is a dangerous place. Children need someone who is alert to the dangers they are facing.

Advisor/Consultant: One who helps others make the best decision when considering many options.

You will be asked a thousand times by your children (particularly daughters), “How does this look?” (Dads, be careful how you answer that one!) Your children will ask you to edit their papers, help them with science projects, and choose essay topics. Further, you will need to advise them concerning awkward issues with friends, choices of classes, scheduling glitches, body hygiene (awkward!), appropriate music, and choice of friends to hang out with. Interestingly, one of the roles of the Holy Spirit in
our
lives is as an advisor to guide us in the paths we should take for our own benefit (John 14:26).

Cheerleader: One who seeks to inspire others to greatness.

Sometimes our children question their abilities or lack confidence. They can become weary with practice and need encouragement to “push through” to the end. They may require active support if they are to go beyond what they think they can do. Children face the constant temptation to settle for less than God’s best. Performance anxiety, fear of public speaking, cowering before a stronger team can paralyze our kids. But having a personal cheerleading section can give children the confidence they need to face their fears and achieve their best.

We have both spent countless hours cheering on our children at sporting events. Their team members all knew who their parents were because we were the loud, zany adults in the stands at every game. I (Richard) once went to cheer for my son Daniel while he played an outdoor hockey game in twenty-three-degrees-below-zero weather. I had to stand beside the boards of the rink to cheer. I grew so frozen that I thought my internal organs were frosting over! Every time Daniel left the ice, I scurried to the car I had left running and tried to defrost. As soon as Daniel was back on the ice, I frantically climbed out of my vehicle and cheered loudly for my son. I am amazed that cheerleading stint didn’t end in pneumonia. But my son saw to what lengths his parent would go to support his efforts. Those times are priceless. Everyone needs someone to cheer for them.

Financier: One who guides others in managing money.

Whether or not you are a financial guru or not, there are some basics of money management you will need to teach your children. You should teach them to tithe their earnings to God as well as to manage a budget. You should encourage your children to save and to avoid using credit. Perhaps more importantly, we need to help them to develop a healthy view of money and possessions (Heb. 13:5; 1 Tim. 6:10). We should also teach them how to apply for jobs, ace an interview, and be outstanding employees. Stewardship of resources will apply to many areas of life.

Personal Assistant: One who organizes and manages personal details for others.

When our kids are young, we make most of their decisions for them. We keep their schedules and establish their routines. We make their appointments, check to see if their assignments are completed on time, and double-check to ensure they have their equipment and uniform ready for the next game. Some children seem to require a
team
of administrative assistants to keep their lives organized!

Coach: One who instructs and inspires others to achieve their goals.

You will have to help your kids know how to catch a ball, be a team member, play an instrument, dance, sing, ski, skate, ride a bike, dive into a pool, and drive a car. You must provide advice on how to get along with others, study for exams, and how to be gracious winners and losers. You will need to regularly encourage them to always give their best effort, regardless of what others are doing. You may also be called upon to be a “player-coach,” where you get out on the field and show your kids by example.

Drill Sergeant: One who instills discipline, respect, and the appreciation for conformity and routine in others.

There are inevitably occasions when children simply don’t feel like doing what they should. Getting up for school on a cold winter’s day, doing homework when a popular sitcom is playing, and taking a shower each day can sometimes provide herculean challenges. You will occasionally need to “remind” them that they need to clean their room, make their bed, get to school on time, do their homework, finish their chores, and “get a move on” when they are running late. This particular parental role is not the most enjoyable, but it can pay huge dividends if you produce self-disciplined children who know how to do a job well and on time.

Medic: One who attends to the medical needs of others.

As a parent, you will be observing and assessing symptoms, suggesting medications, and prescribing rest. You’ll inevitably have to console a child who has been hurt, take kids to the emergency room, and discuss their medical issues with the family doctor. Occasionally this role can consume enormous amounts of time. There are few times your children will appreciate you more than when they are sick.

Maid/Cook

You know the routine! Doing laundry, making beds, vacuuming bedrooms and playrooms, ironing clothes, cooking meals, making lunches, providing snacks, doing dishes, baking cakes, making cookies, hosting parties (and cleaning up after them). Parenting is not for the lazy or selfish! Sometimes it is just a lot of hard (never-ending) work.

Spiritual Leader: Moving people on to God’s agenda.

Sometimes parents want the Sunday school teacher or youth pastor to play this role on their behalf, but nothing can replace parents helping their children to know and love God. We need to point our children to God’s answers to life’s issues that are found in the Bible. We must teach our children to pray and turn to God in times of trouble. Parents shape their children’s attitudes about church and ministry. Parents will also affect their children’s view of God, especially God as a “Father.” That is one role we cannot abdicate or be careless about.

Parents Must Grow Along with Their Children

As children advance into each stage of life, they need their parents to mature in their roles along with them.

Toddlers

Young children need hands-on, involved parents. We are
controllers
at this stage of their life. Parents of preschoolers must: organize playtime, dress their children, choose TV/video shows, mandate nap time (yay!), and maintain the schedule throughout the day. Discipline is relatively straightforward at this age. Young children should have a healthy respect for authority and an aversion to the consequences of bad behavior. And of course, toddlers need lots of love as they develop their identity and character.

Children

As our children mature out of the toddler stage, they assume greater responsibility for themselves. Rather than being underfoot all day, they go off to school, lessons, and sporting events. Now they come home from school asking to play at a friend’s house or handing us a birthday party invitation to reply to. Rather than telling our kids what their schedule is, they are telling us what they want to do and where they need to go. We still provide plenty of guidance, but increasingly they are couched as suggestions rather than mandates. We were the primary adults in our toddler’s world. Our older children are influenced by a wider circle of people, such as friends, schoolteachers, coaches, music instructors, youth leaders, and pastors. Our role must change from
controllers
to
managers
.

Teens

Teenagers require different things from us than do our toddlers or middle-school children. Let the roller coaster begin! We may feel as if we need a master’s degree in child psychology, mental health, behavioural sciences, conflict negotiations, stress management, and sports nutrition! During these occasionally turbulent years, our teenagers no longer need us (or want us) to tell them what to wear, what music to listen to, or what they should eat. New roles are required as we help our teenagers navigate life, love, jobs, career choices, responsibilities, disappointments, and relationships. Though they are becoming young adults, teenagers still need tremendous amounts of affirmation and support as they face increasing pressures and dangers. Raising teens can be especially challenging for parents who struggled themselves as teenagers and who may still carry scars from that era themselves. At this point, parenting moves from
management
to
consultant
. We can’t
make
our adolescent offspring do very much. This stage of parenting can only be successfully navigated with large doses of divine wisdom, patience, and long-term strategies.

Young Adults

As our children mature from teenagers into their twenties, our relationship with them changes once more. Make no mistake; twenty-year-old children
still
need parents! That’s because several of the most crucial decisions your children will ever make often occur during this period of life. They may decide: whether to earn an advanced degree, whom to marry, and what career to choose. This is certainly not a time for parents to wash their hands and exclaim, “My job is done now; they are adults!” Think of your investment! You spent twenty years guiding and nurturing your children into adulthood. You can’t throw away their future simply because they turned eighteen! A poor choice in marriage partners or unwise career or education decisions can cripple your children and their possibilities for the remainder of their lives.

In parenting young adults, our role can shift from
consultant
to
friend
. They are adults now, and if you did your job well, they will share many of your values, passions, and perspectives. They may also hold your religious, political, and economic views. They may approach parenting their own children (your grandchildren) with the same priorities you used on them. They will be fun to spend time with because odds are good they will also share a similar sense of humor (unless you are like us and your children adamantly reject your love of puns!), and they will of course share many family memories with you (either for good or for bad).

The key is for parents to grow with their children. We know great parents of preschoolers who, unfortunately, kept talking to their teenagers like they were preschoolers. Baby talk to a baby can be cute. Baby talk to a sixteen-year-old can be annoying! One of the reasons parenting teenagers can be challenging is not merely because adolescents face greater issues but also because their parents don’t keep up. By the time their children need them to navigate unprecedented challenges and difficulties, their parents are hopelessly out of date and out of touch.

God’s Character Matches the Needs of His People

It is fascinating to observe the progression of God’s revelation to His people, newly freed from slavery in Egypt, as they gradually learned how to be a holy people. God was always involved with His people, first as a Deliverer, then as a Protector, then as a Provider, then as a holy God. By some counts there are more than 650 names of God (Father, Son, Spirit) in the Bible. Each one represents a role God plays with His people. Look at the following names as they relate to the role of parent:

Avenger—1 Thess. 4:6

Advocate—1 John 2:1

Author of Peace—1 Cor. 14:33

Chief Shepherd—1 Pet. 5:4

Comforter—John 14:26

Commander—Isa. 55:4

Consuming Fire—Deut. 4:24; Heb. 12:29

Counselor—Isa. 9:6

Deliverer—Rom. 11:26

Everlasting Father—Isa. 9:6

Fortress—Jer. 16:19

Friend—Matt. 11:19

God Who Sees—Gen. 16:13

Healer—Exod. 15:26

Judge—Isa. 33:22; Acts 10:42

Prince of Peace—Isa. 9:6

Provider—Gen. 22:13–14

Shepherd—Ps. 23:1

Strong Tower—Prov. 18:10

Teacher—John 13:13

Who Is Present—Ezek. 48:35

God played widely divergent roles according to what His people needed. There were times when they needed Him to be a caregiver who provided food and water. On other occasions He protected His people from their enemies, guided them around danger, judged their sin, punished their rebellion, forgave their sin, encouraged them to obey, and much more. There are many similarities between how our Father in heaven treats His children and how we should relate to ours. Pity the children who only have one-dimensional parents!

Your Role

From all the different roles you play as a parent, which do you think is most important? While you might have numerous titles racing through your mind, we’d suggest your greatest role is not even on the above list. That’s because it’s your identity as a
child
of God. It has been said that “good leaders are good followers.” It could also be said that “good parents are good children.” Regardless of your age, your identity is ultimately defined by your relationship to your heavenly Father. Throughout your life you will be dependant on Him, seeking His guidance and provision as well as fellowshipping with Him and loving Him. When your children observe what kind of child you are to God (and to your own parents), they will see how they should act as well. Every role you play is one your children may eventually need to perform as well. Hopefully you are setting an outstanding example before them.

Questions for Reflection/Discussion

1. What is the most challenging role you currently have as a parent?

2. Can you honestly say that you would be comfortable having your children copy your relationship with God? Why or why not?

3. What kind of child are you to your parents (if they are still living) and to your heavenly Father? What kind of example are you providing your children?

4. What has been the most challenging adjustment you have made in your parental role as your children have grown up? What adjustments do you still need to make?