Expecting Miracle Twins (12 page)

Perhaps, if she pretended to be asleep, the person at the door would give up and go away. So many people had interrupted her today to take her blood pressure, to give her steroid injections to strengthen the babies’ lungs, to give her vitamin tablets, to bring her lunch, afternoon tea. Soon it would be time for supper.

She wasn’t hungry.

‘Mattie.’

Jake’s voice.

Her eyes shot open.

He was in the doorway, looking at her with a worried, tender smile.

She struggled to sit up.

‘I’m sorry if I woke you,’ he said, coming into the room.

‘I wasn’t really asleep.’ Her hair was falling all over her face and she tucked it behind her ear. ‘I’m pleased to see you. Have a seat.’

Jake brought a chair close to the bed. It wasn’t quite as nice as having him right beside her on a sofa, but Mattie wasn’t about to complain.

‘I came earlier,’ he told her. ‘But you were away having a scan. Is everything OK?’

‘Yes, the babies are doing really well.’

‘But you look tired.’

‘It comes with the territory.’

He was watching her carefully.

‘You’ve had a rotten day,’ she said. ‘I’m so sorry about Roy.’

‘I think he’s going to pull through. They’re talking about an operation. Something called angioplasty—to open blocked coronary arteries.’

‘How does Roy feel about that?’

‘Resigned. He’s not ready to shuffle off this mortal coil just yet.’

‘I’m glad.’

Jake stared into her eyes for an immeasurable period of time. ‘I suppose I should be pleased that you’re here, where experts can keep an eye on you.’

‘Yes, let them worry about me, Jake. You don’t have to.’

‘I can’t help it.’

‘Women have babies every day.’

‘Of course they do.’ He smiled, but she saw fear flicker deep in his eyes, quick as a fish’s tail, then he looked away and pointed to the pot plants. ‘You’ve brought them with you.’

‘I had to. They’re my good luck charms, although I can only water them with my tooth glass.’

‘They’re looking healthy so far.’ Reaching over, he took her hands in his. ‘You must have green thumbs.’

His thumbs stroked hers slowly and he smiled again and Mattie smiled back at him and she could feel her tiredness evaporating. For ages they didn’t speak—simply held hands, smiling.

It was so long since they’d touched like this and it might have been awkward, but Mattie only felt a wonderful warmth, a sense of peace and of rightness, as if being with Jake was like coming home.

But he broke the magic by becoming practical again. ‘Were you able to make plans for Brutus and Pavarotti?’

‘Not yet, it was all so sudden. But thanks for reminding me. That was one of the reasons I was trying to ring you.’

He jumped in quickly. ‘I’d be happy to drop over there and keep an eye on them. I can take Brutus for walks.’

‘You should move into the flat,’ Mattie said, wondering why she hadn’t thought of it straight away. ‘It’s just sitting there empty.’ Already, she was digging the keys out of a drawer in the bedside table. ‘I know Will won’t mind, and it’s handy for the hospital. Easier for visiting Roy.’

‘And you.’

She smiled. ‘Exactly.’

As she handed Jake the keys he asked, ‘So, how’s the food here?’

‘I…I haven’t had much yet. I haven’t been very hungry.’

‘You should be eating for three, shouldn’t you?’

‘So I’ve been told.’

Watching her, Jake’s thoughtful frown morphed into a slow smile. ‘Why don’t you have dinner with me tomorrow night?’

Her jaw dropped. ‘I beg your pardon? How can I do that when I’m confined to barracks?’

‘I know a terrific restaurant that does great gourmet
takeaways. I’ll collect it and bring it here. We can have dinner together right here in this room.’

‘Oh.’

For a horrifying moment, Mattie thought she might start to cry again.
I mustn’t. I mustn’t.

Jake was waiting for her answer. ‘What do you say? Do we have a date?’

It was a crime that he had to ask. As if a solitary meal of bland hospital food could possibly compete with any dinner with Jake. ‘Thanks,’ she whispered. ‘I’d
love
to have dinner with you.’

‘Terrific.’ He stood, then reached down and gently touched her cheek. ‘Now rest up, won’t you? I’ll see you tomorrow.’

As if she could rest now. She was way too excited.

Jake walked Brutus along the edge of the bay and dragged in deep breaths of fresh, salty air as he tried to relax. Not an easy task, given that he was up to his eyeballs in life and death dramas.

This morning Roy had been at death’s door, now Mattie was about to give birth to not one, but
two
babies, and Jake was deeply involved in both incidents. Heavy going for a guy who’d been accused more than once of living in an emotional vacuum.

To cap it off, he’d asked Mattie to have dinner with him, which meant he was dating a woman who was pregnant with babies that weren’t his—or hers. It was hard to get his head around.

In front of him now, the sun was melting into a golden puddle in the distant water. Seagulls screeched and squabbled. Small waves lapped at rocks. Jake drew another deep breath.

He should lighten up.

Things weren’t so very bad, really. The doctors had told him that Roy would pull through, even though his face was still so ghostly pale it almost blended into the pillows. His old mate was being kept alive right now by IV drips and wires, as well as small TV screens with alarming green lines, but he was in good hands.

And, for that matter, Mattie was fine too…

He just had to keep taking one step at a time. He really had no other choice.

The dinner date was perfect—a superbly piquant coq au vin, followed by melt-in-the-mouth chocolate truffle cake, and sparkling mineral water in champagne flutes.

Mattie couldn’t remember a meal she’d enjoyed more, but the evening went from fabulous to perfect when Jake kissed her.

It was so unexpected. One minute he was sitting beside her on the bed, laughing as they shared a joke, the next he was leaning in to her and his lips were teasing-soft as they brushed her cheek. He whispered her name and his mouth was warm on her skin, trailing kisses so light she could barely feel them.

‘I’m allowed to kiss you, aren’t I?’ he whispered. ‘I promise to be gentle.’

At first she was too stunned and breathless to answer.

‘Mattie?’

She was shaking, but she managed to smile. ‘I…I’m sure a gentle kiss is just what the doctor ordered.’

Indeed, her greedy skin was already shivering and yearning for more. Jake trailed kisses to her mouth and she closed her eyes. With gentle hands he cradled her face and her lips parted beneath him in an eager offering.

She loved the way he tasted.

Loved the texture of his lips.

The sweet mystery of his mouth.

Shyly, she ran her hands over his shoulders, gliding them over his shirt and sensing the hard bands of muscle beneath the cotton fabric. With trembling fingertips she stroked the back of his neck, thrilling to the heat of his burning skin.

‘Mattie,’ he whispered hoarsely into her mouth and she thought she might die of happiness.

Winding her arms around his neck, she felt every part of her begin to dissolve as she sank into a slow, dark meltdown.

‘What’s your problem, Jake? You look like you lost a dollar and found five cents.’

Jake flashed a smile at Roy. He’d been caught out, thinking about his parents, about how angry he was because, once again, they were too busy to come to Sydney to visit the man who’d been their head stockman for thirty years. Not that he’d share that news with Roy.

He shook his head. ‘Don’t start worrying about me, old-timer. I just want you to concentrate on getting well.’

Roy dismissed this with a wave of his hand. ‘That’s the doctors’ job. Anyway, I’d recover a darn sight faster if I knew you’d stopped making such a dog’s breakfast of your love life.’

Jake’s jaw dropped so hard he was in danger of dislocation. ‘Where did that come from?’

Roy gave a defensive shrug. ‘I’ve been meaning to speak to you about it for a long time.’

‘And since when have you been an expert on other people’s love lives?’

‘That’s not the point. I’m an expert on
you
, Jake, and I know what makes you tick. I know what scares you about women.’

Something inside Jake cracked, but he did his resolute best to ignore it. ‘Scared of women?’ he said shakily. ‘Have you any idea how many women I’ve dated?’

‘Too many.’ Roy’s bottom lip protruded stubbornly.

‘It’s not possible to have too many women.’ Jake’s response was automatic, a reflex conditioned by years of carelessness, but now he could hear the hollow ring of dishonesty.

Since he’d met Mattie, he hadn’t dated anyone else, hadn’t even thought about other women, and that was a mighty scary state of affairs for a perennial bachelor.

Roy was watching him through narrowed eyes.

Jake scowled back at him. ‘What does that look mean?’

‘I’m thinking about that time after your brother was stillborn.’

The air around Jake solidified. He struggled to breathe.

Roy’s hand patted Jake’s forearm. ‘After that baby died, your mother retreated from you, Jake. She pulled back from the world and spent six months lost under a black cloud. I don’t know what they call it these days—depression, maybe—but, living in isolation in the Outback, she probably didn’t get the help she needed. Your dad was worried sick about her. Neither of them could see what it was doing to you.’

‘You’re talking too much,’ Jake said quietly. ‘You’re supposed to save your breath.’

‘I feel I’ve got to say this,’ Roy insisted. ‘You see, I knew how it was before that baby died. You adored your mother. You had a wonderful relationship with her.’

Jake swallowed to ease the ache in his throat. ‘Afterwards, she couldn’t look at me without crying.’

‘Yeah, I know,’ Roy said. ‘And I watched you pull on your armour, like a brave little soldier. Shielding yourself from the pain.’

Jake’s throat was so tight and sore he couldn’t speak. For so many years, he’d blocked out these memories, but now Roy had stripped off their protective coverings. It was as if they were there sitting in front of him. Unavoidable.

‘Then, just as your mother was recovering, they shunted you off to that boys’ boarding school.’ Roy sighed heavily. ‘Since you were ten years old, you’ve lived in a world filled with males and you’re still doing it, hiding away in Mongolia. Oh, yes, you date plenty of women, but you’ve never allowed yourself to get close. You don’t want to get hurt.’

‘Right now, I’m spending half my life in a maternity ward,’ Jake said tersely.

‘And it’s scaring the life out of you.’

The pressure in Jake’s lungs grew. His eyes stung. His throat burned. He gritted his teeth and clenched his hands as he fought for control.

‘I’m not right for her,’ he said stiffly.

There was no need to explain. Roy understood.

‘You’re perfect for Mattie.’

‘Do you believe that? Honestly?’ It was pathetic how badly he needed to hear this from the old man.

‘I know it, Jake. And I know she’s perfect for you. That’s why you’re so frightened.’

Jake sat very still beside the bed, staring at the veins on the backs of his hands, scarcely daring to breathe.

‘You don’t want to end up a lonely old codger like me, Jake.’

‘But you chose to be a bachelor.’

This was greeted by a groaning chuckle.

‘You never wanted to marry, did you?’

‘It wasn’t for lack of wanting.’

‘What stopped you, then?’

‘Couldn’t work up the courage.’

‘No.’ The word came on a whispered breath. Jake couldn’t believe his old hero had backed away from anything.

‘Bravery’s a funny thing,’ Roy said softly. ‘I could face a wild bull without a tremor, but I couldn’t give my heart into a woman’s keeping.’

His pale blue eyes regarded Jake gently. ‘It’s a danger, Jake. If you keep your heart under lock and key for too long, you end up terrified to let it see the light of day.’

Jake sat very still, his pulse slamming in his ears, his mind fixed on Mattie.

‘She’s such a good person.’ It was little more than a whisper.

‘And you’re not a good person?’ Roy croaked a disbelieving laugh. ‘Come on, mate. Look at how well you’ve cared for me.’

‘But that’s because…’ Jake stopped, unable to complete the sentence. He tried again. ‘You were always there for me.’

‘And Mattie will always be there for you too.’ Roy’s eyes gleamed softly. ‘Give that girl half a chance and she’ll let you keep her happy for the rest of her life.’

‘B
ABY
needs chocolate?’ Mattie’s eyes widened as she read the slogan stamped on the side of Jake’s latest gift.

‘These are special chocolate bars for pregnant mothers,’ Jake told her proudly. ‘The woman at Ready and Waiting assured me they’re stacked with nourishment.’

Mattie laughed. ‘The woman at Ready and Waiting must be your new best friend.’

‘I’m certainly her new best customer.’

‘And I’m one lucky pregnant woman.’ Mattie lifted the lid. ‘Ooh, the chocolate smells divine, Jake, thank you.’

She couldn’t believe how fabulous this week had been.

Since their first in-house dinner together, Jake had visited her daily, sometimes twice daily, between his visits to Roy, and he’d brought all manner of lovely surprises from a special maternity store he’d unearthed in one of the bayside suburbs.

Such lovely gifts—expensive buttery creams for her skin, a silk-covered journal for her to record her memories.

‘You’re a writer and I thought you’d like to put the surrogacy experience into words,’ he said.

A beautiful idea, she agreed. She’d write a journal for the babies to read in the future.

Jake had also brought all kinds of tempting, nourishing things to eat and sentimental movies Mattie could watch on her laptop.

‘I know you prefer thrillers,’ he said with a sweet, concerned expression that made her insides do cartwheels. ‘But, considering your delicate condition, I thought you might prefer something less bloodthirsty.’

Of course, she hadn’t admitted that she actually adored these gorgeous, soppy movies, but she wondered if Jake had guessed.

On several afternoons she’d completely lost herself in the lush romantic storylines of these films. Alone in this room, with the door closed, she’d wept and snuffled to her heart’s content.

She’d never dreamed that Jake could be such an attentive and thoughtful hospital visitor. And she’d certainly never anticipated that such a gorgeous man could still make her feel attractive when her abdomen was the size of a harvest moon. Whenever Jake kissed her, he had to contend with a baby’s knee or an elbow digging into him, but he didn’t seem to mind.

If he was still upset about the surrogacy, he didn’t show it.

Today, he was completely at ease. He quickly made himself at home, slumping into the chair beside her bed with his shoes off and his feet in socks, propped on the edge of her mattress. Mattie peeled away the paper wrapping on a maternity chocolate bar and took her first bite.

‘Oh, yum.’ She offered it to Jake. ‘Try some.’

He took a bite from the place where her mouth had been. After he’d swallowed, he laughed. ‘Thanks. I hope pregnancy isn’t catching.’

They talked about Roy’s impending operation and his
post-operative care. And Mattie told Jake that the latest scan showed that the babies had settled into an awkward position. The doctor was planning a Caesarean section for the week after next, or possibly sooner.

Jake quickly lost his casual pose. His face paled visibly. ‘Do you mind having a Caesarean?’

‘I can’t wait.’

‘Really?’ His throat rippled as he swallowed and his face tightened into a worried smile. ‘I suppose the bonus is that you won’t have to go into labour.’

He seemed so nervous about the birth. Mattie supposed it was a guy thing. He’d mentioned that his mother had had pregnancy complications, so perhaps he had lingering fears.

To her surprise, she wasn’t afraid at all. From the moment she’d started this project, she’d had really strong vibes that all would be well. ‘I’ve been assured that Caesars leave very neat little scars,’ she said, hoping to distract him.

He nodded, but he didn’t look happy.

In the awkward silence she hunted for a safe subject, while Jake frowned and rolled a corner of her bed sheet between his fingers. She wondered if he was trying to find another topic too.

Without looking at her, he said, ‘Have you given much thought to how you’ll feel when this is finished? When you hand the babies over?’

Mattie swallowed a piece of chocolate too quickly. ‘I’ve thought about little else,’ she admitted. ‘At times, the only thing that’s kept me going is imagining the moment when Gina and Tom first hold their babies. I must have pictured their happy, goofy grins a thousand times.’

‘But what about you, Mattie? Have you thought about how
you
will feel?’

‘I’ll be happy for Gina and Tom.’

With a heavy sigh, he let his head fall back and he stared at the ceiling. ‘But how will you feel when Gina and Tom walk away with their babies?’ He was still staring at the dull off-white paintwork. ‘When they’re off in a nursery somewhere, learning all about feeding regimes or whatever they have to learn, how will you feel when you’re back in this room, all alone?’

With a flabby tummy and sore milky breasts?

Mattie felt as if the entire chocolate bar had lodged in her throat. She swallowed uncomfortably, but the sharp, tight ache remained. ‘I haven’t let myself worry about that. I’ve been concentrating on growing the babies and getting them safely delivered.’

His dark gaze skewered her. ‘With no thought at all for yourself?’

‘Not really.’

But, now that Jake had raised this question, Mattie found that she already knew the answer. She would feel abandoned, unnecessary, like an empty chrysalis after the butterfly had flown.

There was every chance she would need a shoulder to lean on, strong arms to hold her. But not just any shoulder, not just any arms.

Could she tell Jake that?

They’d made huge progress in a week. They’d talked about their families, their schooldays, their best friends, their pet hates, their favourite foods. They’d played Scrabble and backgammon and poker. They’d kissed and their kisses had been…unambiguous.

But they hadn’t, until now, talked about the future, or where this newly hatched relationship was heading.

Now Jake’s question had taken them into uncharted waters, but he’d relinquished the steering wheel. His eyes were shadowed and difficult to read as he waited for her answer.

Oh, heavens, if only she was braver. If only she couldn’t remember so clearly how Pete had squirmed whenever she’d tried to talk about their future. In her most depressed moments, she’d wondered if Pete had only promised marriage to keep her quiet.

If she was too forward now, if she sounded the slightest bit pushy, she might send Jake running and she couldn’t bear that.

She massaged an uncomfortable spot just below her breastbone where a little foot protruded. ‘I guess I’ll pick myself up and start all over again.’ She forced brightness into her voice. ‘Like the old song.’

‘The way you did after your grandmother died?’

‘Yes,’ she said, pleased that he understood.

Jake, however, was watching her with a disconcerting frown. ‘You’ve also had to get up again after being knocked down in a relationship, haven’t you?’

Her jaw dropped in surprise. ‘Does it show?’

He smiled sadly. ‘There has to be a reason why a lovely, generous girl like you doesn’t have half the men in Sydney knocking on her door.’

At first she could only stare at Jake while she savoured his compliment, but eventually she gathered her wits. ‘Well, yes…I have wasted three years of my life over a boyfriend who said he wanted marriage and changed his mind at the last moment.’

Jake’s frown deepened. ‘Was it bad?’

‘About as bad as it gets. It’s pretty awful calling off a
wedding, selling a wedding gown you’ve never worn. Seeing all that pity in everyone’s eyes.’

She held her breath as she waited for Jake’s response. In the movies she’d been watching, at a precarious moment like this the hero drew the heroine into his arms and told her that he’d fallen madly in love with her, that he would never let her down.

At the very least, Jake could finally explain why he’d given up so much time and effort to entertain her.

But Jake didn’t speak. He simply looked worried and strained, as if he was distinctly uncomfortable with such private revelations.

Mattie was awash with disappointment. This was his chance to explain why an unquestionably hunky bachelor, with his choice of thousands of available women, chose to spend hours and hours in a maternity ward with a woman who was not carrying his child.

But, although she waited, Jake didn’t continue. In fact he avoided making eye contact and she could feel her heart sinking through the mattress.

‘What about you, Jake?’ She had to try again. ‘How will you feel once the babies are handed over to Gina and Tom?’

‘Relieved.’

Sadness lingered in his smile as he stood slowly and bent to kiss her cheek. His breath was warm against her ear.

‘I suppose you’ll be pleased when I’m no longer pregnant?’ she asked hopefully.

With another sad smile, he tucked her hair behind her ear. ‘I’ll be very pleased and very relieved.’ He pressed a kiss onto her lips and then he left to visit Roy.

He couldn’t wait to get away, Mattie thought as she watched him go, but then
she
remembered why romantic
movies always made her feel miserable and inadequate. In her world, the
real
world, divinely gorgeous men didn’t sweep her into a powerful embrace and swear to love her till she drew her last breath.

In her life, the men made every show of loving her and then they moved on. To other women.

The hospital was dark when Mattie clambered out of bed, needing to go to the bathroom, as she did several times every night.

Fuzzy with sleep, she glanced at the bedside clock and saw the glowing green digits announcing that it was four forty-five. She fumbled in the dark for the bathroom door and one of the babies kicked a mean jab, low into her bladder.

Wincing, she pushed the door open, took a sleepy step forward onto the cool tiles.

Without warning, warm water gushed between her legs, splashing her nightgown and soaking her bare feet.

Her heart pounded as she stared at the puddle on the floor. She felt a leap of fear. Had she totally lost control of her bodily functions?

Then she realised what must have happened and her fear was overtaken by a hot flurry of excitement.

It was only just light. Jake was trying to stay in that happy limbo between sleeping and waking when his mobile phone let out a soft vibrating rumble.

Without raising his head, he felt around in the untidy heap of things beside the bed. ‘Morning,’ he mumbled into the phone.

‘Jake?’

He sat bolt upright. ‘Mattie, is that you?’

‘I hope I haven’t rung too early.’ Her voice sounded different, as if she was scared or excited or maybe both.

‘What is it? What’s happened?’

‘I’m going to have the babies this morning.’

The words hit him like a grenade exploding at close range. In that instant, he was wide-awake, facing every nightmare fear, every dark memory.

‘Isn’t this too soon?’ he cried, fighting off waves of panic.

‘It’s a bit early, but my waters have broken so we don’t really have much choice. But it’s OK, Jake. Most twins come early.’

He was amazed that she could sound so calm. There was even a smile in her voice, an edge of exhilaration, like a climber who’d almost reached Everest’s peak.

Jake’s stomach twisted with fear.

‘So where are you now?’ he asked.
Stick to practical details. Keep those other thoughts at bay.

‘I’m still in my room.’

‘I’ll come and see you.’ Already he was heading for the pile of clothes he’d dumped on a chair. ‘I’m on my way.’

‘But I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be here.’

‘Doesn’t matter. I’ll find you.’

He had to be there, had to see her. Maybe if he was there, if he stayed with Mattie, everything would be all right.

‘Jake?’ Her voice was tiny suddenly, but it shot like a dart straight into his heart.

‘Yes?’

‘I…’ She hesitated and seemed to change her mind. ‘Thanks for coming.’

‘No worries, sweetheart. See you soon.’ He disconnected and his heart pounded as he hunted for clothes.

The drive to the hospital was torture. The early morning
traffic was slow and every junction threw up a red light. Pedestrians crossed roads at a snail’s pace. Throughout it all, Jake’s stomach churned and his skin was clammy with fear. How would he cope if something happened to Mattie?

How could he help her if tragedy struck today? He owed her so much. She’d changed him. Until he’d met her, his life had been one-dimensional—focused on chasing money and good times. The main attraction of his work in Mongolia had been the automatic transfer of large chunks of money into his bank account.

Hell, he hadn’t even been a proper environmentalist. He’d had a keen interest in the natural world, but he’d never become impassioned about any particular environmental issue. He’d been as shallow as a kids’ wading pool.

No one was more surprised than he was by his behaviour in the past few weeks.

That was Mattie’s doing. She brought out the best in him.

But, even with Roy’s prompting, he’d still held back from telling her this. He still wasn’t sure he could offer any promises. Had he left it too late to tell her how he felt?

Mattie heard the rumble of the trolley that would take her to Theatre and she took a deep breath. This was it.

Very soon she would no longer be pregnant, and Gina and Tom would be parents.

Her task was almost over.

And, somewhere out there in the busy Sydney streets, Jake was on his way.

She thought of the morning she’d driven him to the airport and the tearful farewell, when he’d told her he couldn’t promise her a future with him.

How could she ever have guessed he’d be back in
Sydney again, visiting her daily, trying to be with her now as she faced this delivery?

Surely that meant he loved her?

How silly she’d been to doubt him. She’d been waiting for him to say the words, but she, Mattie Carey, knew better than most that actions spoke louder than words. Always.