Exodus (10 page)

A whispering began, and the people in the back craned their necks to see Phil Donagee get into his pickup truck with the AIR FORCE bumper sticker and peel out of the parking lot.

              Jesse and Josiah snickered and shifted in their seats.

The Stauffins whispered fiercely to each other over Jenny’s head. Jenny looked to Aria and raised her eyebrows, but Aria just shook her head. She turned back to see Pastor Ted glaring at her again.

This time she stared him down. So this was how it was going to be.

             
“Everyone, please calm down,” Mr. Stauffin said. He stood and exchanged glances with Mr. Bob. “I would like to apologize on behalf of Phil, who has been under a lot of strain lately. The fact is that we’ve been considering his resignation from the elders’ board for a while now, though we didn’t want it to end like this. He—.”

             
“I’ve had enough of this,” Aria’s dad said through gritted teeth. He stood to his feet, which stopped Mr. Stauffin cold.

Aria’s mom stood up, too. Aria went before them as they slid out of their pew and walked down the aisle and out of the church.

The church exploded in shouting as they closed the door behind them.

“Shouldn’t we have said something?” Aria’s mom asked her dad.

“What difference would it make? They’re going to crucify us no matter what,” he replied. “They already have.”

“I know, but not everyone knows what’s really going on,” Aria’s mom said, pointing back at the front door. 

“They’ll believe whatever they want to believe,” he said.

They reached the car.

“Get in,” he added, then softened when he saw his wife cringe. He came around to the passenger door to hug her.

“The truth will out,” he said. He kissed her forehead. “We’ve done our part.”

She slid into the car. She looked totally spent.

Aria fell into her seat and bent over the one beside her. Her heart felt like it was literally tearing inside her chest.

This is the way out? This can’t be how it ends!
she thought.
They’re just going to twist this to fit their lies, and no one else will ever know the truth!

Her dad drove out onto the main road and sped away from the church.

Why?
she thought.
Why did it have to be this way?

“Why did they do this?” Aria cried into the seat.

Her mother let out a sob. She reached over the seat to grab Aria’s hand.

“Pure, ugly jealousy!” she spat back at the church receding in the back window. “That’s all it was.”

Aria’s dad ground his teeth.

“Maybe God gave you that dream just to show us all what fools we really are,” Aria’s mom cried. “Could we have handled it any worse?”

No,
Aria thought.
But what could we have done differently?
She thought of her vision of the people on the desert plain, and the fishing net that seemed to hint at a destiny intimately tied up with helping people find the truth she had found about God. She felt sick. Had she failed? It all felt so impossible. And now, was it too late to go back? Just like that, it had all fallen apart.

16

THE SECRET PLACE

A bird spiraled high in the sky above Aria, who lay in the sunny field of dandelions on the park lawn. The other neighborhood children were still in church. Now she came here on Sunday mornings, to rest.

“I want to fly, up to where you are,” she sang softly. “I want to come, closer to your heart.”

             
What was the chorus? She hummed it and then the words came. With closed eyes she relived her bliss on the church floor after the preacher had touched her face.

“You are mine, and I am yours, forever,” she repeated softly. “Forever.”

She imagined a golden staircase curving up from the field to the clouds. In her mind she got up from the grass and walked to the base of the stairs. She felt that gentle presence that had hugged her during the revival service. She wasn’t sure if she was sleeping or awake.

             
“Come up here, my love, my heart,” the words echoed in her mind.

             
Aria began to climb. Somehow she kept slipping on the shiny gold stairs.

             
“My love, my heart, apple of my eye!”

The call was irresistible. Aria continued to climb, on her hands and knees now. She reached the top of the gold stairway and stood up.

Her hand was raised above a large brass ring on an arched wood door. She felt butterflies in her stomach.

That’s silly!
she thought.
This is all in my head anyway.

             
Still, she felt she should knock, so she lifted the brass ring and dropped it twice against the thick wood.

She held her breath.

              The door fell open to reveal a small, white room.

Aria stared. Even though she was pretty sure she was still lying in the park, this wasn’t what she would have imagined on the other side of a door in heaven. The vision had gotten away from her somehow. The walls of the room behind the door seemed to be made of cloud. Even the floor was white and fluffy. Little blades of green grass grew up out of the soft carpet of white air.

Aria stepped inside, and her feet sank slightly into the lawn. A gentle breeze streamed out through the door, which still looked out over the neighborhood park below.

             
“Where am I?” Aria asked.

             
“The secret place,” a gentle voice answered.

Fruit trees were growing along a small brook that flowed toward the wall closest to her. Aria leaned over to look down into the stream. There was nothing but clear water ten feet down, even though the stream was only a few feet wide.

              “Jump in!” the voice invited her.

Instead she rolled up her jeans to her knees and sat in the grass on the bank. She dipped her feet into the flow of water.

It was as refreshing as lemonade on a hot summer’s day. Aria stretched her shoulders and sighed, leaning back on her hands.

             
She looked upstream and saw that the water was flowing out from under a white throne, simple but wide, as if it had been made for a very large adult.

She stood up, shook the sparkling water off her feet, and scrambled up to sit at the edge of the stone seat.

Aria dangled her feet over the base of the throne. She reached out to put one hand on each armrest.

She saw her arms again.

Her scars.

Aria pulled her arms to her chest and began to cry.

“Why did you let this happen?” she cried. “Why did you let any of this happen?”

The only answer was the clear, deep water trickling out from under the chair.

              “Where are you?” she asked.

There was no reply.

“Please,” she said, “I need to know you’re here. I’ve lost nearly everyone I care about.”

“Was it worth it?” he replied.

Aria’s mouth opened and closed again. Her tears cooled on her cheeks.

“You found me,” he explained.

A rush of warmth passed over Aria’s body from her head down to her feet. He was right! Was that the price she had to pay to really know God?

Aria shook her head. It was too much to consider.

              She wiped away her tears and went to inspect the fruit trees growing along the edge of the water. They each had a different kind of fruit: one tree grew purple fruit, another orange and pink.

She picked a pink one and bit into its soft skin. Its juices burst into her mouth like a whole basket of fresh apricots. She took another bite, and the flavor changed to raspberry—or maybe it was plum.

She suddenly remembered the story she had written for her homework assignment, in which the children whose flowers bloomed in matching colors could read each other’s minds.
Can we be like that?
she thought.
That would be so wonderful, to have someone who understands me.

Aria sat down again on the bank of the little brook and savored every juicy bite of her fruit. When she had finished, she flipped the stem into the water and watched it bob away until it disappeared with the stream at the edge of the room. 

Aria enjoyed the water flowing between her toes. “Why aren’t you really here?” she finally asked, examining her feet under the water.

“I am,” was the reply.

“But I want to see you face to face!”

Once the words were out in the air, they seemed fresher, freer.

“Precious daughter,” she heard the reply in her spirit. “I watch you sleep!”

Aria was floored. She imagined the smiling face of God hovering over her bed at night. He counted her breaths!

Her arms began to itch, and she scratched them impatiently.

“Daniel was just like you, you know,” he said.

Daniel of the Bible?! I really am making things up now.

“I don’t belong anywhere,” she said, with a familiar groan in her spirit.

“Neither did he.”

She didn’t answer, but she saw an image in her mind of God kissing chubby baby knees.

All in a moment she understood. A tingling spread from her chest through her arms.

She was God’s daughter. He was her dad. This changed everything—again.

Aria’s arms stopped itching.

She looked down.

Fresh, perfect skin covered her forearms.

Was it possible? He had healed her! She jumped to her feet and examined her smooth skin.

Or was it the fruit that had healed her?

What did it matter, though? It was his fruit anyway, his water—his world she lived in.

And that was the point, wasn’t it?

She would never feel alone again. 

“Where have you been?” she whispered, caressing her soft arms.

“Very close, all your life,” he responded.

She fell asleep amid the dandelions in the park, in her white secret room, drunk in his deep love for her.

17

ANONYMOUSLY

“Why did you come here?”

“Lily, I understand your frustration, but—.”

“But
what
, Bob?”

“I came here to spare you more public embarrassment,” Mr. Bob said.

He stood before Aria’s parents on their front stoop. Above them, storm clouds were gathering behind a stiff breeze that smelled of rain.

It was about time.

Aria stood at her bedroom window looking down on the standoff.

“You mean the kind of embarrassment that comes from being publicly crucified without a trial in front of all of our friends who are being manipulated into believing a lie?” Aria’s dad growled, stepping in front of his wife.

“Oh, you’re Jesus now?” Bob replied.

Aria’s dad pointed at Mr. Bob’s chest. “The kind of embarrassment that comes from being part of a group of church elders who protect the guilty to preserve their puny power?”

Mr. Bob’s eyes bulged with restrained rage.

“Nooo.” He stepped forward into the finger. “The kind of embarrassment that comes from being publicly voted out of a church you have served faithfully for years because of a mere disagreement with leadership on the direction this church should take.”

“That’s a load of bull,” Aria’s dad said. He pushed Mr. Bob off the first step of the porch with his finger.

Aria’s mom did not respond.

It took a moment for Mr. Bob’s words to have their impact.

“Wait.
You’re
voting
us
out?”

“I’m just the messenger,” Mr. Bob said. He cleared his throat. “We wanted to avoid any more hurt feelings, so we’ve taken a vote—anonymously.”

Anonymously, anonymously!
The voice rang in Aria’s head. She looked down on the three figures below. She could almost see waves crashing around her parents on the porch.

So she had seen this coming, too. It seemed inevitable, in a way. But what good could come of it?

“So that’s it then?” Aria’s mom said. She glared at Mr. Bob until he dropped his gaze to the dry grass.

“I guess it is. I’m sorry things had to end this way.”

“Get off my property,” she said. She stalked back into the house, slamming the front door behind her.

Aria’s dad watched Mr. Bob walk up the front path to his silver SUV, which he had left running at the curb. He slammed the door and shook his head.

Then he gave the house one final glance, and he spotted Aria at the open window.