EXALTED (An Exalted Novel) (18 page)

Disappointment crushes me. I stomp off toward the gate. “Come on. Let’s just report to duty.” I don’t feel enlightened or even good about our conversation. I know Ethan does care about me even if he won’t say it out loud. That’s enough . . . for now.

The rain only beats down harder as I make the long pass around the horses’ fenced meadow. If there are marauders out here, I’ll never know it because I can’t see a thing. The wind blows so hard that I slip in the mud and stumble into some barbed wire fencing. The spikes bite into the flesh on my arm. Fortunately, the rain proves to be of some use—it steadily washes away the blood that seeps from my wound. I tie a piece of cloth around my arm when I reach the stables. The building is empty. No citizens pass through the breezeway. They’re waiting for the rain to pass before continuing their labors. Only the sounds of horses snorting and stamping their feet break the monotonous crash of the rain.

The mare that I was so fond of is waiting for me in her stall. She nuzzles my neck and brushes her soft nose against my cheek. It makes me smile. No one is here to see me slack off, so I take the opportunity to do just that. I lift the latch to the horse’s stall and slip inside so that I can brush her silky coat.

“Have I ever told you that you have a beautiful smile?” a voice whispers from the other side of the painted horse.

Ryker ducks under the mare’s neck, leaving his hiding spot in the far corner of the stall. “No,” I reply without debate this time. I decide that maybe it’s not so bad to be complimented on my looks. If it were, I probably wouldn’t feel such a frenzy stirring in my body.

“Well, you do. You’re whole face lights up when you smile, and your eyes somehow become even greener. That’s what first attracted me to you. It was your eyes. And now that they have life in them, I can’t look away,” Ryker admits with heady breaths.

I tuck my wet hair behind my ear and look down, suddenly shy. I notice that Ryker’s shirt clings to his stomach, hinting at the firmness of his torso. Embarrassed by my thoughts, I look back up to his strong face. The stubble that I like so much is teasing me as well.

“How was your First Trial, Mena?” Ryker inquires.

“I scored a 100 and finished in the allotted time. I earned first place.” As I’m answering, Ryker comes closer and closer to me. He backs me up against the wooden wall of the horse stall. I have to crane my neck to look into his eyes because he’s so much taller than me. His body is leaner than the Exalted men here, but still muscular. He’s so close. My heart nearly beats out of my chest. It’s pounding faster than the rain outside. I have never been so close to a man before. I freeze.

Ryker brings his face closer to mine. He kisses me. It’s soft at first, but once he gets a taste of me, he becomes more urgent. When his stubble scratches my face, I wake from my stupor. I’ve been thinking about how his face felt when it brushed against mine on our first meeting so long ago. I return his deep kiss with a passion that I didn’t know I possessed. Ryker presses his wet body up against mine and holds my face in his strong hands. I hold my hand against his back and run the other up behind his neck, pulling him even closer. I don’t know what’s come over me. I’ve never felt anything as right as Ryker’s lips on mine.

He breaks the kiss first and grabs my hand. “We barely know each other, but I feel an undeniable connection to you. I want to keep you safe. Please, come with me. We can leave together, right now,” he breathlessly urges me.

“What? No!” I nearly yell. “I mean, I can’t. The Republic would come after me. You said so yourself. I would never do that to your village. I would never bring them war,” I argue.

He grips my forearms as he pleads with me. “I can’t just wait and let you go through the Second Trial. I won’t do it.” He carefully strokes the side of my face like it will break. Maybe it will.

“Everyone goes through the Second Trial. You did.”

“Yes, I did. I know how brutal it can be. You could get seriously hurt. I won’t be able to stand it, waiting, not knowing what’s happening to you. Please come with me,” he pleads again. My heart aches for him, because I know that I’m not going to leave now—no matter how amazing that kiss was.

I return my hand to his and say, “No, Ryker. I’m going to stay here and compete in the Second Trial. Then, I’ll decide whether to stay or leave. I need to figure out how I can change what’s happening here. I need to know why it’s happening. And I’m absolutely not going to put anyone in danger when I don’t have to.” I clasp his hand tighter.

Ryker’s face falls. “Please be careful. Don’t take any unwarranted risks. You don’t need to finish first. I don’t need you to finish first—none of that matters to me. I just want you to be safe.”

“But I need to finish first for myself. I want it, even if I decide to leave in the end. I want to prove to myself and to the Republic that I’m stronger without the Pump, that
we’re
stronger without the Pump.” I feel confident about my decision to stay for now, but seeing Ryker’s face is devastating. 

The conviction in my voice from my speech must have been enough to make him accept the inevitable. “I knew you’d never leave with me, but I needed to try. I wanted to try.”

He kisses me again, but it’s just a faint brush of his lips passing over mine, like he’s saying goodbye . . . forever. This scares me, so I ask him. “When will I see you again?”

“Not until the Third Trial.”

“But they’re going to spread us out all over the place. How will you find me?”

He smiles at me with a cocky grin. “Don’t worry about that, love. I will find you. But if something happens to me, and I don’t make it to you, we are five days walk northeast of the Republic. Our settlement is called Toledo Lake. When you get close enough, someone will find you. If you tell them my name, they’ll accept you.”

The map the citizen dropped days and days ago briefly flashes through my mind. Toledo Lake was one of the locations that had a high concentration of those little dots, but before I can think more about it and ask Ryker what he thinks, he slips out into the storm.

He leaves me flustered and wondering what he meant when he called me “love.” My imagination gets the better of me, and I think I can almost hear the birds singing in the thunderstorm. My heart swells with warmth. I’m thankful there are no citizens or Exalted around to see this ridiculous smile on my face. I touch my bruised lips.
Is it obvious?
Will people be able to tell that I was kissed for the first time? I hope not. What about Ethan? Will he know when he sees me?

Ethan.

Ethan doesn’t seem to notice that anything has happened during my morning patrol or that I am somehow changed—whatever it is, I feel different. I also feel somewhat guilty for leading a double life that Ethan has no idea about. I can’t bring myself to tell him. He knows Ryker exists and that he told me about the Pump, but that’s the extent of it. He would probably be furious if he knew the extent to which the relationship between Ryker and me has gone.

Truthfully, the thought of Ethan being jealous excites me a little. He rarely shows any emotion. I’d like to see the same fire in him that I see in Ryker.

No matter how much passion I feel for Ryker, I keep going back to the idea of being with Ethan. Steady Ethan. I suppose he’s the obvious, safe bet, even though there’s no actual guarantee I will be United with him. Since that first day we were punished as children, Ethan became my anchor; letting me become the boat above that sways and dances in new waters. He keeps me from drifting too far off course. It’s very tempting to ride this thing out with him here; he does have the most beautiful eyes that are the color of a clear blue sky. However, I’m still not sure it’s me that he wants. It may only be the idea of me. He truly believes that I will beat Kinah and finish first.

As we walk together, I ask him, “Val and I are going to the gym to train after lunch. Do you want to join us?” The chance to practice with a male trainee is always beneficial to females.

“Just the two of you?” he asks. He probably doesn’t see any benefit for himself with only two girls.

“Yes, it’ll be just the two of us,” I answer, slightly annoyed.

“No, thanks. I’m going to see if a couple of the guys want to get together. I need to practice with them since that’s who I’ll be fighting.” I’m not surprised by his answer. I guess he has a point, but it still stings.

I put my feelings aside, and after checking to see if anyone is around, I put on a smile to show Ethan that I support his decision. “That’s a good idea. It’s not like you’ll be fighting any girls out there. Try and practice against all the different weapon types too.”

He doesn’t return my smile. In fact, he rarely smiles since the Trials have started. I’m not sure that I’ve ever heard him laugh. I suppose he hasn’t gotten used to physically expressing his happiness, since we have to hide it so much.

“You should do the same you know. Val and her bow aren’t all you’ll be up against.” Ethan tells me. He becomes more serious by the second.

I know that Ethan is right, but he’s starting to sound like Az.
Do these boys think I’m an idiot?
“I know,” I say. “We’ll probably be able to get Trudi to join us.”

I’m not asking Kinah.
Yet.

* * *

We invite Trudi to practice with us. She accepts. So after lunch, Val, Trudi, and I head over to the gymnasium to start practicing right away. Ethan appears to be leaving with Chasin and Kwan. Good for him. That’s a bow and a sword to practice against, just like me.

While limbering up in the empty gym, Val sneakily interrogates Trudi for information on our competition. She knows better, but has this way about her that makes it seem like you’re not really divulging your classmates personal information and progress. You feel like you’re just having a regular conversation with her. “So, you and Kwan have been in weapon’s training alone, right? How’s that been?”

Trudi ties her dull red, mess of curls up into a loose bun. “It’s been great for me to practice against a male trainee. Unfortunately for him, he hasn’t gotten to do the same. So, I’m sure he will take full advantage of training with the boys over these next couple of days.”

“You’re right, Trudi. I got a good mix in my class. There were two other girls and two boys to practice with.” Val reaches for her toes and drops her head in a deep stretch. While not looking at Trudi, she asks her, “So did you do as well as Kwan? I mean, you did great in the First Trial, but how did you two compare on your Defender’s Course?” She acts like none of this information is helping her at all. She’s being so casual. It’s entertaining to watch.

Trudi’s hazel eyes flash over to Val’s dropped head. When she doesn’t answer right away, Val offers, “I did much better than those two blondes, but Chasin was really good. He was my biggest competition as far as the course goes.” Offer something up to get a little in return. Good thinking, Val.

This scrap of information seems to loosen Trudi’s tight lips. “Well, Kwan is so strong and so smart. He did really well, but not as well as me.”
Hmmm.
Trudi may be a bigger threat than we’ve been giving her credit for; that or she is doing the same as we are, sizing up the enemy. This will be an important practice. Even though none of us will be giving too much away, it will still help.

After we all finish stretching, Trudi and I decide to spar first, but not before Val can ask about Kinah. “So, Trudi,” Val begins as Trudi and I gather out protective gear, “What have you heard about Kinah?” Well that was very direct.

Trudi straps on her foam helmet. She gives a very guarded answer because she knows she’ll be risking a lot to talk about Kinah. “I don’t know anything that we haven’t all seen in combat training.” She shoves her mouth guard in before Val can push for anything more.

From sparring with Trudi, I learned that she likes to kick at the shins and then go for a right hook when you drop. I only let her get me once with this technique before I learned to avoid it. Val let Trudi knock her down three times. Thank goodness for the protective gear we’re wearing. Most of us probably wouldn’t make it to the Second Trial after all the beatings we’re taking beforehand.

I play it cool and don’t let on how fast I can actually be. I know it’s deceptive and not helpful to their performances, but I have to look out for myself. Speed is pretty much the only thing I have going for me, especially since I’m the smallest in the group.

I notice that Val drops her guard too much while she’s focusing on throwing a punch or kicking. I annoyingly slap her in her head every time she does this, hoping to cure her before the real fighting starts. She can thank me later.

We practice until dinnertime and then head to the cafeteria, sweaty and smelly. The male trainees will probably and hopefully steer clear of our table. Since I can feel embarrassment now, it’s for the best. I never would have imagined that I’d be embarrassed over my appearance, but tonight I am. Ever since Ryker complemented me on my looks, I’ve taken them into consideration.

As the three of us eat together, we all notice Kinah, Etana, and Neima stroll in for the evening meal. Val is the first to comment on this. “They’re all from the same weapons class—not much being learned there. That’s good news for us.”