EXALTED (An Exalted Novel) (12 page)

“Love? What’s that?” I have never heard the word before, but it sounds beautiful on his lips.

Ryker tries to answer my difficult question. He smiles at me. “Love is something you can’t put into words, because there are no words that adequately describe it. But I will try.” He sits, thinking quietly before continuing. “I’ve never been in love before, but they say it’s an all-consuming passion for another person. They’re also your best friend. It’s a need to never be without them. You put their wants before your own because you are selfless with them. It’s a willingness to give up everything for the other person—risk it all. That’s what I think love is.”

Love. The most complicated emotion Ryker has explained to me yet, but also the most amazing.
Yes
, I decided.
I want to feel love.

“You have a lot to think about,” he tells me as we rise from the ground. The idea of love is making me weightless on my feet. He takes my hand once more. “I’ll see you soon. Strength be with you for your First Trial.”

He reluctantly drops my hand and returns to a world beyond this one, leaving me once again to the confines of the Republic. I envy him. I want to feel and see the things he spoke about. I would also like to feel them here, with the people I already know. Shouldn’t they be allowed to experience all of these things as well?

I think about my parents.
Would they love each other if they got off the Pump?

I try to think about my childhood and what life was like when I was still at home. Nothing stands out. My whole life has been a gray void. Everyday has been the same with only one long-term goal, the one I’m still trying to achieve. There is nothing happy to remember, nor is there anything sad to remember. There is only gray.

My stomach lurches as Ethan interrupts my train of thought as he comes charging past me with his knives drawn.

“Stop!” I yell at Ethan as he chases Ryker. “Stop!” I yell again.

He finally heeds my warnings when Ryker has disappeared from view. Ethan storms back over to me, demanding answers. “Who was that? Are you okay?”

“Yes, Ethan. I’m fine!” I don’t know what to tell him about Ryker, so I try to gloss over the first question.

“Who was that?” He demands again, shaking me roughly. His hands are tightly gripping the sides of my arms.

“That was an outsider, not a marauder or terrorist. He’s the one who told me about the Pump.” Ethan has been trustworthy thus far. I feel as if I have no choice but to be completely honest with him about Ryker. I have to tell him.

“What does he want with you?” Jealousy and anger flash across Ethan’s normally calm face.

“He wants us to leave with him. He told me there’s a whole community out there where the people are free!” I blurt out.

“Leave?” He questions. “Why would
I want to do that? Why would you? And what’s this about ‘us’?”

Okay, I lied about the “us” part, but I’m very confident that Ryker would gladly welcome more Exalted. “He tries to help Exalted and citizens. That includes you.” I shift my weight from one foot to the other. I sigh. “I haven’t decided if I want to leave or not, but I want the choice. I don’t know if I can live here knowing what I know and feeling what I feel—even if I that means that I don’t complete the Trials. I just . . . I don’t know. I don’t know what I want.” I run my fingers through my hair, messing up my smooth ponytail. I must look completely disheveled.

“It would be dishonorable if we left,” Ethan reminds me. “Completing the Trials, at the top, is the most important thing to me. I want to honor my family. I had hoped that’s what you wanted as well; that we would both place first.” Ethan loosens his grip on my arms.

The weight of what he says takes me off guard. Ethan has never said anything like this to me before. I’m not sure how to respond. “Do you really think we’ll beat Az and Kinah? I’m not so sure. The Pump isn’t fooling me anymore.” I almost start to cry when I admit, “Kinah’s going to kick my ass, Ethan.”

Ethan’s face softens a little. “Maybe, maybe not.” Then he turns confident. It radiates from his strong body and shines out from his eyes. He speaks with conviction. “We could win this. We could be first. We could be together.” He’s
so
confident that I almost ask if he’s back on the Pump.

I shake his hands off of me to interrupt his rambling. I want this conversation to stop immediately. I don’t want to hear anything more about the Trials and being United. “Go back to your patrol before they realize something’s wrong,” I urge him. My head can’t take one more complication. I feel as if it might burst.

“Yeah, okay. But think about it; think about me as well when you’re making this decision.” That’s what he leaves me doing as he strides away from me with anger apparent in every step. My response was not what he expected.

The next morning in weapons training, I elect to go first on the Defender’s Course again. I’m so full of pent up energy and hostility that I would never be able to sit still on the benches while Ethan went first.

I had the dream again. It’s starting to become less like a terrifying nightmare and more like a message, urging me to take control of my life. Perhaps, the pent up energy and hostility I’ve been feeling isn’t from being frightened in my sleep. Maybe it’s from realizing that little girl in my dream had been right after all. I should try to get over the wall, see what’s beyond the Republic. I think I’ll be able to get some answers out there, since I’m not finding them in here.

As I stand before the Defender’s Course, I decide to approach it differently today. I’ll enter down the left side. The lights shut off. Everything is black. I can’t even see my hand in front of my face. I take a deep breath and mentally prepare myself. When the lights flick on, I take a second to let my eyes adjust before beginning. 

The first menacingly large tree stands to my right. I circle it. It’s empty. I shift back to the left side of the course and approach the jungle of cacti. They aren’t wide enough to hide a person, but the crates behind them are.

I shove my knife with the longest blade into the sides of the boxes. It comes out clean. Well, the rubber didn’t hit anything. I kick over each box after I stab them. They are all empty.

Why hasn’t anything happened yet?
Why hasn’t’ an attack come?
The anticipation is killing me. It’s making my hands shake and my brow sweat, which consequently is causing this situation to be even worse because Exalted don’t show these physical symptoms of fear.

I quickly look over to Ethan. He gives me a thumbs-up.
Really?

There’s another tree a few feet away from the crates. I kneel a few feet away from it, as I take a moment to look behind me. I need to make sure no one is coming at my back. It’s all clear. I look above me into the dense foliage of the tree and wait. There’s no movement. I creep forward and circle the tree. There are several places in tree’s interior that are obscured by thick, star-shaped leaves. It makes it difficult to see if it’s really empty. I’ll have to climb up there to be sure.

The lowest limb is too high for me to jump to and catch. I drag one of the wooden crates under the tree, which proves to be just high enough to leap from and catch a thick lower branch. I wrap my arms around it in a bear hug and swing my legs up to do the same. Once I maneuver myself upright, I place a dagger between my teeth for easy access and begin to climb.

The tree proves to be empty. While I’m at the top, I peek out over the course to examine my surroundings. Nothing moves. All is silent except the hum of the overhead lights.

Up ahead, there are two trees similar to this one. Dense bushes encircle them. Beyond those trees are two more trees. They are magnolia trees, like the one I climb to spy out over the wall.

As I descend from the treetop, I prepare myself to fight one or two of the instructors. It has to be coming soon. They must be waiting for me by the next set of trees. I cautiously approach the grouping. I make a circuit, around the trees and shrubs, from a distance. There are no signs of movement. After moving in closer to the bushes, I make another circuit. When I’m about halfway around, a stick shoots out from a cluster of leaves. It trips me. At the last second, I catch myself from landing on my face in the sand. While I’m down, I take an extra dagger out of my boot, knowing I’m about to get attacked from behind.

One of Garret’s assistants jumps on my back. He is so heavy that I struggle to throw him off of me. I use a dagger to stab at his massive arms that are closed around my thin neck. He grunts and loosens his grip on me. I shrug him off to the side, only to stand and see the other assistant scrambling down the tree. He jumps like a monkey, pushing off the base of the tree. He launches himself at me. I hold my ground until the last second when I move to the side and thrust my dagger into his gut.

Unfortunately for me, I should have fully disabled the first attacker when I had the chance. He just wrapped his arm around my stomach, pulled me close to him, and put his knife to my throat. It happened in the blink of an eye. After the assistant makes his kill, he shoves me to the ground like a piece of worthless trash and says, “You’re weak, girl.”

I want to scream, but I can’t. I want to attack him and show him that I’m not worthless, but I can’t do that either. I’m so frustrated with my performance. I fear that I’m never going to make it to that wall.

Ethan doesn’t vary from the path he chose yesterday. Assistant #1 jumps out at him from behind the first tree. This time Ethan disarms the attacker quickly by giving him a heavy kick to the chest. The attacker’s back and head slam against the tree trunk. Ethan doesn’t charge the assistant. He holds a long silver sword in front of his body. Ethan is smart. He uses two daggers to make up the difference. He launches them into the assistant’s chest.

After reclaiming his knives from his victim and clearing the second tree, Ethan uses my technique with the crates. He stabs each one and then kicks them over. They are all empty. Just beyond the crates is a tree. It’s the same tree that was empty for me minutes. Now we can both see something shaking its leaves. It’s almost like something a squirrel may do, hunting for nuts to forage. Ethan must have a better view of what’s hidden above, because he launches a large skinning knife into the tangle of branches. The tree stills.

Seeing Ethan take a kill shot without being attacked or threatened makes me a little uneasy. I can’t picture myself killing someone that isn’t dangerous. It doesn’t feel right. Ethan attacked without a moment’s hesitation. I suppose for training purposes, I will find myself doing the same. I can’t keep hesitating when this happens, because they’ll suspect something is amiss.

Ethan springs up to grab hold of the lowest limb on the tree. He proves to be agile enough not to need a crate for assistance, like I did. He shoots up the tree with little effort. It shakes, and then Ethan drops to the ground, returning the large knife to his belt. Only I can see the satisfied glint in his eyes.

Two down. Only Garret left. I wish I could help him by yelling right at this moment, “Look behind you!” But I can’t. Garret kicks Ethan in the back, causing him to fall to his knees and ultimately his death on the Defender’s Course.

Garret rubs Ethan’s face in the sand as punishment for letting someone take him down from behind. I turn away and give Ethan some privacy as he stands back up and brushes the sand from his face. I can hear him spitting out mouthfuls of the stuff onto the ground. I know he’s struggling to contain his frustration. I can see it in his tight face as I pass him on my way back to the course. Ethan does not like being beaten. This must be killing him.

I take my last turn for the morning. As soon as the lights flick on, both assistants attack me. One rushes toward me from each side. My heart is pounding, and I have no time to plan. Thankfully my Exalted instincts kick in fast. I drop to the ground, grabbing a handful of sand. I fire it to my left, into Assistant #1’s eyes. This gives me just enough time to lean back, miss being gored, and grab Assistant #2’s sword hand. Instead of disarming him, I join him in his forward momentum. I redirect him to impale the sandy-eyed Assistant #1. That’s one down.

While Assistant #2 is still holding the sword that is supposedly lodged into the other attackers belly, I whip around and drag my knife across his exposed throat. That’s two down.

Garret is still out there somewhere. I consider my options on how to continue. There are over a dozen hiding places for just one man. I’m going to make a run for it. After all, the great thing about being small is that I’m not a big target.

Without further hesitation, I sprint into action, pushing my legs as fast as they will carry me. I pass the cacti and crates. I pass the dead tree and pond. I pass the two large trees that are surrounded by bushes. Then something trips me. I fly into the air like a bird taking flight. It all happens in slow motion. The ground comes up to meet me and I skid on my belly across the sandy surface of the course. The sand fills my mouth, nose, eyes, and clothes. I try to push up to my feet, but Garret is on my back, straddling me. He puts his knife to the delicate skin on neck.

“You’re dead!” he cruelly informs me, as if I don’t already know.

He gets off my back. As I start to stand, he kicks me in the stomach. I fall back down, gasping for air. He yanks my head, gripping my ponytail in his hand. He turns my face toward Ethan, who is now standing at the top of the bleachers.