Ex, Why, and Me (7 page)

He slowly exhaled as his body tightened. It was going to be a long ride.

Michelle didn’t think she could take much more of this. She had thought the fear would subside after a few minutes, but no such luck. Her heart felt as if it was going to burst from her skin. Her mouth was dry with panic as her stomach twisted in knots.

She wanted off the horse so badly. Michelle knew that once she got off, she’d kiss the ground or faint dead away. And she would never, ever get on a horse again, even if it meant she couldn’t complete the scavenger hunt.

The horse paused at the crest of the hill. The sun was setting, the streaks of orange and red reminding her of the fallen leaves. For one brief moment, Michelle forgot all about the horse as she drank in the sight. She sighed with pleasure as she saw the miles of wide-open space.

It was as though she could breathe again. Get some elbow room. Off and on during the day, it had felt as if Carbon Hill was closing in on her.

“Been a while since you’ve been back,” Ryan said. He hadn’t said much during the ride, which suited her perfectly. It was as if he knew exactly what she needed.

“Yep.”

He clicked his tongue and the horse moved. Downhill. Michelle closed her eyes and burrowed closer to Ryan, where it was safe, warm, but far from comfortable.

“What kept you?” he asked.

Michelle frowned at the question. Kept her? As if she had been expected to come back. That had never been the plan. “After I trained in France, I started my apprenticeship. I couldn’t get that here.”

“Where’d you go?”

The names of towns and restaurants flickered through her mind at warp speed. “Everywhere.” It seemed that way. Just when she got used to the routine, something would happen and another restaurant would bite the dust. It didn’t matter how hard they worked, or how many hours they put in, or how tightly they wrung the passion right out of their bones; nothing was guaranteed in this business.

“Doesn’t sound like you had a lot of fun.”

“I did. I mean, I do.” Even to her ears she sounded defensive. It was exciting, inspiring, nerve-wracking, and stressful. She had left home and everything familiar to find out what she had in her and what she could accomplish.

It was the hardest thing she had ever done and she had been so proud that she survived. But now she knew that the hard part of her career was only beginning.

“Is that why you’re back now?”

Why did he think her career had anything to do with her visit? It wasn’t as though every waking moment and decision was based on her job.

Okay, maybe it was. But he didn’t need to know that. “I’m here because Vanessa asked me.”

“Uh-huh.” Ryan wasn’t taking that answer at face value. “And she didn’t ask you before?”

“This is different. She needs me here.” Michelle didn’t know why she felt compelled to explain it to Ryan. He wouldn’t understand. Hell, she didn’t understand it herself.

“And you now have the time to come home?” he asked. “Just like that?”

Ha! She’d had a lot of difficulty taking the time off. “What point are you driving at?”

“I think there’s more to it. To you being home,” he clarified. “I know you’re here to help Vanessa, but I think it’s only one part of the puzzle.”

“What are you saying? That I’m homesick?” He was digging too close to the truth. “Feeling nostalgic? You’re way off the mark, Ryan. I’m immune to stuff like that.”

“No, it’s not nostalgia. Close, but not quite. But I’ll figure it out.”

“Oh, joy. I can’t wait.”
And when you figure it out, tell me the answer.
“Hey, that farmhouse has a sign out front. I bet it’s the Wirts’ place.”

“Or maybe your cynicism is meant to hide your deepest, darkest secret. That you really want to win the scavenger hunt,” Ryan teased.

Michelle chuckled, inhaling the smoky scent of autumn. “Yeah. You got me. I’ll do anything for that gift certificate at the Knitting Korner.”

“Thought so.”

“What about you?”

“I don’t knit.”

“No,” Michelle said with a smile as she tried to imagine that. “Why did you agree to do the scavenger hunt?”

“Ah, well, that’s a simple answer. I heard you needed a partner.”

“And you volunteered? Just like that?” Why would he do a favor for her? She would have thought he’d keep his distance.

“Well…” He drew the word out, as if he didn’t know how to broach the subject. “You see, I do have an ulterior motive.”

Michelle tensed, all flirty feelings and smiles vanished. “I should have known. You tell me this
now
when I’m in the middle of
nowhere
on top of a
horse.”

“Yeah, it’s called strategy.” His hand spanned against her stomach. “Stop tensing up or you’ll scare Lucifer.”

If only she could. And if only she could slap him away. But that would mean letting go of the saddle. “What do you want?”

“First to say I’m sorry.”

“About what?”

Ryan hesitated. “About that night.”

Aw, man. Of all the times to bring up that subject! “I don’t want to talk about it.” Her hands gripped the saddle horn tightly. Her palms burned and she vaguely wondered if she would find welts on her skin later.

“But then,” Ryan continued, his voice low and seductive, “after kissing you, I got to thinking…”

“That’s always a bad sign.” She knew kissing him had been a mistake. Bad things always happened when you caved in to peer pressure.

“What we had five years ago is still between us. Stronger than ever.” His thumb slipped under her shirt hem. She gasped when his cold skin touched her warm stomach. “And I want that.”

“Oh?” She stretched the word into long syllables. She should shut him up. Quiet him before he said something that he couldn’t take back.

“I want a second chance.”

A thousand possibilities bombarded her mind. Each one required them to get naked. She was making assumptions. She knew she was. The guy had to be more specific. “A second chance on what?”

“You and me.”

“Are you insane?” her voice rang out. Lucifer’s ears perked up but he kept plodding on.

“No,” he answered. His mouth was next to her ear and his warm breath tickled her skin. It would tickle even more if he darted his tongue in her ear and then blew against it. Not that she wanted him to do that.

“What’s insane is this hunt,” Ryan said. “We had to show up and we’ve kept our promise. There is no reason to keep going.”

He had a point. Of course, he made it
after
she got on the horse.

Ryan’s thumb stroked her stomach. She knew he could feel her muscles bunching under his soft touch.

“I say let’s bail,” he whispered, “head back to my place, and start where we left off.”

Michelle’s eyes were wide with disbelief. Start where they left off
five years ago?
After that disaster? Was he serious? She wasn’t going to jump at his offer.

Then again…Michelle swallowed hard as she became acutely aware of every slope and angle of Ryan as he sat behind her. She vividly remembered his sleek muscles and inquisitive mouth.

They could start where they left off and erase that night. See how good they could have been together. Would it be as good as she had hoped for?

But what if it turned out to be just as bad? Or worse? Well, for one thing, she wouldn’t be as devastated. But was she ready to take that risk?

Ryan was right about one thing. There was something still there between them. It was stronger and ignoring that wasn’t going to make it go away.

“So,” Ryan said, his mouth pressed against her ear. “What do you say?”

Michelle pulled away. “Stop the horse!”

“Uh…that wasn’t a choice.”

“Right now, or…or…” Her spine was ramrod straight, but she was still too close to him. Every breath she took was short and shallow.

Oh, jeez. What had she been thinking? She was tempted to raise a shaky hand to her forehead and see if there was a dew of cold sweat. The kind a person got after a close call. She needed to be on the defense. She had almost caved!

All to sleep with Ryan Slater? After all that had happened? It was laughable. And here she was, considering his offer!

Why? Just because his kiss made her turn to mush like it always did. Or that he had the most amazing tongue and he was really too hot and sexy for his own good? And…why was she saying no, again?

“Or?” Ryan prompted her.

Or what? Oh, right. My God, the guy managed to rattle her so fast and furious, she couldn’t think straight. “Or…I’ll jump.” She cautiously looked down. It was pretty far. It wasn’t going to be pretty.

Ryan snorted with laughter. “Yeah, right.”

“I mean it,” she said in a growl and watched with horror as the horse’s ears twitched.

“I’m sure you do.” He patted his hand against her stomach before sliding it out from under her shirt hem. “Not going to happen when you have a death grip on the saddle.”

It was true. She tried to let go, to show that she meant business, but the way the horse was swaying side to side, it was not a good idea.

“But since you’re prepared to take a nosedive because of my offer,” he said as he took the reins with both hands, “I’m going to assume you’re refusing.”

“There is no way—no freaking way—we are ever going to sleep together again.” She couldn’t believe she was telling it to him bluntly. Was it because she didn’t have to look at him? She wasn’t going to question it further, but rather go with it. “And you want to know why?”

“I have a few ideas,” he answered dryly.

“Because after the last time, you put all the blame on me.” The emotions, dormant for so long, began to swirl inside her. “And, you know what? I believed you back then. Because I figured you knew what you were talking about. Why shouldn’t I? Every girl you dated raved about you.”

“I’m—”

“And it took me a while to get over that. It’s a good thing I did.” She regretted not getting over it faster than she had. “I should have been living it up in France. France, for goodness sakes! The place where romance and love and sex were created.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Ryan muttered.

“I should have treated the place like a kid in the candy store. But no. I didn’t. More like a kid with an allergy to sugar. Because there I was, thinking something was seriously wrong with me.”

“Okay, okay. I got it.”

“No, you don’t.” He had no concept. He had no idea what it was like. “That was my first time, Ryan. Did you know that?”

He was silent for a moment. “It occurred to me. But by that time, it was too late to say anything because you were long gone.”

Michelle cringed. She didn’t want to know what had tipped him off. What other mistake had she made? No. She wasn’t revisiting the past in any way, shape, or form.

“It was a first for me, too,” Ryan said. “The first time I couldn’t…the first time something went wrong and I didn’t know what to do about it.”

Michelle rolled her eyes. Yeah, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to have figured that one out. He had handled it badly. And it had shocked her. The Ryan she had loved and wanted was charming and a gentleman. Thoughtful and had a sense of humor. The way he had acted went against everything she knew about him.

“And,” Ryan continued, “I would like to point out that it hasn’t happened since.”

Just like a man to make that point. Michelle shifted in the saddle as her back ached. She would have to take his word on it.

But it would be interesting to see how he would cope with mishaps and mistakes in the bedroom these days. She wanted to believe he’d handle it with a sexy grin and improvisation. Rise to the occasion, so to speak, Michelle thought with a sly smile.

“Not that you are the common denominator or whatever,” Ryan quickly backtracked. “But I got to tell you, it freaked me out.”

“No kidding.” She had seen the panic in his blue eyes when he couldn’t maintain his erection. She had taken it to heart.

“I don’t remember every detail when I took you home,” he admitted with reluctance. “But I know some of the things I said weren’t nice.”

“Weren’t nice?”
The sulky silence hadn’t been
nice
. The comments, on the other hand, had been sharp and cold, chipping away until all that was left of her was a throbbing sore.

The only silver lining in that situation was that she had been leaving town the next morning. Gratitude wouldn’t cover how she felt, knowing that she would never have to see him again.

But his words had stuck with her until finally she started to wonder if he was wrong. Was she going to take one man’s opinion as the truth? Hell, no!

The second time she got lucky. Jean-Albert had been a persistent and patient lover. They never fell in love, but he had a special place in her heart because he had revealed the truth to her.

“Okay, okay,” Ryan said, breaking into her reverie. “I was an ass.”

“Much better.” Although she would have been more creative on the name-calling.

“And I’ve felt bad about it ever since,” Ryan said, his voice wobbling. “I’m not proud of how I handled the situation. It was all my fault, and I blamed you. I hurt you and I never had the chance to say I was sorry.”

She wanted to accept the apology and wipe the slate clean. The words were dancing on her tongue, but a part of her wanted to say “too little, too late.”

Sorry didn’t make up for the way she had walked around with no confidence. Sorry didn’t make up for how jumpy she had been about sex. And sorry wasn’t going to make her jump back into being with him to see if it was an aberration.

“And that’s why I volunteered to help you out.”

“Gee, thanks. But if you think being a Good Samaritan is going to get me into your bed, think again.”

Ryan sighed with annoyance. “First of all, that wasn’t why I said I’m doing this. Michelle, haven’t you been listening?”

Yes, unfortunately.
“You’re saying now that we’re here, together, and you’ve apologized, we should kiss and make up. Especially considering how well we were up until that night…”

“Exactly.”

Heh. Right. She knew
exactly
how his mind worked. “Hmm…” she said and smacked her lips as if she were giving it some thought. “No.”

“You’re going to base your decisions on one night?”

“Pretty much, yeah. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I know all about your reputation in bed.” It had been one of the reasons why she had taken the failure so personally. “But I’m not interested.”

“Really?” His voice took on an edge. “Because five years ago that was the only reason you wanted me.”

“That is not true!” Why were people thinking that? First Vanessa and now Ryan.

She hadn’t gone after him because of his alleged legendary lovemaking skills. She had pursued him because she was tired of waiting for him to wake up and notice her. After years of wanting only him, it had seemed to make perfect sense that she would make sure he was her first!

“Yeah, it is. You only wanted me for one thing,” Ryan said. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“It’s not! I was hopelessly in love with you for about forever.” It had been the most pathetic case of unrequited love. What a waste of time that turned out to be.

“You
were?”

How could he not know? It felt as though everyone knew, even though she tried to hide it with feigned cool elegance. Apparently teenagers didn’t have a good grasp on the concept of cool elegance. “But those days are long gone. You might still be hot and have those amazing baby blues—”

“You think I’m—”

“But too much has passed between us. I’ve learned my lesson. And, you know what that was?”

“Uh…”

“I’m just too sexy for you.”

Ohhhhh. Michelle closed her eyes. She felt her stomach flip. She couldn’t believe she just said that. She should have stopped while she was ahead.

Ryan Slater wasn’t too sure about the sanity of the scavenger hunt organizers, but they had done one thing right. He knew it the moment he walked into the warm and sunny bed and breakfast. He didn’t want to leave.

Annie Lang was the proprietor and, if he heard it correctly, was also the great-grandniece of Ida Wirt. He could have gotten that wrong. His memory usually went blank after the first hyphen.

Even more amazing, Annie seemed to know how to handle all types of guests. Especially the treasure hunter kind. One look at them and she ushered everyone into the dining room for a home-cooked dinner.

As he tried not to shovel the food into his mouth like a starving man, Ryan glanced at the old framed pictures cluttering the large dining room walls. Homer and Ida Wirt didn’t look like anything he imagined. They looked…well, normal.

In one picture, Homer and Ida were dressed for a drive in the country. They posed beside their car and their dog sat at their feet. The Wirts looked as though they were ready to relax with some friends, not thinking about another crime spree.

And now he was following their footsteps, minus the relaxing. For money? No, something even more pathetic. For a woman who didn’t want to have anything to do with him.

Ryan slid another glance down the long table and caught Michelle’s gaze. She really was a stunner. Just looking at her made his heart pinch, the ache lingering as Michelle turned abruptly and spoke to Clayton sitting next to her.

Clayton. The bitter taste of jealousy filled his mouth. He wondered how friendly Michelle had been to her former history tutor.

Ryan shook his head in self-disgust. Well, not that friendly since he had been Michelle’s first.

Damn, he wished he had known that back then. It made his behavior even worse. And it was another example that what Michelle said was true.

She had been too sexy for him. He had been in awe of her beauty, her sensuality, and all the while, she had been inexperienced.

Michelle might exude bold sensuality, but he still couldn’t believe she had said she was too sexy for him. From how quiet she had been afterward, he got the sense she was equally stunned.

But he didn’t argue. He doubted that she noticed.

“So, Ryan, what about you?” Dennis Aschenbrenner said, sitting at the head of the table. The overhead chandelier cast a glow on his bald head. “What competitions have you been in?”

“This is my first one,” Ryan said as he took a drink from the crystal glass. He didn’t realize how hungry and thirsty he had been until he walked into the house and sniffed the heady aroma of a roast beef dinner.

“Your first scavenger hunt?” Dennis asked, his eyeglasses slipping down his nose as he frowned.

“My first competition. Ever.”

Dennis paused, his fork hovering above the plate. He looked at his wife, who sat at the other end of the table. Margaret shrugged and then they both stared at Ryan as if they didn’t quite understand.

“You can’t mean that,” Brandy said with a smile. “What about sports?”

“Nope. I worked at the bowling alley after school.” He had never developed an interest in after-school events, probably because he knew his parents would never give him permission to try out for them. He was needed at work.

“The lottery?” she asked.

“Um, no.” He pulled his leg back when Brandy determinedly brushed her toes against him. Again. Since she sat right next to him, he knew it wasn’t an accident. And he didn’t think it was a coincidence that she suddenly developed an interest in him.

“Spelling bee?” Clayton asked, joining in. “Math Olympics?”

That sounded like torture. “Not a chance. Why?” He looked at the others. “Is previous experience mandatory?”

“Well, no,” Dennis said as he pushed up his glasses. “But it might prove helpful. Margaret and I are sweepers.”

“Excuse me?”

“Contest sweepers,” Dennis repeated, dabbing his mouth with a napkin. “Whenever a business has a contest, we enter it. Sometimes we have to write a poem, or maybe it’s calling in at the radio station for a prize.”

“We’ve won lots of great prizes,” Margaret said as she daintily ate her dinner.

“And this is what you do for…fun?” He couldn’t wrap his head around the idea. But these guys probably thought bowling would be a waste of time unless there was a prize attached to it.

“Yes, and it helps make ends meet,” Dennis admitted as he lowered his eyes to his plate. “Don’t you think this scavenger hunt is fun?”

“It’s had its moments.” Like when he kissed Michelle. Ryan glanced at her and watched the blush stain her cheeks. Yeah, they were on the same wavelength. That knowledge gave him more pleasure than it should.

“No offense, but if you’re not doing it for fun, why are you in this hunt?” Dennis asked.

“I’m doing it for Michelle,” Ryan said. Everyone looked at her and he smiled when he saw Michelle’s blush deepen. She refused to lift her head as she pushed the food around her plate.

“I enter beauty pageants all the time,” Brandy announced unexpectedly. “You should see my talent. It’s with the hula hoop, but I bring in rhythmic gymnastics moves.”

“I remember that,” Annie said as she entered the dining room, ready to serve dessert. Ryan’s mouth watered at the aroma of baked apples. “It was when you competed for Miss Horseradish a couple years back.”

“Yes-s-s.” Brandy paused and slid a look Michelle’s way. “But that pageant is minor league compared to the others in the area. Most serious beauty queens treat it as a warm-up. This year I finally reached my goal and was crowned Miss Beefalo.”

Michelle gagged on her water and put the crystal goblet down quickly.

“Beefalo?” Ryan asked. “Don’t you mean buffalo?”

“Beefalo is a cross breed of cattle and bison,” Clayton answered. “Bison, as you know, is frequently mistaken as buffalo.”

Clayton was beginning to really annoy him. Ryan returned his attention to Brandy. “And beefalo is a step up from horseradish?”