Every Girl Does It (5 page)

Three am,
four
am, five am
.
Ring!
Ring! Ring! Who in their right mind? Whoever t
hey
are
will wish for death after I
’
m done with them.
It’s Sunday
! Church doesn’t even start until
eleven.
Wh
o wakes up at this ungodly hour?

“Hi this is Amanda, leave a message
.”
BEEP
.

“Amanda
.”
Silence. “This is Derek,
I just wanted to tell you that I
’
m over you
. You
and your stupid cat
.
I
hated your cat
,
by the way, it
'
s
the ugliest cat ever. And I didn’t really mean it when I said
I loved you. So there. Go,
talk to that stupid fireman again
. See
if I care
.
Yo
u are so—”

The machine
cut him off, which is lucky for him
. Because
I was about ready to get out of my bed, get in my car, drive to wherever this psycho lives
,
and cut his hand off so he
’
ll stop dialing my number
.

“W
hen will it end
?
” I yell into my pillow.

Six
am
,
seven
am, and again the phone rings
.
“
For the love of all that’s holy
!”
I scream as loud as possible
. But
it's not the phone, and
the
d
oorbell continue
s
to ring. Running
to open the door, baseball bat in hand of
course
,
I’m ready to show I’m
in no mood for conversation.

“Easy
,
killer
,
” Kristi
n sa
ys
as she h
o
ld
s
out a fresh S
tarbucks coffee. “I come in peace
.
”

As I smell the steaming aroma of
caffeine
,
I could kiss her.

“Where are the kids
?
” I ask as I take the coffee from her and quickly down the hot contents
.
“And Brad,
where’s
Brad?” Waiting for her response, I sit down on the couch and
continue
my love affair with the grande latte.

“They had Sunday
school remember? He teaches the
three
year old class once a month
, so I decided to stop by and see how
you were holding up.” She winks
and
takes
her scarf off
,
revealing a low cut V-Neck dress.

“
Inappropriate
,”
I cough,
not making eye contact.

She rolls her eyes.
“
P
lease
.
T
hat’s why I had the scarf on
. Stop
being so dramatic.”
She looks at me and waits
for me to spill. My lips
are
sealed
.
I
’m
not going to relive yesterday’s events. She would have to kill me first, whi
ch I might welcome after yesterday and last night’s
dramatic happenings
.

“I said I was sorry
,
”
s
he scolds
while
inspectin
g her perfectly polished finger
nails.

Huffing
in a
n
un
lady-
like manner
, I
pretend
to examine mine as well
.

“So
,
was it as bad as I heard?” Her face
holds
no emotion as she wait
s
for me to respond.

“Worse.”

“I’m so
sorry
,
panda
.
I had no idea
.”

That
’s
her pet name for me
,
panda
. It ma
k
e
s
me want to go
uge my
eyes out. C
omparing me to a fat bear th
at sits and eats bamboo all day doesn’t boost my self esteem.
She only use
s
it when she kn
o
w
s
she
’s
in trouble,
forcing
me
to
feel even worse f
or making her feel bad
. Manipulative
friend
.

I thr
o
w open my arms and welcom
e
her hug, then laugh at the r
idiculousness of the situation.

“
In h
indsight, it was a comical situation when you think about it; e
specially the part where Preston punched him in the face.”

“Preston?” Her eyes
go
wide
.
“You don’t mean the Preston from
h
igh
s
chool? Please don’t tell me
it’s
that Preston?”

“Okay, it’s not that Preston
,
”
I say unconvincingly
.

Her face
goes
red as she laugh
s
then choke
s
on her own coffee
.
“The one you turned down in front of the entire school and lied to
? That
Preston?”

Nodding my head, I tr
y
to figure out a way to change the subject.
This conversation could turn into dangerous territory quick
ly
.

“
Well
,
does
he at least still have those glasses?” She t
a
k
es
a sip of coffee and smil
es
.

Shaking my head
no
,
I le
a
d her to the computer to see Mr. December. Her face
goes
pale as she look
s
at me then back at the computer then back at me.

“Oh
,
dear.”
Her response
says
it all.

I nod my head in confirmation as she
scrolls
down the page
.
“Oh
,
Amanda
,
look
.
Y
ou can buy the calendar
.”

“
Oh, I didn’t see that
.
L
ook a bird
.”
I point out my window and quickly click of
f
the web page.

“I don’t see a
bird
,
Amanda
.
W
hat are you talking about?”

Shrugging
,
I
go
into the bathroom
to get ready. It was time for B
ible st
udy and for church
;
I needed both.

“Brad said they
’
re doing baptisms today
. Isn’t
that cool? I know how much you like watching those.” She
calls
from the living room.

It
’
s
true
. The
only time my high
-
strung
,
totally in
control demeanor
crumbles is
one
,
when watching baptisms
;
two, w
hen seeing commercia
ls for stray cats and dogs
;
and three, w
hen Leo die
s
in
Titanic
. Other than that
,
I
’
m strong as steel.
Sighing with anticipation
,
I
have to
admit the day is looking better
.
What a great way to start a week!

****

What a horrible day! T
his is the worst day ever. Wait for it
. Just
wait for it. The baptisms I was so excited
about
?
T
hey included none ot
her than Mr. December.
Trying not to cry
when I hear him read his testimony about getting his life on tra
ck and joining the local church
,
I eventually cave.
I use all the tricks in the book, waving at my eyes, staring at the light, thinking about funny jokes. Nothing
works. In
fact I was such an emotional wreck that I had to leave the service and go to the bathroom. Not only was I embarrassed beyond belief, but
upon exiting the bathroom, I ran into Preston. He was just getting ready to go into the
men’s
restroom next door to change out of his we
t c
lothes. Don’t ask me why they do baptisms without swimsuits, must be a
decency
thing.

He ask
ed
if I was okay. He saw my tears
,
and bless his little infuriating heart
,
he wanted to know if I was
sane. The poor g
uy
saw
me go from anger to pain
to passing out to crying.
I can’t get
away from this beast of a man.

Snorting
,
I wave him off, dismissing him in a
n
inordinately
impolite manner
. H
e
takes
a step to follow me then
stops
. His eyes turn to steel before he
rolls
them
and
walks
into the
men’s
room.

I decide there
’
d be no harm in doing a double take as he
passes
through the doors
, his shirt was
glue
d to his body. The view
was everything I wa
nted it to be and more. Then to my chagrin, he
whips
around
and
says,
“You can stop staring at me now.”

I want to die
. W
here
is the chariot
,
Lord? Come get me!
Instead
,
Preston left me
,
mouth open
,
in the middle of the foyer in a panic. I don’t remember how I got back to my
seat
. Naturally,
I went catatonic for a few seconds after his comment. Never
had
I met a man
who could
make me want to punch his face
while
kissing it. I hate him for it. I want to destroy him. I want to
—

“Amanda?”
Kristin’s
voice
interrupts
my thoughts.

“What
,”
I whisper loud enough for the row in front of me to turn
around with scowls
on their faces.

“
You’re
hurting my hand
,
”
s
he
scolds
.

Apologizing
,
I look down and release
my grip
.
I fear I need therapy considering how much anger I’m feeling toward myself and Preston.

In theory
,
many of our pastor
’
s sermons were life changing
,
and normally I listen attentively
. But
today my heart just
isn’t
in it. Annoyingly, I
keep
seeing flashes of what Preston
’
s wet clothes looked like as they pressed tightly to his body.
It didn’t help that I was looking around for where Preston
sat
.
Did he not return to service
?
W
hy would he not return? Why am I so w
orried? He’s not even around
,
and I’m frustrated with him
.

“Ahem
.
” Some old man clear
s
his throat behind me. I sh
a
k
e
my head and tr
y
to concentrate on the pastor
.
H
e needs a
haircut
.

“Ah
em
.
” The man
behind me really needs
to get a cough drop
.
What is this person’s problem? Looking in the direction of the offending person
,
I almost choke on my gum.
“Preston!” I sa
y
rather loudly as I realize
Mr.
Old
M
an
i
s not
Mr.
Old
M
an
at all,
but my irritating fireman
,
clear
ing
his throat
,
so I
’
d move my
body
,
so he could sit.

Scooting over, while trying to keep my mouth shut, I give him ample space to sit down with room to spare.
However
,
he doesn’t take the hint
to
sit far away, but
instead
sits rather close
.
T
oo close.
So
there
he is
smirking
,
like he has something to be smirking about. So I decide
,
in true middle school fashion, to write him a note.

What are you doing?

Um
,
listening to the sermon? And seriously, why are you passing notes in church, we
aren’t
ten anymore
.
P
lus what makes you think I even want notes from you
?

I hate you.

Doubtful.

You make me want to scream.

I’m sure I do.

Um, not in excitement
,
you moron.

Ouc
h
, are you always this mean to the guys you like?

LIKE?!? Have you completely lost your mind? It
’
s taking every ounce of
self-control
I have to not stab you with my pencil.

Like you could make it through my muscle.

I wouldn’t know.

Sure you wouldn’t.

If you refer to your body one more time
,
I’
m jumping up and screaming fire.

You wouldn
’t.

Don’t tempt me.

I think I already am.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh

Wow
…
a woman of many words.

You don’t want to know the words I
’
m thinking right now
,
Mr. Fireman. Why are you even sitting here?

I didn’t want to cause a scene by walking past you and having you trip me.

Oh
,
so you
’
re aware of how I feel about you
?

Yes, uncomfortably aware.

What is that supposed to mean?

Has anyone ever told you that you hold a lot of rage for such a small person
?
W
hat are you
,
five-two
?

Five-three,
and yes the extra inch does matter
.
I do not have rage, and if I
’
m angry toward someone
,
they obviously did something to frustrate me in the first place.

What? Breathe?

Close.

Whatever. You have issue
s
. Stick with decaf
,
panda
.

WHO TOLD YOU TO CALL ME PANDA
?

Are you yelling with your pencil now?

WHO!

Kristin
,
of course.

…………

What, no response?

NO
,
I just have nothing good to say. Don’t call me that, ever. I would never tell her
,
but I don’t like being
referred
to
as a
panda
.
T
hey
’
re fat and lazy.

You
’
re anything but that.

Gee thanks. I
want my life back.

What?

You read me.
I want my life back
. My
life before you started ruining it and being all Decemberish and swooping in punching things and running next to me and, you get the
picture
. I want it back. I
’
m taking it back. I
’
m ignoring you from now on!

Ok.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I thought you were ignoring me.

I
break
the pencil in half and put it into his warm and
surprisingly
larg
e hands. This guy
is
big. Not only
is
his height impressive
,
but the size of his shoulders and hands dwarf me. It
’
s
quite
intimidating, and attractive. At present
,
I don’t appreciate feeling either emotion.

“Everyone stand for the benediction.”

I
can
feel the heat
of his body and
lean closer just in time
to see him wink at me.
So I
look
away as if I touched a hot oven and scowl. He must think he’s so great, that all girls fall
at his feet. Well
,
I
’
m not one of them. Being a successful
Visual Merchandiser at Macy
'
s
is great for my confidence level
. Kristin is the HR director and ended up hiring me to style the clothes
.
I also do other s
tores on the side
.
I don’t need
his
approval or anyone else’s. Nice pep talk, I feel better already
.
Those are always the best.

Looking around
,
I
notice, to Preston
’
s amusement
,
that I
’m
the only
one left standing. The
private
pep talk
had gone on too long
.
I
sit
down then yelp as the pencil I had broken earlier
is
pointed directly up o
nto my leg. The jerk!
I
’
ve never thought of physically hurting a person mo
re in my life than in the past
twenty-
four
hours
that
I
’
ve known Preston
. Correction,
the new
and improved Preston.

As if it
wasn’t
bad enough
,
now I have little youth group girls turning around and giggling in our d
irection. Please take him
! True entertainment would be
to see him fight off a whole bun
ch of hormonal
sixteen
year olds
. Oh shoot, did I actually say something about the calendar to him? I hope I didn’t. I
wouldn’t want him thinking
..
.

Church ended and I must admit it was the longest service I can remember.
Kristin had to get the boys and Brad then she would meet me at the little café in church for bible study.